How do you deal with your mother dying?
While there she had another stroke. When her temp finally broke she was unresponsive. My sis gave the nurse permission to give information to me as I had a lot of questions that she couldn't answer. I got all my questions answered and one little piece that I did not expect. Her breathing was erratic and it might be a good time to come. I called my sis again and she did not seemed to be too concerned about the breathing and believed that she would be discharged to the nursing home and would probably pass there. That all took place on Sunday. I wish I had taken the nurses advice as my mom just passed. My sister and my niece were with her when she stopped breathing. |
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| So Sorry for your loss.
My Mother is 93, and with every phone call I get the sinking feeling. She is my best friend, but I know I can't ask for her to stay much longer! My thought and prayers are with you and you family! Janie OES wanta be! |
| I am sorry.
it is so hard t know what to do and when. My sister and I spent a lot of time talking in February of 2005 abut whether I should make yet another quick trip down to florida to see my on again off again sick mother. we decided to wait and save my time for when she got really sick. My mother died on March 1st of that year. You have to realize you did what you thought was best. Again I am sorry for your loss. Best of luck dealing with the family issues over the next few days - it can get difficult. |
I am so very sorry. I wish I had some sage words to help. Just know we are all here for you, and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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I don't know what that's like, but I am so sorry  I get teary eyed thinking about what you're probably feeling and going through now. Big hugs to you. |
| I am so sorry.
I know how you feel. My mom died from an anyerism. She was at the beauty shop that she had a standing appointment at every Wednesday as long as I can remember. On that particular evening the shop called me and said mom wasn't feeling well and I should come and get her. I was only 3 blocks away, got the kids in the car and as I drove by the shop, mom and her friend were standing outside. I remember very vividly, our eyes locked and then she collasped. I think she was waiting for me ...she knew once I was there, she would be alright............I will never forget that night, It was the last night she was 'here'. 3 days later, with no brain acitivity, she died. She was 57. I am here if you need to talk...I have walked in your shoes.. |
Joahaeyo wrote: I am so sorry
I get teary eyed thinking about what you're probably feeling and going through now. Big hugs to you.I also feel for you. I did lose my mom, but I was 17 then and she was only 48. All I can say is remember the good times and get peace with that. You can't change anything so don't dwell on it. Would have, should haves. No good can come. I am soooo sorry for your lose |
| Oh honey, I am so sorry. I lost my mom when I was 23, she was 53. There is no other loss in the world like losing your mom. Not a day has gone by that I don't of her, and miss her. But now, the thoughts are not as painful. Time will take care of the pain. You have a long road ahead of you, but you'll make it. You have all of us here to support you, and hold your hand. I'm terribly, terribly sorry. |
| Just talked to sister. My Mom wants to be cremated...no problem. She also wanted no funeral.
I can't just do nothing. I can't! |
| I can understand her decisions - the cost of these things have gotten so out of hand these days. When my mom died (and then my uncle two years later) the funerals cost over 12K each and they were bare bones.
Wakes really aren't for the dead, they are to help the living move on. You can have a wake without a funeral/burial. Perhaps a one day "viewing" for people to come together and grieve. |
| This just happened when we had mr. j's grandmas funeral. So they split the ashes so they each (mr. j's dad and aunt) cant do what they wanted to. One just wasn't ready to let go, and the other wanted something more formal. Maybe that could work for you? |
| I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your Mother. I've been where you are..I was on vacation at Disney World with my daughter, her two children and my son who was 16 at the time. My sister in law, who is a nurse, called me in tears and told me I had to get home as soon as possible. That Mom was in the hospital and by the looks of her "numbers" she was going to have a massice heart attack if they couldn't control it. While my daughter was arranging for a flight home the next morning, my Mom and I talked on the phone for as long as she could. We both said the things to each other we wanted. I told her that she wasn't to wait for me if she couldn't. I didn't want her to suffer longer on my account. We where lucky to be able to get home on time and be with her when she left for Heaven. My sister, however, missed her by 5 minutes. When my Dad passed 15 mts later, he was alone at home and my sister, who had missed my mother's passing, found him on Mother's Day. Everything happens for a re!.ason, just accept it for what it is. Mom passed in '01 and Dad "03 and I think of them everyday and really miss them alot.
