Vladimir's Velcro Voodoo : WOW =)! ThankYOU4Ever! (sara)
Written to Vladimir's Velcro Voodoo (after my dad), Vladdie, Vladko, Vladdie-O baby-O, flufferfukker, woob, monsieurmonsieur, mon chou, Vladimir, buttercup, my brother my fluffer, flufferbutter, fluff-a-but, fluffsies, bubbsies, silly goose, rumparoni, blue eye, wise eye, tough guy, baby, dee-oh-gee, ruckuser, darling, mi amore, weisenheimer, wiseguy, punk, bubb, my baby, yo bro, Veebaby, Vlad, je t'aime toujours. sans aucune doute. toujours, tu m'ecoute? attends, je viens.... 02.14.97 - 07.22.08 He was very well loved and he knew it. Always. We had countless adventures together, frolicking, squirreling, ruckusing. With patience and love, I became a much much better person; I took to calling him my better three quarters. He had an amazing life and I will always be grateful and in awe of the amazing being he is (thanks for your patience! you always were such a good patient boy) ________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________ 08.13.08 I'm trying to hold on to all the ways you made me a better person. It seems like some of the spring is gone from my step and when I'm aware of my heart there seems to be a ragged bit missing... the part that held you in my gaze and looked forward to running my fingers through your hair and holding you. I miss wiping the extra water from your moustache and chin. Or the anemones that would result if I neglected that for too long. I miss your sneak attacks of a wet slurp on the unsuspecting, especially passengers in the car. You were so #### funny and good-natured, you were the rest of me; I have a whole box of towels that can't be used to wipe the wet from your paws on damp, rainy days. I love looking into your one wise blue eye that seemed to see right past all my bravado; you knew I was fallible, vulnerable, and that I considered myself totally accountable to you. You accepted me and forgave my sometimes horrendous foibles and tantrums. And I loved you and loved you and loved you and I still do. I adore you, Vladimir. I always did my best to do right by you, even at the last when I had to say sweet dreams for the last time. You are the most amazing being, person animal or otherwise, I've ever known. I will always be honored by your patience, your steadfastness, your great sense of play and adventure, your acceptance of whatever came our way, and your love without reservations. You are such! a good, patient boy Vlad! How do you do it? What is the secret of your success? Oooh, my boy, I love you so; I'm so sorry I had to be the one to say "when you've gotta go, you've gotta go. Except this time I can't come with, Vladdie. " I'm glad I had the balls, though. You knew it was no good; the flowing blood from the hemorrhage coming out of your nose and clotting, clotting right above your lip on your whiskers. So much had clotted I thought your brains were coming out of your head. And then: mmm mi amore, mi corazon, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. but y'know kiddo when you've gotta go, you've gotta go... I just can't come with you this time. I love you so so so much Vlad, Time to go to sleep Vlad. Good night. Sweet dreams, my boy. And then the doctor: "There's no pulse" And I stood up and tried to be all practical and stuff. As Stretch said last night; He'll always be with you. He's there with you right now in your heart. He knows you're talking about him, he knows how you feel, he can hear what we're saying about hinm right now. He'll wait for you, but he'll be with you the whole time, too. I can't write anymore right now. I want to hug you and look in your blue eye and go for a brisk stroll with you. Instead, I'll cut and paste this post from the week of your last day. _________________________________________ 07.22.08 5:45pm. I love you so much, La, I always have. I'm so sorry you can't come along ever again. sigh... (insert Moby's "Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad") _________________________________________ Confession: I feel alone, useless, worthless, and vulnerable. I miss you so, Woobsies..... But I'm glad you're not bleeding and broken, there is no pain.... only I am hemorrhaging emotionally. I try to let myself feel this, let myself be sad, but I fall towards anything that produces numbness. I'll write again as soon as I am able, Vladko. mi corazon. Bless your furry little heart, kiddo. Take a lap for me in the sunny swimming hole over that bridge where you are.. shake off, Cloud. Tears are good, cleansing. But it's also good to shake it, off. Right, Vladdie? I wish you were here to give me the askance glance and a quick lick, then look at the door to say "and now can we go outside? do stuff?" I'll go take a lap around the hood for ya, kiddo. Wish me luck, Vladdie baby; I'm gonna need it. _________________________________________________ Temp Foster or New Home Avail: I just lost my Old English Sheepdog And as heartbroken as I am about it (he was amazing, beautiful, loved, and made me a much better person), I would like to help a large dog (a person with a dog in transition or a dog without a person) who needs either a temporary foster home or needs a new home. I'm great with big dogs, grooming, only feed high quality food, have trained about a dozen dogs, and know the value of an afternoon in the park or at the beach. If it's a temp foster, I would welcome some monetary contribution for my help Please don't rant at me for the following; I am -not- open to any pit bulls, staffordshire terriers, pit mixes or anything that is designed to kill. The fact is that the pup will get