Example of teacher and Parker...Math test marking
However with the problems we have on a daily basis...seems like it, with things. I am annoyed that she is choosing his right answer and making it a deduction of .5 because he didn't print it nice. Now granted it could be better, and in his defense he can do better, and I have no knowledge if he was feeling rushed or what makes him be messy some days. But she knows he does do well and I feel she could have let it go and work on it on the side. And if I was the teacher, a right answer is a right answer...and he should have not been deducted points. And discourage him even more...she just doesn't cut him any breaks. Is this a good thing in her grading...or is she being to critical for grade 1? I am too sensitve to this..so I am just wondering if I should let it go. I didn't get half marks on a question until I hit highschool algebra...and I was given credit for getting some of the answer right. I'll post the pictures. |
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| I tend to think 12.5/14 is an excellent score. If the teacher has stressed that presenation/penmanship counts, then it is entirely reasonable for her to deduct a small amount for sloppiness. I can't even tell what number your son was writing. Is that a 6?
Instead of the teacher being too nitpicky, I tend to think you are for being disatisfied with this score. How about tell your son how great he did and how easy it will be for him to do even better.  |
An example of his page of work:
Here is his deducted half point...he rushed his 5, but it is an obvious 5 in my opinion. 
Granted he may not be the top of his class in printing, but he LOVES math, and Science...I just don't like seeing her do stuff like this. Madelyn just finished grade 1, she didn't get deductions...it was either right or wrong. |
| I wouldn't make a big deal of it. I agree with Val... I'd just tell him what a great job he did.
Learning to print neatly has to come now or never at this age IMO. It certainly will count for more in later grades, so why not teach him now that neatness counts? I do however completely understand the feeling of frustration with the school system at times, especially if your son has gotten into trouble, it can feel like he is being singled out. I'm not sure if it's true or not, but I've learned all you can do is tell them that not every teacher, class, job, or boss in life will be their favorite, but making the best of it makes things easier and more enjoyable all the way around. After all, he only has to be in that teacher's class for another 7 months. |
| Fortunately, we only have to have her for 1 more month. She's pregnant, and is due in Jan.
I am looking forward to a new teacher, she really is getting to me...this is just one thing of many over the past 2 months. It's just hard to be positive, when she feeds us the negative...I feel like I am responsible for punishing him for a mistake like this. I am sick of punishing him, talking to him, nagging him...he gets this at school, and then at home...what else does she expect from me? It's grade one after all, I am dissappointed he drew 8 fish when the task was to draw 6...he just wasn't paying attention, and I did show him his mistake...I asked him to count the fish he drew...just incase he drew plants. He counted 8, and I asked him how many was he asked to draw...he said 6...I asked do you have the right #, he said no. So I can't give him praise on that. |
| Sounds like you are being harder on him than the teacher is. |
| Although I totally understand how you are feeling about
this teacher, I think for his sake you may want to lighten up a little. He needs to understand what this particular teacher wants from him and deliver it. I know that may sound harsh, but it will be this way, right or wrong from now till he is out of school. It appears he is doing fine in terms of grades, and each teacher is going to have a different aproach. If she is going to be more demanding of the students, then that is her way. We may not like it or agree with her but I don't think you are going to change her. JMO but I say praise his good work and his effort, but don't contradict the teacher. She will be gone soon and this will have been a learning experience for you both. This is part of life and learning to deal with people. He will bounce back from this much quicker if you try not to make anything of it. I think it is completely ok if you disagree with her and even if you really dislike her, but do not share it with him. I think, especially at this early stage, that's very important. It's natural to want to protect our kids from people like this teacher. We want everything to be fair and for our kids to feel good about themselves and school. I totally sympathize. Hopefully the replacement teacher will be able to come in without any preconceptions and everything will be different. Shellie |
| That's how Jake's teacher is, but he's only in Kindergarten. If he writes his letters out of the lines (or not exactly on the lines), she marks it off as completely wrong. If his numbers aren't perfect, it's marked off as completely wrong. The other day, he did a worksheet where he had to count apples. He got the number of apples right, but they also had to color the apples. The apples had worms in them, and Jake colored the black. She wrote on there "black apples?" and gave him a 0! At the very least, he should have gotten a 50 since he got the number of apples right. I asked Jake why he colored his apples black, and he said they had worms in them so they were rotten apples! You know...he's right. Apples do turn black when they're rotten, and he knows that because we have apple trees and helps me clean up the apples that have fallen to the ground. I hung it up on the refrigerator, because I thought it was creative. They're telling time now, and he gets the time right, but he doesn't write the numbers perfect, so it gets marked off completely wrong. That drives me insane. Honestly, how important is perfect handwriting nowadays? As long as it is legible (which it is perfectly readable - just not on the manuscript tablet lines), it should be accepted. In a few years, most of his homework assignments will be done on the computer and printed out anyway.
