Too Rude?
 !!!!!
So I went from being cordial to almost telling the guy off in front of his daughter. I told him that what he was suggesting was really stupid and it was because of people like him that want to just stick any ol' OES together turns out to be nothing but problems in the future and I didn't believe in BYB, etc...etc... The guy was ignorant and just didn't get what I was saying at all. And then to add insult to injury he told me I could keep a puppy....and I looked at the guy and told him I was glad his daughter was with him or I'd give him a piece of my mind. I couldn't help but get really pissed off at this man. Was I too rude ???  |
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| NO YOU WERE RIGHT |
| I completely agree !!!
I get frustrated by idiots who say 'oh my dog is so lovely, I think I'll breed' and have absolutely no idea about what they are doing or getting involved in. I had a similar conversation with someone at work, I really couldn't care less if I offended them, I stand up for what I believe and thats that !! I get asked a lot about Ollie being a stud, absolutely no way. |
| NOT too rude......at all!!!! good going!!!!! |
of course its hard not to be rude in a situation like that - I would have just laughed and said talk to my co-owner  , but as you are also apparently finding out - its hard not to feel a mixture of things when this happens. Appalled at his ignorance (and recognizing that it is also hard to feel righteous anger) and upset at your own reaction- especially recognizing hsi kid was with him and you felt some responsibility to remain cordial because of her. Also, as women, we were never really taught to handle anger. A man might have punched him in the nose and then gone out and had a beer with him - apparently they are more like the canines, in the moment.
Women need to get permission to be angry, to act on that anger and then move on. we also tend to get hung up in one of the interim steps and have trouble getting to the its all good let's have a beer stage. |
| What bugs me to pieces is when people don't get it after clearly informing them of what was right and the reasons why certain steps are taken first in breeding!!! You handled it VERY well. |
| You were perfect!!
Only time I've had this is when a guy showed up at the front gate with the bitch!! Not only was I horrified and insulted, but also very amused since both of my guys were neutered!!  |
I Dream Of Sheepie wrote: ...and I looked at the guy and told him I was glad his daughter was with him or I'd give him a piece of my mind. I couldn't help but get really pissed off at this man.
Was I too rude ??? Turn the question around for a sec and ask yourself: was I effective? Here's an alternate way of dealing with this kind of question: Smile sweetly and note that that you're flattered that he's considering your male for his bitch but that (a) your boy doesn't have all (any/whatever) of his health testing done (yet?), and then casually and quickly LIST the health testing that's required in this breed and why it's important (I can do this in 60 secs or less, just takes a little practice), what you have or haven't had done. Even if he does and it's all normal, note that your dog's breeder and/or you agree that he shouldn't be bred because [fill in the blank - maybe his bite is off a little, his coat is too soft, you can always find SOMETHING wrong with your dog, all dogs deviate from the standard in some way) Practice saying it sincerely and without a hint of condescension because that's a turn-off, which means he's going to tune you out from that point on. Missed opportunity to educate effectively. Then you sweetly say that you're sure he wants only the best in health and temperament and structure for his bitch, wish him luck and quietly walk away. That way you kept your cool. Lecturing him in a huff isn't going to accomplish anything but get your blood pressure up anyway. Unless he asks questions. Then educate him. "Oh, if you go to the OFA site and look up OES under CHIC you can see what health testing is required for the breed. Another excellent site is the OES Health website. And, of course, if you go to the national club's site you can find the breed standard. I find it all so interesting, don't you?" [insert Michelina batting eyelashes seductively at the man ]
Frankly, you have nothing to lose but your cool and since it is NOT a criminal offense to breed a litter of puppies - honest, it's not, it's just that there's a smart way to go about it and a not so smart way - the worst that happens is he keeps looking for a male to breed to and good luck with that. If his bitch is already in season he's not going to find one in time to breed her to anyway. These trysts are set up months if not years in advance. This gives him a six month cooling off period to consider if he really wants to do this. Hopefully, if you played your cards right (OK, the eyebatting IS optional  ) with a little more knowledge than he had before he met you.
