Recovering from OES loss and when to get another
Fortunately, we are now in a space where his health has been on the upswing. Wendel had a huge personality and really was a support for me during this very rough time and his loss was devastating. When we lost him, Josh and I decided that we were going to just love our two OES, Asterisk & Levi, and not have three dogs again. Over the past few months, Josh has been talking about getting another dog. We've been waxing nostalgic about Wendel and he is feeling ready to open up to another dog. The conundrum I am experiencing is tremendous guilt. The rational part of me knows that I can't replace Wendel, but part of me feels like having another dog use Wendel's bowls (I could never use his leash for another dog) or any of his other items, seems like I'm disrespecting his memory. It goes beyond the material possessions, it's the idea of loving another dog makes me fearful that I'm closing that part of my heart that was given to Wendel. I admit, having a dog with that perfect OES blocky, big head (or what I affectionately call, the Wendel face) does give me comfort. Does this make sense? To those of you who have lost your OES, or any dog, when did you know it was 'okay' to get another dog? I'd love to hear your experiences. Maybe I'm too much in my head, maybe I'm clouded by how tightly bonded Wendel and I were, it could always be that, too. |
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Hi Erin, I hope your husband is doing much better now and I believe a new house and job was in the cards before? I hope your family has found a better situation than before. I can understand your feelings, but I don't think you need to worry. Did you love Wendel or Asterisk any less when you brought Levi into your lives? I doubt it. I am sure your heart will never close to Wendel, another dog will not need to share any piece of your large heart that belongs to Wendel. Your heart will just grow bigger with a new piece for a new dog. Each individual dog is an individual, and never a replacement for another one. When we got Gracie, she had the same parents as Mady, so we thought we would be getting "another Mady". OMG she is not!  Gracie is her own girl.I can't tell you when you'll be ready for another sheepie, but I just want to say that you will never have to fear that a new dog could or would ever replace or eclipse Wendel.  |
| wendel was so special u will never replace him .. i think u will know the right time.. p.s i think miss sophie the rescue in mich would love your new home just saying! i had a dog like wendel many years ago giggs after she passed i said never again will i get that close to another sheepdog and that was 25 years ago and 8 oes after and i still hold her dear to me .. you have a big heart always room for one more |
| Thanks, David. Yes, we successfully moved to Milwaukee and Josh really enjoys his new job. The new house, new environment, new job - they've all be very positive and have had a great effect on Josh's illness. He is experiencing more good days than bad and maybe that is why he feels that he's healed enough to open up to another dog. Surprisingly, this is the first time that his emotions are more advanced than mine. I have no doubt he misses Wendel, too. I just can't say why I'm so gun shy about it. |
| Erin, David is so right! You won't be replacing Wendell because you can't possibly. Only you can decide when to add to your fur family. Having lost 2 dogs less than a year apart, I went from 3 dogs to 1. Of course I was, and in a sense still am, greiving. All of my pets were wonderful and took large pieces of my heart. My Gracie even left with a piece of my soul. Oliver became only dog and really enjoyed it. He became more loving and more spoiled. After quite a while, I started doing some short term fostering and Oliver had a ball playing with other dogs. I thought MAYBE he might like a friend at some point. Well, last month, we adopted another OES through Rescue. Her name is Macie and I gave her the middle nam of Grace in honor of my first OES through Rescue. She is a little over a year and quite a pistol!!  They LOVE each other and have a ball together!!  I didn't actively seek another dog, it just kind of happened.  She is so darn cute and very 'busy', and lives in nobody's shadow. All my other pets not only took pieces of my heart with them but still live in my heart.When you can fully open your heart to another sheepie, that is when the time is right. Good Luck and Bless you. Nancy |
| I understand completely!! Being sheepless is awful. Go for the newbie. Each dog is unique and you'll soon realize the newbie will bring new joys not yet experienced. We are still loving Harry for what ever time he has with us. The tumor is larger than a softball, but he doesn't seem in discomfort from it. After he's gone..........I just don't know. While I love rescues, I'm also tired of poor hips, overbites, etc. weird coats.... I'd like a sound dog for a change. |
