Post on the lower portion of your refrigerator!!
Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not required. The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door: To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'niture. 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you , they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they: 1. Eat less 2. Don't ask for money all the time 3. Are easier to train 4. Normally come when called 5. Never ask to drive the car 6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends 7. Don't smoke or drink 8. Don't have to buy the latest f ashions 9. Don't want to wear your clothes 10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and... 11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children. |
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I love it, Now if I could only get Bella to read and heed it too.  |
| Rheba also took out my husband's legs when we were running around playing football in the yard. She didn't understand that it was "touch" football. All 6'1" of my husband tumbled to the ground because she thought the football was her's to play with. |
| Yeah, that last part is what I've stressed to my kids when they complained I liked the dogs more. I just said, "Naturally. That's because dogs are less expensive, more obedient and smell better. They never need orthodenture, graduate from school in a few months and are easier and quicker to potty train. They give affection willingly in front of their friends. They think I'm cool. What's not to love?" |
I just emailed this to my dad and mom LOL they always say I'd go crazy without the dogs. My kids would send me to the funny farm  |
| OMG..ROTFLMAO!!!This is soooo true and so funny |
| o so true.. how do i get duffy to move away from the fridge every time i open it he sits down while open and i have to slide him over to close it.. while in there he has to lick all the bottels.. loves a-1 steak sause |
That was hysterical! Our freezer is on the bottom of our refrigerator. Everytime we get ice to fill up a Diet Coke (Lime), Charlie sticks his face in ours waiting for his ice cube. He can be sound asleep and will hear the freezer door open and ice rustle. It's great (except when you get a wet thoink in the eye as you're bent over!!  )
Another favorite part was the stairway not being part of NASCAR. Charlie and Libby seem to thrive on racing up and down the stairs with Charlie spinning out on the turns. We just move out of the way and watch til they "crash." Gotta love doggies!!!!! |
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