How do you know when it's time?
Brief background, I adopted my OES, Fred, from the SPCA back in November, 2004. I was told that Fred was 6 yrs old at that time. I am estimating his age to be in the 14/15 yr range now. Fred has been an absolute joy. He has always made me proud and I feel very blessed and honored to have had the opportunity to coexist with him. But with age, Fred had slowed down and has developed the typical old dog ailments. He is unable to get up on his own anymore. He cannot stand for long periods of time, from losing muscle mass. And he has developed toileting issues which require him to wear a diaper at times. His inability to stand has made the task of cleaning him up a difficult process. On the plus side he still has a good appetite and will bark to let me know that he is waiting for his breakfast or dinner. And he still has the strong desire to go out on his walks. His mind and spirit are willing but his body just will not allow him to do it. I do take him on short strolls down my driveway and with the aid of a harness help him along so he does not fall. I do have him on some medication to see if it will help him gain some mobility but I think I am just losing the battle. So my dilema........what do I do? If I knew that he was OK with the way things are now I will gladly continue to take care of him. But sometimes he just looks sad and tired. And sometimes I just feel selfish for being a coward and not wanting to make the "decision". I will never let him suffer, I owe him that much....I just do not know what to do. So what I am asking is what lead you to make the "decision" when and if you had to? I know when I am asked I always say....your dog will tell you and your heart will let you know. I think my heart may be whispering something to me but I am not 100 percent sure. Thanks for reading this. It sure does stink being an adult at times. And what makes this even more difficult for me is that I have another dog, a 15 yr Golden and two 16 plus year old cats so I know I will be traveling this road again in the near future. |
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| jack, speaking from experience, the morning i came downstairs and my 14 yr old guy couldn't walk right anymore was when i went to the phone with tears in my eyes. at the time i had just been replacing throw rugs daily rather than diapers. when they aren't suffering, but quality of life is diminished, it becomes a very personal decision. i can only tell you that at no time did my friend give me any resistance or feelings of guilt as i carried him to the car and when i carried him into the vets. he knew when we were at the vets and never really like going there later in life, but seemed to be more at peace with the idea than i could ever be. so i wish you strength. our family undertaker would tell you i'm not emotional, my vet would tell you the complete opposite. p.s. over the years, after some time has passed, i've often thought our furfriends must be with us yet, cause i never remember driving that car home.   |
| I am sorry you are at a point where you are contemplating this decision I can just say...if you think its time, its time...No onone can make that decision...My first OES was 14 and a half...I took him to the Vet, who was also my friend...I asked him if its time...He said, well, it will be time soon...maybe a week, maybe a month...but it will be soon...its time now if you decide...I did decide and I put my baby to sleep. Right there with my friend the Vet who gave him the shot and me, holding his head...He was just short of 15 years old....broke my heart... I didn't want him to go alone while I was at work...I wanted him to have me holding him for the end...so he wouldn't be afraid, so I was the last face he would see...not alone, scared, without me there...I wanted him to have me there with him, so he would always know I was always there...sad...sad...sad... My thoughts are with you that you make a decision you can live with...and my prayers are with you as I know, this is the hardest decision you will make...Thnking of you  |
| I've had to make this decision with 8 of my own guys, and when I was a vet tech, saw so many others with the same dilemma. Some animals make it very easy to know "when," and others are not so clear. I can't remember where I heard this advice, but I've found it to be very helpful, so I'll pass it on. Keep in mind three particular things that really mark a good quality of life for your furbaby. Those could be spending time in a favorite spot, or with a favorite toy or person, enjoying car rides, overall mobility, or many other things. Eating well is always one of the things I look for, especially if they start turning their nose up at a well-loved treat. You know him best, so you'll know what the important things are. As those three things go by the wayside, you'll know it's time, or very nearly. Or he may give you a very definitive sign that he is ready - and you'll know if that happens. Warm thoughts to you and Fred. |
| I have had to stand in your shoes twice. It was not easier the second time around. With our first, Merlin, I will be honest and say we waited longer than I think was kind. It had been a very difficult year for our family, for reasons that had nothing to do with Merlin's decline, as hard as that was. I still feel like he stuck around to help us through a very difficult time and waited to say goodbye to all the kids who came home for Christmas that year. In fact, he died at home, January 3, with me stroking him, on his own time. But the last year for him was rough, and increasingly so, although neither we nor the vet felt he had any pain. But he lost most of his mobility and all of the attendant issues. I was determined not to do that a second time, but it still was heart wrenching when we had to let Archie go. I think there is never a 'right' time and that it always hurts us. Many hugs to you. |
