Legal questions about guardianship
or advice. We took in a child over a year ago who was in a horrible situation. His step mother left the home with her kids after an "incident" and the child- "Chip" asked to live with us. The first thing we did was go to the police and tell them what happened, that stepmom left, and where he would be staying. He only had 6 months till he was 18 and the police told us there really wasn't anything the dad could do unless he chose to take legal action with a lawyer. So fastforward a few months and of course the stepmom returned to the home(so sad). Ok, so today "Chip" went on a 3 day journalism trip with school. His dad finds out he went, calls the school and raises holy heck. The principal is furious that I signed the permission paper, and is now planning to punish "Chip" when he returns. This could mean suspension (or worse). I realize this may put the school in a situation, but this is really unfair to the child. This trip was really important to him. I feel so helpless. I cannot afford a lawyer. We are 5 people living on one below average income. Things are really tight. This is a temporary situation I realize, but I really need to do something so at least "Chip" has continued stability. I really don't want him to worry about this. He really has enough to deal with. BTW his Mother is nice but lives on the other coast- and we have a bit of a language barrier. She tries very hard, but isn't much in the picture because of the dad. She is aware of everything that has gone on, and knows he went on the trip. I know this has been long and boring, but you guys are all I've got. I really didn't know where else to turn. I love "Chip" like my own child, and I will not let him down. What can I do? Can the school punish him? Does his dad have legal grounds to do anything? How can I keep this from getting worse? Shellie |
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| You can call your state's bar association and ask if they have any "hotlines" and talk to an attorney. We have a few in Illinois regarding various issues and they are free, run by attorneys, and can help when you just need some advice. Right now you don't have guardianship, so I would caution you to be careful about what you do and what authorities you take with Chip. I would also look into emancipation proceedings in your state to see if Chip can be on his own a few months early. As for the school, they can do whatever they want in terms of punishment. I would write a calm letter explaining the situation, apologizing and asking for them to not take it out on Chip. **This is not legal advice!** Good luck. |
| So is he actually 18 now? Or not yet? |
| He IS 18 and has been since the begining of the school year. That's where all the confusion comes from. I can't get guardianship because he is 18 and not impaired. Shellie |
| Also I should tell you that the school has know the situation from the start. I have been open and honest about all of this with everyone. The father and stepmother have NEVER once tried to contact me; by phone, by mail -nothing. He is a very violent man and I've had no desire to call them. Honestly, I'm afraid to. My goal all along has been to show "Chip" that most families aren't that way, that we love him unconditionally, and that he can trust us. As you might guess, he has issues. Shellie |
| Shellie what is the "Legal Audlt Age" there? Just wondering as here once a child turns 18 there classed as an adult. Is there any way he can divorce his parents, I keep thinking of the movie "Kramer Vs Kramer" with the help of a free legal service? Here we also have that for certain cirumstances. My heart goes out to you all and super big hugs for being there for Chip, I hope it works out OK and the school does not take any action because of a neglectfull, agro dad and wayward stepmom.  Keep fighting and may it all settle soon, I hope there at 18 he can make his own choices and if that is the case tell his old man where to go and remain settled with you.  |
| Legal age is 18 here too. Why the school is doing this - I'm not sure. It has something to do with the dad. The dad collects child support for at least other 2 kids (who also live elsewhere) and is currently trying to get back support of $10K on "Chip". We checked into getting back some of the hundreds he took out of the child's bank account before he was 18, but the bank was helpless there. We opened an account for him and decided to start fresh and let everything else go. We put it all behind us just to move on, and now this. Shellie |
| Here is my disclaimer as well: This is NOT legal advice, simply anecdotal experience. In Delaware (as of 1980, unless it has changed), any student aged 18 was considered an adult, and could sign their own excuses, permission slips, etc. Because of this, at a time when my parents were away for a medical emergency during my senior year, I was able to "excuse" myself for a sick day without penalty or question. Since "Chip" is 18, it is possible - possible - he might have the same privilege. I agree, you need to contact a legal hotline, and find out what is applicable to your particular situation. It is great that you are trying to do the right thing for "Chip." Just remember to protect yourself as well. Good luck! |
| I didn't realize he was 18 already, sorry. I would say look at the school's handbook, look at village ordinances, and state laws. |
| shellie, did you try a state legal hotline? let me know,maybe i can help. |
Guest wrote: shellie, did you try a state legal hotline? let me know,maybe i can help. You might have to provide a hint as to your identity... |
| What about "Chip" contact a Child's Lawyer? They can assist in helping him make his own decisions as to how much involvement his father has in his life and how much you have too. The lawyer may be able to calm things down at the school. I always thought the goal was to keep kids in school, strange how 'suspension' = stay home play x-box.  I am not sure at what age the cut off is for the Child's Lawyer, it may vary state to state. peg |
