When is it time?
Feeling extremely depressed at the moment with Kelsey and having hubby speaking to me to think about it, I feel guilty even contemplating saying goodbye. We have the odd good day but more then often not good and her dignity is slowly diminishing. I know deep in my heart it might be time, I left peppa way too long and I really am a mess at the moment. Thoughts and experiences in these matters with our really old golden oldies would be greatly appreciated and might help in my situation at the moment to think about what is best for her. It's my decision and I can't make it at the moment, am I being fair to her?  |
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| I don't have any personal experience or great advice, but I just wanted to offer my support. As hard as this time is, I hope you and your family can remember Kelsey's long and wonderful life to put you at ease a little. |
| it's a really hard thing to do.......and we have struggled with the decision for two of our beloved pets, on both of our boys we asked each other how much pain is he in? and what sort of life is it when they can't run, play or even walk? and more personal would I like to have that sort of life or would I want to run free........and we miss them every day but we know they are not in pain and they're both in a better place.
I don't come to this section because it makes my heart feel sad.....  my heart goes out to you  |
| I'm so sorry that it's getting to this point, Lisa. For us, we just knew when the time was right. I psyched myself up to be strong about it and make the appointment. James wasn't ready at the exact same moment but after holding her up to go outside multiple times and not being able to get her on her feet again, he came in in tears (the only time I've ever seen him cry). We didn't want to let her go but I wanted her to go with a little dignity and not try to hold on to her longer only to suffer. I still stand by that it was the hardest choice I've ever had to make and I still get teary thinking about it.
I wish there was just a nice, easy answer. It's so hard when feelings are involved. |
| Hi Lisa I am sorry you are going through this and having to make such a decision, but please remember you have to make this decision for the sake of Kelsey . In 2006 one of ours started limping and we tried everything to help him but it got worse as the months went on, in August of that year I was out with the trio and after we returned home I could see in his eyes he wanted to say goodbye, believe me the journey to the vets was hard and to loose him even harder but it had to be done. For a couple of days after that I was sure I could hear him at home and one evening i even thought I saw him, I am convinced he will be waiting at Rainbow Bridge for me. Lisa our thoughts will be with you and you have our moral support and I am sure you will make the right decision, just look into Kelsey's eyes and see if they still have life in them of if she is saying to you pease let me go. Sheepie hugs  from all at Tikki-ti-boo |
| This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Think of your baby how she was a week ago, was she happy, did she wag her tail, eat, can she go for a wee unaided. If the answer is no, but sometimes, pick a time and have the vet come round to your house. Quite often the vet will say "if it was my dog I would..."Make her comfortable and talk to her. Afterwards your heart will break but your baby will be running as she was in her youth over the Bridge with all our angels who are already there. Wish we were closer so I could give you a hug xx |
| I'm sorry for your pain. By asking, you know its time. Once you decide to go through with it, sit down with her and have a good cry and tell her you love her, you'll miss her, and that you're doing this because you love her and know its what's best for her. You'll see a look of approval in her eyes.
If at all possible, stay with her until the end and have someone else drive you there if you have to take her in. The sooner you do it, the sooner she'll be pain free. Lord, please be with our friend as she makes this difficult choice. Send Your Holy Spirit to comfort and reassure her. In Jesus Name, Amen. God bless!!! |
| I'm so sorry you have to make this decision and that the time may be getting close for Kelsey
I agree with everyone elses posts. It pains me more to know I tried to stretch a dog's life longer for myself instead of letting them go when I knew they weren't leading a happy life. I think it hurts those around you that love the dog as well because they don't want to say anything to hurt the owner, but know (and can see) that the dog is not the same happy dog. So I promised myself that my pain and tears was worth it all if I felt one of my dogs weren't living to their fullest. Good luck with your own decision and big hugs to you. |
| to Lisa and Kelsey aka the stuffie terminator. |
| Lisa, Beleave me I know what you are going through! I had to due this twice this year. Cinde had cancer this summer and 4 weeks later Flannigan (my BABY)had a stroke. He was 12 1/2. Cinde was 9 but a rescue. She had a bad start. 5 surgeries before we got her.
