Want to Run Away?!
Husband is starting to become unmotivated at work and has only 2 more classes to take this summer in order to get his MBA. He's tired, grouchy, stressed... My Mom is perpetually sad and lonely. I love her to pieces, but I can't help her. She's always sad, feeling guilty, feeling bad for someone else.... It's not all because of the loss of Pandy; however, Pandy losing her eyesight and my Mom's blood pressure occurred at about the same time. Mom's parents died when my Mom was young, my Dad (jerk) left my Mom about 19 years ago and married the nutty woman he was cheating with (they are still married), dogs have died, the condo needs to be redone, the list goes on and on and on... She won't go for therapy as she says she has no money and she doesn't want her primary to prescribed more medicine (antidepressants). I've gone through therapy myself and I know it's much easier being an outsider looking in. I am a BIG believer in helping oneself and if that means you take meds, you take meds. Do I take it upon myself to call the primary physician and demand that Mom take something? On top of that, my best friend recently got divorced as her husband gradually became bipolar and cheated on her. She then met a much older doctor on an online Jewish dating service. I knew something about him before they even met as my cousin is married to his friend. This man has a history of being very argumentative and I now know he is verbally abusing my friend. He took advantage of her at a time when her self esteem is very low and I'm trying to get her to see the light of day. She knows he's wrong and moved out, but is now moving back in. Her friends and psychologist are all telling her to get out, but for some reason she thinks she loves him. It's driving me bonkers! UGH! Thanks for listening...I feel better now!  |
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| Sheesh, you are surrounded by quite a crew!!!
Remember, you can (and should) only take care of YOURSELF. Don't allow the problems of your Mom and friends to become YOUR problems because they aren't. That's the difference between EMPATHY AND SYMPATHY. You can be a supportive daughter/friend without letting them drag you down. Your husband is a little different story, you have a bit more of an obligation to be involved in that that the others but sounds like that is just another pebble in the pile. I always tell my kids, set your priorities and stick with them. Do something good for yourself and when the insanity of others becomes too much for you to deal with DON'T!!! Take some time out for yourself and take care of yourself, no one else will  |
| Thanks, Ginny. I know the saying is to not let other people get you down, but how exactly does one do that? I'm an only child so my Mom and I are very close. My friend and I have been close since we've been 6 years old so she's like a sister to me. |
| By having a good long talk WITH YOURSELF!!!!!!! Besides, if you let them wear you down you aren't any good for them anyway. As close as you are with your Mom I bet she wouldn't WANT to let her problems bring you down, she's just so caught up in her own stuff right now she can't see it. You can love and support and be there for her but still try to keep it all in perspective.
Find something to laugh about, a good hard belly laugh EVERY DAY!!!!! |
| Poor Stacy! That's a lot of stuff at once circling around you.
I was feeling like running away (my hubbie even called me the runaway bride) and so last weekend I went on a roadtrip by myself. It was so fun! It was a pretty pathetic roadtrip (only an hour south to go to the outlet mall) but it was fun just being by myself, getting out in the pretty spring weather... Maybe you should do a day trip...Is there anywhere relatively near you that you can go explore for a day? |
| I'm sorry to hear you're going through so much.... life in general can get overwhelming at times for anyone I think.
You'll manage, but as others have said, you have to take care of YOU.  |
| Poor Stacy! I'm guessing you're a Type A personality, always wanting to take care of things and people. I'm guessing that, because I'm a Type A. It gets tiring, to say the least.
At some point, you have to realize that with your fibromyalgia, you're doing yourself more harm than good by worrying about everyone else. You can't fix them, they have to fix themselves. You can be supportive, offer suggestions, but you can't fix them. That's the thing that bothers Type A's the most - that they can't fix everything. They are not Superwoman (or Superman), as much as they try. You have to learn to relax yourself. And you need to tell everyone around you that you are there to listen but you can't be their answer. I know it hurts to see the people closest to you hurting - been there, done that. But the more they depend on you, the less they're helping themselves. Keep your chin up! We're always here, so vent away!! |
| My life is pretty chaotic and in the toliet right now too. When it just gets to be to much, I tell them all I am taking a day off. I will normally go and visit some friends or go and do "girly" things - spa day. |
| that is a lot to deal with, i have a few friends who always have problems and i know how tiring it can be to constantly be listening to and trying to help them.
maybe your mom would like an older dog or maybe a cat? it might still be too soon, but a new pet always puts people in a good mood and it will give her someone to take care of and hang out with again. |
| Hang in there stacy it will all sort itself out, I think we all get into ruts like that and they seem to work themselves out. Most importantly take time out for yourself and have a spoil to recharge the batteries |
| Stacy, you need to carve out some time for you and only you. Go for a walk, to the library, get a manicure, something. Turn off your phone and just be unavailable for a few hours. |
| Stacy,
I am ready to run myself. I really just need a break from reality. So where we going??? |
Stacy wrote: Do you ever just feel like packing it up and moving away from EVERYONE?!
never seen it in better words. yep. |
| The simple answer YES!
ED! You're back!?!!!????    |
| Is it "OUR ED"????????????????????????? |
| Taskers mum took the words right out of my mouth - you can only do so much for other poeople, but in the end they need to start helping themselves - because who is worrying about you, umm you, so you need to take some time out for yourself - go to a salon and get a massage or beauty treatment - pamper yourself. We all have problems, but I think you need to let others get on with it, if I were you my concern would be my husband - thats a different story. Does he know how you feel, when you talk to him and I'm not trying to patronise here, but tell him how you feel, but always saying I feel, or I prefer it when or if, that way he won't feel you are pushing against him - you know what men are like, they need talking to a certain way. Hope the pressure easies off.
Ollie sends kisses - slurrrrp !! |
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