My friend decided to stop taking her anti-depressants
I can always tell when she goes off them and I've been noticing suspicious behavior for a few weeks. So I wasn't surprised when she e-mailed me today "I forgot to tell you I stopped the anti-depressants a few weeks ago because I wanted to see how I do without them." I'm not sure exactly why she felt she had to tell me. My question is do I respond to this? I want to give her the lecture, that anxiety and depression are NOT the same, you need meds for both, I can already see you're starting the downward spiral. Or I could say "thanks for the notice. Be sure you have your therapist's phone number handy." Or I ignore it. I wish she hadn't said anything. |
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| Tell her that you did notice it for the last few weeks, and I think you should really go back on them right away.
Honesty works here, I think. |
Ron wrote: Tell her that you did notice it for the last few weeks, and I think you should really go back on them right away.
Honesty works here, I think. I agree with Ron. It seems important that she knows you noticed changes. |
| Just tell her that you love her and to go back on her meds. I don't think there is any harm telling her there is a noticeable difference in her behavior when she is off the meds.
I do understand why people go off of the meds - they feel fine and think they don't need them any longer. I think there is also a stigma in society about people who are on these types of meds which I am sure is another reason why she wants to be free from them. I am sure it must be very sad living like that but she should understand that a lot of depression is due to chemical imbalances. I had this co-worker once who was on lithium. She decided one day to go off the meds and ended up in a psych ward of a hospital believing she was the bride of christ. On the lithium she was perfectly normal. |
| The fact that she told you, says to me that she values your opinion...I vote for telling her how you feel. Friends and family are important lifelines for people suffering mental illness, since they see the person way more often than a therapist does. |
| I agree with Ron too, honesty is the best policy. There is always the potential of harming yourself or someone else with depression. |
| I would tell her you noticed changes way before she told you. It sounds like she is asking for feedback. |
got sheep wrote: I would tell her you noticed changes way before she told you. It sounds like she is asking for feedback.
Exactly. Leave it at that, too. Don't lecture her or push her. Most of the time, that makes it worse. |
VerveUp wrote: believing she was the bride of christ. On the lithium she was perfectly normal. Webmaster's Embellishment wrote: believing she was the bride of christ. On the lithium she was perfectly normal as Hillary...
Oh this is gonna be a fun election. Any Mitt Romney jokes out there yet? |
| Ah, I remember when my hubby's ex-boss went off of his pills.
Hubby kept saying that something is not right with him. A few months down the road he let everyone know he had been off his meds for a few months. It all finally made sense....every strange thing that had happened. Hubby told him to go back on his meds or he was going to quit.... Hubby quit! Ex-boss realized hmmm, maybe I do need my meds  .... (this was after moving a woman (that he had just started dating) and her kid into his house, and buying her a $50,000 truck....and making her part of his company  )
A YEAH!!! Definitely tell her. |
| I probably would have just spit some out like, "Oh thank God I thought they were not working." Maybe she keeps quiteing her pill because she doesn't feel any differnet. You need to let her know that the work and you don't worry about her as much when you know she is taking the pills. You might want to ask her in the future if you think she has stopped again. I know from experiance that the pills are a pain, but when the therapist says it is time to stop is the best time. |
| If you ignore it she will probably think everything is OK.
She is counting on you as her friend to tell her the truth or she wouldn't have brought it up. I agree with the others that thought you should tell her you noticed awhile back and are concerned for her. If you truly follow your heart and really care for her whatever you say will be appropriate. Good luck. |
| I agree with Las Vegas Sheepie Lover |
ButtersStotch wrote: got sheep wrote: I would tell her you noticed changes way before she told you. It sounds like she is asking for feedback. Exactly. Leave it at that, too. Don't lecture her or push her. Most of the time, that makes it worse. Ditto. |
Willowsprite wrote: ButtersStotch wrote: got sheep wrote: I would tell her you noticed changes way before she told you. It sounds like she is asking for feedback. Exactly. Leave it at that, too. Don't lecture her or push her. Most of the time, that makes it worse. Ditto. Double ditto. |
| I just sent my reply. That I've noticed a change in her the last few weeks and while she might not see any difference, it's been obvious to me, and another closed friend aske me if she is doing o.k. And that I hope she checks in with her therapist because she trusts her therapist and she is someone to discuss this with.
That's all I said. I will give her details on her behavior change if she asks. |
That sounds good, Paula. I hope she sees her therapist, or at least resumes her meds. Let us know how she does.  |
| And of course I just got the reply of "what changes have you noticed? I don't feel any different. I'm doing fine."
So I objectively told her what I've noticed. I really want to end this conversation with her. |
| Good, you were forthright both times.
I fear she will have to go down much further before she resumes her meds. They truly don't feel different....in fact they often feel better because they are off the drugs. However their actions betray their good feelings. I hope I'm wrong this time. |
| I hope you're wrong too Susan. She pressed for examples which I gave her, which she then denied. I agree that she will get worse before she gets better. And I'm the one person she'll talk to about this, so I'll bear the full brunt. I feel sorry for her.