| Well I did try to get legal help, but it is harder to come by than one might think. I really can't pay for it, but if the worst comes I will have to. "Chip" did talk to the prinicipal by phone on friday. He is perfectly willing to take any punishment he gets, it far beats having to go to his father for anything. He has asked me to go with him to see his father. I know he is very nervous about it and has already put it off a day. He wants to tell his father in a calm way to let him alone for now. We must talk about this before we go, but we'll see what happens. His Grandma called today and we could hear his dad yelling at her in the backround. What a gem this guy is, putting his own sick mother up to calling his child. I will be speaking to the principal tomorrow, but I think at this point it's a CYA thing for the school. He needs to be able to tell the father that "Chip" is being punished. That man didn't give two craps where his son was for over a year, until he saw a chance to cause trouble. Anyway, I think we're good for now. Unless the fool does anything more to ruin this poor child's life.... We only have 2 more months till he is done with school and then he can remove this man from his life. Right now that seems like a very long time! Thanks guys - if anything else comes up I will update. Shellie |
| I have no advice to offer but wanted to wish you and Chip all the best. It sounds like such a horrible situation to be in and one that must make you all feel frustrated to say the least. I guess holding onto the 2 more months thought is a good thing at this point. Kind of a "this too shall pass" stess reliever. Chip is so lucky to have you guys helping him with all this. |
| shellie, please update if there are any more problems or complications.thanks for doing all that you have and are doing for chip, not ever an easy task. i grew up with alot of landsharks, they're not all as bad as their reputation. one of my better friends had a miserable childhood, i believe he'll be willing to assist pro bono with chip. he's never forgotten to give back.  i can always pm you if u need help. that way i can remain the unknown guest.  |
| I can't believe how supportive you all have been. You guys are so Great! I am really hoping this situation clears itself up tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. We have been through so much in the last year with all these boys. Sometimes I really feel like we're making headway and he's moving forward and some days it's just really hard. I admit I am starting to get a little nervous about the dad thing tomorrow, but I will do my best. I don't know how "Chip" is turning out the way he is - it's certainly against all odds. When all the legal stuff is over I'll tell a little more about him. Really a great kid! For so long now, with everything that has happened, I have been clinging the thought that this was the right thing to do and that he needed us. I hope I have done the right thing and for the right reasons. I will update tomorrow - I know I'll have something to share.... Thanks so much everyone! Shellie |
| Good vibes being sent your way today Shellie. Hopefully it will go well! |
| Good luck today. |
Hope all goes well or at least as well as possible.  |
| Well here's the news. Yesterday the dad started with the preemptive intimidation texts before "Chip" even got out of school. I can't believe the things this guy says to his own son. I cannot wrap my head around how utterly ridiculous this 'man' is. (I'm using the term very loosely.) Pages and pages of texts, some threatening. Of course we are keeping these FFR. I wonder if the dad could get nailed for harassment once school is out?? So long story short, "Chip" says why bother, I'm never going to get through to him especially when he's already combative. So we didn't go through with it. I am a bit worried though. "Chip" isn't home yet- it's 5:50. It's very unlike him to not let me know where he is. I trust him though and I'm sure there's a good reason he hasn't called. I am just a bit worried that it may have something to do with the dad. Just waiting... Shellie |
| I hope things all work out. It is a wonderful thing you have done/tried to do for Chip: provide a stable, loving home. It does seem to me that legally, the father has no hold on Chip, since he is 18. Emotionally--that's another thing altogether. And in many ways, so much more binding. |
| Chip had a good point, he was unlikely to get anywhere with his father while he was in that mood. Has everything settled down now. Did Chip get home ok? |
| This issue has me puzzled. I couldn't understand why the father would have a say at all, if Chip is 18 years old. In looking at a few websites, and googling "age of majority Pennsylvania", it seems that 21, not 18, is the age of majority in PA for school related issues. "Special education" was mentioned, but I couldn't tell if this age of majority applies only to the developmentally disabled, or to all students. (I think it applies to all.) It looks as though Chip himself would have to apply to be emancipated, but there are certain conditions that have to be met, though he probably meets them. Hope this all gets sorted out quickly. Laurie and Oscar |
| Sorry! Yes he did get home ok- it was nothing. This is the first time he's done that. Anyway, we checked into getting him emancipated way back before he moved here and he couldn't do it. There are certain criteria you have to meet, and then ultimately it's up to the judge. The whole 18 but still in school thing presents a host of questions that I can't find hard answers for. It all seems to be one huge grey area that's up for interpretation depending on who you ask. Then there is the age of majority- which is often only referred to when a sexual relationship is involved, and the handicap angle comes up when sex isn't in the issue. I am so confused. Hopefully this is all behind us once school is over. I can tell you I am already planning the graduation party! It's going to be one huge bash - my son is graduating as well so it will be a big twofer! Good thing they are such great friends. It was hard at first for my son to share his family, but we've learned a lot and come a long way. We're ok for now. Shellie |
Shellove  |
| ^^^^^ Ditto, shellie your an angel for chip. Glad he got home too  With a crazy dad like that the worry must of been awfull with all sorts of things going through your mind  Enjoy both boys graduation and start of there new life experiences & journeys and PARTY HARD you all deserve it. |
| Shelly, Chip can go to the local Legaid Society as he is 18 and not self supporting. He should be able to get legal advise for free. You as well can apply for legal aid. They number should be in your local phone book or call the Bar association in your County. This is America and everyone has a right to lawyer and if you cannot afford to hire your own, one will be appointed for you. Its one of the sections in what is called the Miranda warnings and its a right you have. Call your Legal Aid society. |
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