Had Flannigan since 6 weeks old. I guess you know in your heart. We did. We loved them so much that I did not want them to suffer in any way. I don't think Cinde knew what was happening to her. She was just sick. Flannigan just looked at me and his eyes told me. He had lost all funtions and could not even stand. I stayed up the whole night with him. Said my goodbys and we took him to the vet. I am so sorry for you. It is hard. My God be with you and keep you strong. Hugs, Deana |
| Lisa...I am so sorry you are going through this with Kelsey. I have been where you are so I do know what your are feeling. The only thing I can offer is this...YOU will know in your heart when it is time. AND whatever or whenever you decide, it will be the right decision. Know that we are here for you, know that you did everything you could to give Kelsey the best life and he loves your unconditionally. Making this decision is one of the most unselfish acts we ever do for our furbabies. The toughest but the kindest. |
| lisa i have had to deal with this once my dolly girl had cancer and she hung in there for almost 10 months till one day i realized she was just not my dolly girl anymore and did it for her.. now again i am faced with this with my 14 yr old daytona she is not the bitch daytona that once was and i know the time has come and every day i struggle with when to do this.. right now my ex took her from me cause he know i would do it, he right now carrys her every where .. her sight and hearing are going fast.. this is no life for her ....... my heart goes out to you.. it is not easy hang in there |
| Sorry you are having to go though this, Lisa.
With Maggie McGee IV, she had stopped eating and whatever water she would drink came right back up. She was almost 14 yrs. old and we knew things were never going to improve. She had cognitive dysfunction syndrome, previously helped by anipryl but that seemed to have stopped working. She had to have assistance to potty and could no longer get up the two steps into the house. Letting her go was the kindest thing we could do. Sometimes we wonder if we couldn't have kept her longer. In our hearts we know that no matter what we may have done, her time was very limited. Whatever you do will be the right thing at the right time. Nobody can help you with the decision but I do hope our responses help ease the pain that comes at a time like this. Hugs, Nita |
| Oh my.
I had two indicators: 1. They no longer could control their bowels, (peeing is another matter that may or may not mean the end is near). They are embarassed about their lack of bowel control. 2. In ability to get up without assistance. For their own safety as well as their ego I want them to be able to move or at least only need a little boost to get going. Once up they have to be able to move without support. If I have to lift them because they are too weak for much effort, then it's time. Eating is not an indicator.....unless I know their condition is cutting off the eating ability.......cancer for example. I also look into their eyes. When life is too much of a struggle, they no longer have the spark, I know it's time. One must be careful about the eye look. They are always happy to see their upright so you have to look beyond. |
SheepieBoss wrote: Oh my.
I had two indicators: 1. They no longer could control their bowels, (peeing is another matter that may or may not mean the end is near). They are embarassed about their lack of bowel control. 2. In ability to get up without assistance. For their own safety as well as their ego I want them to be able to move or at least only need a little boost to get going. Once up they have to be able to move without support. If I have to lift them because they are too weak for much effort, then it's time. Eating is not an indicator.....unless I know their condition is cutting off the eating ability.......cancer for example. I also look into their eyes. When life is too much of a struggle, they no longer have the spark, I know it's time. One must be careful about the eye look. They are always happy to see their upright so you have to look beyond. Good advice.... It's so hard to know when the time is right.... *hugs* Only you can make the decision. You'll make the right one, for you and her. |
| Hi Lisa,
I've had to make this heart wrenching decision 5 times in the past couple years. Each case is unique and each is different. I've also heard that the majority of pet owners feel like they've left it too long. I knew that when it came to think about Ole Blue and so it was I made up my mind that I would have that last special week with him before it was time to say my goodbyes. The timing was perfect - I was on holidays, no other distractions and I could spent all my time 24/7 with him. I read this poem over and over again and it's one of the best regarding an aged dog and the time to let them go. http://www.la-spca.org/pet_loss/comfort/last_battle.htm Sheepie Boss listed the indicators and that is also the criteria I would use - that and knowing it in my heart. Sadly, I was so aware of leaving it too long that I feel I did the opposite and let him go before he was ready. I live with that guilt now and replay that moment over and over in my head. Logically I know I made the right choice however. I think my quilt comes that just 2 wks after he passed, I purchased the new place with no stairs that may have helped him a few more weeks. I'm not writing this to ease my guilt as logically I knew my Ole Boy was 19 and had lived a wonderful life. I write this because I realize in retrospect I did it at my own convienience and not his. Sigh it's so hard to make that choice. We berate ourselves if we feel we left it too long and do so if we perhaps did it too early as in my case.With the five times I have made the decision - I feel I got it right 3 times, once let it go too long and with Blue too early. My heart was in the right place as I didn't want to let him suffer and he was having troubles with his hips. At 19 they were not going to get better but worse and I loved him enough to let him go. I did it out of love for him so my heart was in the right place. I know your love for Kelsey is also huge and the pain is going to follow her loss. Only you know what is the right time for both of you. My heart goes out to you and I'm sending hugs Marianne |
| I'm sorry that your heart is weighing so heavy now. Please find comfort with whatever decision you make. |
| Lisa, I'm sorry that you are having to go through such a time. Remember that we are here for you--we have broad shoulders. {{hugs}} |
| My heartfelt wishes to both you and Kelsey. I had to make that very hard decision when Dudley could no longer lift himself or stay standing.