to go most places with me as I have a job that allows it. We will go to my favorite chill, dog-friendly bar together, to the park, on long walks, to the beach, and generally will get to share my time with me. In order for this to all work out beautifully, the dog (and I do prefer large breeds; Old English Sheepdog, Newfoundland, German Wirehaired Pointer, Standard Poodle, Giant Schnauzer, Black Russian Terrier, Irish Wofhound, etc.) needs to be amenable to social situations. I can help socialize the dog and/or train it, but I can't handle an aggressive pup. Please do be quite honest about any habits or tendencies your dog has... And as much as I was in love with Vladimir (miss ya kiddo =), there were times when I could've used an offer like this; so if you or someone you know has a lovely beast that could use some help, let me know. Namaste ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ 10.25.08 Big kisses and hugs from the land of kibble and air and sunny day beach lounging, Vladdie-o. Big big hugs and hair ruffles, especially. And a package of virtual hot dogs =) I'll try not to cry in front of you, I know it makes you uncomfortable. Besides, I can't pretend I see you nearly as well with tears in my eyes. silly kitten, huh, Vlad? hoooooo boy, I miss you so. lots and lots and lots and lots. You know that, but you know how I love to overstate the obvious. The three month anniversary of the last time I got to whisper in you ear just passed. Needless to say, I didn't celebrate. But I didn't drown myself or do anything rash, so that's good, right? I actually talked to a fellow (at the awesome bar with the couches you love) the other night who has 2 sheepdog puppies, and he remembered you and I from months back. He said you were a lovely sheepie and that he had been touched by how we were together. He remembered that you had trouble walking, but that you were so agreable, and we were obviously in love with each other. And he said he was touched by the way I treated you, helping out with the getting on the couch, and off, and getting the water bowl for you, and helping you when you stumbled, and brushing the hair back from your eyes, chuckling gently when you laid down accidentally and lifting your ass back up to standing and just, y'know, being who I could be with you and for you. (God knows I owed you some handmaiden time, ey?.... you saw me through my twenties. sheesh. Have they sainted you yet for that? =) Lounging with you, draped onto each other in an attitude of repose watching the pool game and people coming to say hi to you, me, us, mostly you, though. He just said he was really touched by it all. Anyways, we talked sheepies and he showed me pics on his cell of his 2, Guinness and Murphy, and I had (of course) very nice things to say about you. OK, I went on and on about how great you were, and how much I loved spending my time with you, and frolicking about with you, and how you made me such a better person. And how cute you were. Anyhow, I was really really touched that he remembered you and I, because that meant that he was more real since he saw us together, and it meant he saw me the way I was when I was with you, more myself, and also because it meant you were close to being there, too... because we could see you together. So, after an hour straight of sheepie talk, I wandered on up the street to go to bed. Wishing you were here. Though I know you can't be here if you can't, that's all there is to it. I hear that bridge is really good stuff for old dogs (people too I hope =); fixes broken things, plenty of whatever weather you like, swimming holes, probably my dinner every night. It's OK, you can have it Vladko, I'm not being so kind to myself, someone ought to eat my food. I'm finally almost able to eat cheese without automatically wanting to cut bits off to give to you, and feeling odd that that simple motion no longer makes any sense, like having tasty food at a restaurant and wanting to bring out a sliver or an offering, I hate that last little bit of something yummy on my plate that has no meaning nor reason no eager look, lip-smacking goodness, your back doing that hunching, roaching, quivering thing from the back towards your head right along your spine if it was reallllly tasty. Remember that time I ruined that whole pot of eggplant whatever (mess) when you were just a teenager, I actually tried to offer you some, and you gave me that look like "woman? for real? that's not food." I'm doing better than before, like right after (first month was 110% excruciating) but not so brilliant overall. I know, I know you felt it chasing you down and stuck in there for me. I know you did it because you could see how much I needed you, and you wanted to see it through, be there like we planned. And you were, I reckon you hung on for a month and a half past the worst part, when that night I drove to have you see Danny one last time, because I know y'all care about each other and I didn't want our tiff to come between what you guys had. Remember how I held you on my lap in the front seat of the car, like you were puppy size somehow almost, and I just hugged you and cried and wept and you were so stunned by the strength of my sadness that you actually just let me scrunch you against me, all curled and ensconced, while I whispered fervently in your ear and against your neck how much I loved you and that I needed you, I couldn't do it all alone. Blubbering and rocking and not willing to believe the horribleness of time stretching out into the future the horizon a pinprick with me poking along, head up, smiling, everybody