Why Can't I Win the Lottery?
Every day he prayed: "Lord, please let me win the lottery. I would do so many good things with the winnings. I've been your obedient servant, please, why can't I win the lottery?" Finally after many years God spoke to Sam: "Sam," God said. "Yes God?" Sam said. "Sam," God Continued. "You've been making the same prayer for 10 years." Sam answers, embarrassed: "That's true, Lord." "Sam," God finishes. "Give me a break already. Go buy a ticket, will you?" So Sam buys a ticket to the biggest lottery, and sure enough... he wins! Immediately he makes enormous donations to charity, sets up foundations, makes provisions for friends and family. Then he decides to treat himself. He's gonna get a nose job. He's always wanted a nose job. Whiles he's there, why not a facelift too? So he gets the work done, is discharged from the hospital. he steps off the curb and gets hit by a bus and is killed. He meets God and says: "Lord, I don't understand. I was your faithful servant, I did many good works. You instructed me to buy a lottery ticket and I did and you caused my number to win. I did as promised with the winnings. What did I do wrong?" And God replies: "Sam, that's you?" |
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| not a lottery joke but..................... A panda bear walks into a New York restaurant and sits down for a big vegetarian meal. The waiter takes his order and begins delivering plate upon plate of exotic vegetables. After consuming a huge quantity the panda sits back to enjoy his sated appetite. Seeing the panda is done the waiter approaches the table and inquires about dessert. The panda responds by pulling out a pistol and drops the waiter on the floor. The panda stands up and begins to leave, when the manager upon hearing the commotion, comes running out, only to see his head waiter lying dead on the floor and the panda walking out , pistol still in hand. The manager stops the panda and asks "why did you kill my waiter?" The panda responds, cryptically "look it up in the encyclopedia!" and walks out the door. Perplexed the manager runs to his office and pulls out the "P" volume of his enclylopedia. Quickly turning to the section on Panda bears he reads the following entry: Panda bear, native to China, eats, chutes and leaves Shellie insisted I leave this for you.  |
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Vic wrote: eats, chutes and leaves Shellie insisted I leave this for you. HaHA! Love it! She was right, too! |
| I had heard this first part of the joke before but I love the plastic surgery addition. Maybe this joke should be posted outside of plastic surgery offices.  |
| I absolutely love joining two old jokes together like this. |
funny funny panda joke  I do had heard the first part of the lottery ticket joke... interesting twist with the surgery! good way to start the day!!  |
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