Does your spouse forbid you?
Has anyone here ever been forbidden to do or buy something by their husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend, SO or fiancee? Has anyone forbidden their SO from doing or buying something? Joan and I have an agreement: If one of us really doesn't want something, then we have a "veto" on the purchase. In nearly a quarter of a century, neither of us has exercised that right. The closest we've come is when I really wanted to go look at another house and Joan, um.... didn't want to go look. That was about 12 or 13 years ago. Then again, we're both pretty frugal. How about y'all? |
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| I'm afraid I'm a bit spoilt in my relationship. Sometimes my partner won't love an idea (eg. Bally) , but it's embarrassingly easy to convince him and things usually turn out best for me.
The only thing I have "forbidden" my partner from doing is smoking and not taking his medication, but in that's more a case of me reinforcing the rules he's already set out for himself |
| Richard has never told me NO, but he has asked me to tell him when I want something on QVC. You all know I love it there. I don't ever say NO to anything he wants for his computer ect. Now he wants a blackberry. The only thing I asked no e-mail. he can get it always at work and home. A waste of extras. We do have to wait to upgrade our cells for him to get a good price. Feb 19 2009, not to long to wait. He does use the PDA he has now but this would be all 3 things he carries.
He NEVER says NO to any kichen appl. I want. So I guess we are the same as you Ron, we talk about it first. |
| No, not really. Any big purchase we want to make needs to be discussed.
Not that it means the one who wants it won't get it, just that we both need to help the budget! It would be bad if we both made a big purchase at the same time.  |
| I think I started the "forbid" comment. In my husband's defense, he was barely twenty at the time. He tried it once, and we laugh hysterically about it now.
We discuss all major issues. It's give and take here. Although I usually end up making many of the decisions. I'm one of those obnoxiously organized teachers, and my husband tends to be the grasshopper from the fable. While we do work things out together, if we're in opposition the practical opinion usually wins, and generally I'm the buzz kill with the practical opinion. I love my husband dearly, but he'd buy the magic beans each and every time. You gotta love his spirit. Neither one has ever tried the "forbid" card since. |
No. We always talk and are on the same page. I am rather spoiled and could probably have most anything I want (if I asked for it). But I am not material oriented and very practical and so is my husband. Couldn't ask for a sweeter husband.  |
| I think the things we FORBID each other to do.....
are all things we both already feel strongly about for religious or moral reasons. We believe if something really hurts the other person, and what that person is doing isn't adding value to their/our lives, then there's no reason not to listen our request. I can go on and on about things we forbid each other from doing, but again... I don't think neither of us mind that the other doesn't want us to do it. I'd list them, but I prefer not to get in some long debate with anyone to why we feel a married person shouldn't do this or that. |
Quote: Has anyone here ever been forbidden to do or buy something by their husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend, SO or fiancee?
Has anyone forbidden their SO from doing or buying something? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahhaha 
sure 
well he has tried it - it was pretty funny. I worked about an hour away from home and he "forbid" me to drive home during a snow storm. I checked into a nearby 4 star hotel and billed the $300+ bill to him. it hasn't happened again. |
Oh I cant tell you how lucky you all are!!! 
I never ever had a relationship where I was "allowed" to do or spend what I want! That's why I'm single now so I can do what I want without asking someone for "permission"! I wasnt even allowed to talk to other people, doesnt matter if man or woman, young or old, I wasnt allowed to have people's phone numbers and if I talked to someone I had a hell of a problem, I also had to translate everything I talked to my family, who speaks german. If I translateted I was still shouted at, that there was something I was "hiding". This relationship was just 1 1/2 years ago and I still suffer from it and try to get my confidence back as it had thrown me out of my normal life. I'm getting better now, started to dance at the Tribal troupe and glad I'm making friends step by step and can meet people in a normal way without beeing shouted at! I'm finally FREE!!! Hope though, there would be still some normal guy out there who doesnt use me!!  (I paid ALL the bills!!!) |
| Bob has never used the "forbid" word to me He has said NO NO NO NO NO but after 32 years of marriage he has just given up. We really only get things we can afford but the biggest OH NO is foster dogs....sometimes they never leave so that is how I have come to have 5 dogs But we do fine...... |
| No, no "forbidding" here. We discuss large purchases and have always agreed on when and what. we are both frugel, I more then him, so we are together on that page. We also respect each others opinion. |
| My spouse is forbidden to forbid me of anything.
