Relationship deal-breaker about dogs?
I let both my sheepies sleep on my bed with me at night, they love to cuddle and watch movies until we fall asleep. It's one of my favorite things in the entire world! (P.S. sheepdogs are the best to cuddle with when you have a cold room like mine always is.) As I started to ask him why he was so stern with his answer he told me that dogs aren't meant to sleep in the bed with a person and that they need to know their place and bleh bleh bleh... totally began to tune him out and didn't want to listen to anything else he had to say. Has this happened to anyone else? Am I just being too much when it comes to my puppies? How would you react? xoxo, Melissa |
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| It's been awhile since I have been single (5 yrs and now married) but when I was my dogs always slept in my bed. Now the dogs only sleep in the bed when only 1 of us asleep in the bed. 3 large dogs and 2 people in a bed is way to cramped. Your partner does need to respect that you love your dogs and it may take the other person time to love them just as much as you do. (You have had your dogs and raised them. Your new partner has only just met them) It took my husband a yr of dating to get used to the idea of dogs even in the house. He wasn't really raised with them and when his family had dogs they didn't have any formal training so they ended up being horrible, biting, pee on everything, little dogs. He didn't have great experiences. Now he loves them and especially sheepies.  I wouldn't of gotten rid of my dogs for him or if because of him, their quality of life changed I wouldn't have dated him (or married). A lasting relationship is about compromise. Don't endanger your dogs but when your partner is over, it's usually a lot more fun when the dogs aren't in the bed....   |
I wouldn't take that view with every guy. My husband is extremely kind hearted. We also knew each other 6-7 yrs before we even started dating. Friends, best friends, dating, than married.  If the man your seeing is aggressive, pushy, anything in between or any form of that I would definitely say goodbye and choose the dogs. |
| It's been a long time since I was single, and I didn't have dogs then, but if I were single now ("I can make it happen!" - Kim) anyone I would date more than once would have to be smitten by my dogs. THOUGH, when we were expecting Mady, Kim had never had a dog, and one of her "unbreakable" rules was no dog in the bed. Kim is SOMEwhere in this picture:  All of her "unbreakable" rules were completely smashed, by her.  It's sorta like kids, a lot of people can say this and that, but when they have kids, it all changes. |
| I dated a girl once that once it came out that she was an environmentalist, I was done. I'm a car guy and she had said to me, "wouldn't it be great if cars had only 50 horsepower and got 100 miles to the gallon?" She didn't know I was a car guy, and that was it for me. |
| I grew up with dogs - showing, hunting, training, breeding. I met my husband at obedience classes - we each had our own dog in the class. So not having dogs and being really involved was never an issue. In fact we both bring dogs into the family, based on our own interests. we have 3 grown kids, and when one of my daughters was dating, she told her new BF (now husband) that dogs were part of her life, and she planned never to have less than 2 dogs. He was not from a dog family - totally no clue about dogs at all - and he did say he would be OK w/ that! Laying out some hard and fast "deal breakers" can be a good thing |
There is no way I could date a guy who was like that, but everyone has their boundaries with regards to dogs. Personally I don't like my sheepie on the bed, I move about in my sleep and it's bad enough that I kick the cat by accident  But Ru never liked to sleep on the bed anyway. I'm dating a guy who gives more attention to Rufus than to me.... I think that might be worse.... helloooooooo ... remember me?... I'm your girlfriend...I would like some fuss too!! |
| Love me, love my dogs or your out. Very simple rule. |
| I am still single... I don't put of with much anymore. I was chatting with a guy I liked and I asked if he liked dogs. He said he liked cats. I said that's nice and walked away. |
| Ha I sound bitter. Whatever I am happy with just the dogs. I had my fill of men. ooops bitter again |
| Sounds like DH and and me until a sheepdog came into our lives. Miss Maudie changed all that in less than 24 hours. Sounds like he could not form a close attachment to dogs.....strange idea in this house. We live for the dogs. |
