Alzheimer's
My father was diagnosed three years ago. At the time my parents were living 800 miles away. We were able to convince them to move back here so my sister and I could take care of them. Dad was doing very well until he had surgery last month. The anesthetic caused a severe progression. When he came home from the hospital he was not the same person anymore. Major behavior issues made it necessary to place him in a nursing home. We did not feel we could keep him, or us safe. Besides being extremely difficult emotionaly, it was very difficult to actually find placement for him. Most of the homes that accept Alzheimer's patients were full. I was just wondering how some of you have dealt with issues. The forum has a wonderful international membership. Is Alheimer's becoming a world wide problem? |
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| Yes my grandma who passed a few years ago at 91 had it. Very hard on family members too.
My mum went to live with her and cared for her for 8 years. The same thing happened to her too, she had to have surgery and when she came back home she was worse. Did not recognise any family members except my mum and me. Even her other 2 children she did not know. Her behaviour got worse and no one could manage the situation with her anymore. She became angry at things, would wander off, leave the gas on the stove turned on, needed help just going to the toilet and to shower etc etc and when she did not want the assisstance from my mother she had amazing strength to fight her on that, you really needed a 24 hour watch on her. We all felt guilty but just could not cope or handle the sitaution anymore, very sad situation with Alzheimers/Dementia but a lot of people I spoke to that also had family members suffering from this, most ended up in specialist care as they do get very hard to care for as the Alzheimers progresses. We had to convince my mum it was time to have help and put her in care as it was destroying her life too & ageing her well before her time. So eventually that is what happened and she only lived about 6 months in care before she passed, she was in the last stages of the disease. Sorry to hear about your father, it is not easy and don't feel guilty about him being in care as behavior issues with them do get quite bad & sometimes quite violent as the alzheimers progresses. It does make you wonder if it is becoming a world wide problem, maybe it has something to do with people living longer and an ageing population that makes it more common now, even though alzheimers can affect younger people but more common in the elderly. |
| My mother suffered from very slight dementia. Whether it was from the medications she was on for Parkinson's Disease or from Alzheimer's we don't know.
She had some issues with mis-placement of things; for instance we found a wrapped tomato in the drawer that holds the wrap. She also had hallucinations; specifically she saw me as a child around the house. In the hospital she had times when she didn't know where she was, even when told she was in the hospital she didn't believe it and thought she was at home. She recognized everyone and was lucid excpet as described above until the end. I am very glad that she didn't have a severe dementia before she passed. It's hard to explain, but my relationship with my mother was quite cerebral; she was the only person in the world who really and truly understood me. We enjoyed a lot of the same things like an appreciation of music and crossword puzzles and the like. Some of those things were stolen from her, including her ability to (beautifully) play the piano. I can only imagine the heartbreak and emotional trauma that must be part of the "full blown" Alzheimer's reality, and I offer you my deepest heartfelt sympathies. |
| My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimers about 5 years ago. She was put on a newer drug that claims to slow down or even stop the progression of it for a while, in most cases 1 to 4 years. For my grandma it seemed to halt the progression almost entirely for 4 full years. In this last year though it is definitely progressing, but she is still doing well. She still lives on her own in her own home, though she had to give her car up a few months ago. My aunt, my cousin, and myself are her main caregivers. My aunt stops by each morning to make sure she takes her meds, eats breakfast, washes and dresses. My cousin brings her a newspaper around lunchtime, that is the excuse for making sure she takes meds and eats again. I stop by after work on my way home to say hello, and see if she needs anything and sometimes bring her supper. My aunt sometimes starts something in the crock pot for her which makes enough meals for a few days and is less risky than the stove. I basically just make sure she is ok, shovel her walkway, put salt on the steps, take out her garbage etc. We go and do her laundry and change the bedding once a week as well.
This Christmas is the first time we saw really obvious signs, my grandma is stubborn and very smart so she has fought to keep her independance and hides it most times when she is confused or forgets people or places. At Christmas though she forgot who my husband was, and some of the youngest family members. My grandpa died 15 years ago, but recently she has talked about him coming to visit her. 
We know she will have to be put in a nursing home sometime this year, but no one is sure how to approach it. They ARE making great strides in alzheimers research, so I would strongly encourage people to donate to the alzheimers' society. Each new breakthrough means someone's very much loved family member can stay cognizant that much longer. I am so grateful for the medication that has allowed my grandmother to stay "herself" for so much longer than expected. |
| My heart goes out to you. My Mom had Alzheimers, she died a few years ago. It was heartbreaking to watch and to live with. We were lucky that the behavioral problems were minimal but that not knowing, not remembering were hard on everyone. So many times in the last years of her life I would want to call her to share something with her and would reach for the phone only to remember that she most likely would not understand what I was saying or even know who I was. Often in the middle of the night the phone would ring, she would haven woken up confused picked up the phone, hit #1 on the speed dial (my number) and not know who or why she was calling.