Actually, my philosophy is that we're in this marriage of our own free will and are considerate and respectful of each others' needs and wishes. There's never been a need to "forbid" anything - if one of us did something that the other was not amenable to, then we wouldn't be here...18 years later. |
NO forbidding here .....on either end...We both learned 36 years ago to talk...talk ...talk about our wants, needs, desires,,,has worked great so far!!!!!!  |
| no forbidding here....b does try to put ''restraints'' on me...like when i wanted the new dining room table.....he said fine but it has to be on sale and YOU have to sell the existing one for no less than 500.00
soooooo, i saved my money for a year, put an add in the paper....no one would pay more than 300.00 ... so, i added 200.00 from my secret stash, gave it to him and bought my new table..... 
lets just say, that when a restraint is tried, there are always ways to break them |
| I'm the more frugal of the two of us. But I've never forbidden Tony to buy anything he really wants...and we have the credit card debt to prove it! (And a closet full of Tommy Bahama shirts!) |
Quote: Has anyone here ever been forbidden to do or buy something
Hang on, I'm looking for the "falling down laughing hysterically" icon. You have got to be joking. No, not in this lifetime. This reminds me of when I broke my arm and the Dr at the hospital asked me if my husband did it. I laughed myself right off the exam table, and told him no, I'd have hit him back. I have never understood either party in a relationship being the "one in charge". We have always tried to understand each others' wants and disapprovals, and comprimised. How else could it really work? One person would always be bowing to the demands of the other - and to me that isn't right. Sorry if that's offensive. I know generational differences and all that, but really... IMO that's no way to live. Shellie |
| sometimes, and i mean sometimes, its okay to let them feel in charge...but its also good for them to know that you can take care of yourself .....
its a dance in which toes get bruised but dang you had fun on the dance floor! |
| Haha, I have never been 'forbidden' to do or have anything, our relationship is teamwork and with Greg being so sensible and so good at putting his point across calmly- I have to agree every time!
However.. if I want something, it's easy to make him think he decided to get it.. I just hint or lead him gently to have the idea himself. Works every time |
| No forbidding in our house either. I take care of the finances and because of that, he sometimes just doesn't realize what we can and can't afford. He'll mention about wanting to buy this or that (major stuff), and then I tell him no and explain why. He understands. Says it's still better than him handling the finances himself. Not that any of our finances are a big secret, he just doesn't want to be bothered with keeping track of everything. So our compromise is - I handle the finances, and he handles all the heavy physical work.
When either one of us really want something that's not minor but not quite major, we'll discuss it and see what can be moved from column A to column B. We don't want for anything, and now that the kids are out of college we have more financial wiggle room. Minor things we don't even discuss, we just buy. I've always told him that as long as I earn a paycheck, what I do with my portion of the money is my business, and vice versa. 33 years later, the system still works. |
I am forbidden in getting any more pets.  |
VerveUp wrote: I am forbidden in getting any more pets.
sorry - dan's still wandering around the house saying what new puppy? I figured a year or two and he'll think its his idea 
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| My darling husband has nary a hobby and I have far too many... I have to remind him to buy new pants or shoes or undies... He never asks for a new car or anything... I take care of myself and get all the yarn, jewelry making supplies and cooking stuff I could want and he never has made a comment. Not to say he likes it, I just don't know if he does or not.
I don't think relationships today are the same as our parents... That being said, my mom and dad had a pretty good one and they didn't ask each other or forbid each other anything either. My dad always wanted to get my mom a mink coat, and she would never have worn it so it's kind of funny. |
VerveUp wrote: I am forbidden in getting any more pets.
Ditto. I wouldn't call it forbidden as much as I have to make a choice. One more dog or keep my husband. Some days, I'd rather have the dog. |
VerveUp wrote: I am forbidden in getting any more pets.
I was told "Divorce" if I come home with another.
