Funny Nurse Joke
 It is long!
Warning Nurses Humour!! Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to Hell?? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!! You may be a nurse if.... You believe that every patient needs TLC.. That is; Temazepam, Lorazepam and Chlorpromazine. You would like to meet the inventor of the nurse buzzer system some night in a dark alley. You believe not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious. Your sense of humour gets more warped each year, Your kids get their presents in TED stockings and hospital pillowcases. And their presents are wrapped with Micropore tape. You know the phone number of every late night food delivery place by heart. Almost everything can seem funny, Eventually. When asked by the doctor what colour that patient's diarrhoea was you show them your shoes. If they missed your shoes, you use the well-known "Poo/Curry Colour Comparison Scale" ranging from chicken korma to spinach vindaloo. You can identify different causes of diarrhoea just by the smell of it. Every time you walk you make a jingling noise because of all the keys, scissors and clamps in your pockets. You use bladder lavage bags to drip water onto your plants when you're away on holidays. Your family refuse to let you watch ER because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down X-Rays. You avoid answering the phone on your day off in case anyone from the hospital is trying to call and beg you to work. You've been telling stories in the restaurant and made someone at another table throw up. You notice that you are using even more 4 letter works than you did before you started nursing. You've seriously considered catheterising your children before a long car journey. Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you. Most of them have the names of laxatives on them. You don't get worried about blood unless it is your own. You live but the motto "to be right is only half the battle; to convince the Doctor is more difficult". You've basted your Christmas turkey with a 50ml bladder washout syringe. You've told a confused patient that your name was that of one of your fellow nurses, and to shout if they need help. Hell, you just tell them all, confused or not. Eating chips out of a clean (Unused) vomit bowl is perfectly normal and acceptable. Your bladder can expand to the size of a petrol tanker's tank. When checking the level of a patient's orientation you aren't sure of the day yourself. (or if nightshift the month). You find yourself checking out the other customers' veins in supermarket queues. You can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table on you dinner break, AND are not embarrassed when you wake up with your head in the soup. You avoid unwell looking people in the shopping centre for fear that they will drop dead near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off, without a Laerdal mask. You throw a farewell buffet for a co-worker and use a bed sheet for a tablecloth and bedpans to hold the nachos. (Well the bed sheet bit is true!) You stay awake for 24 hrs at a time when you work nights and realise that you don't actually need alcohol or drugs to hallucinate, just lack of sleep. You pull over after working nights because you are too tired to drive all the way home, and wake up to someone knocking on you window thinking you've had a stroke because you've passed out in your car and are drooling. Your finger has gone into places you never thought possible! You've seen more penises than any prostitute. If you are not a nurse but have been sent this by a friend who is, it's just to help you understand our mindset and questionable and often worrying mental state. Explains a lot. |
|
|
| It made me laugh. So many are true. |
| LOL so true. I have seen a similar one before and it had some different things to it. One that always stands out from what I had recieved in the past was, "you know you're truely a nurse when you wash your hands BEFORE and AFTER using the bathroom." THAT IS SOOOOOOOO TRUE. LOL |
Very funny. Yes, most of them are true!  |
I didn't think they were jokes......... they are the facts of life (for a nurse)  |
| I have some clients that are nurses and I am going to pass it on, I bet lots of it is true. |
| it's ALL true |
Didn't find exactly what you're looking for? Search again here:
Custom Search
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|