Timid Girl
She can't wait to go outside, but once she is there- every noise, car, light, person or "whatever", scares her and she wants to go back home. We go to the dog park and she is glued to my side and sometimes cries cause she wants to play so bad, but is afraid. She looks to my older dog for approval on everything from playing to eating. She will not even take a treat until he takes one first. I really thought she would outgrow this, but at 2 years old it seems to be worsening. Anyone have this problem before? Any advice? Thanks- Mark |
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| Have you had her in an obedience class? Not because she needs to be more obedient but because the exposure to other dogs might be food for her. |
| Carl was always a bit timid and after he was attacked at the dog park he became a little more twitchy so I've had to do some more work with him about this.
The big thing with it is to not coddle them. By comforting of coddling it reinforces the behavior. They have the reaction of crying or jumping, then they cry, then you say it's okay and pet them. They therefor think that if that happened and I'm scared and mom or dad said what I was doing was okay then that thing must really be scary! I've had the best response from Carl by ignoring whatever the problem is. Say a pan falls in the kitchen. I ignore it until it stops rattling around. then I look at Carl and see what he's doing. If he's not totally freaking out I call him over to see what the noise is and he smells the pan and once he sees that nothing's going to happen then I praise him. If he's really freaking out about something, I actually correct the behavior. No yelling or contact. He's generally on leash when these sorts of things happen because we're out and about, so I hold the leash strongly and tell him no in a calm but firm voice and once he gets his mind back, we walk over and investigate what the noise was and even if we can't recreate the incident walking toward the noise and have him see that it's not going to hurt him. I think a similar technique can be used for your situation. You could have someone else make a noise and then follow the above technique to boost her confidence in that situation it should help for the more normal circumstances too. The biggest thing is that if you are confident then she's going to be able to feel. |
| You might try taking her out by herself... try to build her self confidence, encourage her to investigate new things. I think repeating positive outings can show her that it's fun and something to look forward to. Maybe start out just sitting and watching people or traffic pass by from a distance to begin desensitizing her... eventually moving closer to the action with each outing.
Kaytee had a hard time going for walks... she's my mostly blind girl. She wanted nothing to do with going for a walk unless she could meet people. If I took her down the street, she would whine and try to climb up my leg every time we walked. She was outside her comfort zone. So we took her down town on walks early in the morning when there were fewer people around. She got to hear the sounds of cars and trucks and anyone that was out and about doing work... she gradually became more comfortable with the sounds. Quote: The big thing with it is to not coddle them.
I agree... I don't coddle mine either. If there is something Kaytee is frightened of and it's "safe", I reassure her that she's safe but in a manner that encourages her to investigate for herself. I think it's important to get a dog out by themselves so they can learn to function as an individual, not just part of a pack. We separated the "twins" beginning at a young age so they wouldn't be emotional wrecks if something were to happen to one. My husband and I each took one for one-on-one interaction. They are still closely bonded but function fine as individuals. |
| My parents' sheepdog Maggie was like that and she never outgrew it. I started when she was a puppy taking her everywhere with me (can I say boy magnet!) but she would just get scared and upset and pee. She was too stressed and scared to finish obedience school, even though we tried more than once. She loved people and was never frightened of them, but she would definitely be scared on walks when we met other dogs. We basically just adjusted to her habits and anticipated what she would do in a certain situation and try to avoid it or be prepared for her to try and bolt. She too loved going outside for walks, but once she was on them and heard the noises of the street (my parents lived up and away from most noises) she would get really antsy. She also hated fireworks and thunderstorms (although luckily San Diego doesn't get too many of those!). |
| Thanks so much for the expert advice. I know I have to take her out on her own and let her find herself, but I always feel so guilty leaving zak home. I think I just have to do it.
As for NOT coddling her- ugh Do I have to??????? She's so cute! That's a tough one, but I will try. : ) |
Quote: I always feel so guilty leaving zak home So next time take Zak instead... then you'll feel bad about leaving Stella  Quote: As for NOT coddling her- ugh Do I have to?
It IS tough... but unless a dog is actually hurt, I try hard not to do it because it's giving affection and comfort at the wrong time. I try to cajole rather than coddle. If one of mine is afraid of something I usually approach the "thing" that's caused the problem and show them that it's ok... even going as far as patting it (IF it's something pat-able  ). I then call them to me to see for themselves. I'll laugh and give them a couple of firm pats on the side if they come to investigate... more reassurance than coddling. I try to get them to wiggle.