I am forbidden from getting another dog, at least for now. Hubby forbid me from allowing him to go to a bar without me.
His words were, "Never allow me to go to a bar again without you!!" The last time he went out without me was a few years ago on his Birthday with his best friend. Seems dear hubby hit his best friend in the head with his pool stick, while under the influence of alcohol.... WAY TO MUCH ALCOHOL! Hubby tried to keep up with his best friend. Best friend knew that Hubby didn't do well with Whiskey and best friend still talked him into doing a shot with him. If I was there Best Friend would have never talked him into it.
Hubby said he tapped his best friend with the pool stick. Best Friend said No, it was hard!!! Best Friend told hubby it was time to leave the bar and they came home.
The next day the Forbidden Bar Rule came in effect for hubby. BECAUSE, I never would have allowed him to drink that much and would have never let him take the shot which is called a "Gorilla Fart". |
Ron wrote: Has anyone here ever been forbidden to do or buy something by their husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend, SO or fiancee?  Not while I'm still breathing.Ron wrote: Has anyone forbidden their SO from doing or buying something?
Are you kidding? He carries a gun.
I'm pretty much on board with Jo. We know what we expect from each other and respect that. |
| We don't forbid each other from doing anything (at least not yet!), but of course there are things that we have to discuss and things that have to be compromised on, etc. It's part of a healthy relationship to have the give and take of it.
The only thing that 'seems' a little like I have to ask for things is that he makes more money than I do, so if I want bigger items that I can't afford on my own, I'll have to bring him in on the deal
Oh, actually, he just forbade me the other night from getting rid of our cat who pees on me at night. |
| I'm surprised he wants the cat. My husband would love for a reason to get rid of any of the cats and/or maltese.
When it comes to money, it's actually my husband who always discusses it with me before making purchases ...even rather small ones ...and I just discuss big ones or just buy and have that "how'd this end up in the house?" look. |
| He says the cat is our first baby and that no one would want a pee-cat and that it would end up euthanized, so we have to keep him I don't want to get rid of him either, but it gets old to be peed on in the night.
I have that same look--this sweater? No, it's not new. I've had it for a while (a while meaning I bought it over a week ago and haven't worn it yet). |
| None of that in our house. We decided almost 32 years ago that we were a team, and would respect each other as such. I may grumble and groan and roll my eyes--- but if there is a true issue, we talk about it.
I have to say, John thinks some of my spending is nuts. I am funny about decorating and the house and will buy and change my mind, and change and change.... He is very patient. By my own admission, I am a hair gadet and makeup freak. He may forbid if he knew how much I paid for my last hot iron...... |
VerveUp wrote: I am forbidden in getting any more pets.
<sigh>, same here. I managed to get a cat 2 1/2 years ago by promising not to bring up wanting dog #4. Last year, when we got my daughter a kitten for Christmas, I managed to talk him into another cat. We agree on almost everything - finances, raising the kids, what we want in life. We have a rule that anything over a hundred bucks requires that we consult the other half (it stated when we were married and a hundred bucks was a lot of money). And honestly, it's probably good that he says no to the pets. I'd probably become the first sheepie hoarder!  He has blocked me from pet finder. It's too hard not to want to rescue them. |
| no forbidding here that is why i been married and divorced 3 times |
| in our house if he has to ask if he can have it the answer is always NO!!!!
i'm pretty easy going on my hubbys hobbys, we have big speakers in the family room, big computer in the study etc record player and vynal that just keeps growing (hubbys only 26), i cook most of our meals from scratch and bake all his fav treats on request but i love to bake ( not so much the cooking lol) he tells me off for not buying clothes etc, but they haven't fallen apart yets i always look presentable. but he gave in to having a second child when i always knew he only wanted one, ( he so great that even after losing the second we got try again and all is going well so far) and i don't have to work anymore as its important to us that one of us raise our kids not a nursery. i'm a terrible house keeper the house is tidy but not perfect but he knew that before he married me. and he spoils me jimmy choos as a wedding pressent. etc. he drove ours to pick up einy the day before valentines just coz i wanted him. but then his dad says he has to be good to me and not upset me coz no one else would put up with him. lol zoe and einy |
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