Does having kids age you?

Do you age every time you give birth to a kid?

As much as this has been the best time of my life (being pg w/J to today), I swear I came out of delivery a different person. Got hips for the first time, tons of cellulite, wrinkles more prominent, have to apply concealer under the eyes in double doses, I need naps, and just having the title of "mom" seems to make you sound older!

Wouldn't it be nice if time reversed once you had grandchildren?

Respond to this topic here on forum.oes.org

well all I can say J. is Ihad 3 girls and 1 boy. well I went to my nephews wedding and when I walk in my son jaw dropped to his kneeses. He was in his early 20's I told me I looked more like I should his date than the one he had. :lol:

He kept telling everyone thats my mon. I wore a long blab slimming gown with back straps. I still had blonde med length hair and a gold shawl. Now ask if you get older. Its up to you. My hubby is 13 YEARS younger than me, and we will have our 30th annv. this DEC. Yes I was married before for almost 16 yrs and all 4 of my children are his. I will Have my 8th grandchild in march 08 and have 3 great grandson ages 4 1 and 1 I still look younger than my hubby. Its up to you how you want to be. I did gain way to much weight when I had the gilrs , my lat girl Tanya was 12lbs 3ozs and 23 3/4 inches long and a size one shoe LOL, When I found out I was preg. with Jon ( Iknew he was a boy in my heart) dr say if I did not lose weight I would never hold the pregancy. I lost 52 lbs durning and he still weighed 10lbs 6 ozs. So again its up to you.

Sorry if this is long but in 1977or76 I had a intestine bypass, ( not good.) I did loss weight. but in 79 I had it reversed and my stummy stappled. I lost over 110 lbs. I can say that I have had a tummy tuck, implants, and the inner upper leg reduced. They use to get raw so much hanging skin.

Hugs Deana

All I know is my hips will never, ever be the same. I could feel them widening out with Nate. And it HURT! I've still got 20 lbs of mommy weight I want to loose, which probably won't happen before #2 gets going. :roll:

Mike appreciated the chest area changes :roll:

I have not noticed many skin changes, at least facially. Of course, some of that is probably normally due to lack of sleep and general exhaustion from newborn and infant care... which I'll have to wait till next time to experience... Still your body definitely changes from pregnancy. We've all just got to suck it up, and look at the rewards we get afterwards!

It aged me 100years :twisted:

I have this theory. Once you hit 30, and you don't have kids, you can subtract 6 years from your age to get your "real" age. The people that are that age are usually your peer group and pretty relatable. I think the attitude between people who have kids by 30 and those who haven't is like night and day.

ButtersStotch wrote:

Go on...I wanna hear more

It's amazing how much younger I've gotten since my kids left home!!!!!!!!!!

I once read an article that stated people of the same age - those with kids and those without - the ones without, view themselves as younger. For example a 24 year old with kids , although young may view herself or think of herself as an adult or in some cases Old, while one without will still view herself as still a teen in many ways.

I had my first as a teen and the second one 10 years later.

When I was 22 my son was in Kindergarden, 25 I was in University, 34, my son was 16.

I never felt like I quite fit in with others during those times. I don't mean socially but my concerns or priorities were different. Like the time I overheard some students in the cafeteria complaining about how overworked they were. I clearly remember thinking..they lived at home, had no other jobs and went to school. While I had a job, had to concern myself with paying for a 2 bedroom apartment instead of a dorm, attended university full time and had my son to look after. I think while physically I looked younger than my years, biologically my poor overworked body was probably far older. I sometimes feel like I've lived forever.

It's not the kids that ages you but stress and worries and sometimes both go hand in hand.

I always thought of myself as older. Now looking back I see I was still so young. Maybe that's why I'm so kid like now..LOL!

Ginny! Loved your answer!

Miss J- Pregnancy and taking care of a toddler wears you down and you probably look in the mirror and see a tired woman looking back at you. Not to worry as that same gorgeous (and you are!) lady will return and you'll be more beautiful than ever!

Marianne

This will be a bit of a long read, but I'm so passionate about my babies!

Does it age you - how? Physically, mentally, emotionally? Yes, yes, and yes! Physically, unless you go under the knife a lot to fix things, how you age is largely genetic but other things like body type, lifestyle (sedentary vs. active) play a large part as well.

