Welcome to the Pearly Gates. How Did You Die?
St. Peter turns to the first man and asks him to explain the circumstances of his death. The first man began his story. "THERE I WAS, on the balcony of my 3rd floor apartment in Manhattan. I had been exercising on the balcony when I noticed that a light bulb had gone out in the overhead fixture. I got a bulb from the kitchen and went to replace it. I got up on the patio table and I guess I was still a little sweaty from my workout because I slipped on the table. "As I started to fall I was able to grab a hold of the wrought iron railing with one hand and then I was able to get both hands on the railing. Just as I started to pull myself back up I feel someone grab my ankles and start to pull me down. I struggled and struggled but he just kept yanking and yelling until I lost my grip and fell to the ground. "Amazingly, I struck the first floor awning on the way down, and while I was badly hurt I was still able to move. Just as I was starting to get up a refrigerator came out of nowhere and crushed me to death." St. Peter said: "Oh my. That is truly a horrific and sudden way to die. You are admitted," turning to the second man he continued: "and how did you come to meet your maker?" "THERE I WAS," the second man began. "I had suspected that my wife was cheating on me. So I came home early to catch her in the act. I came up into our 2nd floor apartment and I found my wife lying naked in the bed. I just knew she had just been with a man, and I began to search the place. I searched and searched but I could not find the bastard. Then I went out on the balcony and I saw him, trying to make his escape by climbing up to the next floor. "I grabbed a hold of his ankles and yelled at him to get down here and face me like a man. But he kept holding on. I pulled and I pulled until he couldn't hold on any longer and he fell nearly three floors. "But the lucky SOB hit the awning on his way down and he was still alive. I was so angry I ran to the kitchen and got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony onto him. I felt so guilt for what I had done that I begged God for forgiveness and flung myself off the balcony, falling two stories and hitting my head on the refrigerator. Next thing I know I'm here." St. Peter was AGHAST! Composing himself and pointing to the first man, he said: "having already heard this man's story he obviously wasn't having an affair with your wife, and murder is not acceptable in any case and neither is suicide. But your ultimate act of contrition alone makes you a potential admittee, so you may spend some time in Purgatory before a final decision is rendered." Turning to the final man he asked about the nature of his demise. "THERE I WAS," the man began: "minding my own business, sitting naked in a refrigerator, and..."  |
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Haha!  |
| One of my favorite stories over the last couple of decades. I love telling this one, and I always change some of the details on the fly to make it more challenging for me in the telling. |
I'm sick today.... so it took me a second to figure out WHY the guy was sitting naked in the frig, but ai connected all the dots, and here is my belated laugh.....    |
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