Heart's Life's Journey...
Oct. 4, 2013- Got word from the vet that Heart's lymph node smears showed moderate lymphoma.. Left work early, had to talk to someone...called Judi and we cried together....had to get home to be with her. Cried most of Friday/Saturday. Oct. 5,2013~Talked to Judi, Ali, Michelle.... Resigned from Support Dogs. Emailed the PAWS teacher, stating that it was not fair to a bunch of 1st graders to have to deal with death, even a dog's death while still so young. It's better to stop Heart's PAWS visits now rather than after the children begin to love her and look forward to their time with her. Am I being overly protective? OR realistic? Whatever it is, I am going with my gut. Posted on the Forum and read most of the day, the posts from caring loving members..cried more. Heart's sleeping although not comfortably and eating good. Oct. 6, 2013 early morning Oct. 7th~ Woke up at 1:00AM. Had only been asleep for about 4 hours but something woke me. It was Heart's snoring, the her breath hitching. In my overactive state, I really thought she was dying. I hid my head under the covers, and cried like a baby. Silent tears so as not to wake up her or Dino. I heard her get up and come to my side of the bed, nose the cover off my head from the side and she began to lick my face, clearing all the tears with that sweet tongue of hers. Then, she went to the other side of the bed and I heard her licking Dino's hand and he said to her, "shhh..it's ok...go lay down...it's ok". (I cried again). Oct. 7th, 2013~ Talked to Judi, Ali...Took Heart back to the vet..I wanted her to see how much her nodes had swelled in the last 5 days since he had seen her last and I needed to have answers to my many questions....His answers to my questions are in ():: Her nodes are more enlarged? (not really...they are a little bigger, but ... I would say she they are moderately enlarged) She squeaks when she eats or drinks..does that signal pain? (It signals discomfort. The bottom line is she IS eating and drinking. Soupy food will help.) She snores and her breath hitches...("I have never seen a dog die from obstruction of the windpipe due to the enlarging lymph nodes..they stop eating and then they begin to decline") Can she 'handle' the Nationals? (She can handle what she wants to handle. Take her into the agility ring..IF she wants to play on the toys, then she will play. If she stands there and stares at you??? Then you can play on the toys while she watches.) Prednisone??? When are we going to begin a treatment regiment? (If she were my dog I would wait... Wait until the nodes are larger and more uncomforatable. Once we begin the steriod, her nodes will shrink considerably, but then her body will get use to the meds and it will lose it's effect. The longer we can hold off the Pred....the longer she will last) Can she go to the groomers so she is beautiful for Nationals? (He silently stares at me like I have 3 heads) When do you want to see her again? ("When you do want to bring her in again? I will see her every day, if it will make you feel better. This is about YOU~~she has no idea what is happening, except that she is getting all kinds of people food and getting so much attention..it is wonderful for her!!! This is about YOU....Take her back to me when you think she is getting uncomfortable..maybe in about 2 weeks. I'll check her out and we'll see where she is. This IS an agressive cancer....but she isn't going to die next week or in the next 3 weeks..you have some time..enjoy her, let her enjoy the things she loves to do, things that make her....her.) So...I went home, had a talk with my favorite Aunt Ro, who is up in heaven who was diagnosed with cancer and told she had, at the most a year to live...and she lived 10 !!!! I asked Aunt Ro to be Heart's guardian angel. Then Heart and I had a "heart to heart'...I told her she needs to fight...fight...fight...and, as long as she is fighting, shurtling this awful cancer, Dino and I will fight and shurtle right next to her. I really think she understood. Then I made a cheese sandwich, went into the bedroom and watched TV and split the sandwich. AFter we were done, she found her baby sheepie and began to suck and paddle and once again, like many many times before, her eyes glazed over and she went to her 'happy place'....and I thought... I pray she will be able to go to her happy place until the end... |
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| What a good idea Val to journal her journey. You and Heart have been on my mind and heart since Friday. Will continue to lift you up with thoughts and prayers. |
Val, that is so sweet  I loved your vet's comments...but it did make me laugh when you asked about Heart going to the groomer to look pretty. Right then I knew your vet had to be a MAN!   |
| yes..Dawn..it's a guy..but he knows me and my dogs and knows how to 'handle' me ~~ After talking to him, I felt so much better..knowing that whatever happens, he will be there helping me make the right decisions for US. Can't wait to see you Chewie and Bond!!!!! Almost here...St. Louis Nationals..2013~~~~ |
| Well, some of us guys understand perfectly well that a sheepie girl, especially Heart, needs to look her best! Val, could you please squish Heart an extra million times for me please? Just tell her it's from that weird Canadian stalker guy who wouldn't leave her alone at Sheepiepalooza   |