Oh, her reason for telling me? (Not that I asked). "I thought I had made enough progress that I could stop." |
| Oh good grief. They hope it is temporary.......sometimes it is. More often it is now a permanent part of them....like a hearing loss. You can wear a hearing aid, but if you remove it you are still impaired and will show and suffer the consequences.
Maybe the therapist hasn't quite explained this to her. You are a good friend to stay with her. |
Paula O. wrote: Oh, her reason for telling me? (Not that I asked). "I thought I had made enough progress that I could stop."
She will need to learn the parameters of her illness. When she feels her symptoms become uncomfortable or has consequences because of going off meds she will return to her therapy (medications) and therapist- voluntarily or involuntarily. She will learn over time to trust the decision to reduce or discontinue medications only after consult with her treatment team. In many cases, patients are self medicating with alcohol which can account for going off antidepressants. Your patience and support as a friend is important, support her, but not the choices she makes that sabotage her health and welfare. If you see or hear anything that is unsafe, please notify her family or treatment team. If it is high risk behavior , it is often necessary to involve the police if no family member is available to intervene. You are a good friend Paula, she needs good support while going through these episodes. |
| I've been thinking about this since you posted it. Part of me wants to look at this whole situation from the perspective of your friend.
The nurse in me has the no nonsense, TAKE YOUR MEDS response. But having known enough people in both my private and professional life that are on psychotropic medication I understand that need, periodically, to "see if I am better". Depending on the illness many medical professionals will allow a "med vacation" but it should ALWAYS be supervised by a professional. WHile we have some marvelous medications in this day and age to help deal with psychiatric problems they are not without their side effects, and those side effects can often be worse than the original problem. For many patients going off their meds is an effort to escape intolerable side effects. I am also a very strong believer in personal choice. As long as a person is not a danger to themselves or others do we have the right to tell them how they "should" feel. I guess I'm just playing devils advocate here, but perhaps your friend feels better off her medication. For some the ups and downs of a depressive illness may be preferable to the physical side effects of medication. I have known people who although suffering from mental illness chose to remain medication free because they felt the medication impaired their creativity (and in some cases it did). I think that as a friend it is your responsibility to be honest with her about your observations and how you feel but at the same time allow her the freedom to make her choices. If she choses to remain medication free you can then be there when she crashes and burns and needs your help, which may or may not happen. In our society we often expect to be "happy" all the time and if we aren't there MUST be a medication for it. I absolutely believe in medication where needed and wanted but I also believe that each individual should have the freedom to make that choice (again as long as they are of sound mind and not a danger to themselves or others). It's often easier for Dr's to prescribe a pill rahter than provide other types of therapy which help the person deal with the problems in a non medicinal way. I am continually amazed at the number of people who come into my office with anti depressants prescribed who have been on them for long periods of time without any effort made to see if there was another way to deal with the problems or if they even still had the problems. Prozac and Wellbutrin have become the "vitamins" of our decade. |
| I'll toss in one more small comment here, as a person with several mentally ill family members...I agree completely with Ginny on the issue of personal choice.
However, its also important, I feel, for the mentally ill person to realize that THEIR choice not to be on meds, does NOT mean that their friends and family don't have the choice to not put up with their behavior. "Not a threat to self and others", does not mean a license to wreak havoc  .
One of the main reasons my niece (who is very severely mentally ill ...all the way TO threat to self and others  ) decided to stay on her meds, is that she realized she could HAVE friends that way!  |
| My issue is not that she's decided to stop taking her meds. My issue is that she told me what she is doing, which for her is asking my opinion. And when I gave her my impression of her behavior, she gets all p!ssy. I told her I'm not judging her, but this is what I see. I understand wanting to see if you still need the meds, but do it with your therapist.
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies. |
| If she asked, you have every right to tell her what YOUR impression is!! |
| You, as a friend, have every right to set limits, and boundaries.. .and one of them can be "I don't feel comfortable discussing this, please talk to your therapist."
I know this is hard, Paula. I'm sorry your having to deal with this. |
| My best friend, who shall remain nameless, is bi-polar. Many years ago, she decided she didn't need her meds anymore. HUGE mistake. It reeked so much havoc on her system, it took 3 weeks in a "mental" ward to get her rebalanced. The reason I'm telling you this, Paula, is so you can tell your friend! Once you find the right combo...stick with it!!!! Meds can make you so balanced you don't realize its the meds that are doing it, but it is. Please, I saw my friend really suffer, and there wasn't any reason for it. Beg your friend to stay on whatever the doc has prescribed! |
| All the comments have been positive and worthwhile as "food for thought". However, as a number of folks have commented - the only person that can go 'back on the meds' is the subject herself.
Notwithstanding the thought that there may be other means of modifing her behavior, her therapist is the only person who should be giving advice on whether to take medication or not. Better living thru chemistry! |
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