My husband is on my last nerve.
Jerk. He has gotten really cranky lately. Maybe a delayed reaction to his Dad's passing-- or-- maybe he is just turing into a @ss.  |
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| That stinks. Are you sure there isn't some issue with your finances that he hasn't mentioned? |
Valerie wrote: That stinks. Are you sure there isn't some issue with your finances that he hasn't mentioned? No-- his mood comes and goes, depending on how much is in our saving account. It is lower than he likes, and he contributes that to MY spending--- buying for the kids, the new pool, etc... Of course I contribute too-- but, that doesn't seem to count today. And yes it does- stink. |
| I send my sympathies. I went through a similiar thing with my hubby a few years back. Because he never purchases for the household, he saw all his purchases as his (which they were....lunches during the week and car stuff). This was not as much as "my" purchases (which included stuff just for me, but also groceries, household items, paying the bills, etc). We fought about it for a long time, until I laid down the law and gave two options... Option #1 - He takes over fifty percent of the household purchases/responsibilities. Option #2 - He realizes that there are "his" purchases, "her" purchases, and "our" purchases...and then keeps his tongue in check. (The phrase shut the @!#@$ up about may have been used...)  We also sat down and looked at a month's worth of stuff...sure enough he decided that groceries did count as "our" purchases as HE EATS TOO! And he never has to cook it either. The same realization came for the bills too. Basically my clothes, books, etc were LESS than his lunches out and car parts. Go figure. Once we separated things I wasn't really a villain after all. There were other issues, too, and he was diagnosed with depression. We've been through a lot of meds and ups and downs (right now it's going well). I offer my support to you. I've been there, and it totally sucks. Here's hoping that, during a calmer moment, you two can have a good, clarifying talk and come up with a PLAN to work together on the money concerns (if they are in fact there) AND his approach to dealing with them. |
Thanks Tracie! He has always been more frugal than I am with certain things--- grocery shopping, clothes, those kind of items. HOWEVER, he will drop $1000 dollars at the drop of a hat on golf clubs, farm equiptment, landscaping.... We have always had an agreement that when the accounts were at a certain level, we were ok, and free to spend a bit more, or, if they were going the other way, cut back and get things back to a "comfort" level. All of a sudden, that comfort level increased in his mind, with no warning, and now, I need to "cut" back. Although, after his hissy fit tonight, he comes in the house from working outside and says "If you don't want to cook, I'll go get something". Go figure that one out. I ate cereal and he can drink water for dinner for all I care tonight.  |
| Sorry your going through this Lori. Maybe he's depressed? I always say that me and my husband have a little different relationship. He has his money and I have mine. I work, and he gives me money also. So whatever financial issues we have are really our own fault. It works for us. My husband likes to by big toys unfortunately. Hope things get better, try and talk it out. Lisa and Frankie |
| I'm sorry you're not in harmony at this particular moment. |
| Lori, We go through it too. I would bet it is a combination of depression and the economy. When we decided to take some drastic steps and I let it be his decision he was a bit better. He also has a very high stress 24/7 job. Hang in there and force him to talk it out. It has been very hard with my passive/aggressive hubby but we are getting better. You can too. |
| Well I can speak from years of experience...35 to be exact. My husband has always been frugal (it's in his personality) and I have always been more giving and money isn't that important to me. Even after we got to a point where we had money in savings and kids grown...he still is reluctant to spend. We have had many a fight over spending...we finally choose to accept that we were different...he will never reach a comfort zone and I will always feel okay about the finances. He doesn't blame me or fuss when I spend now but I can tell it still bothers him. I guess we have just accepted that this is the way it is and we stopped trying to change the other. I still wish he could spend more and give easily gifts to those he loves but well...it's just not him. I focus more on his other great qualities which are so many and just can't imagine life without him. As I said...this comes after 35 years and our turning point in a positive way was to stop blaming one another or trying to change each other and focus on the good things we do and give to each other. His most enduring qualities are that he takes such good care of everyone and has the patience of a saint...he is so easy to live with most of the time and of course most important...he loves me. Hang in there and maybe it's not you he is upset with but just needs to vent...I know sometimes I just need to let off steam and then I'm better...I know my husband doesn't like it when I do but he lets me and has learned to realize it's not personal. |
lhall15 wrote: Well I can speak from years of experience...35 to be exact. My husband has always been frugal (it's in his personality) and I have always been more giving and money isn't that important to me. Even after we got to a point where we had money in savings and kids grown...he still is reluctant to spend. We have had many a fight over spending...we finally choose to accept that we were different...he will never reach a comfort zone and I will always feel okay about the finances. He doesn't blame me or fuss when I spend now but I can tell it still bothers him. I guess we have just accepted that this is the way it is and we stopped trying to change the other. I still wish he could spend more and give easily gifts to those he loves but well...it's just not him. I focus more on his other great qualities which are so many and just can't imagine life without him. As I said...this comes after 35 years and our turning point in a positive way was to stop blaming one another or trying to change each other and focus on the good things we do and give to each other. His most enduring qualities are that he takes such good care of everyone and has the patience of a saint...he is so easy to live with most of the time and of course most important...he loves me. Hang in there and maybe it's not you he is upset with but just needs to vent...I know sometimes I just need to let off steam and then I'm better...I know my husband doesn't like it when I do but he lets me and has learned to realize it's not personal. This sounds so much like John... I guess after 33 years, I wish he would lighten up a bit, and just roll with life when it comes to finances. I hate to pay bills with him--- it is such a big production. When I do it myself, I write out the darn checks, put a stamp on them- and mail them. When he does it-- my Lord In Heaven. Looks at every little detail of things-- compares electric usage from the month before-- phone usage. It makes me sick to my stomach. I hope this passes-. He is a gem in all other ways-- GRRR. |
| lori, when the opportunity arrises, maybe remind john how important health and happiness is vs money. from a reformed type a who now enjoys all the lil things in life.  |
| Sounds familiar--drives me crazy when he looks for 27 cents for hours when balancing the checkbook!! I haven't balanced a checkbook in years--just go on line and check the balances and the things that have cleared. A very wise person one time said to me: (excuse me guys--this is for the girls) "most all men are exactly alike--God just gave them different faces so we could recognize which one is ours".   Yep I said that about sums it up! |
sheepiezone wrote: Sounds familiar--drives me crazy when he looks for 27 cents for hours when balancing the checkbook!! I haven't balanced a checkbook in years--just go on line and check the balances and the things that have cleared. A very wise person one time said to me: (excuse me guys--this is for the girls) "most all men are exactly alike--God just gave them different faces so we could recognize which one is ours". Yep I said that about sums it up! Oh now, that cracked me up!!! He came home last night-- as sweet as punch---- like the night before didn't even happen. Is there a male version of Sybil? |
Abuckie wrote: Oh now, that cracked me up!!! He came home last night-- as sweet as punch---- like the night before didn't even happen. Is there a male version of Sybil? No. But there IS such a thing as male menopause...   Kristine |
| I sincerely send my sympathies, But we could send him over to S. Korea to live with Norm in his Apartment! I've only been begging him to get a new roommate for 3 years now. I love him dearly but i know when he does FINALLY come back home, after his warehouse management/ being a spy or whatever he does (I've started to wonder over the years ow) he will be on my last nerves i am sure. It's soooo hared to relinquish all the duties when they move back.......  |
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