A fork in the road of Heart's journey....
For the last week, Heart is changing. According to the side effects of pred. she should be gaining weight, but she is not. She eats more than she ever did, but cannot keep weight on. I can feel each bone in her spine, her legs, her sides. She is losing muscle each day. At times, her back legs will tremble and she is having difficulty jumping on the bed. Her hair is coming out is gobs..I find clumps on the floor, on the side of the bed, on the bed. In addition to the physical changes, Heart is getting more clingy. She wants to be on the bed with Dino and me. She wants Dino to have his hands on her all the time. She wants me to be close. I don't think she is in pain, not in the real sense...but I think she is feeling odd, different and I think it is scaring her. I tend to 'humanize' my dogs...always have...and I suspect all of you do too. We talk to them, cry on them, feel joy with them..so is it any wonder, that I think she knows, somehow, that something is happening to her? I would like to think that she is trying to jam all the love, touching, cuddling into a short period of time because she knows how devastated we will be when she leaves us. I am scared for her, for Dino, for me...fearful of what the next few weeks will be like. All my research on the pred and how long it takes for the body to become accustomed to the drug is only about 6 weeks..and Heart is almost to that deadline. I try to stay in the moment..really I do. But, how do I not THINK....?????about a week from now..2 weeks from now????? I rush home every night to be with her..(is that a little sick? I ask myself????) It is only a DOG!!!! I am being rediculous about this...DOGS die....we all know this as a fact! Even the healthy ones DIE...so, why is it so painful when it is about to happen? Why does it catch me so off guard??? "It is only a DOG!!!!" My head is screaming to my heart....but, I am too sad to hear..... |
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Words can't express how I feel for You, Dino, and Heart. Lisa Frankie and Mattie |
| I'm so sorry you are all going through this. Please feel free to share, vent, whatever all you need. We are all here for you. I have never met you or your sweet Heart in person, but I am still thinking about and praying for you daily. And, as much as we try to let logical thinking drown out and rule over our feelings, especially when those feelings are overwhelming, just remember that those feelings make us who we are. Hold her, love her, cry with her, smile with her, soak her in for as long as you have her, and know we are all here for you when you need us. |
| Don't feel bad for posting. I may not know you, dino or heart in person but we still care and wish you guys the best. I am truly sorry you are going through this and I don't think I would have the strength to even post about what you are going through. |
| So sorry for what you are going through, spend as much time as you can with her while you can. Kisses and hugs for heart. |
| Don't feel bad about posting - you have a community of caring friends here who support you. And I say this with all my heart - she is not ONLY a dog. She is a warm, loving, caring family member. Even though we all understand we will need to say goodbye to our furbabies at some point, that doesn't make it any easier. We were talking about losing family members the other night, and took some comfort in the thought that when we lose someone we love, part of our hearts go with them. So when Heart is finally running free over the rainbow bridge, remember that she carries a bit of you and Dino with her, and she will always know your love. |
 Of course you are scared, who wouldn't be? And yes she IS a dog but that doesn't mean she isn't any less deserving of love, especially since she has given so much love to you. But you know that. You are just trying to rationalize your feelings so they don't hurt so much. Try not to do that to yourself and come here as much as you want or call me. Cry, scream, talk or whatever you need to do. We all care about you and are here for you. I wish I could take away your pain and hers too. |
| Val: As you know, I have the misfortune of walking down the same path as you are right now, so I do understand every emotion you are feeling. Heart may seem to be more clingy because she probably doesn't feel well. I'm sure the meds make her feel "off" and with what our sweeties have, they just don't feel well, so she'll be more app to want to be with you and have your hands on her to pet her. If you remember when your children were ill, they always wanted Mommy close by. I feel the same about our furbabies. I totally understand your rush to get home from work and just be with Heart...I feel that way when I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is check to make sure China made it through the night. I try not to go anywhere without her, if I do have to leave her for a short time, I rush back to check on her. I know our time is limited, and like you, fear the inevitable. All of these feelings that you and I are having are normal, because we love our babies with all of our heart and can't imagine life without them. At first when China got the diagnosis, in my crazy, I can't believe this is happening brain, I planned all kinds of things she and I would do together, places to go and see. Once my brain calmed a bit I decided that staying to "normal" will be best for all of us. All of my memories with China will be in our usual day to day things...going on errands in the car and since it cooled down, inspecting the yard next door. For you it may be coming home from work, making dinner, sitting on the couch with Heart petting her and than helping her into bed with both you and Dino. I do have to help China up into bed with me, but she's a bit older than Heart, Just having China sleeping with me or sleeping under my chair makes my heart sing and at the same time my heart starts to shatter because I know the inevitable is creeping upon us. Everything you are experiencing is normal. I know the panic, when reality sets in, but we push it out and go on. To be honist with you this past weekend I was a basket case and all I wanted to do was run and run and run, which would make it difficult since my stupid knee was hurting above a 10. We are all friends on the Forum and we stand with each other through good times and bad. We all understand if people can't read our blog because of the topic. The topic pulls back alot of scabs others have healing. We all undsrstand that, but believe me they are all hugging you and standing with you in the terrible time. My son, who is not a dog person, said to me the other night "dog people love their dogs as family." So if he gets it, we all know they are more than "just a dog" they are our hearts.  to you, Dino and Heart |