| hum i have been married 3 times and seems like it was always about my sheepdogs,, dating is still a pain since it is centered around them liking my bozos so i guess i am going to be single with this guys for a long time ...... |
| You guys are nuts. Archie sleeps downstairs - I love my dog to bits but sleeping with animals?? |
Archies Slave wrote: You guys are nuts. Archie sleeps downstairs - I love my dog to bits but sleeping with animals?? Maybe, in a general way, it's just the way guys think versus women? I want a man who only wants ME in bed, besides, it's kinda embarrassing when you're dog is watching certain bedtime activities |
I was dating my husband for 2 or 3 years when we started house hunting. I simultaneously started looking for a puppy. He said he didn't want a dog. I said "That's nice". He asked "Don't I get a say in this?" I said "No." and promised to take care of MY dog and leave him none of the responsibility. 6 years later and OUR 2 dogs are ridiculously loved and pampered by us both--- though spoiled far more by him. People may THINK one thing, and find out they feel very differently once they are face to face with the reality of the situation. My husband was luke-warm about the puppies the first time we went to the breeder's house, and rolling on the floor with them a week later. I wouldn't be too hard on people for thinking they aren't into dogs...  |
| I fell for richard the first time I met him. We were in college at the time. He had an OES that he gotten for high school graduation, that still lived with his parents. Outside all year long. I met Maudie after we dated for a month. Every weekend, we would go to his parent's house and I groomed Maudie. Probably drove my future m-i-l crazy. I tell everyone that I married him to get his dog. And she did become my dog. We will be celebrating our 37th anniversary this summer. We are on Sheepies 3 and 4. They sleep on our bed if they want. I had three dogs before I had kids - and it simply wasn't an issue. The dogs and kids learned how to treat each other. Not wanting dogs, big dogs, is a deal breaker for me. My older son is marrying a woman with a Berney, he has a rescued cattle dog. My younger two are waiting to get their dogs until they buy their homes later this year. |
| I agree with you! I was seeing a guy once and the first time he came to my house, my sheepie came over, sniffed him and proceeded to lift his leg and pee right there on the living room couch where the guy was sitting! I was totally embarassed...BUT... The guy ended up being a real jerk! Caused me alot of heart ache and embarassment....Should have listened to my dog! Love me, love my dog or there is the door... |
| Into dogs, yes, but wearing dogs? That's true dedication. |
| My husband (at the time he was my fiance) and I have had constant differences of opinions on this subject since I fell in love with a dog I saw at a local shelter. The dog was perfect and I just had to have him, problem was my husband never wanted dogs and this particular dog literally pooped on my husband when they first met. My wonderful guy loved me enough to give the 'trauma pup' a chance and against all if his wishes and better judgement he agreed to let me get the dog. Ru refused to be within 9ft of any men for the first few months-Fast forward 2 years and Ru is almost as devoted to him as he is to me, oh and the man who 'hates dogs' bought me a sheepdog and ended up getting attached to the sheepie too. He also usually is the one who feeds the dogs, walks them every day, shares a bed with one of the dogs (Ru will pace if he isn't allowed on the bed as he is so anxious) and talks silly to them when he thinks I can't hear. However he will sometimes play the, "I never wanted the dogs, I don't even want the cat" card, but this is usually when the dogs make a mess or Leonard takes a piggy mud bath. The point I was making before I started rambling is that the right person should be flexible on the dog thing if it is something that is important to you. If their opinions are polar opposite and set in stone there's could be conflict; as I am often reminded by my husband having a dog is a huge life style change and time commitment. You want to take off for the weekend? That's nice, what about the dogs? You want to stay out late and crash at a friends place? What about the dogs? For somebody who loves their dogs this commitment is a no brainer but for people who have never felt a connection to a dog this is a big imposition. I know somebody going through a divorce and one of the big issues was that one of the couple wanted a dog as an inside pet and the other one kept their dogs out on chains and saw a dog as a posession. This was crushing to the person who loved dogs and wanted one in their life. It ended up being a huge issue that was one of many they couldn't get through. It may seem like a small thing but for somebody who loves their dogs it really is an important consideration! |
