Divorce/Visitation/Custody
It's been very hectic here and I haven't posted for a while. I hope everyone is healthy and happy! I'll have to read back a while and see what I've missed. A few months ago I filed for a divorce. I have custody of my daughter and my ex and I have come to an agreement on visitation and child support. But what about Abby? He asked me about Abby. Do I have to give him visitation rights to see her? Can a judge make me give her to him? Does anyone else have this problem? I know he loves her too, but she can't speak for herself like my daughter can. Any advice? |
|
|
| Calluet, I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. I went through one 3 years ago (no kids though). It can be very stressful, so please take care of yourself, mentally and physically. I don't have any advice about Abby, but wanted to say I'll keep you in my thoughts. |
| I'm sorry to hear about your family situation. That's very sad. For what it is worth, in divorce cases, pets are typically treated as personal property -- just like your tv, not like children. Courts won't order it shared custody. Courts will order the dog to go with one person or the other. But many people do arrange visitation anyway just because it works out better for them personally that way. |
| Caullett I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through....
I would stress to him that it would be cruel to the kids to take their family pet away.... instead of allowing it to be one more thing you have to pay a lawyer for, if possible. Hopefully things will go your way. When my ex and I split up,he got the house, the furniture, the cars, I got the kids and 2 of our 4 dogs, but he got the other 2 dogs, including my first oes. I had visitation with her for the first couple of years, and got to keep her with me anytime he had to go away etc. When I remarried the visits stopped (not my choice) and then I found out he gave my oes away. He still has the other dog, who I had bought for him as a puppy to be his hunting companion (lab). |
| Sorry to hear about your divorce.
I went through seperattion and divorce one in the early part of 03, at the time I only had one furbaby.. my Bernese, my ex and I agreed that he would get him every second weekend and we would go halves on vet costs. Things went well for a while.. then one weekend.. a long weekend, Dudley (my Berner) hurt himself running through the woods, actually got his back left leg stuck in a falling tree, he was 16 months at the time. Anyways, when my ex brought him back to me that Monday (the accident happened on a Friday night), I knew INSTANTLY when Dudley got out of the truck that something was terrible wrong.. he couldn't walk on is back left leg.. I asked my ex what happened to him and he told me he hurt himself on Friday night playing... well here it is Monday and he still couldn't walk.. I asked him if he took him to the vet on Saturday and Sunday, he said no.. he had a golf games both days. Well frist thing Tuesday morning, I took Dudley to the vet and it was discovered after x-rays, that he had torn his CCL and required surgery to repair it. To make a long story short.. my ex refused to pay half of the $1,700.00 bill for surgery, therefore.. I am a single parent and am perfectly happy with that. Be very careful, make sure everything is in writing...everyone's responsibilities are made perfectly clear. I have friends who share custody of their furbabies and it works great.. so it can be done. |
| Hi Caullet,
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce. Is Abby more your dog or your ex husband's? Is she your daughter's dog? In my house, I was the one who wanted to get Barney and arranged for everything, etc. so in my mind he's 'mine' but in reality he loves my husband more than me. They just bonded better. So I suppose if something were to happen and we both wanted him, my husband would/should get him because of that bond. I've spent the last month alone with Barney (husband out of town) and he is generally just plain happier when my husband is here. I don't know of the specifics of your split, friendly/unfriendly, etc. but if you could work out a way to allow everyone to see Abby, that would probably be the best. |
| Thanks everyone for your responses. Abby is more my dog than anyone else in the house. "He" actually bought her for me. But she is always with me. Everywhere I go she follows...yall know what I mean. He has an 8 month old border collie/australian shepard that he doesn't want and won't let the kids and I keep. He said he would dump her off on the side of the road or shoot her before he would let us keep her. How cruel is that!!!! But... he has agreed to let me try to find her a home. So I'm thinking that after everything is final (Oct.20th) that I'll get her back. I don't think he wants Abby, but I do think that he would want to take her from me because it would hurt me. Who knows at this point. I just keep praying about it.
Thanks for all yall support! |
| This may sound extreme.. but keep ABBY away from him...
