I have to rant...sorry
Anyways...I am the designated "child". I'm the only one here. I'm the one that runs to the hospital. I'm the one that does her marketing in the bitter cold weather. And when I do, I always make sure to pick up a little bunch of flowers. I'm the one who deals with her day to day stuff now. I'm taking her out for a birthday lunch tomorrow. She told me today, to pick her up early, so I can take her to the grocery and to bank. Ok, no problem. Remember I work a full and part time job, so my time off is pretty limited and precious to me, but I still do this stuff. She has never been a very nice person. She's always been very selfish. All my relatives ask me why I'm so nice to her. And its because, I'm the only one she has...and she took very good care of my dad when he had Altzheimers. I feel she has become my responsibilty. Now for the rant....as I said, today is her birthday. So I called to wish her a happy one. She had just received flowers from some relatives in California. And she couldn't stop raving about how wonderful they are to have sent them. And how beautiful the flowers are! And how much they mean to her. Ok...great. These are really nice people. These are people I, too, love. BUT! She never, ever says nice stuff to me about what I do for her, and it made me feel really badly. I understand that it was a wonderful gesture for them to send the flowers. And I know that she did love them. But I wish she would have kind words for me too. She never says anything bad to me, and I know in her heart she does appreciate what I do. But for some reason, she made me feel badly that maybe I didn't send beautiful flowers. Sorry...I just feel bad, and had to get that off my chest. |
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I'm sorry Deb  |
| it's easy to feel taken for granted in situations like this! She probably carries on to the others (when and if they call) that you had taken her for groceries or got her a beautiful bouqet of flowers. I have a co-worker in a very similiar situation. Her mother is in an assistant living center. Coworker ordered a LARGE cake for all the residents to share and celebrate her moms birthday.
When she called to ask how everyone liked the cake. She said they had put it in the freezer for the following weekend because that would be when one of the other daughters is coming to visit...UGHHH. So then when the cake date finally arrived she called to wish her a belated birthday and was told of the lovely flowers the other sister brought. Sorry your not feeling the love, but you know your doing a wonderful thing. If not rewarded on earth you will be rewarde later. So I dont sound holy-roller-ish. IT JUST SUCKS having to wait to be recognized! hang in their and Happy birthday to her! Jim |
| Deb, I read your post twice.
You have your answer there. No good deed is bad. You are are GOOD loving person that is helping and 95 yr old person. Feel good about what you are doing. Sometimes we don't get a pat on the back, but our deeds don't go un noticed. The big guy up stairs sees all. I have been on a up kick since the first of the yr. It is working for me. Everytime I try and do good I don't look for that pat. Yes it is nice to feel it but deep inside your heart you know what you are giving. So tomarrow when you take her out smile, listen and take home a good feeling. By the way just remember that older people like to complain. I seem to be getting there myself.LOL
YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON! I know the bible say good deeds don't get you to heaven, But you get my drift.... |
| aww deb....rant away....you cant change anything, just continue to be who you are and what you do....so mutter all the bad stuff under your breath....
oh, i know, you could send robert over there to mess with her just a wee bit....  |
| Deb,
I'm sorry too. I can understand how you feel. All I can say is that "what goes around comes around..." and also adding to the "good" spin on things... you have been doing much good, your blessing are yet to come... Know inside what you've done. And, feel free to rant/vent!! |
| Whenever I leave her on Saturdays, after being with her, I feel great. I know in my heart I've done a "mitzvah" (blessing for someone else). And I know my dad is smiling down on me and being proud. Remember, even though she is my stepmom, she never raised me, she never was a "mom" to me, so again, I feel this is payback for taking care of my dad. I didn't marry until I was older (33), and I always remember being worried about being old and by myself..which she is...and I'm here, so she doesn't have to feel alone. But for some reason, she really struck a nerve with me today. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I made sure my kids sent her birthday cards, and she didn't even mention it. |
| Deb, Your post got me to thinking , I wonder if while she doesn't say anything to you she may rave about your kindness to others? That's a possibility. You're doing a good thing and I'm sure your dad is smiling down on you.
Marianne |
| The ones who do the most hear the least praise. It was special for those in California to send flowers, since they are not there on a daily basis. Since they aren't there, step-mom views it as a big deal. I know step-mom appreciates everything you do for her, Deborah. Some people just can't express it.
Have a double Scotch when you get home tonight. Only 4 points! |
Marianne wrote: Deb, Your post got me to thinking , I wonder if while she doesn't say anything to you she may rave about your kindness to others? That's a possibility. You're doing a good thing and I'm sure your dad is smiling down on you.