Just a thought. Kristine |
Mad Dog wrote: I Dream Of Sheepie wrote: ...and I looked at the guy and told him I was glad his daughter was with him or I'd give him a piece of my mind. I couldn't help but get really pissed off at this man. Was I too rude ??? Turn the question around for a sec and ask yourself: was I effective? Here's an alternate way of dealing with this kind of question: Smile sweetly and note that that you're flattered that he's considering your male for his bitch but that (a) your boy doesn't have all (any/whatever) of his health testing done (yet?), and then casually and quickly LIST the health testing that's required in this breed and why it's important (I can do this in 60 secs or less, just takes a little practice), what you have or haven't had done. Even if he does and it's all normal, note that your dog's breeder and/or you agree that he shouldn't be bred because [fill in the blank - maybe his bite is off a little, his coat is too soft, you can always find SOMETHING wrong with your dog, all dogs deviate from the standard in some way) Practice saying it sincerely and without a hint of condescension because that's a turn-off, which means he's going to tune you out from that point on. Missed opportunity to educate effectively. Then you sweetly say that you're sure he wants only the best in health and temperament and structure for his bitch, wish him luck and quietly walk away. That way you kept your cool. Lecturing him in a huff isn't going to accomplish anything but get your blood pressure up anyway. Unless he asks questions. Then educate him. "Oh, if you go to the OFA site and look up OES under CHIC you can see what health testing is required for the breed. Another excellent site is the OES Health website. And, of course, if you go to the national club's site you can find the breed standard. I find it all so interesting, don't you?" [insert Michelina batting eyelashes seductively at the man ]Frankly, you have nothing to lose but your cool and since it is NOT a criminal offense to breed a litter of puppies - honest, it's not, it's just that there's a smart way to go about it and a not so smart way - the worst that happens is he keeps looking for a male to breed to and good luck with that. If his bitch is already in season he's not going to find one in time to breed her to anyway. These trysts are set up months if not years in advance. This gives him a six month cooling off period to consider if he really wants to do this. Hopefully, if you played your cards right (OK, the eyebatting IS optional ) with a little more knowledge than he had before he met you.Just a thought. Kristine I was thinking along the line of what Kristine said...handleing the problem this way is you educate two people, the man and his child, hopefully. children are like sponges so take in a lot and even if the education falls on Dad's deaf ears the child may learn something. Of course Michelinea would have to becareful about placing her "batting eyes" at the right time, because as soon as she does, Dad's mind will go blank and will not be able to think of anything else. |
| Kristine,
I was talking to this guy for a few minutes and biting my cheek telling him about Matisse and the co-owner AND I did tell him super quickly about Old English Sheepdog rescue. He wanted HIS bitch to have a puppy so he could keep one.....I held it in.... But I couldn't any longer. He literally didn't want to hear it and no matter how I addressed the guy he was being ignorant....I told him responsible breeders are called responsible for a reason....we stood there for about 3 minutes talking....He wouldn't have any of it....I tried to sway the guy into seeing he was wrong....  GGGGRRRRR
I would have tried the batting eyelashes bit, however, it was 89 degrees (at 9am) and I was still in my skibbies!! |
I Dream Of Sheepie wrote: Kristine,
I was talking to this guy for a few minutes and biting my cheek telling him about Matisse and the co-owner AND I did tell him super quickly about Old English Sheepdog rescue. He wanted HIS bitch to have a puppy so he could keep one.....I held it in.... Yes. I understand what you're saying. But that's exactly why I want MY bitch to have puppies. So I can keep one (or two). Right? So tell me (or more to the point, if you had a do over, him) how are we different and why is it OK for me to do this and not him? Because in his mind he's probably not going to see the difference based on rescue, because he probably feels he can do a fine job of selling/placing the rest of the puppies and doesn't realize that in this day and age you are expected to babysit the puppy buyers for life in case they experience life changes that make it impossible for them to keep the dog and/or lest they do something stupid that risks landing the dog in rescue. In fact, in his mind, chances are that if there is a demand for OES puppies (and there is) it's really not his problem what stupid or misfortunate people do down the road that necessitates the recycling of same, and some cute chick lecturing him (in her skibbies, really? ) had better come up with a more convincing argument or bat her eyelashes A LOT HARDER.
Honestly, I used to react as you did. We're conditioned to respond that way. And it did me about as much good. I finally learned to step back and try to see things from where the other person stands and try to tailor my responses to something that actually has a chance of hitting home. If you try to shove a message down someone's throat, it's just going to breed resentment. "Who are YOU to lecture ME?! Snob!" And in that instant, the communication boom lowers. Opportunity lost.
So maybe we'd be better off with a lot more carrot & a lot less stick. Think about it. Do you like sticks? Not me. And mascara. Lots of it. More eyelash batting power. 
Kristine |
| Good point....and you are right.....I tried soooo hard to keep my cool...I really did...trying should count for something...lol.... |
I Dream Of Sheepie wrote: Good point....and you are right.....I tried soooo hard to keep my cool...I really did...trying should count for something...lol....
Oh, it DOES. Believe me it DOES 
You're a heck of a lot better at it than I am. I need my own Talk to the Paw, eh, Hand shirt some days 
Kristine |
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