Circling the drain...
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| Cause a computer malfuntion or even better a blackout and break out the candles and the Scrabble.
Flip off the breaker and have a friend call your cell phone and ask if you've lost your lights, too. 
Or.... sit and talk about it with a marriage counselor -- perhaps a member of the clergy. |
Ron is correct, you should talk to someone. But you do not need to have a hubby with you to have a social life. Take Simon for a walk to a different park and see who wants to talk to you. Spend the evening talking to us. It is obious that some days we don't have much of social live away from the forum.  |
Sorry Pam! 
I don't have any great suggestions. Just sympathy and well wishes. I like Ron's ideas. |
Pam I wish I had answers but the way my life has been this last year - I am soooooo NOT the one that has answers. I would see if he was amendable to doing counseling. Sometimes I think we just get into ruts or habits.
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| I am by no means an expert.
But if I were you... I would first try talking to your husband. So many problems are exaserbated by not talking or avoiding confrontation. If you talk to your husband and see how he feels you may find he doesn't feel there is even anything wrong. He might be unhappy too, but if you really talk it out you may find there is something there worth working for. We all hear how you have to work at your marriage, and it is really true. We all go through rough patches. You have to both make a conscious decision to make it work, and to work at it if that's what you both want. Then make a plan, go to the clergy or a counselor or couples therapy or whatever you both decide on. My point is, you both have to want the end result and both be willing to do whatever to get there. Could it be that you are avoiding each other by doing separate things in the evening? Is there something you are avoiding talking about, or that seems to be a roadblock to talking and spending your time together? Maybe it's time to get it out in the open? That kind of thing can start out a niggling irritation and end up in fights if you don't meet it head on. I don't have much idea of what your marriage is like, so just take all this with a grain of salt from one who has been down that road a few times. You are reaching out, and that tells me you are ready to take action. Start by asking him what's up. That's harmless enough and you may be surprised by what he has to say. JMHO!! Shellie |
| I am so sorry to hear this. Marriage is funny like this though. With all of my experience (2 years...) it seems we get so used to having each other around that we don't talk all that much or do that much together.
We had to sit down and have a heart to heart. Seems we had found some different hobbies, and forgot to try to include the other in our newfound interests. Well, we now have set times that we spend together. We go on dates twice a week, always sit down at the dinner table and eat together, and an hour before bed we lay down, and pet Oliver. We still need our own personal space, but having set times to do things together that we BOTH enjoy really helps. JIMO Good luck. |
| Don't give up Pam! You should definitely talk to your husband about things. Tell him you want to restore your relationship. (You do, right?) Marriage/relationships will always take effort, and if neglected you will start to drift apart. Don't let it happen... you can still fix it. I think Dr. Gary & Barb Rosberg are a wealth of information when it comes to marriage.
http://www.drgaryandbarb.com/ Also, a marriage counselor may help to get you guys on the same page and help with communication. I'm sorry you're feeling distant and lonely in your marriage right now.
Getting involved in each other's hobbies is a great start to build up your relationship, as is talking to each other. Take Simon to the park together! |
 I'm so sorry that you are in the midst of this!!
I agree with counselin, it will help you to decide if the marriage is savagable or if you need to start planning a different future for yourself. A good couselor can help you work throught that. Sometimes, especially if you have been married for a long time, marriages just need a little help getting back on the right track. Other times it really is time to throw in the towel. Good Luck!!!!!!!!! |
| Pam,
I don't know how long you have been married and what other circumstances are involved...but when I read your post, I just felt I had to write... I have been married 35 years. I am 53 years old, 3 kids (grown) (4 grandchildren)....3 furkids. I am no expert but I have been down the "is this what my life will be like forever" road??? The first 7 years were tough, but we had that "electricity" and connection and of course attraction to see us through the rough spots.... The next 8-12 years were really the worst as far as our relationship went...(and it almost "went" out the window....) He worked all the time or else was in the garage with his cars, (no computers in the "old days" ). I was running, running, running...taking one or the other kids to sports, girl scouts, boyscouts, food shopping, whatever...me and the kids.... It got to the point when, one day, I was in the same mindset as you seem to be???? We never talked, we hardly went out, we never seemed to be "together" even when we were in the same room..... We both decided that something needed to be done...either divorce or get help.....well, to be honest, we couldn't afford a divorce, which in the end was good...go we went to a conselor and learned to communticate with each other....to fight fair....to get to what the problems were without blaming each other..and to slowly, and with much effort to begin to fix, all of the problem areas. It was very hard at times....but this was our lives.... Years 15-25 were still crazy but at least we were together dealing with the different issues that many of us have day to day. And since we had been communicating for so long, when the kids left, instead of looking at each other saying,,,,who are you???? We said....GREAT!!! Now we can devote more time on US!!!! The last 10 years have been us being selfish with each other for each other. I just wanted you to know that we all go through the highs and lows in our marriages....alot of people decide at the low point to get out...BUT if they would just talk and remember why they got together in the first place, I think there would be a lot less divorce. With a little effort you CAN recapture that feeling you had when you first met him and he, you. When you first kissed...when you tingled the moment you heard his voice. These are the things you need to remember. Only you and your husband can decide if you are both willing to rework the marriage...And that is what you will do...to have a whole new marriage... Imagine you both as one tree and you have been growing roots deep into the ground every year....the longer you are together, meeting and overcoming problems, the stronger your roots grow.............the stronger the relationship becomes............. just some things to think about........ I wish you all the luck and good thoughts........to do what is best for both of you...............If you truelly love him and at some point in your marriage loved the relationship.....then don't just walk away without a fight. Val |
| I just wanted to offer you some support. I hope things change for you in a good way! |
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