There are support groups available in most large areas. In addition make sure you are taking care of YOURSELF. I also learned NEVER to make my children promise not to put me in a Nursing home, it's a cruel request to make. It is unfair to families to burden them with that guilt when they can no longer care for their loved ones. I watched my Dad run himself into the ground caring for my Mom. Unfortunately I lived 1000 miles away and there was little I could do to help. To the very end he refused to put her in a nursing home and while many people find that laudable I believe it left him a broken man who never really recovered from so many years of caring for someone who was so physically ill (my Mom had lots of other problems as well). It is also difficult for you, the child of a parent with alzheimers to watch that person you know, love and have depended on for so much of your life slowly slip away from you. Both my Grandmother and my Mom suffered from significant dementia (back in the old days they called it "hardening of the arteries") so I have a great fear of the disease myself. I hope that some day they will develope drugs that will prevent or a cure that will do away with it. But intill then I have made sure to tell my children that I DON'T WANT them to feel like they have to care for me if I am ever in the "same boat". GOOD LUCK. |
| My Father's Drs think he has the begining of Alzheimer's. Dad is 70.
He will call me two days in a row and tell me the same things. Sometimes twice in the same day. No Alzheimers in the family, his Mother lived until 96 yrs old & his Father died of a heart attack at 80. He also has major mood swings and yells more than usual now and just upset over little things. Mom & Dad bought a long term health plan where they can stay in their home until their times come and be taken care of by Aides & Nurses there. I guess they were worried that we would stick them in Nursing homes  . My Sister and I decided long ago that I would take care of Dad and she would take care of Mom. Dad & I are very close. We ran his Roofing Company together for 11 yrs. My Sister is very close with my Mom. I appreciate them not wanted to burden us, but isn't taking care of family what it's all about.
Mom said she wanted to security of knowing she will be in her own home. |
| My brother-in-law was diagnosed with Alzheimers last year (we think that he has had it for a few years and the symptoms had finally become very obvious). It is extremely difficult on my sister who now has to check everything that her husband does. He was put on Namenda (sp?) a few months ago and it seems to be helping. The latest precription from his doctor - adopt a dog! So they got a lab/golden resuce about 1 month ago.
We deal with each issue as it comes up. So far, the disease hasn't progressed too far...but we know that will change and are looking into ways to deal with each issue - including the need to put him in an assisted living facility. Emotionally we have good days and bad days. And, my brother-in-law has good days and bad days also. As for Alzheimers being worldwide problem? I'm not sure. We discuss this in the family now and then. Some family members have the viewpoint that it has been around for a long time....but people died before it really became too bad. Other family members think that contaminants from today's society have increased the incidence of Alzheimers. Whatever the answer is - it really doesn't matter when you are dealing with the day to day issues of living with a person with Alzheimers. You just try to get through each day as best as possible. Good Luck Jennifer, Baxter, Cassiopia and Sharkey |
| I have not had a family member with Alzheimer's but worked in a nursing/rehabilitation canter for a few years. The happiest families had mom or dad stay at the facility but visited daily. They were able to bring special foods, papers or hobbies and share them but not have the incredible responsibility of toileting, washing, and keeping track of wandering loved ones.
The anger and combativeness is normal. Imagine if people you do not know, or think you do not know, started telling you what to do and treated you as if you were a child. It is hard to think how confusing it would be to not remember things you know you should. I have tremendous respect and compassion for family members caring for loved ones with Alzheimer's. It is such an emotionally draining experience. Make sure you schedule time off for yourself to re-fuel. Go to see a movie, go out to lunch with a friend - you need it for your own peace of mind  |
| Well I havent personally had a family member w/ it,but going through nursing school I took extra classed in elders and dementhia.The many many people I have cared for I can say ALL have been the same.The 1st stage is usually the hardest due too family members getting used too mom,dad,grandparents forgetting silly things.Towards the 2nd stage the memory loss has gone almost at a 73%(short term)remembering times as childern is easy,its remembering who just walked into their room thats scarey for them.The 3rd stage is the shortest(almost want too say thank God)This disease is so demeaning,and so disrespectful of the way people "used" too be.Towards the end of the 1st stage people can become combative,and say very hurtful things,but try and remember they honestly dont know what they are saying.Men seem too get more sexually explict(if that can be done!!LOL!!)Paitents need reminders in dressing,eating,hygine,reminders too the restroom come often.I think dementhia is the saddest disease,in the 1st stage the paitent knows exactly whas going on and its all out of control for them.The 1st stage can last up too 15-20yrs depends.Thankfully the 2nd stage the paitent is pretty much ut of "normal" thought process,and stays in a world of used too be.And I say thankfully due too them not really knowing this isnt reality any more.I wish you all the luck.I guess the only advice i have is be paitent,and be POSITIVE.Dont correct your dad,let him realize the mistake he made,and if after 3mins. he hasnt realized he made a mistake,just simply make the statement again the right way,by 3mins he wont remember even saying what he did,make sence? best wishes |
| My grandma had it starting in the mid-nineties and passed away a few years ago, she was in her eighties.
