Should I speak up? Babysitting vent.
I'm already watching the other neighbors kid. This kid is okay. I find her being here more beneficial than "a burden." She plays with lil J and tells me a million and one stories about what school is like for her... How the heck did I get tricked into watching this new one though? She mentioned it several times to me, but I just listened. Didn't volunteer anything. Gave her advice to wear to go for daycare, etc. Her husband works for mine (sort of), so... I'm basically like a sponsor in her eyes. Well, she came to me last week crying her eyes out. Saying she has to work because they can't afford anything (they don't make much), and all her daycare options are closed. They're full/booked. Although there IS off-base daycare, but I'm sure that's expensive. Not to mention, I don't think on-base daycare lets you keep them there for more than 8 hrs. I'm not positive though. I'm going to "guess" that daycare for her on-base is only about 3.50-4.00 an hour. For my husband's rank, it's $6, so... again, that's just my guess. I hate when I'm a sucker for women who cry. I told her that this is just until she can find someone else. My MIL thinks she hasn't even been looking (she asked me a week ago but I start tomorrow). I should get paid for this crap. Not because we need their money, but so I don't feel so dang used. I'm not an evening person, so going grocery shopping and running errands in the evening when she gets home just isn't my cup of tea. I'd take her newborn, but he's so colicky right now (she says). I need a little devil that sits on my shoulder and speaks up for when I'm too chicken. Anyway, just venting... |
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| Why on earth would you agree to that without being paid??????? |
| No way in hell would I babysit for free....
Definitely set down some rules before she shows up tomorrow. I'd call her tonight and tell her whatever rate you decide on, as well as some guidelines about when you are to be paid. I'd make sure you set rules about time limits too. You have your own family and life. |
| looks in the mirror to point at the sucker...
(and because we all are going through rough times w/our husbands gone) She lives in the same condo as us, but WITH another couple. I CANNOT for the life of me imagine sharing this place with another couple AND their newborn. Plus 2 animals. Too tiny!!!! |
Ron wrote: Why on earth would you agree to that without being paid???????
Ron, I was wondering the same thing. Jo, If she was planning on putting the baby in daycare, she would have had to pay something. She should be paying you something!!!! |
| Id have her at the minimum pay for food and for the hours that the baby is awake...and that is at the minimum....
tell her you will help her out for 2 weeks ONLY and that she needs to find someone permanent by then |
| Be careful Leeann. My friend was taken advantage of in the same way and it lasted for a WHOLE YEAR!
Take the money! Be strong and be FIRM! I am with Darcy give her two weeks and if she doesn't make other arrangements then up your fee! |
| I just called to make sure she wasn't bluffing about the daycare availability.
I should say she works at the daycare at the air force base. They told me she should have preference (top of list), but even at the top.. there are no openings right now for a newborn. The army base (she is army) said the same thing. At the top of the list, the wait can easily be 2 months. Up to 9 months for someone lower on it. Her husband's income (estimated) is $39,400 a year. Here in Alaska (we get paid a LOT more due to cost of living). So, she would have to pay $375 a month for 6-5pm daycare/5 days a week. I think I like Darcy's idea of doing it for 2 weeks, and then telling her she has to pay me weekly. I'd probably say $100 a week. And she has to find someone permanent. I'm no daycare provider. I wouldn't mind, but mr. j hates the idea of me not getting out daily. |
| So you have 3 to look after? |
| There is no reason in the world for your life to be co-opted by her needs.
If you do tell her you want to be paid, then I would insist on being paid promptly (either daily or weekly) because it sounds like the kind of debt that might never get paid. If she doesn't pay on your terms, then she cannot leave the baby. If you don't want/need her money and you believe that she is genuinely strapped, then you could ask her to do errands in return for your help - groceries, laundry, shovel snow, etc. You should not let her put this baby on you without you getting some benefit in return. Be strong! Stick up for yourself! |
2. Sometimes the girl I watch brings her sister over... but she stopped coming over recently. she's very sneaky. Every time she comes over, she misses school somehow... or is late for it.    |
| You ALSO have lil J to watch, no? That makes 3? Or the girl isn't coming over? I'm lost. |
| $100 a week is WAY under paid. When I did daycare in my home, I was making $135 a week and that was 14 years ago. I would charge her the same(or more) as what the daycare would charge her. That will give her incentive to get off her butt and find alternate care. Unless of course you really WANT to do this. A newborn is a LOT of work and it will take time away from lil J. |
| I agree with everyone else that she should pay at least something, even it it's only $100/week. And I also agree that the payment should come at specific intervals, and if she doesn't pay you for whatever reason (car needed repair, emergency dr visit, etc.), you will not watch her child any more.
