I need your impute
I am feeling like I failed again, he did get to smell him in the car so knows he came home and he laid in the window and watched until he saw me put him in the grave so maybe that is enough. I hope so. This is the first time we've ever been able to bring a pet home and wish the vet's office would tell you things like this before hand. |
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| Oh dear. I think she was a little out of line, but, that is just my opinion. I am sure she was just trying to help, but, that could be upsetting and I am sure you are upset enough. I think you did what was best for your pups, and I am sure whether he got to say goodbye directly or indirectly, that he will miss his friend.... You will need to give extra special attention so he doesn't get lonely, but, I think that he smelled what was going on and he knows. Whatever you chose to do, you need to believe was the right thing... Take time to grieve and give extra love and support to Butch.  |
what you did was right for you. Do not feel guilty.  My heart goes out to you and your family. I have never brought a deceased pet home for burial. It isn't allowed in the burbs here, unless you sneak it somehow. Anyway, the day I brought Gracie home after being diagnosed with cancer, I snuggled her on her pillow and told her how much I loved her etc. While she was snuggled in my arms, Abbey came over and laid her head on top of Gracies and stayed for a while. Oliver watched from a distance. Grace moved from her pillow to Abbey's and on to Olivers. She finally layed down in front of the stairway and shortly after, she passed away. I never had a pet pass at home before. I am glad Gracie made the decision to go. The next day taking her to the vet was devastating. Our last ride together and I held her paw all the way.  My point is whatever decision is made is the right one. Nobody else can make it for you. Animals grieve too and I have actually seen dogs cry. These kind of situations are tough enough without someone second guessing your decision which is always a 'Love Decision'. Again, my condolences.Nancy |
| Sounds to me like what you did was very respectful and compassionate for both of your dogs. I am not sure the dying dog wants the interaction but I am sure that the living dog understands that he is gone, especially since you were able to bury him. Don't second guess yourself. You know your dogs and you did what you thought was best for both of them. You have my sympathies for your loss. |
| dont feel guilty --- animals has this unique ability to sense when one is about to pass long before it happens. I'll never forget when my Aussie, Rugby was ill - at the time my 2 cats, and cocker would sit with him outside - it was so strange because my cats hated him - they looked very peaceful together. Rugby end up passing 2 days later. Im sure Butch already said goodbye in his own way. No one can prepare anyone to say goodbye. So sorry for your loss. |
| Butch will grieve and be upset by the change no matter how you handled it, and I think you made the best decisions. Butch will feel a little bit better in a few days, and so will you. |
| Thank you all for your kind responses. We are working thru this and Butch knew tripper was sick, Tripper even cuddled with him at times and would never do that before. I think he understands and he's been getting plenty of attention. We took him to the pet store in town and he got a new toy that he's really being gentle with so far. We've also been taking him out with us so he can wander and run he's, been over by the spot a few times so maybe he senses he's there. |
| oh bless, it doesnt always work, different pets react differently. When our first oes cross had to be pts, we took her home and layed her in the back room. The then yorkie we had went running in and sniffed her and started to scratch her to get her up. She sniffed her as she smelt of the vets but then just walked away. She wasn't upset. She didnt really look for her she seemed to sense that she was very ill and accepted it. My first 2 yorkies were about the same age and when the smallest had to be pts, the other one was upset. She slept on my pillow for a couple of weeks and wouldnt stay in the house by herself. After about 6 weeks she came round and was just about normal. Hugs to you and all your family. Be kind to yourselves and dont worry about what others believe, you did what was right for you..xx |
| When my 2 cats passed in December I was at loss- do I let the dogs "say good bye" when we get them home, or do we just burry them? I didn't know what to expect, didn't want something really awful to happen, so I quietly buried them in the yard. The dogs and cats were never friends. But the night before each one went to the vet, only to never return home, I caught Tonks cuddling each of them and each cat accepting the affection as they never had in the past. My over-bearing, hyper monster of a herding dog who LIVED to chase the cats sat with both of my cats on their last night at home. It was the moment I went "oh my gosh, the cat is dying". Tonks knew, and she said her good bye while each cat was still alive. Its one of the sweetest things I've ever seen her do. Meanwhile Luna, who the cats were always much more "okay" with steered clear of the cats in the end. Almost like it was too hard to see her little fluffy toys dying. The cats died a month apart from each other. The second cat spent that last month of