Dad passed away-can't get out of funk
Although I knew he had a long and great life, I can not get rid of the loneliness and sadness of not being with him and seeing him. My whole life revolved and was centered around him.The other thing that bothers me is that right before I left that morning is that I whispered in his ear that it was OK if he wanted to go and be with Jesus and if he did to make sure he gave my mother a kiss for me (she passed in 1986 from a massive stroke). I just can not get over his very sudden decline and passing. I can not seem to get jump started and move on. I feel like I am in a rut. Nothing inspires me, not even my 2 beautiful sheepies.....although they try their best giving me kisses and cuddling. |
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| I am sorry. It's never easy. Time eases the pain. He would want you to enjoy your life I think. Sending you prayers and hugs. Let the sheepies love you. They need you too |
| I'm so very sorry for the loss of your father. It is never easy, despite how we think that we are ready. Even someone who enjoyed a full life, and lived with love and dignity to a great age, it is always hard for those left behind to begin to see the sunshine again. Everyone grieves differently, and it has been only a short three weeks. You were a doting daughter and he was your focus for several years. It is hard to find yourself again with so much time on your hands all at once. I would take comfort in that your last whispered words to him rang true. What a noble and dignified ending to a special life. People who are close to you may be able to help you in that they know you well. Or your minister or best friend might be able to guide you in a positive direction. Take refuge in your support people, it is an important step. What you are describing sounds normal to me but I'm not a counselor. I have lost and grieved though. Hugs to you during this painful time of healing. Hoping that you will begin to live in the sunshine soon.  |
| I think it takes a while to find peace within yourself. When my father passed 7 years ago, thought I was doing fine as he was in a hospital and we were called to say goodby. We were with him all day. He was elderly and had heart problems etc. None of us wanted him to suffer. The first week is so busy making plans. Then I went back to work and about a week later, if that long, HR told me to take a month off under the FMLA that I was not able to do my job. I had a very hard time accepting things. I think you are expecting too much for yourself right now. It will take time. Allow yourself time to grieve and cry your heart out. You are not alone in how you feel. We all accept things in different time frames. Do not compare yourself with anyone else. Your heart will heal when it is time. Tinsley and I are sending you loving hugs May the universe bring you sunshine and peace when you are ready. |
| I'm so sorry for your loss. But please, don't expect too much of yourself. It hasn't even been a month, and no matter how prepared you think you are, there are always surprises. Clearly you had a very close and loving relationship with your father. You'll need time to adjust to life without him. It was 3 years after the death of my father before I even realized how much I was struggling. Don't hesitate to ask for help - from family, friends, and counselors. The hospice that cared for my brother had a wonderful grief counselor on hand to help my SIL after his passing. Does your father's facility have something similar? It sounds as though you've given so much of yourself to others over the years. Now you are entitled to focus on yourself, and give yourself time (and permission!) to grieve. Sending hugs to help you through this difficult time... |
| Thanks to each of you for your very kind words. I guess it is true, I now find that I have nothing scheduled to do as every day was spent with my father. My sister and brother do not feel the pain as much as they both live in New York and visited him down here in Virginia about four or five times a year (but for at least a week at a time, to give me a break). They are great but just do not feel the sense of loss that I do. The Hospice group at the nursing home has been great and I have scheduled them to give my sons a call to see how they are doing. They are feeling it but as "guys" they do not openly show their hurt. I guess the three of us just need to refocus and schedule things to do. I know what I should be doing and could be doing but just do not feel the energy to do anything just yet. All of your input was great. It really did make me feel better. I guess I will just give myself time. Thank you all again! |
| sending you more hugs and sheepie kisses |
| I was in your place 4 years ago exactly. My mom died January 7 2011. My stomach hurt for months and there were nights I came home from work and just sat in the silence. Unfortunately it's all part of the grieving process. Please talk to the hospice people, maybe join a support group. We are always here to listen but sometimes you need real face to face people. I bid you peace. |
| I wanted to add that the hardest part of grief is that the person no longer is in your life. I had to put my horse down a year ago. My world revolved around him. With his crossing, my life was turned upside down and I had so much empty time. That was very difficult to deal with--the loss plus the emptiness. Your life was filled with taking care of your dad and now it's not. Don't feel you have to DO anything. You need time to process and let things happen naturally. |
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