bruuruu wrote: I know somebody going through a divorce and one of the big issues was that one of the couple wanted a dog as an inside pet and the other one kept their dogs out on chains and saw a dog as a posession. This was crushing to the person who loved dogs and wanted one in their life. It ended up being a huge issue that was one of many they couldn't get through. It may seem like a small thing but for somebody who loves their dogs it really is an important consideration! Hmmm, I actually think I would be much much more against being with someone who "wanted" dogs but kept them outside on chains over someone who was lukewarm about dogs. I do think a lot of these tales suggest it doesn't necessarily have to be a deal-breaker if a potential new relationship is not that into dogs at the start. If other aspects are promising, it may be worth the effort to see if they warm up to your dogs. |
Baba wrote: Hmmm, I actually think I would be much much more against being with someone who "wanted" dogs but kept them outside on chains over someone who was lukewarm about dogs. I do think a lot of these tales suggest it doesn't necessarily have to be a deal-breaker if a potential new relationship is not that into dogs at the start. If other aspects are promising, it may be worth the effort to see if they warm up to your dogs. Well put, and yes the person who saw dogs as family members was heart broken by the idea of having a dog outside on a chain. The treatment was a deal breaker for sure. Don't get me started on the way this person treated Ru... some people shouldn't be allowed near dogs. This is an example of a deal breaker situation, where as the lukewarm way my husand was towards dogs is a different story. He now loves them as he knows how important they are to me! So I guess what I am saying is it depends on the situation. |
| I got Duke while Derek was in Afghanistan. When he got home he got me to agree to a no dogs in the bed rule. He always says he doesn't want pets or the responsibility...... Fast forward about a month and who do you think is sneaking a nap with the Dukester??? Yeah. Some guys just don't want to admit to themselves that they LOVE dogs. Just from experience no man can resist a Sheepie. Derek is a dedicated dad to Duke and loves him, sometimes I am pretty sure more than he loves me. Duke sleeps on the bed most nights and on nights that he just wants to sleep on the floor we just about beg him to come for a snuggle with us for at least a little while. Hope you can find a man who loves your dogs as much as you do. I did. |
Hint of Mischief wrote: There is no way I could date a guy who was like that, but everyone has their boundaries with regards to dogs. Personally I don't like my sheepie on the bed, I move about in my sleep and it's bad enough that I kick the cat by accident But Ru never liked to sleep on the bed anyway. I'm dating a guy who gives more attention to Rufus than to me.... I think that might be worse.... helloooooooo ... remember me?... I'm your girlfriend...I would like some fuss too!!I have been feeling the exact same thing lately. I think he asks Duke how his day was before he even says hello to me when he gets home. I guess I wished to hard for them to be best buddies. |
| I've been married twice. First husband had no dog growing up. When we bought our house we also got a dog, then another, and one more for good measure. My present dh also had no dog growing up. So I showed him the joy of dogs by getting one. Then a few yrs later, another one. Those two have gone to the bridge but we have not been without a dog or two for our married life. He THINKS that since he is getting older these will be our last two. What he doesn't know, is that I'm planning on getting a golden within the next year or two...SURPRISE! Actually, we've been talking about it and he still says no but I will bring him around, eventually. To me, not having a dog would be a relationship breaker. I love dogs and always have. I plan to have a dog till my last day. |
