When people repeatedly turn down your invitations
Every few months I get together with 2 people I used to work with. They left under good terms and we remain friends. There are a few people from our social group that still work here and every time I get together with the people who are gone, the people here say "let me know the next time you get together with Beth and Amy because I want to join you." You know what happens. The next time a dinner is planned, I let my cow-irkers know and they all say "oh, it's not a good day, let me know the next time." It happened AGAIN this week and I finally said to someone "there will be no next time. You never come so I'm no longer issuing invitations. If you want to see Beth and Amy, do it on your own time." Well, I didn't say those exact words, but you get my drift. Why do I feel insulted? |
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| I wouldn't take it personally, it may have more to do with the relationship (or lack thereof) these people have with your former co-workers. Sounds like they're trying to be polite towards the former co-workers, but with no real interest in pursuing anything with them. |
| David, I agree with you. What I don't understand is if you don't want to have dinner with Beth and Amy, why do you say "let me know the next time?" No need to lie to be polite, just don't say anything. |
| I also wouldn't take it so personally... I think these people really are interested [they think] in getting together, but when the actual day comes they have to show up... they realize they're not as dedicated to the ideal as they thought they would be. It has nothing to do with you or the people imo ...and you probably know that, but people are busy ...or maybe just not dependable?  This happens weekly with me and playdates. Every mommy wants to schedule something and tell me to call but if you call... they are "busy" that week and say to call next week. I never call back, and when they call... I'm busy. It's just how things are, and those in our circle of moms just accept it with no hard feelings. |
| Lol. If anything, Beth and Amy are the ones who should be taking it personally! It sounds to me that they like Beth and Amy just enough to see them if it's convenient but no more than that. Nothing to do with you. |
I do agree with Mrs. J. And I am on the bad side of those sort of things, i.e. I'm the one who balks at the last minute. Terrible I know, so often there will be something, a concert, an event, something happening *this* weekend and both Kim and I are saying "I really would like to go, but I wish it was next week, or the week after..."  Sometimes we fight off that inertia though and force ourselves to go ahead with whatever it is, and it ends up being the right decision  Of course, December is the absolute worst time of year for anything, I've been emailing Kim back and forth today saying "there are only TWO weekends before Christmas, we want to do this list of things, we need to plan it out, only two!", and we've already turned down invitations because there is just not enough time in December. So if you really want to give these people the benefit of the doubt, give them one more chance, next time after the holidays, when most people's social calendar lightens up a lot. If they refuse again. That's it. |
| David, I appreciate your tact. However, this is at least the 3rd time this has happened so there will be no more second chances. As the Soup Nazi woud say "no soup for you!" Not 5 minutes ago, someone who was invited and already refused said AGAIN to me "I'm so sorry I can't come, but let me know the next time." I just walked away without replying. Fortunately she had her back to me and was working on her computer when she said it.  |
| I agree with all above, those people are not interested in Amy and Beth but just don't know how to say, "I'm not interested in seeing them again." No more invitations. If they were interested they would have asked for contact info and reached out themselves. |
| Totally agree with the above comments--you are right to just let it go and not invite them again! Enjoy your friends--it is sometimes difficult to keep a relationship with those that have left a work place. Good for you! |
| There have also been times in my life when I was incredibly busy. Working fulltime, three children playing multiple competitive sports (practices. games, travel). There are several people I would love to keep in touch with, but it didn't work at the time. When the kids were gone, we reconnected. Wait for the co-workers to ask about them instead of volunteering. |
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