Our story is full of turmoil because my grandma married a millionaire when she was 65. My step grandfather decided it wasn't worth spending the money to stick her in a specialize Alteimer's nursing home. So my dad had to battle him legally to force his hand, and ultimately my dad won, and she got the care she deserved. It did cause quite a riff in the family though and made visiting my grandma (she was in FL) difficult. My dad also had issues about visiting her as he viewed her as a "vegetable" which I thought was rotten. I try to equate Alzheimers as going backwards in life - kind of to an infancy stage and that helped me when I would visit her. I would take in colorful baby toys that made noise and my grandma would always smile. Stacey, that is great to hear about that drug that helped your grandma. That's another great thing about CN, they are more liberal with their medicines and they don't get locked up in FDA approval as they do here in the US. |
| One thing for everyone to remember, alzheimers is a disease, a very serious, dehabilitating, horrible disease, NOT natural aging, NOT just a part of getting old.... many think of it that way. It is also genetic, so if you have a family member who has actually been diagnosed with alzheimers, there is much higher chance you will get it yourself. Especially women.
There are things you can do NOW to keep your mind sharp as you age and put off onset of alzheimers, mental exercises and diet changes. In general a healthy lifestyle, but with focus on "brain foods" and logical thinking exercises. Memory games are excellent. |
| My father in law had it and his mother had dementia. It is very difficult watching your parent fade away. They still function but the person we knew is disappearing. As was said, it is a disease. Just as other diseases cause changes in the body, so too does Alzeheimer. This time to the brain.
As they become more lost it is hard as we relate to them as they were. But that person is still there. Many times when my husband would hold his father's hand, he would receive the same special squeeze he received as a child. Other times no. Yes, it is hard finding care facilities, but they do need care. My father in law was originally in a nursing home but would crawl out window and sleep in the chicken coop. Later he became very combative. Obviously he was moved to a more secure location. My prayers are with you. |
| Sorry you are faced with this. You will have the strength to get through it.
My Grandma has dementia. It's very hard. |
| Thank you for the post!!! My hubby's grandfather died, of this disease before we were married. I was blessed to meet him shortly before he passed.
When I met him, he had no clue what was going on, he would just rock in his chair and hum old hymns. I stayed with them in their home for a week, without a word from "grandpa" until the moment before I left............he was rocking, I knelt beside him, held his hand in mine and told him, that I was glad to have met him, that I loved him (I fell in love with this gentle man, from get go) and that I would be seeing him....he looked into my eyes, kissed my hand and announced to everyone, "this is my granddaughter, I love her". The room grew silent from all of the commotion and everyone just stared in disbelief for one that grandpa spoke, he hadn't done that in some time and for two that for that single moment, he knew that I was going to be part of the family! It was amazing....my heart hasn't been touched in that way, ever before or since. Grandpa is gone now but I live with that memory daily! I was so touched but frightened by the situation. I was actually thinking of not marring my husband, as I didn't want to live though that in our later years.......I was smart enough to make the right decision, we have been married for almost 7 years and while I still get scared, I know all these years will be worth the later! Thanks again!!! This is something I battle with often and is good to get it out. |
awwwwwww Becca that was such a beautiful story of your hubbies grandpa!!  Its so true,if your just paitent enough,somehow some where their spirit comes through even if its for a split second. Be blessed!! |
| My father had Altzheimers. He died 10 years ago, this coming summer. It was heartbreaking. There wasn't much we could for him. He broke his hip, and ended up in a nursing home. He had been the sweetest man in the world, but turned into an angry, frightened shadow of himself. My dad was a Judge...a great speaker. And when he starting "losing his words"...he just stopped talking. You could see the pain in eyes when he wanted to communicate something. It seemed to come on fast. But looking back, there were lots of signs we ignored. My poor children never really know who their papa was. Just how much fun he could be. And what a wonderful, loving parent he had been. I believe my father willed himself to death. He died within 6 months of going to the nursing home. And...for that...for his sake, I'm grateful. Its a terrible thing to watch, but I suspect even worst to live through it. I'm fearful of getting it, too. And everytime I forget my keys, or can't think how to spell a simple word, I panic. My heart goes out to you and your family. Some strides have been made in the past 10 years, and I pray the new meds work for you dad. I will keep him in my heart.... Deborah ( who is still missing her dad) |
| I'm so moved by your stories. I have no personal experience with it really, but I find it to be one of the most frightful of diseases. I can only hope that if faced with it, I could cope as well as you all have done. |
Ron wrote: My mother suffered from very slight dementia. Whether it was from the medications she was on for Parkinson's Disease or from Alzheimer's we don't know.
My mother in law has been diagnosed with Parkinsons and had memory issues before she started the medication. People say that Parkinsons doesn't cause memory problems but I'm not so sure. I feel so bad for her - she gets so frustrated when she's trying to tell you something and can't remember. I've seen her come to tears so many times because of it. She's in a senior community now and fortunately doesn't drive. But I do expect a phone call some day soon telling us that she needs to be in a more secure environment. Willowsprite made a good point - Alzheimers can strike younger people too. My parents have a friend who got Alzheimers in her 40s. They were a wealthy couple, well travelled, avid golfers, very active. For the first few years it was intermittent and her husband could care for her but soon enough she had to be put in a secure home. Very, very sad. At this point she's in her 50s and doesn't remember anyone or anything. So painful for her family. |
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