I am so happy you have decided to journal yours and Heart's journey. It is beautiful to see the love but hard to witness the intense pain you are going through, but it is also an honor you chose us to celebrate this time in Heart's life with you. I will, however, have to buy stock in the Kleenex company. Our arms are around you, Dino and Heart to give you strength and a soft warm place to come to on the toughest days and rejoice on the better days. Please give Heart  and extra gentle hug from me. Please take care of yourself. |
| Priceless, Val! What a great way to recall the good times and remain positive about such a heartbreaking situation. Thanks for sharing with your friends here on the forum. |
| As I hug Heart LOTS every chance I get...I will mention her friends...especially the Sweet Canadian couple who braved Tornado after Tornado to 'land' in St. Lou....for Sheepiepalooza.. And the jouraling is helping me come to terms with all of this and maybe...just maybe, will help another worried parent if they get news that makes their world collasp....(msp) Thanks to all...I hope to see most of you at Nationals Next week!!!!! |
| Val, This is awesome. Thank you for sharing this with us. |
| Val, this is so wonderful! I do not envy the next few months for you, but I applaud your bravery to share this, and I'm sure it's cathartic for you as well. You can vent to us, get out all your frustrations so that Heart doesn't suspect anything (well, maybe she won't suspect as much). And in some strange way, maybe through the journal, you can start healing before she leaves you, if that makes sense. Hugs all around from the east coast! |
| Very nice Val. I think your journal will help all of us as well as you. I still wake up every morning and ask myself "Is this real or am I dreaming it?" I teared up today after I finished the "save the date" cards for the National bags. I remember how pleased you were with the logo for next year's Sheepiepalooza. |
I just found out tonight that my neighbor (5 miles up the road) and fellow agility competitor Sue is taking her briard Hilo (like the island) up to see an oncology specialist tomorrow....he has very tender and swollen lymph nodes in his neck and now groin. They were at class tonight and she told us all.  Hilo has this "thing" were he swoops around on our practice courses, and lunges and barks at Chewie as he passes us at ringside. Chewie never gives him even the bat of an eye, but Hilo always tries it! It's this game they play, for several years now. Sue had their briard nationals last week in CO, and she wanted to wait until they got home to test. Can't say I blame her.  She said if he does have lymphoma, she will not be doing chemo on him. Same reasons - she wants him to enjoy whatever time they have together. Val - I told Sue about Heart (Sue is also a vet tech) and she sends her sympathy to you, Heart and your family. |
| Lovely words Val. Maybe we should send your vet's contact details to my vet. Tiggy had a lump removed from behind her right ear on Monday. Most likely a sebaceous cyst. I asked my vet to not shave too much off and could he try and find a vein without shaving her front leg because it takes so long for it to grow back and look beautiful. He said he would do his best and I suspect was making an effort to not role his eyes. He grew up on a farm so I suspect looking beautiful is not high on his list of dog priorities. I then explained that occasionally Tiggy wheezes when she's breathing. That it's random and not always after exercise. I admitted she's one to take off and hit her collar hard, gotta chase those small fluffy creatures. I asked could he assess it while she was under because usually she pants and it's hard to hear. He agreed that wouldn't be a problem. I asked if he could check that she didn't have lymphoma in case that was the problem (just feeling paranoid a young sheepie in NSW crossed the bridge from lymphoma recently too). He stared at me as if I had three heads. I left before I could make any more of a fool of myself. Hugs to Heart, you and Dino |
| Your vet sounds a lot like mine. Towards the end of Pooh Bear's life I questioned if he would do a liver panel on him (he had a liver tumor) He asked if I really wanted to know and it really didn't matter what the count was at that point, just enjoy his time you have with him. We are here for you and crying along with you. |
| Mark and Chris..Thank you. I think journaling here journey will help me and hopefully others. (but mostly me. )~ And there is much frustration that I am helpless to stop whatever will happen, but writing down my feelings and getting feedback like this is comforting and makes me feel empowered. It is a priceless gift you all are giving me. Dawn..Please let Hilo's mom that she is in my prayers that the test will be favorable. I love the breed, always thought one day I would own a Briard, but, I chose sheepies instead. That period of not knowing is possible worse than than the reality. At least I know what is in our future, so I am dealling with it in my own way. Judi???? You are my Heart's favorite person,(God knows why..  ) And most of the time mine as well..  When a person has to go through something like this, even with a dog, the isolation is devastating. But, I am not alone, Heart is not alone. We have this wealth of support, love and compassion that I will be forever grateful for.Sheepiepalooze, will be a little Weepy-Sheepiepalooze for me, at least at the beginning. But I know me!!! And I know once I get my hands on all of 'my' sheepdog friends' and love them, and kiss them, and cuddle them..I will be OK...And then the bonus for me will be talking to all of my friends who, I can 'listen' to here on the forum...but see and hug at Sheepiepalooza and I am looking forward to that!!!! |