| I am so sorry you are at this crossroad...it is a very difficult place to be. I've been there a few times but the first time was the hardest. My first sheepie, Max, was absolutely the best dog, a total delight in every way. I worked long hours when I had him and he never, ever had an accident in the house. He wouldn't even eat if I was gone. He had bad hips from the time he was about 4 but we managed it and he had a good life with gentle exercise and meds. But as time went on, he had more and more hard times getting up and moving. Then one day I came home from work and he was lying in the bathroom on the tile floor in his own waste because he couldn't get up and could no longer control his bodily functions. He looked so sad. He was 13. It was the first time since he was just a baby that he had gone in the house and you could tell he hated it. I cleaned him up, laid him on a down comforter and slept on the floor next to him that night and promised him he would never have to suffer that kind of indignity again. I took him to the vet the next day and said goodbye. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. But as hard as it was, it was the right thing. You will know. Hugs to you and Fred. |
| We've had to go thru this many, many times. It's never the same. This past August we had to let Isaac go. Almost 13-1/2 years old. I never saw a dog who tried to keep up with his pack more than Issac. He kept up doing his regular routine right until the very end. Just a lot slower. He even would give me a soft bark to let me know he had to go outside. He ate every meal with gusto. But we could see his mobility declining daily. Arthritis in the lower back. He never lost a pound. He maintained his show weight of 95# right up to the very end. We had him on meds to help with the arthritis. I remember asking our vet if I was keeping him going too long. He said, "I can't tell you how much longer. Maybe a few weeks, maybe a couple more months. But one day, you will wake up & come down to the kennel & you will know it is time". And that's exactly what happened. The morning he woke me with his soft bark & I came down to help him up to go outside & he couldn't help me, I knew it was time. The look in his eyes told me. All my other dogs had a major medical issue at the end. Not that it made letting them go any easier but it was a bit more obviouse. Isaac was the 1st dog I had to let go due to mobility. My vet told me his saving grace thru the entire ordeal were his OFA excellent hips & his strong front. Those 2 things made him able to continue on longer. |
| I have lost loved ones from my parents, horses and dogs. It is always a difficult decision. When they stop doing what they enjoy then it is time."But sometimes he just looks sad and tired." that is a start If he stops wanting to eat and/or walk those are other signs. I have it in my heart that it is better to let your friend go a week early than a day late. I had a wonderful German Shepherd dog (you can read about bruiser in the bridge section) he had surgery over a year ago nov on his spine It was a lot of money and vet visits and therapy. Notto mention the miles I drove him to appointments.I had to carry him in and out express his bladder , clean him up and of course for 10 mos did physical therapy on him. He lost muscle mass but seemed to enjoy being in what ever room I was in We had dog beds all over the house and a cot type one on the porch I just put the harness on him and took him with me He had a couple UTI's that cleared with meds. His last week on earth he had another one but it did not clear he was peeing large clots and lots of blood He looked at me as if to say I cannot do this any more. We drove to the vet. I think your beloved boy will let you know when it is time and I think the time is nearing.You also have to help him make the decision. You are a loving dog owner to take such good care of him. I am sorry that you are nearing losing your friend. My thoughts are with you . Fred may you find peace when it is time . |
| you will just know, when he isnt happy, and doesnt want to eat, let him go with some dignity left and with you by his side, he wont feel any pain just know you are with him and he is loved...xxx |
| I am in the same boat with my Pearl. It is so hard to actually pull yourself away, and look at her to really see her through clear eyes, not through your heart. Pearl is doing good. (i think)..She is not a great eater, she is very very thin, but she is doing everything else the other dogs do.. She goes out to pee and poop, she stands in line for treats (when is she going to realize that she is ALWAYS first for the treats..and when is Heart going to realize she will ALWAYS be last?????  )In all honesty, she slips on the hardwood floors, she stumbles down the outside steps at times..Her back leg muscles are almost nonexsistant...I can she her stiffness when she tries to get up, she sleeps...VERY soundly..There are times when I come home, Coz and Heart are barking and Pearl is on her tuffet, sleeping, not hearing any of the commotion. She is not on any meds. She hates going to the vet and at 15, I decided not to stress her out. So, I am watching her and hoping, praying that she will tell me...or...I will just know ...each day is a gift~~~ |