I knew if I did not do it I was only thinking of myself and my love for Dudley made me realize that he no longer had any pleasure or dignity left in his life.So I sat with him with his head on my lap and I cried and cried but I think he was peaceful and happy and that was the most I could do for him. You will know in your heart if the time is right |
| A friend of mine had to have her cat pts before he was ready to go over the Bridge. She lived alone and was due to have a serious back operation. The cat was blind and relied heavily on her to find his food and know where he was (blind through old age not lifelong) so the day before her op. she took him to the vets. She explained the situation and the vet agreed it was the right thing to do.
What I am trying to say there is never a right time to suit both of you. xx |
| My heart goes out to you, Lisa. I know exactly what you're facing. I kept thinking that Drez wasn't "that bad" even though we had her in diapers 24/7 and she couldn't get up or down stairs anymore. But when you live with them, you tend to make excuses for them or tend not to see what is obvious to the casual observer. The last time my kids saw Drez alive, they both said - Mom, it's time. Still I couldn't see it. I swore I wouldn't let her go too long, as we had done with Buford, but it's so much easier saying it than actually doing it. Her appetite never waned and (to us anyway) she always appeared happy. But who knows if it was truly happiness I saw or was it some sort of senile oblivion?
It truly is the hardest decision, especially when they're so old and you've had them since they were a pup. The memories fight with your senses. You will know when the time is right for Kelsey. And rest assured she knows how much you love her and would do anything to keep her out of harm's way.  |
lisaoes wrote: Just need some moral support, personal experience and views on "When it is time"?
Feeling extremely depressed at the moment with Kelsey and having hubby speaking to me to think about it, I feel guilty even contemplating saying goodbye. We have the odd good day but more then often not good and her dignity is slowly diminishing. I know deep in my heart it might be time, I left peppa way too long and I really am a mess at the moment. Thoughts and experiences in these matters with our really old golden oldies would be greatly appreciated and might help in my situation at the moment to think about what is best for her. It's my decision and I can't make it at the moment, am I being fair to her? Lisa , I just had to make that same disicion I let go of Misty ( Ch. Bizzeeboots Ocean's Mystic)who was 14 and 4 months, I was struggeling with the idea and than I had to go away for a few days and was going to take that step when I got back, well that day December 17 she had a "good " day ate twice was barking and got up by herself but still she did not have quality of life , she was confused could not find the way home in the yard , walking in circles. When she came in it took forever for her to lay down , had to help her and 1 hour later moaning , barking trying to get in between the frifge and the wall, I don't think she could see anymore. Pied everywhere and fall into it. I never did mind to clean up the mess or lift her up. I knew I waited to long but that day I took it upon me to let her go. Quality life is the most impotant thing for a dog , If that is gone , you know it is time , how hard it is, think about all the good times you have had and letting go is the last best thing you can do. Hang in there, Edy with tears too. |
| I'm so sorry about Kelsey. With my dog Max I just knew when the time was right. I took him to the vet and had some alone time with him first, and when it happened I held him really tight and stayed with him for another hour. Max looked so peaceful I had a hard time leaving him, but I knew I made the right decision. My thoughts and prayers are with you and I know you will know when the time is right as well. |
| Lisa, It's always so so hard.
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| Lisa
I am so sorry, it is never easy!
Kathy |
| Lisa,
I have no sage advice. Just know that im here for you and my thoughts are with you and kelsey. |
| I agree with all that has been said, and want to add one other sign that gave me peace when I let Tyler go over the bridge.