I'll keep you in my prayers |
| First, you cry.
Funerals are not for the person who passed on, but for the living. You can do what you need to do to help you say your goodbyes. |
| I am so sorry, I really wish I had some words of comfort at
this hard time. |
| I am so sorry for your loss. As everyone has said, don't dwell on the "when" she died - just remember her as you will, and if it makes you feel better, have a little memorial service for her yourself. As long as she's in your heart, you will never be without her. |
| I am so sorry. |
| I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I could tell you how to deal with a mothers death. I have been trying to do this for the past few years. My mother was my best friend, I was the only daughter.
My father died suddenly, I took care of my mother even though we were 200 miles apart. I went home every 3 weeks, took care of her finances. She fell and broke her hip. She recovered well, but had to go to a nursing home for a short time for therapy. I was on my way to bring her back to our house after being discharged from the nursing home. She had a massive stroke before I could get bring her back. Just 14 months after dad. I felt cheated I could not do this last thing for her. On the day of her funeral, my mother in law broke her hip and died 3 months later. A good friend sent me a book about being an orphan. As adults we do not realize, we can be orphans. Not a day goes by that I do not miss my parents. Even though they were in their eighties they were my rock. I am lucker than most, both did not suffer and passed quickly. They were active until the end. We can hold our memories dear and honor then as best we can. I must tell you though, my parents died and my children all left for jobs and college at the same time. Kirby is the first thing that made my heart smile since then. Silly - a dog could do this for me. Lu Ann |
Drezzie's Mom wrote: I am so sorry for your loss. As everyone has said, don't dwell on the "when" she died - just remember her as you will, and if it makes you feel better, have a little memorial service for her yourself. As long as she's in your heart, you will never be without her.
Pam, I'm so sorry for your loss. Chris is absolutely right. If your mom didn't want a service, don't demand that there be one. Now is a good time to mend fences with relatives, not to go against your mother's wishes. Celebrate her life every day in your own way. |
| I feel bad for you Pam - so sorry you lost your mom.
My dad died of cancer, and I do feel like an adult orphan. Granted, my mom is still alive, but she moved away and we haven't talked in years....long story. I always had Todd's 2 wonderful parents, but then they both died last year...so we are both orphans now.
Don't be too hard on your sister and saying you didn't need to come back yet. My FIL told my youngest BIL (Drew) the same thing when my MIL was sick. Unfortunately, with me being a nurse, and also very close to my MIL, I knew it wasn't the case. So, I snuck out of the family lounge in the ICU, called Drew and told him "come now". He said "but Dad says she will be OK" and I (the SIL) had to be the one to tell him it wasn't true, and to get leave (from the AF) and get home ASAP. He made it, but never would have if I hadn't called him on the sly.... |
I know it's not easy for you losing you mom, try and not dwell on the fact that you couldn't be there when she passed..... think of all those memories you have shared with you mom, you carry her not only in your heart but in every fibre of your being  |
Pam, I'm so sorry. 
Kristine |
| Oh the saddest words of tongue or pen, to know the things that might have been. You cannot second guess your decision to go there. You made the best decision you could based on what you knew at the time. Respect your Mom's wishes and celebrate her life in your own way. If you want to have a memorial service for her yourself, with close friends and family, do so. Grieving is so personal. You have to allow yourself the freedom to do that in your own way. But please don't beat yourself up for not being there when she passed. You had some very good time visiting her recently. Remember the laughter. Dwell on the good times. |
| I am so sorry for your loss. My mom is my best friend. My heart goes out to you |
| That is so sad to hear that your Mom died. I wouldnt know how to cope with it, I still got my Mom and my Dad but they are both ill, Heartproblems, Blood is not going through their brains very good so they both get dizzy and fall over. I'm glad I'm moving back home so I have more the chance to see them as I never know what can happen. But I wouldnt be prepared when the time would come. I feel for you!! |
| I have to soundly second Tammy's message. Remember the good times, the laughs and the inside jokes. Respect her wishes, but if you feel you want to memorialize her memory (who wouldn't?) then do so in a manner that is personal to you. You might want to contact her friends/contemporaries to see if you might get some insight into her from their point of view. I have learned that often we have this ideal of our parents that is not always the whole picture of who they were. One thing my mom said to me back in the 70's, it was "love me while I'm alive, bring me flowers while I'm alive, do things with me while I'm alive and when I'm gone you will have no regrets". No truer words could be spoken, you loved her and shared with her so have no regrets, she loved you too. As Tammy said, grief is a very personal thing, feel free to do it in anyway that helps you, but don't second guess yourself.
