In case you had a bad day...
1. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..." 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." 3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here." 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. 12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy." 13. I shopped for some camouflage trousers the other day but I didn't see any. 14. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high." 16. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel. 17. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 18. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. |
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| Well Ron, where's the "A string walks into a bar" joke? |
**groans**  These sound like some of my dad's jokes!! |
Maxmm wrote: Well Ron, where's the "A string walks into a bar" joke? Ooooooook......Quote: A string walks into a bar, hops up on a stool and orders a drink. The bartender looks at him and says: "We don't serve no strings in here, get out."
The string leaves, but then gets an idea. He ties up one end of himself and musses up his hair. He then goes back into the bar, hops up on a stool and orders a drink. "Say," says the bartender, at once squinting and glaring at him. "Ain't you that string that was in here afore?" The string replies: "Frayed Knot!" Hey, you asked. |
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| Bad! Really, Really bad !!!!! |
| Love the Rotti one...just like watching the Airplance movies. |
HEHEHEH HAW HAW HAW HAW HOHOHOHO 
Couldn't have come on a better day! Thanks (even you RON) |
| just don't call me Shirley.......... |
| Thanks Ron, for the moral support. |
| Haaaaaaaaaaaaa oh thanks so much for putting this goofy smile on my face George!!! |
| More More |
| Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was assaulted.
Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing. How do you catch a squirrel? Climb into a tree and act like a nut... A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "why the long face?" What did the digital watch say to his mom? "Look mom no hands." |
| There was a painter by the name of Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin his paint to make it go further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Church decided to do a big restoration job that involved the painting of one of its biggest churches. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job. He went about erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, thinning it down with the turpentine. Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away with the job nearly completed, when suddenly there as a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened. The torrential rain washed the thinned paint off the church and knocked Jock off the scaffold and on to the lawn, among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint. Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke... ( you'll love this.... ) * Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more! |
| Owch! You're killing me!
(I love it!) It's killing me! (I do, I really do!) |
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