| They have all expressed it so well. She is a dog, but not 'just' a dog. She is your friend, confident, comedienne when you need a giggle, she is a soft place to fall when things are not going so well. As for rushing home from work and wanting to spend every second with her, well that is not crazy, that is just love! |
| We all need to shed our tears along with you because we do understand how our babies are not only "just dogs" but part of us. Val and Helen, please keep posting your feelings, we all grieve along with you. It does help to share your feelings. Give Heart and China extra hugs from all of us here. |
| Heart is not just a dog. She is a part of you and your heart. Please don't hesitate to post, to vent, to cry. We have broad shoulders to help carry your burden. |
| We humanize our dogs too and can fully understand what you are going thru. When we lost Apache the 1st oes that was on prednisone for a few years I bawled all the time. On the way to work, coming home, most of the evening and it took a long time to be able to get thru the day without crying. We got Farley our 2nd oes which helped but Apache is very much in our hearts. We now have Butchy but the ones that went before are still very much alive to us. |
| She is absolutely not only a dog! She is everything to you! I humanize my dogs as well. They are my best friends, my companions, my fur children, I love them so much! I rush home to see mine!! Keep writing on the board, it helps you, and it's nice to have people who care to listen, even if they are complete strangers, it's nice to see the kind words and thoughts because dog people understand! Keeping Heart in my prayers! And China! Love them and hug them and kiss them as they do to you everyday! Let her sleep on the bed and when she can't anymore, sleep next to her on the floor. |
| I don't even think anyone here is "humanizing" them. Dogs are animals, yes, but they are animals who are individuals with a deep emotional life (but you know, humans are animals who are individuals with a deep emotional life). Heart is probably feeling anxious and where does she look for reassurance, love and comfort? The two people she trusts and loves completely, you and Dino. And I would expect nothing less from you then to rush home to be with Heart, and make sure to squeeze in every bit of love you can. They are dogs, but not "just" dogs. Remove the "just". Dogs are dogs and dogs can have and deserve to have rich full lives, and having a rich full life allows them to develop fully as complete individuals, which Heart is. The loss of Heart whether at 16 years or 6 will be devastating, but that much more painful at a younger age. I freely admit I am crushed with Heart being sick, you and Dino should never think for a second that feeling deep grief is "wrong"!! Much hugs and love to Heart, you and Dino. |
Brigadigit wrote: Love them and hug them and kiss them as they do to you everyday! Let her sleep on the bed and when she can't anymore, sleep next to her on the floor. I agree with making sure you are near them till the very end. The last day we had Pooh Bear with us, I slept in the basement with him since he couldn't get up the stairs anymore. The following day I laid in the back of the van for the 40 mile trip to the vet. I laid on the floor of the vet's office with him when we got there. You can never get enough of them while they are here with us. Here come the tears again........... |
| Val, Never feel badly about sharing your burden. All are here to help share, understand and grieve with you as we all know one day we will face losing our beloved dogs. And so many of us have been down the road you are traveling now. There is much wisdom being shared. I have printed out some of the posts and will have them to read when I need them later. Treasure every moment, knowing that there will be fewer of them than you & Dino had hoped for with Heart. There is no such thing as "just a dog". Heartfelt Hugs from California, Linda Zimmerman |
| Val; they are NEVER "only a dog". Not one of us thinks this way. And your Heart is probably the least of the "not only a dog" dogs. With her bling, and her therapy do work, she's never been "only a dog"; not ever. She's Heart, and she's always been so special, on so many levels. These dogs are our dependents; they need us to feed them, to house them, to care for them- not at all unlike the way children would. In my mind, they are our children. Lots of people have children that get sick and sadly die. Lots of people have pets that do the same. But those "Lots of People" are in fact made up for millions of heart breaking individual stories and lives and loves. And we'll all get our turn being them, for some of us more than once. And no amount of rationalization ever makes it any easier, any less difficult to go through. For what little it will help; we are here for you, and for Dino, and for Heart. Allison |
| try to take each day as it comes as a bonus, not to think about tomorrow just rejoice in the time you have together. we are here for you and you can come on here every second of the day because we are your friends and we love sheepies and understand what you are going through. hugs to you, and Heart and hugs to China as well. xxxx |
