Ole Blue Gave Me The Sign
I had convinced myself I had to be strong and needed to make the call as I never wanted him to suffer. Ole Blue wasn't ill, was still aware of his surroundings, still enjoyed food but did have problems with his arthritis and back legs. For months, I couldn't wait for the summer so that I could devote my entire days to him as I knew he wouldn't be with me forever. Still, I also had been hired for a new summer job.Then it happened the "perfect week". I unexpectedly had a week off from my summer job as the children in my class were going to summer camp,my neighbors were on vacation and I enjoyed the quiet time in my back yard. This was perfect..no work, no distractions just Ole Blue and me. Most days I kept Merlin and Panda in the house and spent time just Ole Blue and I playing ball and lounging in the shade with my old fellow. On his last day I drove to my previous neighborhood and let Blue roam in a field where he and Shaggy has spent their youth racing like the wind in that same field. He walked so slowly but obviously enjoyed himself - I never wanted him to suffer. I wanted it to be perfect but unfortunately somewhere along the way I lost sight that perhaps I was finally ready to let him go but perhaps he wasn't? He was afterall 19 years old, surpassing his life span by many years and I had prepared myself for this for the past several months. All I'm going to say is when it was time was he let out a HUH!!!! sound and I knew instantly in that moment I made a terrible and irreversible mistake. I grieved his loss but the pain of perhaps I was wrong was more than I could bare. I prayed he forgave me and hoped he knew I did it out of love for him. I couldn't stop crying and would sit in my yard wishing he could give me a sign that he forgave me for perhaps letting him go before he was ready. The other night at 3 am I was unable to sleep and heard singing coming from the computer room. Thinking I left something on I walked into the room but the computer was off. The singing continued - Frank Sinatra??? I heard it various times throughout the week , off and on and couldn't fiqure out where it was coming from. It was strange as I heard it at various times - of the day or night. ( I thought of Darcy and her previous post)Eventually I found the source of the singing. It was a Hallmark Christmas Ornament of Frank Sinatra which sang if you pressed the button. It hadn't worked for 2-3 years and inexplicably it was on the floor of the computer room when previously it was in a closet. How did it get there and why hadn't I seen it this past week? How did it play with no one pressing the button? Why did it go off at different times? How could it sing when it hadn't worked for 2-3 years..I thought the batteries had died! I told a friend of mine about searching for a sign from Ole Blue and explained the weird incidence about the ornament but as it sang a Christmas tune I couldn't see any connection and was probably grasping at straws. I couldn't hide my dissapointment. My friend picked up the ornament and said OLE BLUE eyes. I burst into tears and couldn't stop sobbing....thank you Ole Blue. Some of you may think it's silly but it's made me feel so much better. |
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| Please dont cut yourself up, there is never a right time. Ole blue had the best possible life and you dont know what was round the next corner for him. Our old dog made a noise when she passed it is just the air coming from their lungs. You are a fab person and I can understand why you are feeling like this. Blue did sound weary and it is so nice to go over the Bridge before he suffered any more pain.
Cant see the keyboard now...sorry you are sad but glad you have had a sign from him |
| Marianne,
(wiping tears) You did right by Blue! Never doubt that. You said you would never let him suffer. He was old and his body was failing. That last week with him sounds wonderful. I am glad he sent you a sign.  |
| Everyone who has had to make the terrible decision has the self doubts afterward, Marianne. You did the right thing at the right time. |
| Marianne - most of us feel like we waited too long and then never forgive ourselves for THAT. Frankly, I think he was the fortunate one. I don't think he forgave you only because there was nothing to forgive. He just wanted to let you know that.
Kristine |
| Please don't blame yourself...we knew our Daisey was really bad when she growled at me for trying to get her up to go out...never had she growled at anyone! I felt guilty when the vet said her heavy breathing was because of her pain...I knew we had waited to long not wanting to let go. I do believe in signs..after my daughter died at 19 I have had many from her...on mothers day I was looking through my wallet for something and found a picture of her...had it there for years and didn't know on the back she had written a message to me telling me what a wonderful mother I was to her...what a gift. There have been many at different times...Blue knows you are blaming yourself and he is telling you he loves you and to not blame yourself. Listen to him...you had so many wonderful years...some people live their lives never knowing the love you two shared. When I feel bad I try to remember the wonderful years we had together and look ahead to the time we will be together again...it helps. In the meantime enjoy the little signs...they are there! |
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| Marianne - it wasn't a "HUH" sound it was a gasp as he took his first look over the Bridge. He saw just how beautiful it is and all the sheepies running there!
You are a special lady and I think Blu knew you needed something to be at peace so he sent you the sign! You made a tough decision and his last week sounded like you both had a special time together. |
| no words Marianne just a few |
| Marianne, Ole Blue was thanking you. You'll never hear Frank Sinatra the same again. I'm struggling with a similar decision myself. Its very hard. Maybe your OleBlue will be able to guide me. Big hugs to you. |
| Oh Maryanne, I feel your pain so much, I'm still looking for a sign from Hershey. I know that your sign is truly from Blu. You were a great Mom to him |
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So sorry about Ole Blue. You made the right decision, and he is still with you via the Frank Sinatra music from the ornament. He loves you very much and wants you to know how special you are to him.  |
| Through the tears...
I am so thankful that you shared this with us. I do believe that our furfriends are here to help us in many ways to handle the difficult times in our lives---- So it makes perfect sense to me that after they leave us, they are still 'around' to continue helping....just in a very different way. It is obvious that you and Old Blue had (and still have) a very special bond that spans across eternity. How blessed you are! |
| Marianne, that was the perfect sign....dont second guess it, just go with it. you did the right thing and this was blues way of telling you....
hugs! |
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Dear Marianne, My deepest sympathy to you! You did the right thing. I remember with Bentley, I wondered if I had waited too long. There is no really right time as each furry person is different. Hugs and love, Lynda and friends. |
| Aww, Marianne, it's hard I know. It's totally normal to second guess yourself, it's part of the grieving process. You did the right thing at the right time, you did your best for him. And though it might take awhile to believe it - you did the right thing.
I believe in signs, and that is an awesome sign. Good Ole Blue, he wants you to feel better. |
| Marianne,
I was wondering where you had been the other night...honest. I don't go read the rainbow bridge often because it just makes me cry. Selfish maybe, but thats me. A lot of us know the heartbreak of losing of losing one of our "kids" and no words that I know will make it any better. Only time can do that. Thank you "Ole Blue Eyes" for the sign. |
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