Memo to Dog and Cat owners!!
1. When I say move, it means go someplace else. It does not mean switch positions, so there are still two of you in the way. 2. The dishes on the floor are yours and contain your food. All other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note: placing a paw in the middle of my dinner does not stake your claim on it, nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in any way. 3. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. 4. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. Locate your inner beast and remember that sleeping animals can actually curl up in a ball, so it is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. 5. My CDs are not miniature Frisbees. 6. For the last time, humans like to use the bathroom alone. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it won't help to claw, whine, meow, bite the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. Trust me, I have been using the bathroom for years; canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. 7. When you see me asleep on the couch, it is not funny to make a sudden leap onto my stomach and drop a chew toy, bone or jingle ball on my crotch, no matter how much that makes other family members laugh. 8. Dog: Don't think for a minute that making a sad face and whimpering pathetically will get you out of trouble when I find a puddle of pee on the carpet. The face and the whimpering only validate that you knew it was wrong when you did it. 9.Cat: My sitting down, to bite into a juicy sandwich, is not a signal for you to begin gagging loudly and then choke up the most disgusting hairball in history. 10 Dog and Cat: the proper order is kiss me, then go lick yourself. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. To pacify you, I have posted the following message on our front door: MEMO TO NON-PET OWNING GUESTS 1. They live here; you don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. 3. I like them better than I like most people. 4. To you, it's an animal. To me, it's an adopted child who is short, furry, walks on all fours and is speech challenged. 5. Dogs and cats are better than kids: they eat less, are easier to train, usually come when called, don't ask for money, never drive your car, don't hang out with losers, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell the children.   |
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| We were just talking about a bigger bed to accomadate "his HIGHNESS" last night!! |
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| That is GREAT I will print that out and put it on the fridge |
| Now THAT is funny!!! |
| Hi Lisa,
Wish I had a working printer as I'd post this on my fridge to remind self of the daily living with cats and dogs. This was hilarious and thanks for posting it! Marianne and the boys |
Lisa that is BRILLIANT !!! I do like the non owner bit - its been printed off and on my fridge - Ollie will proably destroy it though !!  |
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