I've seen TOO many of these young mothers who take advantage of "the system" or in this case "her system." Do NOT let her get away with it just because she's a fellow Army wife. And BTW, she WILL be providing the baby's food and diapers, right? |
I forgot about lil J 
I definitely agree that $100 a week or even $375 a month (daycare provides ALL food/snacks) is WAY under the average amount, but I guess that's one of the advantages of getting daycare on base  I think it's super.
My friend in TX pays over $600 a month (not including food) for her little one). She willl definitely provide all the formula and diapers. If not, that poor baby will have to go all day w/o a change, and there's no milk flowing through me anymore, so..
Anyway, I'm still trying to decide exactly what I'll do. I know I won't make her pay this week and "maybe" next week. I already said she didn't have to... |
| I would move and not tell her. |
| I agree with everyone, too.
Maybe tonight you can type up an agreement with what you want her to pay you and the general hours that you will be watching her baby...and then any sort of time limit that you will watch him (meaning only for 2 weeks until she finds something else, or a month, or whatever you decide). Make a copy for each of you and that way you have something in writing to fall back on, so she can't add anything like 'you never said you'd only watch him 10 hours, not 15...' and it's a good way for a non-confrontational person to stick to her guns. I also agree that you should be paid (you get paid for the other girl, right?)...and if you said the base charges $3.50 an hour, you can maybe 'only' charge $3.00 if you feel uncomfortable charging her...that way you are (hopefully) making a point that this isn't a free ride, yet are still helping her out. It sounds like she's in a rough position, but don't you think she a) knew she was pregnant for 9 months, which should mean that b) she'd have time to research and put herself on waiting lists for daycare places because c) I'm assuming her financial situation was roughly the same before the baby and she knew she'd have to work. |
| El Gato That wouldn't be too nice.
If she allows me to take the baby to the store, etc... (not that I'm sure I will try that if he's a big crier) I'm wondering if I'll be getting those funny stares. He's not the same ethnicity as me (half black/white), and then lil J is white, so.. it looks like I got around while my husband was deployed.  |
Quote: I also agree that you should be paid (you get paid for the other girl, right?)
No. ..but she's not all day. Just 6-8:30 a.m. Her mom offered to pay $50 a week, which is the cost she would have to pay where she was going to go, but we are friends, I conveniently live next door, and I enjoy her company... Wasn't sure at first, but lil J is a big fan of her  She's only a handful because it's early in the morning and her mouth runs nonstop.
This is when my mom first told me I'm retarded (didn't accept the money she'd pay anyways elsewhere), but... I just didn't feel comfortable accepting it. |
El Gato wrote: I would move and not tell her.
Too much work. Just lock the door and don't answer. |
ButtersStotch wrote: El Gato wrote: I would move and not tell her. Too much work. Just lock the door and don't answer. I do that at Halloween. |
Joahaeyo wrote: El Gato
That wouldn't be too nice. If she allows me to take the baby to the store, etc... (not that I'm sure I will try that if he's a big crier) I'm wondering if I'll be getting those funny stares. He's not the same ethnicity as me (half black/white), and then lil J is white, so.. it looks like I got around while my husband was deployed. If Angelina can do it .... You could just disconnect the phone. |
barney1 wrote: Maybe tonight you can type up an agreement with what you want her to pay you and the general hours that you will be watching her baby...and then any sort of time limit that you will watch him (meaning only for 2 weeks until she finds something else, or a month, or whatever you decide).
This is great advice. Maybe even include a higher rate for any time in excess of the agreed upon timeframe (late charges). Just because you don't charge for the other kid doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't charge for this one. It sounds like alot more work and doesn't include the benefits that the other child brings of playing with Lil J. |
| I am no help with these questions, am I? |
Joahaeyo wrote: If she allows me to take the baby to the store, etc... (not that I'm sure I will try that if he's a big crier) I'm wondering if I'll be getting those funny stares.