She is all the time sending home sheets "he needs work on his writing", but from what I see of his class work - he writes pretty good. Much better than his Daddy, and Jason is 29 (no one can read his handwriting).  He may not have the best handwriting, but neither do me or Jason, so he gets it honestly. I think her picking over the smaller things is ruining the school experience - it's kindergarten - 5 year olds aren't perfect and shouldn't be made out to be.
I KNOW Jake has most his kindergarten skills mastered now to go to 1st grade, because he & I have been working hard every evening and weekend (I wrote down the list of requirements off his last report card). He knows everything except the Pledge of Allegience and tying his shoes (we're still working on both). If he still has a terrible report card next month like he did a couple of months ago, we're changing classrooms. I hate to do it, because he loves all the other kids, but I don't want his self-esteem hurt by a picky teacher either. Sorry about my little vent! I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and you get my sympathy. |
Maybe they're just making the point that neatness counts and it is what they feel needs to be really worked on. I couldn't tell it was a "5", looked like a six, too. In math, being able to decipher the answer is kind of important, and maybe she thought she was being generous with giving only 1/2 off. 
Bottom line is while it's unhappy now, he'll survive this teacher until he has the next teacher that gives him fits. |
| I think your son writes very well for his age. And at his age, it isn't merely effort, but also fine motor coordination, which comes with time. My boys all had messy handwriting and so did I, in first grade. My husband, mother in law, and oldest son have very similar (and messy) hand writing. One of my son's handwriting is illegible. Mine is unless I make a big effort.
I don't know if the teacher should have deducted .5 for neatness because I'm not sure most first graders would have that good an understanding of what 0.5 meant or why they lost points if their answers were correct. That said, a teacher's standards are a teachers' standards, and the teacher gets to make that call. Regardless of whether you like this teacher or agree with her, you won't do your son any favors at all by making this an issue, either at school or at home. Praise him for what he does right, give him plenty of time to play with pencils, crayons, scissors, paper, modeling clay. Holidays are coming, which means there's a lot of opporutnity for him to do crafts at home or to help bake cookies, etc. All of these things will help him with his fine motor coordination. Remember--he's young! It takes time, and patience, and most importantly, it will help if you let these things be fun, rather than right or wrong. There's no such thing as a badly decorated sugar cookie! Make reading a part of your day--a bed time story or two or three are a wonderful way to ease the day. If he's ready, choose something at his reading level, and take turns reading a sentence or a page--or word! We often let our kids keep reading (or looking at the pictures, depending on age) after we were finished, and came back in 15 minutes for final lights out. |
| I think the teacher was right. The answer might have been clear to you because you are his mom but to someone else it isn't. It could have been a 6 then turned into a 5. Parker was lucky she only took off .5 My son had a very hard teacher last year. Ethan is an A+ student but she always found something to harp about. I just told him...look not everyone in life is nice or fair. Might as well learn that young. I would say...only a few more months left and then its summer and next year can be better. He survived just fine.
When my kids gets their tests back I make them do the corrections before I sign the test....that goes if they get 50% or 99%. I always ask them "did you do your best" if they did their best and only got 50% then either they need extra help or the teacher did not cover the subject carefully enough. In the whole sceme of life...will one test REALLY matter? Do I have to have the smartest kid in the class? I have one daughter that excells scholastically but she is not athletic one bit. I have another daughter that really has to try for her marks but she is extremely athletic. Is one better than the other...no...everyone has their talents. |
| As a non-kid person, it didn't look like a 5 to me either. I'm not sure if it was a 6 or a 50 or an apathetic answer of "so".