I'm so sorry for your loss, wishing I could do more or say more that could ease your sorrow. God speed mom! L |
| I am so so sorry about the loss of your Mother. I know what you are going through. My mom collasped October 3rd of 2001 and was taken to the emergency room. I lived in Montana at the time and she lived in Seattle, so I called her at the hospital and told her I was going to fly out. She told me she was ok and wanted me to wait until Thanksgiving to fly out - unfortunately she passed thirty days later -November 4th ---she was only 54. I beat myself up for the longest time for not going to see her the day she collasped. But you can't go there - you will drive yourself crazy - - You have to know you did the best you could with what you knew at the time.
I also think it is ok to grieve the way you need to. My father barely mentions or remembers my mother. It used to hurt me - but now I realize that is his way to dealing with it. I used to get angry that he wouldn't put flowers on her grave or remember the day of her death - but it is his way of dealing with it. I finally realized it was ok for me to remember her the way I needed. My way is that I have a standing monthy order with the florist to place flowers on her grave. Every year on the anniversary of her death, my sheepie, Winston and I do something special to remember her. Things like that - -I never tell my father and he never asks - - but I feel better about it all. I think all I am trying to say is that you can't beat yourself up and you should honor your Mom the way you want to. It is ok if other people don't want to remember her or honor her the same way as you do----we all deal with things differently. Be kind to yourself. We are all here for you if you need a shoulder to cry on - - |
| So very sorry for the your loss. It is so hard to lose your Mother. Don't second guess your decisions and really try to focus on your heartwarming memories. One thing that helped our family so much was a suggestion that a good friend passed along to me. About 8 months after losing my Mom (we lost our Dad 1 year prior to our Mom)--my sister and I had a "Memory Gathering" --each person that attended brought a dish and a written Memory of our parents (many brought photos that we had never seen as well). We had a potluck dinner and then each person shared their written memory (or photo) and then placed it in a scrapbook. We laughed, cried and remembered them that night. It was wonderful and now I can take out the scrapbook and not only remember our times together but enjoy the memories of those who were close to them.
I would never have thought to do this on my own--but it was one of the BEST things that I have ever done and it was very healing. Special thoughts and prayers for you and your family during this difficult time. |
| I'm so sorry . Honor her in a way that's meaningful to you and don't have regrets. Fill your heart with happy memories, things that made her special to you. |
| I am so sorry for your Mothers passing. My Mom passed away last May 12 at 97 years of age , I was able to be with her and hold her hand as she left . I do miss her so much but memories of her come flitting through my mind often and I stop and smile or laugh at some of the things we talked about or did. Memories are wonderful |
| Pam,
I'm so sorry for your horrible, horrible loss. |
| Pam, I am so sorry for your loss.
We are all here if you need us. It certainly can be therapeutic to just talk about her and remember all of your great times together. That is what your mom would want for you. |
| so very sorry for you loss |
| my mom passed the 6 th of this month . I don't know what to do she was my best friend I miss her so much. I called her monkey .and she called me hello kitty. I cant imagine never hearing those words again . she died at home with me by her side . I heard and seen her take her last breathe. I cant believe she is gone . im angry and sad and even tried to bargain with god . I would give up my life for just one more look at her and see her smile and say she loves me.i know they say time heals all . but I cant believe that. I read every ones notes and how sweet u all r. I just needed to get this out there .. thank u |
| April, I'm so sorry for your loss. Time does heal, but sometimes time moves slowly. You know she loves you, and you can always remember her smile. I do believe those we love are always with us, even if they are not physically here. |
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