The Day My Dad Came Back From The Dead
When I was a kid my mom worked the night shift at a very large Hotel. Christmas was very busy and she was unable to get Christmas Eve off even tho to our family that was the day we celebrated. I can't remember where my sister was but I was at my best friends house waiting for my mom to get off work. My mom didn't drive so when she picked me up at midnight we walked home aprox a mile. My mom must have known what had happened now that I think back as why wouldn't she have left me at home with my dad? Then again, I was always very afraid of him. The house was dark when we got there. It seemed different somehow..empty. My dad had taken all of his belongings and left on Christmas Eve. I felt sadness that he chose the most special day in the world to me to leave. He hadn't even left a gift for his children under the tree. I hated Christmas for many years after that. The next time I saw him was at his wedding to his 20 year old girlfriend. He drove me to the church but must have forgotten who was supposed to take me after the wedding. I was left in another town after the guest left the church and didn't know anyone. I was 12. Someone stopped after they saw me crying on the street and drove me all the way home. Years later, I saw him again with his little daughter. He gave me 25 dollars in an envelope and told me not to tell his wife as she'd get mad at him. I only saw him a few times after that, always around Christmas as my sister was the peacemaker in the family. She always tried to have a relationship with him and our half sister. She even let him stay at her house when his second marriage broke up. I didn't want anything to do with him but somehow found it in my heart to go. One time in a drunken rage he punched my sister in the face and stormed out of her house. I once got a call from an executor's office searching for my half sister whom had the same name as me. That's it ..he died I thought. No one knew where he was and since by now he was suffering from alcohol induced dementia I never thought I'd see him again. We all thought he had passed away. Last year my sister invited me for Christmas dinner and I expressed concern about leaving my dogs so long. I'm usually the one that host the dinner. She told me to bring all of them but in the end I decided just to bring old Blue. Unbeknownst to me not only had my sister reconnected with my dad whom I still thought was dead but had also invited all of her husbands family. I walked in to "ewww a dog? here at Christmas dinner! Put him in the garage! Those words were spoken by my brother in laws relatives. My dad merely looked up after not seeing me for all those years and said something about %#$ dogs don't belong in a house. I responded to funny how his daughter grew up to not only let dogs in the house but on the beds and couches too. I know childish but I didn't know what else to say. The consensus was on and everyone wanted the "dog" in the unheated garage. No way was I going to let 16 year old Blue lie on the unheated floor so a generator was brought out. The thing was noisy and the gas smell permiated the house to the complaints of all the non dog people. It had to be turned off. I was upset I brought Blue at my sisters request to sit in an unheated and unfamiliar place. I stayed out there with him. I would have left as soon as I had arrived but didn't want to spoil it for both my sons to see their cousins. s Although they are both grown they had never seen me cry or seen the family dynamics before. I was torn between leaving but it was pretty silly of me to sit out there all night too. My sons had never known the circumstances my dad had left or the day, it gave them some new understanding and perhaps for the first time they saw me as a person and not just their mom. I finally left and said I'd return later to pick them up. Urg Christmas Eve again, and the memories of what happened long ago as a kid came flooding back. Turning to go onto the onramp on the freeway I look over and see a young guy sitting on the ground. "Hey, you hungry?" I asked. He came over to my van and I offered him a plate of leftovers from the dinner my sister packed for me. He was actually dainty in the way he picked things off the plate, careful not to let his fingers touch the other food. He gave me a big smile and said oh thank you so much! "God Bless you and thanks for being non judgemental". I turned around and drove back to my sisters, dog and all. Hugged her, and even gave the old man that shuffled towards me a hug. The old man my father. I may not like him but I could forgive him. That was last year and despite that..no way am I going this year!!! Nope let me enjoy it with my boys, dogs and friends. Sorry for the long post, Darcy's post regarding MIL reminded me of how difficult family dynamics can be. Marianne and the boys |
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| Quite a story. . . quite a life. I hope you and your boys, dogs and friends have a joyous holiday. |
| Thank you for sharing that with us. I am honored.
susan |
SheepieBoss wrote: Thank you for sharing that with us. I am honored.
susan Me too Sorry last Christmas wasn't so hot. I am sure this year you'll have a MUCH better one.  |
Marianne wrote: .....My sons had never known....... perhaps for the first time they saw me as a person and not just their mom..........
He gave me a big smile and said oh thank you so much! "God Bless you and thanks for being non judgemental"............... I turned around and drove back to my sisters, dog and all. Hugged her, and even gave the old man that shuffled towards me a hug. The old man my father. I may not like him but I could forgive him......... So sorry for such sad memories. Your sons will now have a better understanding of "why" mom thinks and feels the way she does. A good thing. You've opened a new world of communication with them. The man on the ramp was there at that place and time for a purpose. You may have "entertained an angel unaware". Its in "your" spirit to be non judgemental. The man reminded you of that fact, which allowed "your true spirit" to over power the anger held within all this time. You say you may not like him, but can fogive him. Have you told him this? Sometimes people can do so much wrong that they don't think they have the right to ask for forgiveness. You've taken the first step, a healing step. Take the next one, tell him. The worse he can do is reject your forgiveness, then it will be between him and God after that. Your boys will "see" the true spirit of love and forgiveness through the acts of their mother. And, I hope in all of this that God would touch your dad's heart and show him the way. God bless! |
Marianne wrote: That was last year and despite that..no way am I going this year!!! Nope let me enjoy it with my boys, dogs and friends.
Sorry for the long post, Darcy's post regarding MIL reminded me of how difficult family dynamics can be. Marianne, that's the blessing of being an adult, you don't have to be subject to things like that unless you choose. Enjoy your holidays where you see fit and where it renews your spirit and brings you happiness. And if there happens to be two Sheepies and how many other critters there? then more power to you! |
| Holidays bring out the worst and the best in families. Dysfunctional families become even more so. One of the reasons I always dread the holiday season is because of those "dysfunctional family memories" which seem to linger long after to good memories are gone.
You watch TV, see the Hallmark moments and wonder "what is wrong with MY family that our holidays aren't like that" You wind up feeling guilty and alone when the reality is the Hallmark moments on TV AREN'T reality!! It's one of the reasons I hate the global "Merry Christmas" greeting everyone spews at random from 11/30 until the first of the year. It simply heightens the expectation that this is a "more special" time of year than any other. For many people it is the MOST PAINFUL time of year and the constant reminder everywhere they go is like rubbing salt in a wound. . Why not be warm and friendly ALL YEAR. What a warm and wonderful person you have come to be Marianne despite such painful memories. Lets all try to have a kinder gentler holiday this year for ourselves and our loved ones! |
Thank you for sharing this with us, Marianne. Your compassion for fellow humans and furries shines through once again  |
| I'm proud of you Marianne, You are a much bigger person that I would or could be in that situation. |
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