RULES TO LIVE BY
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often. 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car. 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 8. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.) 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip. 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good. 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes. 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places. 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming. 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it. 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends. 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator. 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world. 25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat. 26. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 29. You should not confuse your career with your life. 30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 31. Never lick a steak knife. 32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. 33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 37. Your friends love you anyway. |
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| They are all soooo true. #1 needs a #1a, never take a diuretic and leave the house. |
| i laughed at #27!! |
Darcy wrote: i laughed at #27!!
are you implying that my knitting fettish just might be a mental illness  |
| i work for government - I loved #26 |
Those were great  |
Tasker's Mom wrote: Darcy wrote: i laughed at #27!! are you implying that my knitting fettish just might be a mental illness no i was laughing at my own obsessions! |
| I loved them esp #3! |
| I like number 10, only I've always heard that when you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home. |
| I have several that I like, #3, #14, #27, but the one I really like is
"29. You should not confuse your career with your life. " too many people judge people by what they do, like it makes them better or worse. And too many individuals tie their own self worth to their careers. When asked what I do, I answer that I'm an artist that works as a secretary to support my life. I tried just saying an Artist, but they always follow that up with yeah, but what do you do for a living. Like that matters. The living is only a means to an end, it supports my life and the life I live at home with my family and sheepies is what is important to me. Just some random thoughts on number 29 L  |
#31 brought back memories of when I was about 5 years old. It is a true comment. 
The passport / picture is too funny  |
| #23....is that 17 cubic foot or 25? |
Joahaeyo wrote: I loved them esp #3!
Me too!!!!!!! So true...... They are all pretty darn funny though! |
| I am usually not a big fan of things that get "forwarded" to me in email. This list came to me and I started reading it and almost every line struck a chord! Every time I read the list another one pops out as an undeniable truth!! I'm tempted to print them out put them on the fridge. |
| I'm going with #'s 6 and 14 |
| I like them all! |
Tasker's Mom wrote: I am usually not a big fan of things that get "forwarded" to me in email. This list came to me and I started reading it and almost every line struck a chord! Every time I read the list another one pops out as an undeniable truth!! I'm tempted to print them out put them on the fridge.
I am thinking over my desk. then when soemone does something stupid I can just remember it is rule #20. Or is it #4? |
| We need to add a few more:
1) Never play cards with a man named "Doc" 2) Never lie down with a person who has more troubles than you do. 3) Never eat at a place called "Mom's". 4) Never eat in a restaurant that is empty at mealtime. |
| #33 - this is why Arizona doesn't observe Daylight Savings Time! |
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