| I felt the guilt about replacing Pooh Bear too when we got Angus as an owner surrender. I learned that the 2 dogs are completely different. Angus is not Pooh Bear, but he will always have a place with us since he is special in his own way. I would love to have another, but do not have the room here for 2 dogs to play. I couldn't believe the emptiness in our home and our hearts when we lost our Pooh. It didn't take long before we knew we needed another and Angus was ours. Just to let you know how it was meant to be.....I found a puppy picture of Angus from his breeder and in the corner of Angus' picture was a Winnie "Pooh Bear" toy. Took my breath away. Only you will know if it is right or not. Keep us posted! |
| It 1is so great hearing from you again. I do remember your story and great the move is working out for the best. I guess you have to stop thinking that you would be replacing Wendal, because there will never be replacing him. With each personality it brings a different light, so the new dog would be an addition, an expansion on your life, not a replacement. You have a long time to greive for Wendel still. It is learning to live without him in your life, which is very difficult. Maybe put Wendel's things in a special place so you can see them often and if you get another dog, get him new things for his new life with his new family. My cat Pearl was with us for 17yrs and pass away 1 yr ago this coming Easter, Marcy 31 and it took me months before I even wanted to touch her dinner/breakfast plates. I had them on my cabinet in my diningroom with her urn. One day China's plate broke and so I didn't think Pearl would mind if China used her plate for her breakfast. It felt really weird at first setting China's food down for her, but I'm past that now. I do, however, think of Pearl each morning I'm setting China's breakfast out. Just remember, with every animal we bring into our home our hearts just grow that much bigger. Good luck. |
| Erin, I think that I would feel like you. The thought of getting another Airedale after Bricky passes doesn't seem right. But then life without a 'dale doesn't seem right either. I know I'll feel like I'm trying to replace him. I can't predict what will happen but right now, I'm not sure I could do it. I guess time will tell. |
| Your heart is able to love an unlimited number of dogs and people. I will never be able to replace Maude and Bennett, who were my heart dogs, but each of our other dogs have brought me more joy and wonderful memories. It hurts that they don't live longer, but I can't imagine being without them. |
| Erin, 2 1/2 years ago I lost my first OES (Dudley) at 14 years and he was more appendage than pet. I felt that same guilt you describe and felt that I was set for Dudley, and it would be unfair to him for another dog to benefit and enjoy "Dudley's" life. After a short time I made up my mind that I was getting a "tween" dog, a dog that I would get for companionship, but I wasn't getting attached to (between Dudley, and a dog free zone - by the way - that didn't work). I got an older OES (Isabelle) from Minnesota OESR (under the "tween" concept). Izzy was not Dudley, she was definetely her own person. My love for her was different than, but every bit as strong. I lost Izzy to liver cancer after 1 1/2 years (1 month from normal/healthy, to couldn't stand up on her own and bark at the same time). I decided I would be a dog free zone, but quickly realized (as did the people around me), I was hurting. I got and now have Chloie, she is not Dudley, she is not Izzy. Chloie has her own personality (she gives hugs of her own accord - I melt - she has learned, a hug gets her what she wants - nobody else gave hugs). I am not as "hard nosed" . . . because of Chloie. I still love Dudley (he is on my dresser to join me later). I still love Izzy (she is on my dresser to join me and Dudley later). I am a better person because of them both. I am a better person currently, because of the infleunces Chloie has on me now . . . and later, I will be better for our time together. Dudley's smells were in my house, Izzy got used to them, and made friends with him. Izzy's and Dudley's smells are in my house now, Chloie is at home, safe and secure, under the watchful guidence of Dudley and Izzy, (because Dudley's and Izzy's smells are there, and they have all become friends). Your love keeps growing, and you are the beneficiary. I wasn't ready after either loss (to ask me), a higher power intervened . . . and I gained. Maybe your husband's words are an intervention (by a higher power . . . speaking as my personal thought process only). |
| Only you can decide. You are not replacing the love for one dog to another. If you are experiencing guilt, IMO it might be too early. When I lost my beloved golden Taylor, I thought I would never love another the same. It took me about three months before another dog, a friend for Simon, popped into my head. I mentioned it to dh and he said NO. Another few months went by and I mentioned it again...NO. Just a few weeks later he said we could get another but it had to be a sheepie, a rescue that was already a few years old. Garfunkel dropped into our laps. I still miss Taylor, no dog could replace him but I am not looking to replace him. He has a special spot in my heart as do all my fur kids. Sometime down the line, I've started bugging dh already, I will get another Golden. Not a replacement, but a love of the breed. One of the things you could try is to be a rescue. I know thats how you got Levi and it would be a good tryout to see if you are ready for another. Keep talking about it, keep thinking about it. |
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