Marianne I think Marianne hit on something. |
Abuckie wrote: Marianne wrote: Deb, Your post got me to thinking , I wonder if while she doesn't say anything to you she may rave about your kindness to others? That's a possibility. You're doing a good thing and I'm sure your dad is smiling down on you. Marianne I think Marianne hit on something. I was thinking the same thing as Marianne and Lori. I am sure everyone, who your Step Mom has contact with, knows how wonderful you are. |
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violet wrote: Abuckie wrote: Marianne wrote: Deb, Your post got me to thinking , I wonder if while she doesn't say anything to you she may rave about your kindness to others? That's a possibility. You're doing a good thing and I'm sure your dad is smiling down on you. Marianne I think Marianne hit on something. I was thinking the same thing as Marianne and Lori. I am sure everyone, who your Step Mom has contact with, knows how wonderful you are. sometimes we don't realize that might be why the other family members sent the flowers..... you should feel good about yourself  you're a good person. |
| Deborah, you should PM Joan... you're both in the same boat. |
Deb; I'm so sorry! but maybe, just maybe the reason they sent her such gorgeous flowers is because she's always telling them how nice you are to bring her flowers all the time. Even if its not the case, I'd run with it.  |
| Deb, you are a very special person!!
I talk to lots of elderly people in my work who are sad and sometimes doing it tough because their own kids dont do any of that stuff for them. Your step mom is one very lucky lady!! Next shopping trip buy yourself a big bunch of beautiful flowers. You deserve them. Then every time you look at them know that your Dad loves his fantastic, caring daughter.  |
I think you are a wonderful person  and I believe what Darth snuggle said. I had an aunt like that always said good things behind your back but said nothing nice to your face. Please don't ever doubt yourself your wonderful |
| Maybe your step mom is surprised anyone remembered her other then you. |
| We had our date. I took her to the grocery, the post office, to Walgreens and then to lunch. It actually was a very nice time. I felt bad complaining about her yesterday. And..the flowers from California, weren't so great Today, she did say, thank you, and then I told her (as I always do when I leave her,) "I love you."! |
Abuckie wrote: Marianne wrote: Deb, Your post got me to thinking , I wonder if while she doesn't say anything to you she may rave about your kindness to others? That's a possibility. You're doing a good thing and I'm sure your dad is smiling down on you. Marianne I think Marianne hit on something. I was also thinking the same thing. |
debcram wrote: And..the flowers from California, weren't so great Today, she did say, thank you, and then I told her (as I always do when I leave her,) "I love you."! I was wondering if maybe she feels a bit deserted and left alone by other family so when they do make an effort she really builds it up to you in an attempt to convince herself that people still care about her and she is still part of everyone's life. I could be totally off the beat, just wondered. |
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Your kindness probably contributes to her long life!  |
| to you for being there for her |
| It took me awhile to find this, so I could do an update. Bernice is very ill. She spent the weekend in the hospital, and they have moved her to a nursing home/rehab center. I think her body is just running out of steam. I had to make calls to several of her friends and relatives all over the country. And from each one, I heard the same thing. "Thank you for doing all you do for Bernice. She relies on you and is so grateful for your help and kindness, and always tells us what a great person you are." So there it is. I guess she never felt she had to tell me. And I guess she didn't. But it sure was sweet to hear it. I don't know if she'll pull through this one. She has mentally/emotionally given up. If she does, I will have another battle getting her out of her home, and into a care center of some sort. So...if you are doing something for someone, and you suspect they don't appreciate you, you're probably wrong. They might just not be comfortable telling you directly. |
| Good update.....not about her health......no, that she was grateful to you.
If this is her time or not, may whatever she has left be peaceful. |
| Oh Deb, you and Bernice have my heart today! I will send special good thoughts and wishes in your direction. I SO understand what you are feeling and saying... I have of late had very similar feelings... Long story, not one I'm ready to talk about either, but I get where you are, how you feel and sometimes just how under appreciated we can feel for all the mundane everyday stuff we do, and someone does nothing but call up a florist and sends some flowers gets all the praise...
Remember we are doing it for bigger reasons, and they have nothing to do with the kind words althought they do help and feel good when we get them. You are so kind and so sweet to care for your dads wife with all the love of a daughter, bless you. Give Bernice a kiss for me and tell her to get her butt in gear and get better, there is no time for feeling sorry for ones self... |
| Oh Deb...
I am sorry..
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| Special thoughts for you today. |
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