He's not the same ethnicity as me (half black/white), and then lil J is white, so.. it looks like I got around while my husband was deployed. Just get a tshirt that says something like "If Angelina Can Do It" and just wear that out to the store... |
| oops, El Gato got to it first! Sorry, didn't mean to copy your cleverness... |
El Gato wrote: I am no help with these questions, am I?
Perfect, El Gato will babysit ~ then he will be an expert in answering questions ! |
El Gato wrote: I am no help with these questions, am I?
I was waiting for you before I piped up because I knew you'd have the same solution.
I always open the door on Halloween-- how else would I get any candy? I let kids bring it to me. |
zahra wrote: El Gato wrote: I am no help with these questions, am I? Perfect, El Gato will babysit ~ then he will be an expert in answering questions ! If you are letting me babysit your kids, you better have end endless supply of ice cream, cookies and whiskey in the house. The cookies are for me. |
ButtersStotch wrote: El Gato wrote: I am no help with these questions, am I? I was waiting for you before I piped up because I knew you'd have the same solution. I always open the door on Halloween-- how else would I get any candy? I let kids bring it to me. Its like your own little smuggling ring. |
| i love the angelina shirt idea. that is hilarious. |
Ron wrote: Why on earth would you agree to that without being paid???????
I haven't even read the other responses but I agree with Ron. You need to charge SOMETHING AND you need to give her a time limit for how long your goodwill will last. Give her say 1 month to find a suitable sitter. |
| Let me know how it goes Jo, i hope you get it all straightened out!
Frankly, the whole daycare issue is incredibally frightening for me! We can't afford for me not to work, we can barely afford for a baby to go out while I'm working full time... How do you know if the person you entrust with the saftey (and basically partial raising) of your child is trustworthy???? Oh... I know! How about you just move south to MN, come live down the street from me in that cute victorian house for sale, and then I'll pay you to babysit when we have our baby! Problem solved! I promise to coo over and cuddle with Lil J, and Yuki can play with Pip monster... it's all good! |
| YAY. She called me just now and I didn't get to say a thing... she just said, she has someone who has an opening for a newborn, BUT she's charging over $700 a month, and she can't remotely afford that. So, she asked if I could watch him for $100 a week.
I exhaled since that just saved me the trouble of asking or suggesting anything... Said, "Sure" ...but then told her I called daycare on post this morning and told her what they said. Turns out, she hadn't even signed up for either air force or army daycare (because she was told it would take a year before there would be an availability). I said, 1. they only charge 375 a month for your rank. that's so much cheaper than $700+ a month. 2. if you work there (and she does), they will put you on top of the list 3. the wait may only be 2 months. even with a year wait, i've seen people get in there in a few months... She was surprised and didn't know ANY of this. So she's going TODAY to sign up. Baby doesn't come until Thursday. At 5 a.m.  Mommy has to be at work at 6.
So, I'm happy!!!  Thanks guys. I feel so much better about this. |
| How could she not know the rules/rates/waitlists for the daycare where she works???? |
| I was surprised too. But, on her behalf, when I took lil J there for hourly care, who and where you pay is a different section/place than where the ladies work.
And... she's not the brightest in general. She probably goes to work, no questions asked, and comes home. That's the vibe I get. |
Yay!!  Happy ending! Hopefully she won't have to wait too long to get her little one in to the on base daycare. No takers on the move into Karen's neighborhood setup??? |
| Oh no, Iriskmj!!! lol
It sounds great! I got caught up typing my response that I forgot to mention that babysitting for your lil one would be a joy
I don't mind doing things for people I like. Especially if it means they watch lil J in return for date nights and on the weekend, we can all get together and tire out our dogs!!!! 
We'll have to see where we end up after AK!!! |
Joahaeyo wrote: I don't mind doing things for people I like. Especially if it means they watch lil J in return for date nights and on the weekend, we can all get together and tire out our dogs!!!! Do you do windows and/or roofing? |
| I'll watch Mulligan and take him for walks w/Yuki if you do MY roofing/windows. |
Joan might agree to work on your roof if you watch me for a while.  |
Ron wrote: Joan might agree to work on your roof if you watch me for a while.
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| You're getting better at these, Ron. |
| I just think your resistance has been lowered. |
| just my 2 cents....I agree strongly with Mr. J, that you need to get out of the house every day. With our short winter daylight hours its VERY easy to get cabin fever at this time of the year. |
Quote: Joan might agree to work on your roof if you watch me for a while.