Mentally, how can you NOT age? You have so much more to think about! It's not just you and hubby any more. You have responsibility for a whole other person (or 2 or 3). I found that I was no longer the first person I thought of. In fact, I was the LAST person I thought of. If I was dead tired at the end of a work day but kids were sick, they got tended to first. If anyone needed homework help, homework help took precedence over rest. Etc., etc.

Emotionally? Don't even get me started!! Depends on what personality type you are. I'm an A++++++, so I tend to fret a lot. A LOT! I worried about every little thing, whether it was in my control or not. As the kids have grown, I've learned (it's been hard, but I've learned!) to let more things go by me easier.

Then I read the following, and I realized I'm not crazy or alone.

______________________

A message every parent should read, because your children are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say...

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one.

When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me and I learned that little things can be the special things in life.

When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me good night and I felt loved and safe.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and, I learned we have to take care of what we are given.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared and I wanted to be everything that I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and productive person when I grow up.

When you thought I wasn't looking, I looked at you and wanted to say, "Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.'"

I can't speak from experience (yet!!), but I would like to think having a child makes you wiser, more responsible, and changes the typical human tendencies of selfishness into generocity, love, and self-sacrifice. I do realize though, that this doesn't happen with everyone (as discussed on the child-support threads), but I bet it happens for most.

As for looks, there are many people who think their spouses get more attractive over time, even after all the kids! And look at the mom on "Jon & Kate Plus 8." She has 8 children, and I think she looks great!

I may sound naiive, but personally, I am looking forward to it! :wink:

1st Time OES Mommy wrote:

I wish that were true, but unfortunately stupid childless people are simply stupid people with children, selfish people before children are still selfish people after children.

1st Time OES Mommy wrote:

That could all be replaced with one word: BORING! Lol, just kidding. Well, mostly.

To further expand on the basis for my theory: having kids really drives a wedge in between you and your non having kids friends. Now the things that are most important in your life are completely unrelatable to the person who doesn't have the kids. It's not necessarily a bad thing but it makes your interests different, not to mention your tolerance of loud screaming babies and the endearing things they do, like pooping, peeing and requiring the need for constant supervision. The kid person becomes a caretaker and the non-kid haver goes on with his or her life as usual. The no kid havers relate to the younger people (non-kid having of course) well because they have common interests and responsibilities. You can have fun and continue being the same person you were because you have no reason to fast forward your emotional age for a child.

This is the end of Part I of my theory, as read in chapter one of my manifesto.

I age ever weekend when the kids go out. :twisted:

I've heard time and time again from people that before you have kids, your focus is yourself, and afterwards your focus is about making your child's life better. Suddenly you don't put yourself first anymore. That was also probably God's intention when he created parenting. For the people who don't get that, they're missing out.

There are still plenty of people who don't deserve to have kids, and having them certainly does nothing to make them better people. For example, on CNN last night a woman [in prison] was interviewed about why she was there. Her boyfriend said, for his birthday he wanted to have sex with her 7yr old, and she said OK!!!!!!!! I agree that there are plenty of people who don't get better with parenting. I wasn't talking about those people.

ButtersStotch wrote:

1st Time OES Mommy wrote:

That could all be replaced with one word: BORING! Lol, just kidding. Well, mostly.

I was just trying to say that even if your thighs and stomach and face and breasts all go to pot... at least maybe it was worth it.

im sticking with the...

what you dont know cant hurt you theory......since i never had kids, i really dont know what im missing....however, i can tell you step kids can age you......especially girls thru the teen years......

regarding the body...thats one of the benifits of having an identical twin....you see the ravagaes of pregnancy and breast feeding.......i have to say...my body looks better..hehe

Darcy wrote:

You're living proof of my theory-- we're 6 years apart!

1st Time OES Mommy wrote:

If I were more mature, I might resent that :lol:

I've never had children, never wanted to. However, I do a ton of charity work and am very caring with my step children, so I'd have to disagree with you. I think that there are plenty of child-less people who are generous and selflessly focus on making the world a better place.

Bailey's Mom wrote:

1st Time OES Mommy wrote:

If I were more mature, I might resent that :lol:

I know there are plenty of generous non-parents. I wasn't talking about or to people that don't have kids. I was talking about people who already have kids and have said that they became different afterwards. That doesn't mean it's true for everyone. I meant that for those who have kids, it can be very rewarding. When I said, the people that don't get that are missing out, I was talking about the parents who could care less about their kids and are missing out on a fulfilling relationship with them.

