Wedding Invitation.. Update
I called my sister. We are not super close but we do talk at least once or twice a month. I got 2 excuses as to why the invitation was so late. Number 1:Her soon to be DIL asked for addresses long before this and she never got them to her and No2: They just now got the invitations because they don't have a lot of money. I say take your pick because I don't believe either. She did tell me that she called my other two brothers. My feeling is that because we are so far away that she just thought we wouldn't make the trip. I was there when my nephew was born and if I had enough time I WOULD have make the trip. One other thing she told me is that the soon to be DIL was hurt by my response, oh boo hoo. I told her I was insulted that the invitation was so late. We ended the conversation because her phone was about to die. I expect to hear from her soon with another excuse. |
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| Well, if your sister isn't going to stand up for her 3 siblings or at least keep you three informed as to date, place so you could make arrangements before the invitations were even mailed.......you now know where you stand.
Oh well, send a simple gift, nothing great, and move on. Apparently you are more family oriented than they are. |
For a wedding gift, why not send them two airline tickets that expire in 3 days?
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whatever you send them ......send it late with short note saying I'm sorry this present is late ...but I've only just found your address (I would make it something not used every day like a cake serving spatula etc)   |
| I really think you are getting too upset over this. SInce you are admittedly not close to your sister I assume you are not that close to your nephew. I say let it go, making an issue of it only risk's causeing a long term family problem.
My niece was married this summer and I never even received an invitation, I was actually relieved as they live far away and it would have been an expensive trip. I sent a gift and my well wishes. Doug's son was also married this summer, the wedding was a year in the planning but we never got a "date" out of him. Two weeks before the wedding he got a phone call saying they "forgot" to send an invitation. We didn't go. Life is too short to let soemthing like this make you miserable. Acknowledge that you are hurt and move on. If you WANT to send a gift, it not don't. But MOVE ON. |
| A wedding of someone that close to you is a big deal and you have every right to be upset, especially when you're getting a bunch of lame excuses. As I said in the other thread, if you can't afford something for the wedding, you really need to wait until you can or adjust properly.
As someone who just got married last year, I tried to think of my guests needs first, especially since it was a destination wedding for all but 3 of the guests. Everyone says your wedding is "your" day but that's just it. You get the day of and that's it! All the time before that should be spent making sure your guests are going to be having a good time. Why have a party if it isn't going to be fun and everyone's happy? If you don't have the money but need to be married for other reasons, like health insurance or something, just go the Justice of the Peace to join up and save up for the reception. I think sometimes people are way to quick to dismiss stuff like this or stay angry without saying anything. Im not saying to let it ruin your life but I do think that you should let the person know that their actions were unacceptable and how it made you feel. It may not fix everything now but maybe they'll think about it the next time a similar situation comes up. If you think you can't control yourself verbally, write a letter after the event. |
ButtersStotch wrote: I think sometimes people are way to quick to dismiss stuff like this or stay angry without saying anything. Im not saying to let it ruin your life but I do think that you should let the person know that their actions were unacceptable and how it made you feel.
It sounds like the unacceptable actions were perpetrated by the Sister and Nephew, not the bride-to-be. Sister admitted that she has been asked for the address, but had never gotten around to providing it. Plus, Sister speaks to Simon's Mom twice a month and never mentioned the date. Bride-to-Be was running around town telling her friends and family all about it, and emailing the link to the wedding website to all the email addresses she knew, which are both free forms of communication. She probably figured that her fiance's family was doing the same thing. So, if the wedding invitations went out a little late, she thought she was covered. Heck, everyone knew the date - she had set up the website in March. So I can see why she might be hurt by the comment - she made the mistake of assuming that it had been taken care of. My whole family lives across the country, and I can tell which events I'm expected to show up at by receiving a phone call or email. I'll get invitations to some other stuff, like bridal/baby showers, first communions, but no one really expects me to show up for them. Just send a gift  |
I would not be inclined to send a gift if I was treated that way - but I would probably get over it and send something - just what I would have sent if I had been treated properly. I know my nephew is likely getting married int he next year or two and have been put on notice that I need to attend. Hopefully we will get a date with as much notice  |
| I would believe the money part. And believe by extension that there was an assumption that you and your family would not be able to attend, without thinking through that if you had enough time, of course you could (and would). And even take it a step further: perhaps they felt that they, themselves, would be unable to attend a wedding of one of your children (if you have any coming up in the next 10 years or so) and so, elected not to create such an 'obligation.' I get it, even if I don't like it. But I am always for attempting to see only happiness and good intentions around such events as weddings. I've seen these things go like a game of dominoes gone very wrong.
Please, if you can, try not to see any attempt to exclude you, but look at it as a product of youth/inexperience/lack of organizational skills and funds. |
| I have declined invitations and instead sent the money I would have spent to attend which is waaaay more than the present they would have received. They save on catering, get a lot of cash and I save the cost of a present.
Everybody wins! 
Of course I don't get to go to the wedding but hey, they weren't at mine.
In reality, I suspect that people sometimes invite distant relatives for the gifts, don't they? |
| Something similar happened to my husband,his sister remarried and we didnt even know for a few years.He was upset,being oldest son/child,and felt he should have been invited.
I pointed out,we rarely keep in touch with any of his family and rarely go to any of their "dos" so fair enough,they probably did the guest list and said "No point inviting him,he wont come". I agree,you deserved better,seeing you do keep in touch with your sister. My only niece is getting married in April and I was actually feeling a little put out to not have an invitation yet,I shall lower my expectations,I do talk to my sis on the phone about monthly and she freely mentions the wedding so assume I am to be invited! |
| Cleo, an invitation to an April wedding is a bit early now. End of February or early March seems more likely. To assure a seat, ask about the wedding each time you talk to your sister. Maybe your sister will remember to have an invitation sent to you. Ultimately it is the bride and groom's decision.......
Remember, some weddings are kept small for financial reasons. If this is the case, the prospective couple can send out notices , or better yet call, people who assume they will be invited. There they have to specifically state "we ask only for your good wishes and not presents." Obviously this was not the case in wedding in question if the RSVPs were by email. |
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