| Mim....PLEASE let me know how Tiggy is..When I read your post, it felt like when Heart had to have a cyst removed a couple of years ago...Don't shave her too much, Hide the IV shave UNDER the long hair on her leg ..you are right it does take forever to grow out.... I am sure Tiggs will be fine, but I will say a prayer in any case that she doesn't have bald spots and that all is well with her. |
| Beautiful words... |
| Val, The journal is a great idea. Thank you for sharing your story and feelings. We will all smile and cry with you. I did the same sort of thing when I was going thru this with Ben. I did weekly updates via email with family, friends and co-workers. It was so wonderful to know just how many people loved and supported Ben and me. As more people heard about Ben's battle with cancer, they wanted to be added to my email updates. The list ended up with over 60 people. It really does help to write it down. I made a memory book of every email I sent and received and photos. I can't wait to see you and Heart next week! I know she will be all blinged out and beautiful as usual. See you next week! Cindy |
4 my OES wrote: Val, I can't wait to see you and Heart next week! I know she will be all blinged out and beautiful as usual. See you next week! Cindy Thanks, Cindy....I was on the tail end of your Ben's email list and I cried along with you and all his other supporters. You can BET that my girl will be Blinged to the Blingiest!!!!!!!!! :hearts: |
| My heart is breaking for you both. What a wonderful bond you and Heart share. |
| thank you,Karen..But, if, when I first laid eyes on that little face peeking out of the tiny crate when she flew to me from Colorado, that I would only have 6 1/2 short years wil her, I still would have not hesitated to ask her into MY heart. We have packed a lot of love and a lot of memories into those years~~and the best is yet to come!!! Stay tuned......................................  |
| For you all. Thanks for sharing with us all, "Hearts" journey . It will help others in the future. Luv to you all on this extroidinary journey you all will travel together and thankyou for sharing this journey with your precious girl. |
| Just a note to let you know you are in our thoughts. |
sheepieshake wrote: Mim....PLEASE let me know how Tiggy is..When I read your post, it felt like when Heart had to have a cyst removed a couple of years ago...Don't shave her too much, Hide the IV shave UNDER the long hair on her leg ..you are right it does take forever to grow out.... I am sure Tiggs will be fine, but I will say a prayer in any case that she doesn't have bald spots and that all is well with her. It took a few days but my great vet called me at work to tell me that the lump was a trichoblastoma. A benign tumor that grows from the hair follicle.  The path report says that the excision was complete so it is unlikely to grow back. Tiggy is being a good girl and is not scratching at the stitches so she has avoided the cone of shame.  Val you will be pleased to hear that there is no missing leg coat and just a skinny patch of shaving behind her ear that is nicely covered Tiggy's long hair so you can't even tell.  Val, thanks for taking the time to worry about us. Thinking of you, Dino and Heart everyday. Love Mim and Tiggy |
| I hate that you were worrying..BUT...I LOVE false alarms...  Huggs to all from all of us!!! |
| Val, thank you so much for sharing your and Heart's journey. My heart is aching for you at the thought of having to say goodbye, but so happy that you still have time to love and spoil her now. |
| You and Heart are in my prayers How blessed you are to have each other. And you both are wrapped in all of our arms. |
| Val thank you for sharing. My thoughts and prayers are with you and heart. Put some bling on her and both of you will smile. |
| Val, my thoughts and prayers are with you and heart. And Mim, so glad your Tiggy will be okay...Our dogs are our life. They are our family. We love them and they love us - but it is always too short a time. We as humans do what we can but in the end, it is all in God's hands - just like with humans. Thinking of you both and sending prayers |
| I am thinking of you all the time. You comforted me through our struggle with Annie and guided us with Fozzie. I hope that the comfort you give others will help comfort you. Here for you! |
| I love that you guys shared a cheese sandwich; that's my go-to comfort food. we think of you guys daily; and wish we could be at Nationals to give you both hugs. |
| Thinking of you & Heart today, Val. I echo the sentiments of everyone here in my admiration of your bravery and strength in honor of your amazing Heart!! IMHO, you're doing all the right things. ENJOY EVERY MOMENT - as we all should - and HUG your GIRL!! XOXOXOX to you both!! |
| Thank you Tammy and Allison....Heart is enjoying HER Nationals.....And I am enjoying watching her!!! I have had so many friends from here on the forum, who I have never met, come up to me with glassy eyes and a hug, telling me how much they love Heart ..It warms MY heart. Miss you guys!!!! |
| val for those of us who couldnt be there please take some pics for us |
| I haven't been on the forum for quite some time but just wanted to say I'm so sorry for what you are going through *hugs* |
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