I vaguely remember something from child psych about 5's like that. When it's written without a curve or a misplaced curve the child hasn't processed the nuber correctly. (Sorry, it's been a long time since I had to pull that info from my brain.) Maybe that's the reason for the 1/2 point? She's giving you the low tech answer of penmanship and there's actually a deeper reasoning for the strictness. |
Maxmm wrote: As a non-kid person, it didn't look like a 5 to me either. I'm not sure if it was a 6 or a 50 or an apathetic answer of "so".
I vaguely remember something from child psych about 5's like that. When it's written without a curve or a misplaced curve the child hasn't processed the nuber correctly. (Sorry, it's been a long time since I had to pull that info from my brain.) Maybe that's the reason for the 1/2 point? She's giving you the low tech answer of penmanship and there's actually a deeper reasoning for the strictness. That's an interesting answer, I haven't heard of that but it makes sense if the teacher has. |
Daisie wrote: I feel like I am responsible for punishing him for a mistake like this.
I also don't understand this comment. Why would you need to punish him for this? What kind of punishment do you have in mind? |
| Maybe she means sitting him down and practicing writing the alphabet and numbers? :shrugs: That's how I read it. I'm just reading this thread so I know what to expect in a few years. |
| What I meant about the punishment...this particular teacher writes daily on what "bad" behaviour, poor writing...I feel like she is putting it on me to "fix" him and make him like the others. I feel she is tired of him, and so expects me to make him spend an additional few hours everynight working on this. He is so sick of writing, he's in tears about it, and if she can't let it go, how can I tell him to. How can I tell him he's doing okay, when he hears from his teacher how bad he is.
He knows his numbers, he usually writes his 5's (as the number in question)...better. In the list of answers I was suprised she didn't take marks off for the #3...if that was a different assignment and not a test, she would have made him redo it too. I just felt he does not deserve .5 removed when the answer was right. He does not make his 6's like that...so for Parker..it was a definite 5. I don't think anyone in grade 1 should be marked like that...he got the answer right, so give him a check mark. I can't explain this to him...not in terms he'd get. Yes I do expect good grades in the areas that he is good at. He is not athletic, and the way she makes me feel...he is not accademic either. Anyways this mark he got is just one thing...I am dealing with everything else she throws at him...I feel it is harsh and is not helping his self esteem...when she could have taken the opportunity to let it go, he would have gotten 13/14 and a sticker like the others...but a 12.5 does not get a sticker. At this school they have a home reading program established in Kindergarten. Every night the kids bring a book home they have to read to us, we put our initials down and the title. We also do fun reading ususally everynight after that. At a grade 1 level, I want my son to enjoy being at school, to find learning fun so that he wants to keep going...if this is his taste of what the rest of school life will be....it's gonna burn him out. Then I will have a much harder problem on my hands. This teacher makes me feel like he is not good enough, I have felt this since early on, and to be honest I am at a loss as to what to do with him to make him more likeable to her. Gail..I think that was very brillant thinking of your son to color the apples rotten...after all they had a worm. These teachers need to think outside the box once in awhile. Parker is still 5 as well...he had a K teacher that would have asked him why did you color the apples black...and then she too would have thought that was clever. But his Grade 1 teacher would have thought that was wrong too...and would have probably asked him to redo the picture. |
| As another non-kid person...
I think it is great to think outside the box, but you have to learn first how to think within the box, IMO. There are rules to writing and arithmatic for a reason. Once you learn them, you can go about being more creative. Of course, that's just for school--they should be able to do whatever they want outside of a school setting. One personal example of a bad kid/teacher relationship happened with my little brother. He was given an assignment (must have been 1st or 2nd grade approximately) to color something for Thanksgiving. It had Indians and a forest and all sorts of things. Well, he colored the Indians green, the trees red, and all sorts of other weird color combinations. The teacher thought he was just goofing off...turned out he is color blind, so he got around that by learning to read the color of the crayon first because he knew people are supposed to be brown, so he would read brown... |
| My first thought would have been color blindness...very common in boys, esp red/green.
I taught my young cousin while babysitting him all his colors...except the red/green. So before he started school we knew he was color blind. Parker did get 100% on the color test...what happen when you mix x+z. What happens when you add white or black. What two colors do you need to make x? He can stay in the parimeters of the assignment. If he is told to color the tree green he will. But give him the freedom, he will color it 7 different color because to him that is prettier. |
Sorry....long..... 
