Martha and Maxine
Some of my favorite Maxine-isms: A friend will always tell you what she thinks. I guess that's makes me friends with everybody. Here's a home remedy. Go home. Hey! It will make ME feel better. Actually, you can have a healthy sex life well into your later years. Assuming you can stand the sight of people your age naked. I don't make snowmen. If I wanted to hang out with a cold man with slush for brains, I'd still be married. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes. And my all time favorite, that had me rolling on the floor, tears streaming just from the visual of it: Christmas is just plain weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree in the living room and eat candy out of your socks? I'm giggling again just reading it! 
Chris |
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hahahahahahahaha  |
| I love Maxine, too. I have a magnet on my desk with her on it that says, "There are some days when I can't be sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over." |
| How appropriate! |
| I love Maxine too!
She reminds me of my Grandmother
Elissa |
| I am looking for a funny household tip routine that I saw last year on the internet. Has a straight line showing how to clean, cook etc. Then there is a 2nd line with I think Maxine or some lazy older woman and how she would do it.
Anybody know where I can find it? |
| My favorite Maxine quote:
"If you're wearing a thong anywhere but on your feet, there's been a terrible mistake!"  |
I love Maxine 
My favorite: Wipe your mouth, there's still a tiny bit of bulls@#t around your lips.  |
| those are so good. i have a cookbook that mil just got me that has a lot of lines like that. they totally make me laugh (and what she names the dishes, funny facts about food/history). |
| Not Martha/Maxine (I received that housekeeping one about a month ago and deleted, sorry)...............anway, these are cute too:
Ten Rules of Housekeeping 1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh. 2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption. 3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone. 4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?" 5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this. 6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for underprivileged children. 7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive." 8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..." 9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it..." 10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..." |
| LOVE IT
My favorite was Fluffy and closed door. My friend is always e-mailing me Maxine comics, or Martha not sure. Too funny. |
| Those are hilarious Susan |
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