| Thank you all for your advice and for sharing your experiences. I do know the answer and what will need to be done when the time comes. It just really helps to communicate with others who have gone through this or are also currently going through this. I think what I am doing is preparing myself, on some inner level, emotionally and mentally, for what the future holds. Today is a good day for Fred. He looks at me as to say.....I think I am going to stay around a little bit more, and I look back at him and think .....you can stay as long as you want to. I still remember the day I went to the SPCA to possibly adopt him. After visiting him for awhile, I stood in the parking lot for what seemed forever and thought to myself .....do I really want to go through the heartbreak of losing another dog. At that time I was just getting over the death of my beloved dog Henry. I also remember thinking to myself......well that time is far off in the future and you will deal with it then. Funny how quickly time has passed by. Fred and I are fortunate to have a good vet who will not give up on him until he tells her and me that it is time. And if I have to make that final decision and help him cross, I will stay with him until he draws his last breath and then stay with him awhile longer. So for now I will consider every day a gift. We will continue to do the things he likes to do. I am going to dwell on only the positive and take each day as it comes. It is funny no matter how I try to rationalize that death is not a bad thing.........he will be going to a wonderful place free of any pain, sorrow, etc or he will just go to sleep and sleeping is not bad............it still is going to be tough to say goodbye to my friend. To those who have recently experienced this or who are currently going throught the same experience my thoughts and prayers are with you. Thanks again ........gotta go.........Fred is barking for his dinner. |
| When we were at our decision point with Max, we took him to the vet for one last check-up, fully expecting to say goodbye at that visit. We talked at length with the vet, then sat in the room alone with Max for a while. Hubby and I finally looked at each other and said, "Not today. It may be tomorrow, but we know it's not today." Every day after that we "listened" to him and our hearts carefully, to see if it was "today." Max stayed with us for just one more week, before letting us know it really was time. I've always been glad we had that extra week of love and affection.  to you and Fred. |
| Hi, I think its a question all of us dread and all of us will find ourselves in at one point in their lives. We just don't like to dwell on it. Then the thoughts slips into our minds when our furkids age. We can't deny the old age affirmities that we see, diminishing eyesight, hearing loss, arthritis and loss of mobility, incontinence and lack of appetite. It's then we question the quality of life. Most of us can live with the soiling but it also depends on how your dog appears to view this. As their caregivers we know them best. Some can live with this while others appear mortified they have had an accident. With other individuals, the loss of mobility is the factor as they appear sad while some just keep plugging away as if they are fighting it. I wrote about Shaggy's passing (one of my first post many years ago) Hers was a good death as is referred in some cultures. She was surrounded by those she loved, said goodbye to us all, saw my face last while I held her. I remember seeing my reflection in her eyes and knew she saw my tears and my love for her. 6 months prior I had found her in a heep at the bottom of the stairs, unable to get up. Somehow the babygate at the top of the stairs became loose. I called the vet and rushed her in. Hating the fact this was how her life was to end. At the vets I placed her onto the carpet while I checked in. She got up!! The vet said she's telling us it's not her time and it wasn't. Months later, I knew it was the right time as although she had good days and bad for 6 months I just "KNEW" by the look in her eyes and I've always felt at peace with her passing. I thought the same with Ole Blue and the numerous others that I've brought in for their final goodbyes. It's the hardest thing to do but one done out of love. I've mentioned a few times on this board over the years about a poem that I find myself reading and re-reading when I need the strength to follow through. It's called "When I grow old". You will find the strength and knowledge when it's the right time. Marianne |
| It's been awhile since we have seen you here, know we are thinking of you and fred, been through it a couple of times, even asked the question here 2 years ago. No one can let you know, the old saying, you in your own heart will know when as you know your baby better then anyone else. Over the years I've only lost one sheepie naturally, he went to bed, was elderly and did not wake up in the morning at that golden oldie era, the rest was prompting from family to me, to say it's time and yes finally my decision, delayed probably as I had a hard time realising it and still looking at them through rose coloured glasses, we are talking 14 plus here. All mine ate till the end so I cant say that is a sign, what you have to look at is "IS the Quality of everyday existence still there". When it is not for fred then you know it's time. Hugs to you both, thankyou for loving fred so much and again only you know your sweet golden oldie prince better then anyone else and when you think it is right, it will be then, never second guess yourself as to when. One of the most hardest decisions we ever have to make out of love for our fur babies. |
| as everyone stated...it is different for everyone...but just losing panda, the only thing i can tell you without being smarmy is...you just know.. |
| my line dancing teacher rescues setters. She has 3 at the moment, the eldest is very old. Last time I spoke to her she was thinking of taking him to the vets. His back legs let him down, and he was wetting in the house, but was still eating and wagging his tail. I hardly dare ask her this afternoon if she still had Tarka, but I did. She says since the central heating has been put on he dozes under the radiator and it is just like having an elderly relative staying . She says he is happy at the moment, so she is pleased she is having extra time with him.... |
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