life sleeping on anything her that smelled of her sister- mostly the sweater I wore to the vet the day she was pts. I wonder if I should have taken her with me to the vet when her sister was pts, but I can't help but think that it would have made a very difficult decision so much harder. I've since gotten rid of most of their beds and toys- I couldn't stand to look at them. But Tonks and Luna keep one cat toy that they hide from me. They pulled it out of the trash (and my girls do not take things out of the garbage) and now move it around the house lest I see it and try and throw it away. The damned thing stinks of cat urine, but I let them keep it. It obviously means a lot to them. I think its going to be a unique situation with each pet, and I like to think that Tonks and Luna each handled it how they wanted, before I took the cats to be put to sleep. |
| I just don't think that there is a wrong way or a right way to say goodbye, to a beloved pet or a beloved person. All you can do now is to try to support each other as you all grieve in your own way. |
| You do what is best for you at that moment. Since moving here we've always let the dogs say goodby to the deceased, but try to keep the action private. The last time was with Fox and while the other dogs were around, they stayed away. Then afterwards one or two sniffed, the others didnt bother. I do believe they understand death and of course separation but since they live in the moment, the loss of a buddy is still hard. Don't beat yourself up, it is hard enough without having regrets. Live in the remeberences of all the good times. |
| I remember when we put Pooh into the van for the trip to the vet to say good bye. Since Pooh was over 100 lbs, my son and husband had him in a blanket and put him into the back of the van where I rode laying next to him the 40 miles petting him along the way. I am convinced Pooh knew what was happening because he gave my son such a look that I have never seen on his dog face in the 12 years we had him. He just stared at my son as if he was saying goodbye and was memorizing his face. He knew my husband and I would be making the trip with him and not Ben. I just broke down because it was a look I never saw before....he looked at peace. |
| I think everyone else has said it well. Different animals different responses. You did what was right and things would most likely be no different even if you had done it differently. Many people assume that what they would want is what their pet would want and that's not always the case. |
| I think Tripper knew what was going on too and seemed to be at peace with it. This is just such a terrible time and not knowing if you did things the right way just makes it worse. Since I've never had this option before I just didn't think about it. Butchy is certainly the velcro dog right now but they are anyway and seems to be settling in a little more. We'll all get thru it but boy it hurts. |
I'm sure she was only trying to help, not make you feel bad, or that you did something wrong.  I've had every possible combination happen with pet deaths here - dying peacefully at home, dying not-so peacefully at home , going into the vet and not coming back, as well as burials at home.My other pets have all dealt pretty decently with it no matter what way it goes. |
ICH wrote: I think Tripper knew what was going on too and seemed to be at peace with it. This is just such a terrible time and not knowing if you did things the right way just makes it worse. There is no right or wrong way. There's just each individual situation, and the only thing in common is that it's always hard, no matter what, and so we each do our best to cope and that's all that really matters. I'm very sorry about Tripper Kristine |
| I don't think that you did anything wrong at all. When Taylor was near the end she was going quick and I had my cousin who is a vet tech come to the house to give her the meds. Dexter was by her side and he was still depressed for weeks after. It didn't seem to help him to "see her or say good-bye to her". when my mare suddenly got sick we took her to Cornell. It was fast and my other mare only got anxious when the trailer came back empty since she was now alone in the pasture. She calmed right down when I brought a friends horse over to keep her company. It is NOT the saying good-bye or not; it is how do they handle being solo or do they have others around them to help with the absent buddy. You handled it how it was best for you and your family and that is what counts. |
got sheep wrote: I'm sure she was only trying to help, not make you feel bad, or that you did something wrong. . I'm sure of that too, I like her very much it just wasn't what I was expecting and I guess maybe I over reacted, but again thanks to all of you. |
| Honestly that lady was sooo incredibly wrong in telling you, what you did was wrong for your pet. In grieving you and only you know whats best. She honestly should have been a little more sensitive about the whole thing and maybe just kept her mouth shut. I would have wigged if someone told me something like that. Only YOU know whats right for your family. When my Indo died, It really didnt affect Ritz (Ritz was only 6-7 mo old) but my oldest doggy gideon didn't play and just kinda layed there for 2-3 months. Indo and Gideon were together for 5 years. He didn't start to come out of it til we brought Lily home. |
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