Ok, I can see how this would work out ok for Joan, but what about poor Joahaeyo? She needs time away from small children. Or big ones. |
| That's so nice that you are wanting to help her. But I think you should put a time limit on it. What about when Mr. J. comes home? Aren't you going to want to spend every minute with him? Just wanted to mention that since it sounds like you're putting everyone before yourself.
And if you end up enjoying watching the baby is there a part time daycare. Where you could split the time? Then at least you could have a break. Good luck. 5AM hmmmmm. |
| Well for my 2 cents...
A baby is pretty easy...and don't most outgrow the colic stage? Keep to a schedule of naps, and feedings....hopefully it goes smoothly. But I love babies...it's toddlers that are more trouble LOL. If you can find a used twin stroller...get outside with both kids..it will help everyone. Esp if you find you enjoy having the baby around. I have a feeling you will get very attached, and it will be good practise of time management for if and when you have your second
BUT definitely set some time limits...I would set a 8 hour time limit...esp starting at 5:30 am...she should set her own limits to her work schedule. She should be back by 2 pm at the latest...and this will give you you're afternoons with Lil J. Once Mr J gets home...think about that schedule...you want your time to include him...so all extra kids should be gone before you are completely exhausted, and asleep by 7 pm. Keep your weekends off...she can find someone else for those days....that is your time for shopping, and family time for sure. Be strong. Question tho...why can't the daycare make the exception for a staff member's child...if the mom is there...wouldn't it be easier?? Get post dated checks, for the set upon amount...that way she can't claim she forgot. And you get your money. |
| I understand what everyone is saying. Thanks for the tips!
I plan on telling her she has to be here 30 min. after she gets off work. I can't tell her what hours "I'd" like to watch her kid during the week because she's the one w/the job. She has to be gone for 10-10.5 hrs. every day (includes travel time).
Anyway, it's all good |
This baby is the best ever. I want another so bad now. 
Yuki keeps checking up on him every ...shoot, like minute. Runs like hell anytime the cats try to smell him. She doesn't want anyone near the baby. I want to give her pics of Yuki smelling the baby, but not everyone is crazy about dogs (especially plus baby together) like I (we) are.
It takes him about 20 min. to burp, so I'm patting his back for a long time. So....... lil J always walks over him and pats him and then looks over at me so I know he's being sweet. He even removes my hand when I try to pat his back because lil J wants to do it by himself. Only problem is ...when he's laying down, lil J will go pat his face and think it's just as sweet as patting his back/butt. |
| I'm really glad you are enjoying the baby. |
Joahaeyo wrote: This baby is the best ever. I want another so bad now.
Ummmm what did I say??? teehee Glad he's better than expected, babies are so fun. You realise you will be a surrogate mommy to him now...he may not want to leave you. |
| I'm still almost as happy as I was when lil j was a newborn (he's about 6wks).
something about them puts you in the BEST mood.
Now if I could only get my son to stop stealing his bottles and pacifier. |
| Glad your enjoying the addition |
| AAAAAHH!!! Glad you're having a good time. Is it good training for having #2??? |
| Glad to hear you're enjoying caring for the baby! Makes it harder to have that conversation about limits, money, etc.
Were you able to speak with the mom and sort out an arrangement you're happy with? |
| Yes! I'm a glutton for punishment. I just volunteered to watch someone else's girls while she goes to the lower 48 for a little over a week. These girls are old enough to stay at home by themselves, so it's just a matter of feeding them. They can watch lil J for me.
If I'm going to be home ANYWAY because I'm watching someone else's kid ...might as well help anyone else out. I'm excited. I went to the store and bought all kinds of goodies so it can be a week long sleepover. I like being the cool mom ...or babysitter. |
| HOW many kids all at once does this add up too??
You are a BRAVE woman!  |
| Jo -you are the FUN one!! Glad you're enjoying yourself. |
| I'll just say what my friend who has 5 kid says..
baghhh... once you have 3, what's 4, 5, or six. 
anyway, babies are just soooo precious. Daisie, despite loving babies, I totally forgot how much. You were definitely right...  |
| Yup...that one looks like a keeper....I'd have a hard time letting him go back. He's gorgeous, and little, and lots of hair...over all I give him two thumbs up for absolute squishyness. |
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