He was always so sweet to Kiera no matter what a butt head she was to him and always to Daisy. But when I saw him get the nasty growley face when they even came near him or looked like they would go near him, I knew it was time, he was trying to defend his place as alpha even when it didn't need to be defended, it was the sign that he was nearing the end and he knew it too. When he could no longer walk without assistance the safety issues came up, what if he fell while I was at work and laid out in the rain or cold all day till I got home from work. I could not do that to him. I chose the day and spent all my time telling him how much I loved him and held him close till it was time to make that last journey. I still miss him to this day, with all that being said, you will do the right thing for him/her no matter what. Don't kick yourself for what you did in the past. Keep them in mind and what is best for them, try to keep your self out of the equation and you will do right... Also, remember we are all here for you... |
lisaoes wrote: Just need some moral support, personal experience and views on "When it is time"?
So sorry for your grief at this time, it is very difficult. My O'No! became ill all of a sudden - I came home and found her lying on the balcony listless and very ill. She spent a day at the vet, came home, was no better, back to the vet and getting worse. It was horrible. Old age gripped her suddenly. But the real message that it was time was the lack of glow in her eyes - they were dull and non-caring. It was heartbreaking. I've always said that our dogs depend on us in life and in death - she gave me so much joy for almost 14 years that I thought it only fair to her to let her go to stop the suffering. Good luck to you. |
| As one who just went through this for an old girl, I feel your pain.
Mine was a purely emotional way of knowing. After waiting and waiting, not able to make up my mind, I finally made the appointment. And as I waited the few days (over a weekend), I was wishing the appt would come as she was ssoooo miserable. That is how I knew I had made the right decision. Good luck and hugs to you and Kelsey. |
| I wish they could stay young and healthy and happy and with us forever. Sadly, that is not the way of it. Kelsey has known the best possible life for an OES. You've given her all the love and joy a girl could need from her upright. When the time is near, you will find the strength to do what you know is right for her, even though your heart is breaking. Please know that our hearts and minds are in one accord with yours. We're with you in spirit. |
| It so hard!!!!! just sending lots of |
| I don't have any advice but sending you and Kelsey big hugs. |
| Lisa, I'm so sorry you're facing this . I made the decision to let Beau go, it broke my heart but I was being selfish and that wasn't right. With Daisy I always believed she would get better and was in denial, but she died while I was sleeping on the floor with her, my arms around her holding her close. Whenever you think it's time is the right time because you will do what's best for her and make the decision with love:ghug:
Holly |
| Just want to say thankyou for all your replies, I think I know in my own heart when I posted what the answer is. I just have to build up the courage for her to make that phone call.
I've cried with all your replies and some of them was describing what is happening with Kelsey now. The last 6 months has been emotionally draining for all of us in the family. Chris your reply hit home the most, my son looked after her so we could go away for just 2 nights and when we got home he was so distraught and had a terrible time with her, also said mom you really have to think about it, this is coming from a 24 year old. She sparked up when I got home, still eating well but the quality of life is draining away from her everyday. I can't leave her for too long as she goes down and if no one there to help her up straight away she howls, just going to the supermarket my mom comes over to watch her for an hour or so, so I can get out. I still look at her through rose coloured glasses and the realisation is sinking in now.
Thankyou all for your love and support in this distressing descission time for me and Kelsey |
| Hugs to you, we are all here to talk, or just listen. We may not be able to give you a hug but we still care. x |
| Hi I so sorry I missed this, I know the pain and the heart ache you are going through.
This is so terrible please know I'm thinking of you at this horrible time. |
| Sending hugs to Kelsey and all her family. Know that you have been responsible for giving her the best life a dog could ask for. How lucky Kelsey was blessed with living in your home.
You're faced with a touch choice but as you said you know the answer deep in your heart and we are all here for you Lisa. I wish I could give you a big hug in person. Marianne |
| So sorry Lisa you are facing this. I have to say it does sound like it is time. They don't understand when this is happening, and at least you can give her her dignity. They are always missed, but she had the best life possible. She will thank you for that when you see her again.
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| So sorry you're facing this Lisa. I dont have any advice. All that has been given is great. You just have my support and prayers as you go through this difficult time. |
| We will be faced with the same decision in the near future. My dog will be 13 in April and lost bowel control about 6 mos ago. He is fine with it and we support him. Once the peeing starts is when we have to make our decision. He can get up on his own, although the winter has been hard on him when he goes outside. He is starting to fall more frequently. He is still very happy and full of energy....I dread the day that everything changes! Hang in there! |
| So sorry to hear your painful decision to be. From what I have been reading - it is time. To keep falling and crying out - you know it is time.
It is the hardest decision to make but in the end knowing that Kelsey is free of pain is a great comforter, and knowing that Kelsey will be with many other friendly and happy doggies helps. Good luck and bless you. |
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