| val and helen we are all here for u |
| Just a dog? Heart?? She's brought so much joy to so many, loved you and Dino unconditionally since she was a puppy, sweetheart of every Sheepiepalooza she's been to. A performance star, a sheep herder, a loyal family companion... so many wonderful things to so many. Heart is a dog, of course, but a dog with so much purpose. Never feel badly because she's of the canine species and so much love is lavished on her. She has loved you back more than many humans could ever do. She'll always be a special girl to anyone who has had the honor of meeting her. And so will you for caring for her so well.  |
| Val and Helen, my prayers go out to both of you. There are no words to help in these situations. yes, we all know dogs die. People die too. Eventually. But that doesn't mean we are ever ready for it and it doesn't mean our hearts aren't broken when it happens. Val, I think you are acting exactly as expected. I too would run home. And Helen, you seem to unfortunately understand exactly what Val is going through at this time as you are going through it too....I just pray you both know we are all here for you. And remember, your dogs are your family. They know they are loved. They feel safe with you. They know you will do what is right and best for them. And you will have all those wonderful memories in your hearts forever... Sending love...lots and lots of love.... |
| Please don't feel badly about posting here. Who better could possibly understand what you and Dino are feeling? We walked this path with our Chloe. It is frightening, painful and a torrent of emotion. Our hearts are with you. It doesn't matter that Heart is a dog, a goldfish or even a turtle. It's definitely more about the love shared. And that is what good people do. |
| People say it's just a dog, but it is your dog and you love it with all your heart. Saying good bye is never easy, but it is an unfortunate fact of life. Run home after work, help Heart on to the bed, share your feelings and fear with us. Do whatever you need to do to continue moving forward, and know that we are all standing beside you to support you and Dino and shed are own tears. |
| Thank you everyone....this has been a hard week, to say the least, and, when I posted, I wanted to delete it~but, I couldn't. I knew you all would understand all my feelings..from sadness to anger, from happiness to fear. Each one of your posts brought tears and comfort all at the same time. This may sound harsh, but, when I lost Millie, I had Pearl to lean on and grieve with. When I lost Pearl, I had Coz and Heart to lean on and grieve with. When I lost Coz, I had Heart to lean and grieve with...And although each loss was devastating, I had the comfort of a furry one, to nuzzle and shed my tears on, with all the kisses to wipe them away. I was able to transfer, if you will, the loss and love to the surviving furbaby. It somehow made it more tolerable as each day passed without the one who was gone. I know I am mourning her. I don't want to do that, but, as one of my best friends say..it is what it is. Don't get me wrong, please! I am finding joy in her, in every moment,when I am with her... but, at night, driving to work, not having her with me, that is when I begin to look into the future and see her not here. All I can say is...thank you..thank you...thankyou... |
| I can help from the medical stand point a bit. The muscle loss, weight loss and the clingy behavior are ALL very common with prednisone. When Harley was just on it for several months (his spinal cord injury), he had all of the above. So very hungry (and he's a major food hound anyways) - it was obsessive. Then add in the behavior (wound tighter is one way I describe it - more intense in every type of behavior), and he about drove us and the other dogs batty. He would be literally frantic at meal times. He also was much more irritable (he can be that way d/t his age), to the point we needed to play a bit on the defensive when the grandkids were over. He also lost so much muscle mass, especially along the spine and on his skull. He also lost a lot of weight, which he didn't need to be losing at all. I have a good friend who's dog is on it now (one of our therapy dogs in our chapter). Her only real side effect is the clinginess. Clingy to the point of making her mom (she is an only dog, and Lynn has no spouse or children - so she is very spoiled anyway) feel like she's being smothered.  Another good friend has 2 ACD's who are battling cancer - each a different cancer. She had the weight/muscle loss really bad on one of her boys - he has rectal cancer. She was thinking it was the cancer causing it. When I told her it was more likely the pred side effects (based on it being exactly what I saw with Harley), she immediately contacted her vet and they were able to adjust his dosing a little. And Jenny was SO relieved to realize it was NOT the cancer doing this. The muscle loss doesn't restore, but she could deal with that. But she was just terrified with the weight loss. to the point she truly feared he would die from it instead of the cancer. Adjusting the dose helped, and she was so glad to know that was what was going on...and slightly peeved it took a dog friend to tell her this, instead of the vet! So while these side effects are probably something you are likely going to have to put up with to get the benefits, I hope knowing some more about them will help. I know for me, if I understand something and what is happening, it's easier and not so scary. Hugs to you and Heart!  |
| Val- So many wise words already posted here. You are incredibly strong to be able to post your feelings here. It is just a fact that we can love them so much it 'hurts'. So many thoughts for you, Dino and Heart. Helen- just devastated by your news too. Thinking of you and China. |