| I loved reading all the post! Most of you know my story of my ex of 14 years who one day made the comment of "let the stupid mutt die", that was my deal breaker. How could I stay with someone for the rest of my life after that statement???? My Shaggy girl had been diagnosed with Immune Dificiency Thryombocytopenia (sp) yeah I know I spelt it wrong... Anyhow, I was so upset at that comment and the fact that he held the majority of the purse strings in the household - that I took my engagement ring and pawned it to pay for her treatment. At the time, she was not only my beloved dog, but she was my working partner as we were under contract with the Humane Society to visit community centers and schools to speak to kids about, How to Behave around dogs. He moved out and Shaggy who was 8 at the time lived to be the grand ole age of 15 and 1/2. I ended up working four jobs to buy out his share of the home and filled it up with numerous rescues (which was always my life long passion). I keep missing my ex......my aim has to get better. nyuck nyuck. Next, I met someone who while he never had a dog in his life but several cats understood my love for animals and never complained and accepted they were important to me. We have three big dogs, cats bunnies, guinea pigs and chickens, the majority are special needs and we even purchased a place specifically to have an animal sanctuary He did have one rule that he didn't like to sleep in a room with animals (that includes cats too) and while my dogs are downstairs and the upstairs is the cat's domain - I did respect that and compromised. I always knew his dream was to live in a condo downtown while we ended up purchasing a house on acreage to fulfill my dream so I felt that I could compromise too. |
| You already have an established relationship with your dogs and any man you date would have to be open to that as it means so much to you and is such a big part of your life. Here My DH is totally against animals in the bedroom seeee  especially if you are ill he thinks dogs should not be encouraged to share your sleeping space  He is even MORE anti cat  Lol - no he really doesn't like them in the bedroom! honestly! Oes |
| Definitely a deal breaker for me.... I've just given up on dating though... I'm happy on my own, as many pets as I want, no sharing the bed or having someone else's clutter crowd me out LOL I've had a crappy couple of years after my last relationship ended but now I'm totally focusing on my dogs (and kids but they are adults now so I'm not needed as much) If I did meet someone they would have to accept that my kids and animals come first, dogs, cats, horses. If they want to be a part of all that and enjoy it then great, if not, see ya! |
Marianne wrote: I loved reading all the post! Most of you know my story of my ex of 14 years who one day made the comment of "let the stupid mutt die", that was my deal breaker. How could I stay with someone for the rest of my life after that statement???? My Shaggy girl had been diagnosed with Immune Dificiency Thryombocytopenia (sp) yeah I know I spelt it wrong... Anyhow, I was so upset at that comment and the fact that he held the majority of the purse strings in the household - that I took my engagement ring and pawned it to pay for her treatment. At the time, she was not only my beloved dog, but she was my working partner as we were under contract with the Humane Society to visit community centers and schools to speak to kids about, How to Behave around dogs. He moved out and Shaggy who was 8 at the time lived to be the grand ole age of 15 and 1/2. I ended up working four jobs to buy out his share of the home and filled it up with numerous rescues (which was always my life long passion). I keep missing my ex......my aim has to get better. nyuck nyuck. Next, I met someone who while he never had a dog in his life but several cats understood my love for animals and never complained and accepted they were important to me. We have three big dogs, cats bunnies, guinea pigs and chickens, the majority are special needs and we even purchased a place specifically to have an animal sanctuary He did have one rule that he didn't like to sleep in a room with animals (that includes cats too) and while my dogs are downstairs and the upstairs is the cat's domain - I did respect that and compromised. I always knew his dream was to live in a condo downtown while we ended up purchasing a house on acreage to fulfill my dream so I felt that I could compromise too.   Absolutely LOVE that! |
| :O) Thanks |