Good luck to you and Stella... it takes patience and repetition. PS- I love your new picture  |
| I agree with the ignoring the anxiety behavior too. Rebecca is timid, we got her when she was 5, but she has improved so much she's almost has a real sheepdog personality.
Still whenever we go to the vet, or anyplace she's a little uncomfortable, she'll whine & whimper. I won't even look at her when she acts this way. I know it sounds like tough love, but I swear it works. |
| The not coddling is KEY! It is also important to take a look at what you may be doing before, during, and after anything that causes her to have a fearful reaction. For example, you may be doing something so subtle like tensing your shoulders, holding your breath, tightening the leash, that sort of thing, that is actually acting as a cue for her behaviour. It's like saying, "something scary is going to happen/is happening, get ready". Even though you are completely unaware of this, it is possible. Maybe see if you can have someone observe the two of you in a situation that she is usually uncomfortable in, and have your friend comment on YOUR body lanugage and mannerisms. You may be surprised!
As for the coddling....if a human child were afraid of something, you would likely use soft, soothing tones and say, "it's ok, there's no need to be afriad, this thing isn't scary, see?". But dogs don't understand WHAT you say but rather HOW you are saying it. These soft soothing tones to them mean, "I approve of what you are doing", therefore by using them at the wrong time (as mentioned) you are inadvertently praising this undesirable reaction. In terms of being able to go places such as the dog park or maybe obedience classes, I would recommend working up to it. For the dog park, for example, you may consider first driving past it a few times and directing her attention to it. Then maybe sit in the parking lot together and just observe it. Then sit on the outside together and observe. Maybe pick a time to go when you think it may be very slow with few people/dogs. Remember, YOU need to act calm and assertive, like you are in charge and nothing can be wrong, and this energy will rub off on Stella. If you ignore "scary" things, as if to say, "This situation is perfectly calm and normal", she will look to you and see this frame of mind, and eventually take it on herself. You can also do some things to boost her self-esteem. Work on teaching her simple new tasks that you feels she can master - this way she has feelings of success. You can also do something as simple as petting her on the chest instead of the head. It sounds silly, but aparently patting an extremely submissive dog on the head gently forces their head into a more downward and more submissive posture, whereas scratching the chest raises the head upward in a more dominant and confidence position. They do it, they feel it. Time alone with her will be wonderful. You don't need to feel bad - just spend some time alone with Zak too to even it out. Phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww such a long post. BUT I have done a lot of reading on this topic, so if you think how long this post is, at least it's shorter than the books 
Good luck and keep us updated!!!!!!!!! |
| You know I think a lot of it has to do with how accident prone she is. She is always getting herself in to trouble- swallowing zaks pills- ripping her leg open on water nozzles, etc. I think she is afraid that if she lets loose she will end up in a mess.
I took her on her first solo walk late yesterday and it was very interesting- she kept looking at the house and trying to turn for home, until we got a nice distance away- then it was like a whole world opened up for her- sniffing and exploring- I let her dictate where she went and how long we stayed there and I could absolutely see her investigating and coming to conclusions about sounds, mysterious shapes, and other stuff. Gosh I feel like I have neglected her growth by not giving her this opportunity before- We go on walks all the time, but my older dog is always the investigator and stella is usually glued to my side. I think this is the answer. Mark |
| WooHoo!! |
Yay for Stella!!!!  |
| That's great news! I hope it's the answer! BTW, did she go back to being timid and scared when you got back to being close to your house? |
barney1 wrote: That's great news! I hope it's the answer! BTW, did she go back to being timid and scared when you got back to being close to your house?
Once back to the house she pulled me home- and zak was waiting with a snarl at the door- we just ignored him and watched tv. |
Quote: then it was like a whole world opened up for her- sniffing and exploring Yay for Stella and Mark! Quote: zak was waiting with a snarl at the door- we just ignored him and watched tv. We've got one like that too but it's when we bring HER back into the house. She doesn't like her space invaded so we have to clear out the welcoming committee before she enters.  Quote: Gosh I feel like I have neglected her growth by not giving her this opportunity before
Awww... have no regrets. We ALL do things that we later learn might not have been for the best. It's just part of being human. The good thing is each day starts out new and we can try again.
Best wishes~ |
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