Dear God... (from the Dog)
dear God (from the DOG)...... Dear God: Is it on purpose our names are the same, only reversed? Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story? Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'? Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog? Dear God: Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please. Grains are not good for me...make me obese. Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize? Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog. 1. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it up. 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just because I like the way they smell. 3. The litter box is not a cookie jar. 4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. 5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad 's underwear when he's on the toilet. 7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello.' 8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight-up when I'm under the coffee table. 9. I must shake rainwater out of my fur before entering the house. 10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet. 11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch. 12. OK...the cat is not a 'squeaky toy.' P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back? |
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| I must be a very bad dog-parent..... Our sofa IS a face towel, and I just accept it.  The dogs are not only welcome on the sofa, but its the place we tell them to go, to leave the cats alone. I let the dogs bark for several minutes, before brining them into the house. The neighbor's dogs all bark all day, why can't mine get some of that out of their systems too? I don't mind so much if they eat the cat's food after its been puked up, or before. I just want the cat to get a chance at it first. I don't correct the crotch hello- instead I wonder what it is they are smelling. Do my friends have extra good undies? Have they bathed recently with really yummy soap? Is someone in the midst of an amorous time with someone else I know?  I invite the dogs to say "hi" tot he mailman. Our usual guy is pretty okay with it. |
Darth Snuggle wrote: I must be a very bad dog-parent..... Our sofa IS a face towel, and I just accept it. The dogs are not only welcome on the sofa, but its the place we tell them to go, to leave the cats alone. I let the dogs bark for several minutes, before brining them into the house. The neighbor's dogs all bark all day, why can't mine get some of that out of their systems too? I don't mind so much if they eat the cat's food after its been puked up, or before. I just want the cat to get a chance at it first. I don't correct the crotch hello- instead I wonder what it is they are smelling. Do my friends have extra good undies? Have they bathed recently with really yummy soap? Is someone in the midst of an amorous time with someone else I know? I invite the dogs to say "hi" tot he mailman. Our usual guy is pretty okay with it. If you are a bad parent then so am I--mine enjoy most of the above-- I just keep frebreeze freshner handy for the sofa when company is expected-- I just thought his was cute-- |
HA HA HA  I need that laugh today! Thank you!My dogs also get to do most of the above. We use a sheet over the couch, do not have a cat and they bark their heads off as long as its not too early in the morning! But, sorry, no way they are getting their testicles back  |
| Dh was asking me what I was laughing about. It was not playing tug of war with dad's undies...still laughing as I'm typing this. |
GREAT~~~ I am still laughing!!!!! |
| Yup, another bad parent here. |
Simon's Mom wrote: Dh was asking me what I was laughing about. It was not playing tug of war with dad's undies...still laughing as I'm typing this. Me too, was reading aloud and just found out that one is true  Hysteria here!! |
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