There's finally a wedding in our future!
  , planning her wedding for Oct 2013 (no definite date yet) in Virginia (we live in PA). And now the fun begins.  I am a Type A personality. My daughter not only inherited that trait, she compounded on it! Within a day of getting engaged, I got an email about "colors." Followed in short order about flowers. Followed in short order about wedding dresses. Followed in short order about photographers. Followed in short order about venues. You get the picture.And now the stress begins.  Our arrangement with both our kids was that we would give them their undergrad degrees. If they wanted a grad degree, it would be on their dime. If they wanted a wedding, it would be on their dime. Well, now that the first wedding is imminent, guess who's getting pressured?? I never told her we wouldn't pay for ANYTHING, just not for EVERYTHING. I'm buying her dress and accessories as an engagement present. We're paying for the flowers (probably going with silk). We'll probably pay for the photographer. Steve's parents have hinted that they'll kick in for the reception, we just don't know to what degree yet. This is the part she's really stressing about. I told her everything would work out and have had to talk her back from the ledge a few times already, but that Type A trait (her) is rearing it's ugly head! God only know how many times over the next year I'll hear "MOM, you just don't understand!"Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, just venting a little HERE because I have to be the calm, cool voice of reason THERE. I love my daughter dearly and we're very proud and pleased with her choice of life mate. And thankfully, he's a Type B, so he can calm her down, too. But please - someone who's been thru this with a daughter, tell me we won't kill each other before the ceremony! |
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| I'd write down everything you are willing to fund and to what extent. BUDGET! Explain you are not an endless money pit. Stand firm. There will be tears. Every girl has a fantasy in her head but it just isn't realistic. No Vera Wang dresses, etc. |
| We gave our son and his fiancee a set amount to spend. We told them that they were responsible for deciding how to spend it, but that was it. The fiancee was miffed that we weren't paying for 2 weeks in Europe. My husband and I did the happy dance when my son broke it off. |
| lol I wanted to write this when you posted the announcement [let the headaches begin] ...but I didn't want to ruin the big moment. hahahaha I'm soo excited for you and your daughter. We'll look forward to the months leading up to the big day! I can still hear my mom's complaints, gripes, and the 10000 "mom, you don't understand" comments from me. I'm excited for you. It'll all work out as you say... and I always stressed about how much this and that would cost, but it's funny how you somehow find the cash for those "important" items. We found really good deals for silk flowers online, and I still have them in jilly's room. They were gorgeous and you couldn't even tell they were silk ...so I'm glad I saved there. |
| We have a few "in's" that will save money. There's a couple at church who run a flower business out of their home and we've already talked to them about doing the bouquets in silk. I could buy the flowers myself, but I'm not creative enough to know what I'm doing, so I'm just gonna let them do it. Things are cheaper in PA than in VA, too. And with silks, they can make the bouquets and whatever else ahead of time and we can transport them when we go down, without worrying about them dying. Another "in" is a photographer. A woman I used to work with and her husband started a photography business when they retired. They do beautiful work and again, are cheaper than the photogs Sarah found in VA. So even with the 2 night hotel and gas expenses they charge, it will still be cheaper than hiring someone down there. Plus with their packages, you get MORE for less. Always a plus! Still another "in" is a seamstress for alterations. My niece owns her own business, and she never charges family. And if she would for a wedding dress, we're going to ask her if she would do it as a wedding present to Sarah. Plus my sister (her mother) is a retired seamstress, and she said if my niece gets too busy and needs help, she'll gladly help. Now if only I could get them to agree to get married in PA . . . |
| I've been through 3 big Wedding (church wedding, full dinner, dancing, liquor) with my children. The thing to ALWAYS remember it is THEIR Weidding. Many Mom's forget that , very important. The best thing to do is tell them exactly how much $$ you're willing to put in and keep a record of what you've spent. Weddings are very expensive. All 3 of my children were working adults when they married, so they didn't expect us to pay for the Wedding. We paid for all of our guest and the other parent paid for all of their guest...we then split the kids friends in half and we paid for them as well. So took a big chunk of savings for the brides' families and I felt was more fair. It is alot of fun! Good luck. You'll also get a lot of great ideas/deals talking to others who recently had a Wedding. Alot of time they've done all the work. |
| Congrats to the young couple! This is why I was happy to hear that my son and his now wife decided to go to Jamaica to get married. All we had to do was fly down there, lay around on the beach and NOT get so sloppy drunk that we couldn't make it to the beach-side alter at 11AM. It was one of the least stressed events I've ever seen! Vance |
| Congratulations to the lucky couple. Here's a possible suggestion so you don't kill each other. When things are calm and well, sit your daughter down and acknowledge that you are both Type A's and can get very frantic over an issue that seems important in that moment. Than agree on a statement like "Honey your type Aing the situation" or "Mom I get the final say. You know, something you both agree on that wont' offend each other and gets the point across that your both getting a little bit too freaked out. Than when a situation happens you can each use your agreed statement and you will both understand that it means the other needs to back down or you both need to take a breather. It may help in calming the situation before it gets to killing mode. Just my thoughts. |
| Chris, great news you have some good contacts for the wedding. Everything helps, share the "what ifs" with others w/ more experience. Maybe getting these ducks in a row now, the hair pulling will be lessened and you two can enjoy the process. |
