Need to Vent to some Dog Lovers!
As fellow dog lovers, I'm sure you will get me on this one, but I am also looking for some things to make me feel better... Growing up we had a toy poodle named Brandy. We all loved and adored him, but sadly, when I was about 14 and Brandy was 10, we had to put him down because he had diabetes and his organs were all shutting down. That was 10 years ago... In recent years and even more so in recent months, my Dad has been mentioning how much he would like a dog when he retires. My mom, far from being an animal lover, was hesitant, but agreed with a "Ok, sure honey" attitude. Well Dad has not yet retired but has wanted to get that ball moving a little sooner, so they have been looking on petfinder for dogs for a few weeks now. Well yesterday they went to see a gorgeous pomeranian named Harley and ended up coming home with him. When I spoke to Dad on the phone last night, he was so happy. I saw them on webcam last night and Harley and Dad get along fantastically. Harley is reponsive and obedience, and even a bit submissive towards Dad. Very awesome. Mom, however, is scared sh**less of him. He mounts her, barks at her, and jumps on her. She does everything wrong in response, flailing and make sounds, everything to get him excited. She doesn't care for him or for any dog for that matter. I just got off the phone with her and I'm upset. She doesn't really want him, she doesn't want a dog at all. She's willing to give it a few days only, but if nothing changes then he's going back to his foster family (at least he has one and it isn't a shelter, and being a purebred pom I'm sure he'll go quickly to another home). I just don't get her attitude. She perceives his presence as forcing her to "give up her freedom". She doesn't really want anything to do with him. She's anxious, so he gets anxious and excited, which makes her anxious, and so on and so on. The point of the matter is that even though Dad puts Mom's feelings first and foremost and would be ok with it if they couldn't keep Harley, it would kill me a bit inside. Dad was SO happy and SO excited yesterday, like a little boy with a new toy, and here he may not keep him because Mom is so stuck in her own little ways that she won't budge, even for his happiness. I've given all the advice I can give, I've sent her a bunch of links on how to welcome a rescue dog into your home, how to be an assertive alpha leader, all kinds of stuff. But no amount of information is going to change a thing. SO....what do you think? Am I being unreasonable and forcing my own dog-loveness on her without being fair? Should I just let it go and let them do their own thing? I''m trying to pursuade her to at least consider the question, "Can we live peacefully together?". Should I just let it be? I live 5 hours away and am going home next weekend, but my presence isn't going to do anything. I just need people to help calm me down! I guess I'm too involved...it just hurts me for Dad's sake and Harley's sake.... Ok...done rambling. Thanks for reading....Brad is in a meting at work and can't talk, and there's no one else who would understand this, so thanks....and please give me your thoughts. |
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Unfortunately you really can't do anything about what happens. I used to feel the same way with my parents (could our mom's be related? that flailing etc at the little dog like he is going to kill her is very reminicent) They kept their dogs but they lived in a pen in the hall all the time. Now that mom has passed dad spends much more time and energy on the dogs (they still spend too much time in a pen though) and he has adopted a cat that lives in the Florida room (my mother would be crazed  )
I used to think I needed to feel sorry for my dad - but my husband made me see that he chose the life he had and it was what worked for him. Even more than our kids - we can't control our parents  |
Let your parents work it out  |
| I am sorry to about this. My mom is also not a dog lover.
I do hope your Mom can relax around Harley so your Dad can keep him. |
| No, you're not being unreasonable, it's really annoying, particularly because there really isn't anything you can do about it. I think that's what makes it more infuriating for you. It's very frustrating. It makes you want to yell at her "C'mon, just straighten up and act right!" but it's your mom so you really can't. I hear you. |
Your mom can't help how she feels. Some people just don't like dogs (or cats, or other things). And people who haven't spent a lot of time around animals don't always know how to react properly around them and they might even understand and know that flailing their arms isn't going to help anything, but they can't help but do it. Heck, I'd probably be reacting the same way to a little dog! 
I also understand her feelings of lack of freedom. While some people feel that getting a dog is like getting a new family member and companion, others feel is it an extra burden of responsibilty, and since she doesn't even want a dog to begin with, I can see how she'd feel like she's losing out on something. Add to that the cycle of anxiety between your mom and the dog--it makes for a less than relaxing home atmosphere, which can be frustrating too, especially if you were an unwilling participant in getting the dog. This is your parents problem (obviously). You can be there to guide and give your ideas and wisdom on the subject, but you can't force your mom to love or like the dog...your dad is a grown up, so he'll be fine, whatever happens. |
| Hi, I know how you feel...I agree with what everyone else said. it's very sad though. I'm glad my Mom loves dogs as much as I do. It's my brother and his wife and kids I'm talking about - they all freak out and scream at the sight of a dog (we all have dogs except for them) It makes having parties at any of our houses so hard esp. when I refuse to lock my dogs up. |
How sad......It might still work out, after a bit. I have known many non-dog people to convert.... 
But if not, perhaps a different dog might do the trick...like a bomb-proof senior, that is not reactive to anything...Maybe a deaf one?
Seriously, we all know certain dogs that we cannot stand to be near, and we all know dogs that we adore. There are many, many dogs that still might be a good match.....Don't give up yet, but just perhaps work with what you now know, and take it from there. Your heart is in the right place...If the little pom doesn't work out I would try to find a that your MOM can live with....sounds like your dad would like anything... Or they can foster.... |
| Just talked to Mom...apparently they've "both" decided dog life isn't for them period.
It's frustrating that they've done so much research, I have spent hours and hours on the phone with them giving them all of the advice, tips, information that I know, and after 24 hours with the dog they decided not to keep him. Breaks my heart and really pisses me off at the same time. BUT I'm a grown adult and so are they and there's nothing that can be done I guess. Thanks for the info. |
| I am sorry that your dad isn't getting his dream dog. I understand that this seems to be because of your mother's insecurities/fears but the truth is that sometimes, people just can't help them, no matter how irrational they seem to other people.
My father loved the outdoors--hunting, fishing, camping. We went camping almost every weekend in the summer from when I was 9 years old until I was oh, about 16 or 17. My dad loved it. My mom did not--for her, it was housekeeping, with all the attending duties only in much more primitive circumstances. For my dad (and for us kids) it was pure freedom. At the time, I thought that my mom was too afraid to stand up to my dad and insist that sometime, we actually do something she wanted. Probably, that was true, in part. But she was also generous enough to see how much something she hated meant to my dad and us kids. My dad, on the other hand, never seemed to think twice about what my mom might like. |
| "Time" becomes a valuable asset as you age. Knowing your running out makes you a little more selective of what you do with it, and that starts effecting the way we think of our future.
When old age starts slipping up on us, we think of the future with our spouse, but thoughts of being left alone start creeping in, and you're forced to include that possiblity in some of those plans. If something were to (God forbid) happen to your mom, your dad could get a dog then and it would bring him more happiness and companionship than now. Mom and dad will make the decision in the end that will make them "both" happy. |
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