telling me I'm one of the happiest people they know. Always cheerful, nice, funny, a bounce to my step, gee you must have a great life. Remember how I'd get that, Vlad? And then I'd tell them my life was on fire, I don't have a family, I'm in a row boat going down whitewater rapids. But I have my pup, and of course there's a bounce to my step. I think I would sink as if in quicksand otherwise. Heavy things sink. Ships are an exception, I suppose. mysterious.... how I stay afloat and smile and bounce like walking on water, but not that highly thought of. At least I don't sink, although I feel like I'm drowning. You were a damn good bouy, as well as life counselor, co-conspirator, door greeter, car passenger, beach buddy, a reason to go outside even in dark moments, and way too cute and funny and and game and silly silly is good. Keep on the sunny side always on the sunny side keep on the sunny side of life. pumpumpum dobedobedo if you keep on the sunny side of life. the littlest birds sing the prettiest songs. they do, Vla, but you gave me warm fuzzies. Hello my honey, hello my Vladdie, hello my ragtime dog... (remember? I sang it real softly for just a second there at the end, for sweet dreams for you) By the way, just wanted to mention that I'm not as courageous as I thought. I don't take walks at night without you, it seems I'm really a gen-u-ine wuss, fyi. On my facebook page, in my about me section I wrote a little thing about what you taught me. Here, I'll show you... What Vlad taught me; 1.When in doubt, just go out. 2.Live the world anew, let things go, welcome them. 3.Doing things together is more fun. 4.Love is all around us. Love is all. 5.Relish yummy things. 6. Wag more, whine less. So, I need to go on out to the beach and probably do some practical stuff (gotta go make money for kibble, kiddo =). I don't think you'd approve if I sat inside on a nice day. By the way, I miss having you here (duh) to give me the 'what the hell?!?' look and a harrumph. I think you were damn good at getting me to get the he!! off my hamster wheel and on to other more productive or amusing things. Good boy! =) Oh yes, I started writing to you just now to tell you something specific. I was waiting to get a new sheepie this weekend, it was all arranged except the time of the flight and me paying for it. Beautiful blue-eyed girl, 75 lbs, she had the clever, up to something, 'who me huhn? why would you think that?' look, kinda curly hair, medium length, I was so happy!!! She wouldn't be you, but I need a sheepie like sheepies (you) need kibble. I could almost wrap my arms around her, reach down and ruffle the fur, pull the hair back from the eyes, share a wee little piece of meat with someone appreciative, go on long walks, drape together at the bar. So, point being, I called yesterday to find out crate size which yaddayaddayadda people money talk, to finalize and get the time she'd be arriving. Her person told me they had had her put to sleep. I could not believe it. I choked on the words. MY sheepie you stupid mmmmPPPGHHHHGuuuhghgghghghughghghfhgffhgfgmmmph ARRRRGGGGHHH. Awestruck; she was mine mine mine VLAAAAAD. thanks. I needed to say that. ughughugh... 3 years old. Her husban, whom I had chatted with nicely for a few minutes just 2 hours before, had taken Sara (Sarah's Fantasy, I present Vladimir's Velcro Voodoo) to the vet just a bit before I rang. He had told me Bobby would be back at 4 pm central time, I rang at 4:10 their time, and begged, pleaded, told her I'd find somebody in Minnesota to take her, a rescue, find somebody to come get her today, don't do that, she's absolutely gorgeous, how can you do that, I'll find somebody, I'm on an oes online community, there's people who will totally come get her, no trouble for you at all, I'm soooooooo good with big dogs, I'll sort out any possible problems, sign whatever if you're worried about liability, I've trained a bunch of dogs, I was just calling to get the kennel size to phone in payment to the airline, if she's sketched from the flight it's fine, I'll get her sedated, there are other things to do besides killing her, please don't do that, call it off, please, please, call it off, can't you call, even if I can't have her she's too lovely, she deserves to live, to have a long life, a fabulous life with me doing all kinds of fun stuff, palling around, laughing, running in the grass, or with somebody, anybody, ... I almost .. almost .. I was already imaging my fingers in her hair, her looking around, checking out new stuff. almost So, I told her if there was any way she would change her mind or give me a chance to post, to call me back. I ran in, took a break from work, posted and crossposted on my site I mentioned. I called back half an hour later, I had to. More rational, more resolute, freaked, but not flabbergasted, so functional. I told her I had posted her and told her there was no need to do that at all. She said she had tried to call her husband, but he didn't pick up. I think I heard her sob, and she said she would try him again. I implored her (in a calm, rational way) to keep trying, that I would be able to figure something out for Sara, I asked if she could call the vet they were headed to. She said no, which seemed odd. That there was no reason for Sara to die; she could have a long, fabulous life full of fun adventures with me. It's true, that was the plan and I was sure as he)) going to stick to it, if I could. Maybe it was the country vet... take the pup for one last drive with a shotgun. Maybe a shovel. beeep: we're out of the office assisting a patient in the