Quote: "He has an 8 month old border collie/australian shepard that he doesn't want and won't let the kids and I keep. He said he would dump her off on the side of the road or shoot her before he would let us keep her"
That doesn't sound like a man I would want my dogs to be around... In fact that statement reminds me of story about a dog named Sebastain.. you can read his story at http://www.neoesr.org/neoesr.htm, under archived stories. Hopefully you will be able to get the puppy from him and be able to keep him for a playmate for Abby. Good Luck |
Dudster wrote: Quote: "He has an 8 month old border collie/australian shepard that he doesn't want and won't let the kids and I keep. He said he would dump her off on the side of the road or shoot her before he would let us keep her" That doesn't sound like a man I would want my dogs to be around... Caullet, how awful! I wouldn't even want my children around someone that mean! I hope for your sake that this is just reaction to the divorce and that he hasn't always been this mean. The only advice I can give you is to control yourself, don't react to his obvious needling, and get it over with quickly so that you and your family can move on to happier times. Good Luck! |
| The divorce will be over in less than 2 months. I'm trying to buy out his share of the house so I don't have to up root the kids. I've found a home for the puppy and maybe that will relieve some stress. I'm just really afraid that he'll try to get Abby just so I can't have her.
Yall wish me luck! Thanks, |
| I am so sorry that you are going through this, as many of the others have I have been through it and know how painful it is. Tasker was only a few months old when I was seperated. He went with me and although my ex tried to suggest "visitation" I put a swift end to that discussion. It makes no sense to further complicate an already difficult and complicated situation. You will be dealing with issues related to your daughter for YEARS to come don't add more problems to the pile. Let him get his OWN DOG!!! |
| I'm very sorry for what you are going through. While I've never been divorced I have lost a dog to a custody battle and believe me it's messy and it hurts.
My husband and his ex-girlfriend, who I will refer to as C and it's not the first letter of her Real name just the name that I call her!, had broken up and they had 2 OES. The break up had actually happened quite a while before my husband and I got together. She kicked him out of their house and decided she would keep the dogs because they were used to that house. Turns out that about 2 days later she abandoned the house and the dogs. They had a large run outside so she just put a tub full of dog food and a bucket of water out for them and left. Luckily her brother called my husband and told him what was going on. So he had the dogs from then on out. Well, when C found out that I was in the picture and taking care of the dogs she decided that she wanted one of them and only the one. Well, it started out being just for weekends and visits but then we would come home from work and find him missing. Turns out she would have come and taken him. When she found out that I was the one maintaining his full coat she took him and had him shaved because that is how she liked it. She had had him for about 2 weeks and then dropped him off the day before our wedding because she was stressed. I finally put my down and said he belongs to her or he belongs to us. Turns out she had the rights to him because her name was FIRST on the AKC paperwork and that established ownership. I have heard from mutual friends that she doesn't even see the dog anymore. Just drops him off at one house for a supposed weekend and then when she doesn't show up for him after a month they call to have her come get him and she just has them drop him off at someone else's house! I keep looking for him to show up on Petfinder! So sad! So, here's what I say, keep the dog and don't let him near her. Visitation will only lead to more trouble and he could use her as a bargaining chip or leverage in other matters. Also make sure that this is spelled out in the divorce decree and have any registration papers changed over to your name only. I would also strongly advise that you have the courts document what he said about the other dog. Any threat like that can be taken as cruelty and it may lead to other threats and possible violence down the road. Always better to be safe than sorry. If something does happen then you will have the legal documentation to back up your side of the story. Not meaning to alarm you but CYA is always best! |
| Oh gosh, that must have been soooo awful. I cant' imagine having to go through so much torment. I agree that CYA is the best answer. Abby's papers are in my name only. I am going to call my lawyer and have it written up in the property settlement. Josie the puppy is now in her new home. She is with a really good friend, so that we will still get to see her. Just last night he threatened to drop her off somewhere we couldn't find her. I don't think he understands the effects he has on my daughter with the statements he makes. Even she doesn't want the standard every other weekend visitations with him.