I was trying to be optimistic to moms, namely in response to Joahaeyo who, understandably, seemed a little concerned about the physical affects of pregancy. I thought it might be nice to say that even though the toll of pregnancy really sucks, that there are some good things about being a mom. I'm definitely dreading the negative, physical affects of motherhood, but I think the good will outweigh the bad. I was only trying to shed some positive light as a consolation for the havok childbirth can take on the body. And that I think motherhood can be very enriching.

Sorry that I seem to be so misunderstood and offensive. That was never my intention.

1st Time OES Mommy wrote:

Other experiences can do this too :wink:

Being married, having dogs, care taking a parent or other individual...."childless" doesn't necessarily mean "selfish". I don't mean to sound snappy

, but those of us who have chosen not to have kids (or, at least not to give birth to them) hear that a lot. :roll:

1st Time OES Mommy wrote:

Sorry that I seem to be so misunderstood and offensive. That was never my intention.

Sorry 1st Time OES Mommy....I wrote my reply before reading your response to Bailey's mom :oops:

Like I said before, I wasn't talking at all about childless people.

I was only talking about the mom's that I have heard say that motherhood had reevaluate their priorities. I completely, entirely, 100% agree that there are a million experiences that help people grow and become selfless. I completely, entirely agree that there are tons of wonderful people that don't have children. I don't know how else to say that. And again, when I said the "people missing out," I was talking about people who ARE parents, who don't care about their children.

Please try and see my posting as a response to a mother about how it can be rewarding, and not as a slap against people who don't have kids.

Lots of good truths.......

I do think having kids separates you from your child-less friends. Not like we can go out anytime to drink our heads silly, and we're limited to what sort of things we can do (in general).

It's also true that you become a different person as ButtersStotch mentioned.

Not that parents think the bad outweighs the good, just saying.

I just think the act of birth itself ages you and your face.

Not to be gross, but my friends at work who are already mommies told me that afterwards your chest just hangs there like empty coin purses.

This honestly scares me to death, but maybe it doesn't happen to everyone. They've told me plenty of stories about how being a mom changes you (more, how it changes your body

)

I'm sure having kids separates you from your childless friends, much in the same way that being married can separate you from your single friends. Your lifestyles are suddenly just not the same and priorities and schedules change and sometimes it gets hard to just keep up with everything. Jason and I aren't as close with our single friends anymore. Not on purpose, but just because things are different. That's kind of sad, but similar to the "changes" post about people changing in general.

Teenagers when they get to that stage really ages you big time.

Grey hairs seem to sprout quicker :wink:

One of the advantages to being the childless one that watches others children is that not having that panic when the have odd fulids coming out of openings.

One of the disadvantages is not being the one that gets to watch them sleep.

:lol:

But I like to thin of being an Aunt without children is like being a Grandma without having to wait for your own children to grow. :lol:

Of course it changes you, but that is not bad. For one thing you develop special magical powers. My 73 year old mother almost deaf with stiff joints, and yet can still hear one of her children cry out in pain and respond. This was proven when home after surgery I woke up in horrible pain, and crawled to the door of the room she was in gasp in a tiny voice "Mama, I think somthing is wrong." She woke up and came up out of the bed, landed on the floor and scooped me up. It was nothing, and she reliezed later that she stubbed her toes. But still impressive. :lol:

According to my sister each child give you more magical powers, including seeing through walls, hear thoughts of evil deeds, break kids codes, cure illness, and of course hopfull give each an achor in life. :clappurple:

Hmm..my body will never be the same after 4 pregnancies and 3 c-sections, but the kids themselves haven't really aged me. I'm more active, because we're always out playing with them. They're silly little boys and keep us laughing all the time. Now, they'll probably age us years once they're teenagers, but I feel younger than my 28 years right now.

When my girls were teenagers, they MADE me young again! They felt I dressed to much like a Mom. They literally dragged me into dressing rooms and handed me clothes to try on. After the initial shock, it was fun.

I think they keep you young ,heck I'm 70 and last week on my visit to my son's place I went 4 wheeling :lol:

jean wrote:

I think they keep you young ,heck I'm 70 and last week on my visit to my son's place I went 4 wheeling :lol:

That's fantastic, jean!!!!

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