Marianne wrote: I loved reading all the post! Most of you know my story of my ex of 14 years who one day made the comment of "let the stupid mutt die", that was my deal breaker. How could I stay with someone for the rest of my life after that statement???? My Shaggy girl had been diagnosed with Immune Dificiency Thryombocytopenia (sp) yeah I know I spelt it wrong... Anyhow, I was so upset at that comment and the fact that he held the majority of the purse strings in the household - that I took my engagement ring and pawned it to pay for her treatment. At the time, she was not only my beloved dog, but she was my working partner as we were under contract with the Humane Society to visit community centers and schools to speak to kids about, How to Behave around dogs. He moved out and Shaggy who was 8 at the time lived to be the grand ole age of 15 and 1/2. I ended up working four jobs to buy out his share of the home and filled it up with numerous rescues (which was always my life long passion). I keep missing my ex......my aim has to get better. nyuck nyuck. Next, I met someone who while he never had a dog in his life but several cats understood my love for animals and never complained and accepted they were important to me. We have three big dogs, cats bunnies, guinea pigs and chickens, the majority are special needs and we even purchased a place specifically to have an animal sanctuary He did have one rule that he didn't like to sleep in a room with animals (that includes cats too) and while my dogs are downstairs and the upstairs is the cat's domain - I did respect that and compromised. I always knew his dream was to live in a condo downtown while we ended up purchasing a house on acreage to fulfill my dream so I felt that I could compromise too. I didn;t know your story but I am certain you made the right choice - that comment was a deal breaker indeed!!!!!! You can have a partner who loves animals to bits but doesn't like them in the bedroom. As you can see My own DH is anti animals in the bedroom! lol However - Bertha our sick hen died in the bedroom last week and now he has a Bator full of chicken eggs in a bedroom! - So much for animals downstairs or even in the yard? DH just spent ages making a new chicken run and coop to help the "girls" get over Bertha passing! This evening now he is out on the lawn with Bailey trying to teach him "fetch" but he is daft and it will take time? - or never! It is good to have a partner who is able to share what you concider important! Oes |
| every night my baby brings a bone, and chews herself to relaxation and sleep. We have a special blanket for the foot of the bed so she can. My first OES came in after playtime and snuggled between my friend & I. After a divorce, my first, second and third OES snuggled up next to me, and I decided that although it gets lonely at times, a warm fuzzy baby doesn't say hurtful things, never argues, and never demands, is always thrilled to see me (and shows it), and loves me always. An OES on the bed is better than any brand of electric blanket you can buy. An OES on the bed can be cleaner than many (and you are in charge - try telling a spouse its bathtime or sleep elsewhere, or to leave when gassy . . .). You . . . tell an OES how to behave ........ set the standard of cleanliness ....... set rules of behavior .........., a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner wants compromise, and to coin an old girlfriend of mine . . . "so one of us is unhappy because the other of us got what they wanted". An OES wants love. If I ever find someone that loves me as much as Dudley did, Isabelle did, or Chloie does, I am certain that a furry beast also there, will just mean more love present. Deal breaker - yea, a few times (and every time). |
| I am with Mark on this one. Dogs in beds ? Sherwood has never slept on the bed and he has never tried but as for Georgie any where she plonks her bum she tries to stay and she is a bit of a sneak. They do like the cold floor. We all need our own space and the bed is mine and would not invade there's but only to tidy up also de flea the area and it must be a girl thing. |
| I never realized having dogs was an issue to so many guys! This has been a very eye opening post and I feel like I should be asking a guy if he minds dogs when I first meet him now! I told my last boyfriend that I sleep with my dogs and his reply was "There's only room for one dog in the bed". Whatever I felt for him instantly ended. How could he be so insensitive to something that means a great deal to me...my dogs! What else would he have wanted to change in my life? I can only imagine! My advice is if you are a true animal lover your partner is going to have to except and love that about you or leave! Nobody should get rid of their dog for a man. If a man can't respect how you feel or recognize and compromise on something so important to you leave him now...text him right now that things are not going to work out!!!!! My life has been much better since I dumped this dude and I am actually seeing someone that has dog he treats like one of his kids...we are so much better matched. And I found that he genuinely cares about all things that matter to me. That's how a lady should be treated! I believe that my dogs are less of a dog than my ex... How ironic! |
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