Thanks for yall posts, I'm making notes as we speak for the things that I need to do. |
| HE has her now????? If the papers are in your name then she is your dog, no questions about it. Sounds to me like he is simply using her as a pawen in the divorce game. Get her back and don't let her out of your site again. |
| Sorry for the confusion. The puppy that we brought to a friend is the Border collie/aus.shepard Josie. I have Abby (my OES) right now, but he's threatened to fight for her. I think he is just using Abby as a pawn to hurt me. He knows that with his job and the traveling that he does that he would never be able to take care of her. And yes, definitely the papers are in my name. So is all her vet and microchip records. I'm hoping that all this will blow over when the divorce is finalized. I can't wait. The stress is killing me!
Thanks for all yall concern! |
| I do not know what state you are in but unless you live in a 50/50 property state (NY and California are 50/50 state) I do not think you have anything to worry about). |
| We do live in a "Community Property" state. I just hope he doesnt' force the issue. Everyone who knows our family KNOWS that Abby is my dog. All vet records are in my name. All vet receipts show that I have paid for everything. My daughter is almost 13 and the courts will listen to her. She knows whats been going on and she is mature enough to state her own opinion. But Abby can't "voice" her opinion. To him she would be just a material thing to use as a manipulative weapon against me. I would think that the courts would see that I am "her" main provider. I have cancelled checks from "my" checking account for "Petsmart", "Petco"... he couldn't prove that he put out one penny for her welfare. I'm just hoping its all just verbal threats and that he wouldn't waste his money on a lawyer to fight for her. It's all still stressful none the less. |
| I doubt you'll have a problem. My situation was pretty much the same and my lawyer said not to worry. You have enough to worry about, try not to worry about it. Also, the more he knows you are upset by it the more he'll use it. Try to simply let it go. THE DOG IS YOURS like an article of clothing, your hair dryer or any other personal article. Besides possession is 9/10ths of the law!! |
| Caullet, I doubt he'd fight for her, but what he may do is use her as a bargaining chip to get something else that you're entitled to. Make sure that you have good legal advice so that you don't give up other assets in exchange for Abby. You shouldn't have to give up cash or assets to keep your dog. |
| My ex did the same. He told me he would try and taker blah blah blah. There was no way he could care for her he worked out of town. I raised her, she hardly knew him. When it came down to it I took her when I left. He asked for visitation but he was threatening harm to me and the dog (I taped the conversations) and I went to the police. I eventually got a peace bond against him. He asked the judge about the dog and the judge laughed. He was only doing it out of spite and to be an @^$.
I say no the visitations, it would only confuse Abby. |
| I strongly agree!!!! |
| The thing that really worries me is the threats that he is making. Even if he is only trying to intimidate you, it's still enough to be worrisome and you should definitely document everything he says. If you can record it record it. It should also be on record with either your lawyer or the police. If it escalates to more you will need that info in hard copy. Otherwise it's a he said she said situation. I would also listen to what your daughter has to say about being alone with him. Even if you think that he could never physically act on what he is saying, it's enough to raise some red flags. |
| Caullet, my thoughts are with you! I do not have any advice about this situation, but I do agree with documenting everything! This man sounds so vendictive! Please protect yourself, your daughter and Abby!
I hope everything settles quickly, so you can start healing yourself. Colleen and The Gooch |
| I'm sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. It is hard to believe how low people can go in the quest to hurt someone. I would be tempted to stash Abby out of sight and tell the b@$!&%# she ran away. Then she can magically reappear when the divorce is final. I wish you only happiness and good things for the future. |
Hmmmmm, now there is an interesting thought!!  |
We ended up with our first OES because she was caught in the middle of a divorce . They decided to put her to sleep because they couldn't decide who should take her.  She was 1 yr old at the time. My Cousin's worked for the Vet that was supposed to put her down. They told the couple that they were going to put her down...but they refused to do it for a stupid reason like that. My cousin called my Dad and asked if he wanted a dog.
He said Yes and we had her until she was 12 yrs old. My Ex-husband threatened to kill my animals if I left him....well me too, but mostly the animals because he knew how much they meant to me. Good Luck Caullet... I am sure everything will work out just fine Elissa |
Didn't find exactly what you're looking for? Search again here:
Custom Search
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|