got sheep wrote: I can help from the medical stand point a bit. The muscle loss, weight loss and the clingy behavior are ALL very common with prednisone. When Harley was just on it for several months (his spinal cord injury), he had all of the above. So very hungry (and he's a major food hound anyways) - it was obsessive. Then add in the behavior (wound tighter is one way I describe it - more intense in every type of behavior), and he about drove us and the other dogs batty. He would be literally frantic at meal times. He also was much more irritable (he can be that way d/t his age), to the point we needed to play a bit on the defensive when the grandkids were over. He also lost so much muscle mass, especially along the spine and on his skull. He also lost a lot of weight, which he didn't need to be losing at all. I have a good friend who's dog is on it now (one of our therapy dogs in our chapter). Her only real side effect is the clinginess. Clingy to the point of making her mom (she is an only dog, and Lynn has no spouse or children - so she is very spoiled anyway) feel like she's being smothered. Another good friend has 2 ACD's who are battling cancer - each a different cancer. She had the weight/muscle loss really bad on one of her boys - he has rectal cancer. She was thinking it was the cancer causing it. When I told her it was more likely the pred side effects (based on it being exactly what I saw with Harley), she immediately contacted her vet and they were able to adjust his dosing a little. And Jenny was SO relieved to realize it was NOT the cancer doing this. The muscle loss doesn't restore, but she could deal with that. But she was just terrified with the weight loss. to the point she truly feared he would die from it instead of the cancer. Adjusting the dose helped, and she was so glad to know that was what was going on...and slightly peeved it took a dog friend to tell her this, instead of the vet! So while these side effects are probably something you are likely going to have to put up with to get the benefits, I hope knowing some more about them will help. I know for me, if I understand something and what is happening, it's easier and not so scary. Hugs to you and Heart! Dawn, thank you for posting this. I found similar information last night doing my research and was going to pass on to Val, I'm glad you covered it instead. China's appetite has increased and she is a bit more clingy. She likes to lay under my chair instead of just in the room I'm in. China did seem to have a little of the breathing that was associated with the diagnosis last night, but once she settled she went to sleep and all was fine this morning. As soon as I hear it my stomach knots. |
| i know i have been away having surgery. But i so wish you had called me. I had no idea this was going on. I take it the Vet doesn't want to do the other protocol my vet sent. Which is fine if that is your decision. Give my huggs to you, Dino and Heart. I made it home last night. I have an appointment with the vet here at 3 pm to talk about both Peepers and Calypso........... I will be home afterwards. Ali |
| Everything I could say has already been said so just take it one day at a time and make the most of each of those days-it the very worst part of being a mum or dad to a fluffy or any creature come to that.xxx |
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| Forks will happen as you all take this journey all together, never think she is "Just A Dog" heart, you and Dino are all on this lifes journey together, hard at times it seems, but a learning curb and luv shared in its enormoity together on this ride. Never are our fur babies "Just A DOG", this poem was sent to me at times of loss or sadness, sharing it with you, wishing heart a special christmas and hoping your baby is the most blinged up princess this time of year. Luv to you all and special cuddles to heart the most precious girly girl around the world XX JUST A DOG From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's "just a dog," or, "that's a lot of money for "just a dog." They don't understand the distance traveled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a dog." Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog." Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog," but I did not once feel slighted. Some of my saddest moments have been brought about by "just a dog," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day. If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you will probably understand phrases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise." "Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy. "Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person. Because of "just a dog", I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future. So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment. "Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day. I hope that someday they can understand that it's not "just a dog" , but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a man or woman." So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog." just smile -- because they "just don't understand." |
| Thank you Lisa...That was insightful and beautiful!!!!!! |
| Very nice Lisa |
| Val and Helen we are sending hugs! Lisa that was great. |
| Val, Don't ever hesitate to post your fears and feelings, either good or bad. We are all here for you. It's hard not to worry about everything. Hope what Dawn said about the pred helps some. Cindy |
| Just caught up on all of the latest. My thoughts and prayers are with you Val and Helen. Lisa that was beautiful. Most of us have lost a furbaby and know what you are going through. Vent, scream do whatever it takes to make it through this. We had a Westie who died of nose cancer and I remember how that felt to let her go. She was 14 years old but that didn't make it any easier. Enjoy whatever time you have left with your "babies" |
| Beautiful insight, Lisa. |
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| I can't say anything that hasn't been said. Helen and Val, you are BOTH in my thoughts daily...as I sit here with tears. |
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