Dads in hospital
My dad came home this morning complaining of chest pains. So my sister whom lives with him took him to the hospital. My dad is 82 my mom passed away about 6 years ago and my oldest sister lives with him. The blood work shows that my dad had a heart attack, but to what extent they don't know. Come to find out he has had kidney problems for about 6 years. His yearly blood work comes back border line kindey failure. The tests come back the same every year. They want to do a heart cath tomorrow but the did tell him because of his kidney problems the dye in the catheter could damage his kidneys and he would have to be on dialysis for the rest of his life. So my oldest sister and my dad have decided he's not going to do anything. His doctor will be in tomorrow to see him. He will ask about medication to help but thats all he's willing to do. Right now he is getting heprin, and nitro glycerin. I'm the baby in the family by 16 years, but I just was talking on the phone to my dad and I just don't understand. Wouldn't you want to live longer, by finding the blockage and fixing it? I know I'm being selfish, I know dad wouldn't want to be on dialysis for the rest of his life, but what if it doesn't effect him that way. What if he finds out what the problem is and fixes it? I don't have alot of friends, and am not really close to my sisters. I just had to get this off of my chest. Lisa and Frankie |
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So sorry you are having to go through this.  Regardless of age it's hard to let a parent go or see them go through such a serious illness. We went through something similar with my FIL, although he had cancer and wanted to refuse treatments. He eventually agreed because it was what the rest of the family wanted.Just being there for him and supporting whatever decision he makes is very important. Maybe his doctor will come up with another course of treatment or make him feel more comfortable about the surgery? Sending  to you. |
| I am sorry that you are going through this with your dad. I know how hard it is to see our parents face serious health issues and sometimes, to make decisions we might not agree with. Many, many, many hugs sent your way. Is it possible for you to be present at the next doctor appointment? Maybe ask what sorts of therapies might be helpful for your dad? It might well be that his health issues can best be managed by careful monitoring and medication. Maybe some lifestyle adjustments, like diet? I know you love your dad very much and I know how scared you must be at the thought of losing him one second before you must. One of the most important issues for your dad will be to make sure he is as healthy and as comfortable as possible, as long as possible. I know that your love and support will go a long way to helping your dad. Please keep us posted and know that thoughts and prayers are being sent your way. |
| Lisa, I'm sorry for you, your family......and your father. But please realize he is taking a serious look at his future life. The more he fails, the more burden it puts on the family. He is or soon will be is uncomfortable and unable to enjoy life. Respect his wishes. He believes he has raised children who love deeply but are strong and respectful. Lavish him with love, relive your life together including silly little things that mean so much to you. That will be the greatest gift you could ever give him. And yes cry buckets--hopefully mostly away from him. That's expected too. |
| Lisa, I truly feel for you and your dad. My dad had his first heart attach at a young age (57); although he was otherwise in great shape, the cath results indicated his heart was too badly damaged for surgery to be of any benefit. He lived another eight years on meds alone, largely ignoring his doctor’s orders to take it easy, usually overdoing it, but living his life “his way.” Having the cath (or not) seems to be the pressing issue at this time. Have you spoken with your dad’s physician? If the cath did find a blockage that could be corrected with surgery, would that surgery even be possible considering your dad’s age and kidney problems (assuming no additional kidney damage from the cath)? I’ll keep you both in my prayers. |
SheepieBoss wrote: Lisa, I'm sorry for you, your family......and your father. But please realize he is taking a serious look at his future life. The more he fails, the more burden it puts on the family. He is or soon will be is uncomfortable and unable to enjoy life. Respect his wishes. He believes he has raised children who love deeply but are strong and respectful. Lavish him with love, relive your life together including silly little things that mean so much to you. That will be the greatest gift you could ever give him. And yes cry buckets--hopefully mostly away from him. That's expected too. Susan is right. I work in a hospital and I see many older folk cave under the wishes of the family and then there are unhappy endings. Please respect his wishes and let him live and enjoy what he has now and enjoy it with him. |
| Lisa, so sorry that you are going through this with your dad. I think that the advice about allowing him to make a decision that is right for him is hard to take, but, if you were in his position, you may do the same thing, and wouldn't you want to be supported by your family? Just love him, be there for him, support him. We are all here for you. |
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| I know it is hard but, the most important thing you can do is support him like others have said.. |
| so very sorry lisa .. i am going through this with my mom .. i hate to see them getting old !! it is so hard hugs to you |
| I'm so sorry you're going through this! It seemed like overnight that my parents 'got old.' A hip replacement, a heart attack followed by a defibrillator surgery. I hope the communication opens freely with your family and you can all help in your dad's recovery. |
| Lisa, I am so sorry about your dad. I found myself in a similar situation last November with my father, as he was diagnosed with end stage lung cancer. After being in pain from broken vertebrae, and struggling for each breath, he decided to enter hospice care. All four of us kids wanted him to fight to the bitter end, but when he told us that breathing was torture, and that lying in that bed wasn't his idea of living, we knew we had to support his decision to discontinue treatment. It was the hardest thing any of us have ever done, but it was absolutely the right thing to do. He made his decision with his doctor, all of us kids, my hubby and his favorite nurse in the room, so there was no question about what he wanted. I know this is so difficult, but your dad seems to have made his decision, unless you feel its been coerced in some way by your sister, or that he doesn't have all of the facts about the treatments and their side effects. I am hoping that your dad is able to enjoy a good quality of life, and that he lives for quite some time. (At 88 years old, my hubby's great Aunt was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. She enjoyed a great quality of life and just passed away last month at the age of 95.) Sending you hugs.... Laurie and Oscar |
| I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. |
| Lisa- what you are going through is so difficult I know. We went through so much with my Dad for so many years with heart issues--he ultimately had a heart transplant and made the list by 72 hours before the birthday that would have been the cut off. The hardest thing ever--was hearing him say that if he had it to do over --he would not have had the transplant but did it for my mother and of course my sister and I. That was very hard--because he went through so much. Love him--talk to him--spend time with him and encourage him to make the best decision for HIM--I promise it is much easier in the long term. Special thoughts and prayers for you--Dads are so special!!  |
It is really hard.  My dad was diagnosed with cancer that had spread everywhere - and he elected to only do radiation to reduce the bone pain, and hospice. At just 69 years old, this was hard on my mom and myself and sisters. Being a nurse I knew this was a realistic plan. As a daughter, I wanted him to try everthing under the sun. Enjoy the time you have together, it is way too short. |
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