field. please leave a message. beeep. click. Y'know? But she said she'd keep calling her husband to try to intercede. I got that much. That's not even one sheepie hair, though. She said she'd send me an email. She did. That's not even sheepie water drool, not even a spot. Point being, she's hecka hecka cute and from what I know of her y'all will get along great. The ol' bounce and bark game. So noisy and yet so cute. So, be nice, huh, Vladdie, tell her I was lookin out as best I could and I'm so sorry I didn't get to see her. I reckon she'll be waitin on her folks and maybe even with them by the time I get over there, but tell her somebody loved her quite a lot considering I hadn't yet seen her. I went to bat for her, and well, y'know, Vlad, there's some illin' or dangerous or strange or just gross s&!t people do. I was scared of other kids when I was a kid, I thought they were cruel and shallow. Mostly, I've gotten over thinking like that (though not always been an exemplar of all that's good and right on). We're all on the path, and where you are determines your perspective. Also whether you take the high road or the low road, then there's hiking, luge, climbing, dogsled =), etc. I'm doin my best here, Vlad. Too bad I believe in karma and there being a point to each thing and that there's no cheating and cutting in line. Then again, I think the progress I've made in this life may do me for all eternity. Maybe we can spend eternity eating medium-rare filet mignon, lounging, swimming in the Eel River, driving to Baker Beach, frolicking through our days, laughing all the way, and playing drums in a sunny meadow (remember that? still haven't been out there in ages. Those were mighty fine days, though. Thank you for joining me, mi amore). Speaking of sunny, I'm curled over your evill little brother (the powerbook) hunting and pecking. I need to >>Git!! outside! I love you my boy, forever. And ever and ever and ever. I still have your ponytail in the bag in the car, your favorite stuffies are there, they miss you. We all understand you had to go. And I am eternally grateful you pulled yourself back together for that last month and a half, bucko. As hard as it is, I tell myself it is good and honorable to feel sad and miss someone whom you loved with a pure devotion and to feel that for someone that felt the same about you. You taught me how to love, differently, better, clearer, purer, loving the responsibility as a manifestation of what is important; constance, generosity of spirit, pureness of purpose, little things like cleaning the water dish and fresh cold water as acts of devotion, triumphant hunting down of good kibble (dog will hunt =), knowing that it is not only alright, but splendid that it's not all about me. Seeing your patience, your joie de vivre, your generosity of spirit, and willingness to overlook BS or temporary gaffes as a model for how I could improve myself. And I did. It's a process, Vladdie-O, a longer one for me than you thanks to the ol DNA. I'm loving you every day. Francis has actually admitted he misses you, quite a bit, I think. I can't define myself in relation to you (can, but that's headed over into crazy territory if I don't watch it), so I don't define myself. I practice what I talk about. I'm kind, nice, unassuming, I think I lost some of my bounce somewhere. It's probably in storage ; ) (everything else is, right?) Mi corazon, mon amour, mon chouchou, Vladko darling, keep on the sunny side So go play and have fun with poor Sara, when you've gotta go, you've gotta go And when I do get over there, I'll expect lots and lots of jumping and wiggling and licking, mister! Or else!! (Thanks for being everything I needed and then some. Well, OK, I never wanted to date you. That's true.) Take care of the sunny side Vlad, you are my sunshine. my only. sunshine. you make me happy when skies are gray (and most other times, too) Que sera, sera... (haha that was going to be her new name) OK< girlie: Buck up little camper. Can't go weeping all over the joint. Ciao Vladdie-O, my baby. I'll write. To you, I will ... |
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| That is so amazing, I am crying for you. I hope you soon find a sheepie to snuggle. Your boy will be so pleased for you. he is watching over you all the time. Snuggles from Summer... |
| I do know how you feel.....
After I lost my last three babies back to back I didn't think the pain would stop! (sometimes it doesn't) It is a horrible loss..... 
Vlad would NOT want you to be sad! I know this is hard to imagine but, he is walking right with you. He wants you to go on and share the love you gave him with another. That baby will come along for you.... Vlad is watching over you. Make him proud and do what he would want you to do!  |
| what a beautiful tribute to your boy. We all become unbalanced when unconditonal love leaves us. Sometimes non animal folks do not understand. But here on OES.org we do. I am with Donners mom after losing a humane and three very powerful animal lights in my life , I believe it will be a long time before I heal. It will take a long time for you. I still have 5 dogs (can I still be 4dognight???) so I have a reason to get up Oh yeah and a little donkey in a big barn.............. |
| i feel your pain i just lost 3 of my sheepies and my heart still breaks .. i am glad you are looking for a rescue.. but i know it will never replace your baby .. keep trying and it will get better |
I'm so sorry  . He's always with you, watching over you and wishing you could be happy again. |
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