family dynamics
My kids are adults, and I would love to have my daughter home, but my nature is more likely to avoid the subject and fume. In the future, since it is too late for this year, should I bring this up to my son - who is likely to over react and get huffy? |
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No advice but sometimes family makes one crazy. Have a drink  |
| I know my mil would handle it by telling her daughter to either tough it out b/c it's the right thing to do by inviting her especially since she may one day be a part of the family and is someone your son loves ...or find ways through "hints" to make both parties happy. How, I'm not sure, but she wouldn't interfere by actually mentioning it. Before becoming a part of the family, I would definitely say "try talking to him," but not anymore. She tries to avoid bigger conflicts, and I would hate for my dil to already hate me causing my son not to come over as much/at all.
I like how my mil always knows how to say (or not say) the right thing to keep harmony between us, so no one knows anyone is upset with the other. Mr. J's family is such a close knit family. ...to the extreme, but even they can only make it 1 holiday (either thanksgiving or christmas). Sometimes it's because of work, but most of the time they like to go to one set of parents house for each. That may be a way to resolve it for you guys? ...and fwiw, I think my mom would tell me tough as well if I complained about my brother's gf. |
^^^ yes, but she is right about her  |
| Kerry - ignore it and pray he dumps her.
That's what my Mom and I did when we were in mutual agreement that we loathed my brother's at that time fiance (that would be the loudly opinionated AR vegetarian who kept trying to convince mom and I that pets are evil...  Needless to say not a good fit with my family - even my father couldn't stand her). I told my mother I wasn't coming home if she was going to be there, and Mom was fine with that. Sad she couldn't escape, but maternal duties and all.
Eventually my brother did come to his senses on his own and dumped her and doesn't still hate us (he can hold grudges for decades) because we never let on that we couldn't stand her. The drink idea is excellent 
Kristine |
kerry wrote: ^^^ yes, but she is right about her
If the girlfriend does suck, don't worry too much about it and give your daughter a break. Sometimes just taking that one holiday off will let her decompress enough for the next few years to tolerate the annoying girlfriend. Our good friend has one of those girlfriends and I have to sit out a dinner every now and then so I don't say something I shouldn't! |
kerry wrote: ^^^ yes, but she is right about her
Oh no. I do not look forward to being a parent and not liking the unsuitable gf.  |
Joahaeyo wrote: kerry wrote: ^^^ yes, but she is right about her Oh no. I do not look forward to being a parent and not liking the unsuitable gf. add that to really liking the ex-boyfirend who is now just a friend and hope you never have a daughter. |
| I am absolutly NOT the person to ask about this one... We only travel to our hometown once per year and with out even trying it seems to always fall within a NON-holiday month
*When growing up my mom and sister 'learned to tolerate' my brothers wife (after several years of trying to please her to all others expense) and now -- many years later-- my brother comes to all the family things and his wife stays at home. They settled into a routine, I guess. They are all older than me so all those times I was young enough to be oblivious to most of the situation. *My husbands family.... HA! No one has ever gotten together in all the 18 years we have been together and made with without 'something' going on. Since my MiL passed away the family never has a formal get together. They all went different ways. Hubby says he is 100% ok with this. He talks to his dad and brother on the phone and wouldn't dream of talking to his sister if someone paid him a million dollars to do so. There wer major issues between the 2 when MiL passed away. * for ME: daughter (who will be turning 20 in Jan) had a boyfriend I felt was waaaay wrong. I am not even talking about being a protective Mom and no one's good enough for my daughter kind of thing.... It's was more that they were just not right together. He was around 4 1/2 yrs older than her, Didn't want to encourage her to do new things in life, Wanted to enable her to never do for herself. (she has self-confidence issues.. always thinks she can't do it ) and he liked her sitting around and always just 'doing it for her' ~ While we were trying to encourage her!! "Yes! You CAN do it, It's not THAT hard. Get off your ass and just try!"
I never said anything directly to either of them about my dislike.... hubby and I vented to each other.... but you can imagine my relief when he broke it off last spring!!!  We would have put up with him at the holidays if needed....
OK ~ This was a long way to say "Hope it all works out for you. Nothing will be easy. Keep your chin up. Vent to us when needed! |
| Get used to these sort of situations.Our 3rd son was with a really unsuited gf and we all knew the relationship had a use by date and we just waited it out.BUT they decided to have a baby,then split when he was about to turn 2.So be glad theres no child involved.My son avoids his ex like the plague(she was having an affair with a married man when our son left her),now she is still with the married man,now divorced,so they broke up two relationships to be together,and our darling grandson is stuck in the middle.Our son wont collect his son from their house,he has to be dropped off with us,returned to us for her to collect etc.We see way more of the ex gf and her bf than we do of our son,we have our gs for at least one weekend a month ourselves so we have him more than his father does,
This is when it gets serious.If they arent married or dont have a kid,believe me,its just irritating.You can handle irritating. |
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