Congratulations! For our wedding 2 years ago, we were both type "L", meaning Lazy, we wanted as little fuss and muss as possible, just good food, enough drink to float a navy, and good music. I'm looking forward to seeing you and your daughter on a "Say Yes to the Dress" episode!  |
| First I would like to say congratulations to the happy couple! Went through this a few years ago with one of my daughters and she is headstrong,she wants what she wants type of personality. So what I did was....set a budget first and foremost. If she wanted anything that was not in the budget she paid for it herself because she has a good job,fortunately. Anyway,the wedding was at Disney World,intimate affair,30 people and like anything Disney does,it was first class. Took all the stress off of me and my daughter and the wedding coordinator worked together,so that she could have the wedding of her dreams. The affair was something out of a storybook,fit for a princess. The cost actually was less than if I would of planned it here,locally. You and your daughter will have so many memories to keep, planning her big day. Good luck, Robin |
| I have not been through it. But it will all work out. Congrats! |
| I have no practical advice except "Sarah, cool it!" The wedding is over a year away and everything will work out. Chris, I agree with the others. Tell the happy couple what you are willing to kick in, and they can spend it how they want. If they want to spend it all on candy, that's their decision. But not a penny more from Dale and you. And congratulations on this happy occasion! |
| I've been a professional wedding photographer for 15 years (eek!) so, I do have a few pointers for you: 1.) Ask your daughter what the single most important thing is to her about her wedding. Is it her dress? The cake? The food at the reception? The photographer? The location? THAT will tell you where you probably need to spend the bulk of the money on the wedding. 2) Of course, as a wedding photographer, I'm going to tell you - cake doesn't last, and the dress only fits for so long... but photos are MEMORIES. You mention that you've got an "in" there. Please please please do not just go with them because they're friends. Go with them because you ADORE their work, and because you feel good about their business practices. Take a look at some of the wedding photography being done right now- much of it is cutting edge and very different from what most parents experienced with their own weddings. Does your daughter love their work? Is it timeless? How long have they been in the wedding business? All questions you really must ask them. Will you get an album and what kind? Is it custom designed, or do the photos merely slip into a prefab album? I'm not knocking your friends, maybe they're the next David Jay of wedding photography, but I cannot stress to you the importance of being 100% in love with your photographer, and having one who knows what they're doing. Over the last 15 years, I have had countless (and I do meant COUNTLESS!) brides come back to my studio after hiring what's known in the business as "Uncle Bob" and begging me to fix their photos. You get what you pay for with 99% of photographers. East coast tends to be more pricey than out here in the West, but I would say that even if they're friends, expect to pay $1200 or so for photos - if it's less than that, find out why - because it seriously costs the photographer money to do your wedding. Much less than $1200 out here, and I can't AFFORD to do a wedding, lol. 3) Encourage her to choose a good maid or matron of honor. Someone she can put in charge of the day. Or hire a wedding planner. Not even kidding. Bitchy brides are the ones who have matrons of honor who sit around filing their nails while the bride unloads the flowers from her car herself. 4) Don't sweat the small stuff - after the hundreds of weddings I've photographed in my career, I can tell you (though your daughter will have a hard time believing it) no one knows when things aren't absolutely perfect. If she's smiling, happy to be getting married to the man she loves, and is having a good time, it's a successful wedding |
| Thanks, Roz. All good advice, and all things I've already considered. You are 100% right about the photographer. These friends who are photographers are top notch. I've seen their work many times. They offer way more in the way of a tangible album than the VA photogs do, too. They offer albums of 45 pictures, vs. 20 for the VA photogs. Most of them give you a DVD with a copyright release so YOU can print your own pictures! And for more money to boot. You would clean up on the East Coast charging $1200. My friend's most expensive package is $1645, and the most expensive one in VA is $2200!! She has a great maid of honor. The slight problem there is that she's in PA, too. Don't think hiring a wedding planner is financially do-able. Besides, these 2 Type A's can't just turn all reins over to someone else! I'm sure everything will work out. It will just be an interesting ride!! |
Congratulations to all!! What an exciting time.  We've had two weddings in two years, but just grooms, not THE bride. We gave each couple a set amount, and let them plan. Its hard not to give the two cents(we have one more next year) with the sons' fiancees', but this type A is trying hard. No idea how difficult it would be with a daughter, but you seem to have the priorities covered  I think that all you can do is set the amount, give her the cost saving options, and a big hug and kiss  Good luck, remember we are here for venting |
| Lol, 1200 Is what I would charge my own family, lol. We start at 3000, and top out at about 6000. But we give you the kitchen sink, too! I'm glad you've thought that part through, I hate seeing people skimp or settle for less. The wedding will be fine! As long as they're happy! |
| CHRIS!! I am just as pleased as punch for you!!! May it all go so well and I hope everyone has a great day and a great life. Regarding photography, Joan and I used an in ... a childhood friend of my mother's. The photographer he sent was uninspired at best. He was very nicely dressed and captured almost all of the important things, but his work was just sooo pedestrian. Every time we took out the proofs to try to pick our album, it led to strife and bad feelings -- so we wound up with the proofs and that's it. That said, we never even haul those out to look at'em either. So Roz is right -- find someone whose eye you ADORE and/or has great looking albums, and we'd be sure to nail down which photographer will be shooting the event. |
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