I have a lot of respect for teachers. They are people that I will support how ever I can in order to allow them to do thier very difficult and challenging job. Children have to learn that their teacher is to be respected and obeyed and that has to be reinforced by the parents from the very beginning, in order to get the job done. Children have to be respected, also, and their fragile self esteems nurtured and supported to allow them to grow successfully. I feel so bad for these small children, who have barely been alive for 5 or 6 years, and are expected to be so "perfect". Confidence is EVERYTHING at this age. How much will a child try to learn if their attempts are not good enough? As long as they know that they are expected to try thier best, and know what they are trying to achieve and make an effort to do that, shouldn't that be enough? Gee whiz...so wonder we have so many stressed out kids who hate school. If it is math they are being tested on and the calculation was right it should be right. A child at this age should not be expected to do everything perfect. If they are focusing on lines, that that is what their focus is. If they are focusing on writing, then that is the focus. If they are focusing on math, then that is the focus. They are little kids in grade 1, for goodness sake. They are being thrown all sorts of new stuff to learn. And why oh why was there not a discussion about the black apples? Surely if something is so obviously unexpected then questiosn should be asked....That was a brilliantly creative demonstration of individual interpretation. Why squash that? Next thing you will get is a child who doesn't even want to try becasue they cannot do it and are constantly told they cannot do it. These are not kids who are in grade 5 or 6. These are small children who are just starting to learn...don't they get any kind of slack for a learning curve? The first years are instrumental in creating the foundation for learning. You can have all the perfect numbers and letters in the world, but if the child does not feel confident enough about using them you will have a much bigger problem. I always felt that the "attitude" need to be developed and in place first. After that the aptitude can be built upon it. I have two teen-aged boys with awful penmanship and still cannot color within the lines.  However, both of them enjoy school and neither is ever afraid to try anything and are confident enough to speak up with their opinions and challenge the status quo. They are both very creative thinkers and teachers think very highly of them. Many of their teachers has commented that having them in the class has raised the bar on participation and challenging discussions. Yes, many remarks about messy work and untidy drawings, but at least they were not afraid to try....My last parent=teacher interview was last month....grade 10. All 5 teachers had nothing but praise for my son's respectfulness and confidence and open participation in class.
I will always recall a day when my son came home from grade 1 to say that the whole class was punished and got yelled at for some disruptive behavior by a few kids. I sat him down and told him that no adult has the right to blame him for anything he did not do. And if any adult at school ever yelled again he can politely explain to them that his mother told him that he doesn't have to listen to anyone who yelled at him. Period. Parents are a child's biggest supporter, and in order to bridge the connection between teachers and parents they both need to connect. Most of the teachers that I have had the pleasure to deal with have been absolutely wonderful. But I would not allow my child to be intimidated or bi-littled in any way, especially by an adult role model who I was trying to support. |
Quote: I feel she is tired of him, and so expects me to make him spend an additional few hours everynight working on this. He is so sick of writing, he's in tears about it, and if she can't let it go, how can I tell him to. How can I tell him he's doing okay, when he hears from his teacher how bad he is.
For heavens' sake, do NOT, I repeat do NOT spend a few hours every night doing any school work, certainly not practicing penmenship. 15 minutes, tops. Stop sooner if it becomes frustrating. For either of you. Honestly, I know what I'm talking about. It won't help him improve but it will make him dislike school and maybe resent you. His writing will improve, over time. And I mean over months and years. It will improve more quickly if you don't make it such a big deal. He's writing well for a 5 year old. You should be proud of how well he's doing! 5 is very young for first grade, no matter how smart the child! I am not in the classroom, so I don't know what she's actually saying, but taking 0.5 off (while I think it's foolish to expect a first grader to understand half a point) is hardly telling him he's bad! She's telling him she couldn't tell what his answer was for sure! Which is what maybe you should say to him: it was hard to tell if that 5 was a 5 or something else. No big deal, but it's always good to be able to make yourself understood. And please, please remember: Your son is being graded, not you. And a grade is just a grade--it's not a character assessment or a prediction of his future success or a grade of your parenting! This is not something you should be punishing him for! This is not something you should be obsessing over. Your reaction is just as likely to make him cry as the teacher! |
Quote: I feel she is tired of him, and so expects me to make him spend an additional few hours everynight working on this. He is so sick of writing, he's in tears about it, and if she can't let it go, how can I tell him to. How can I tell him he's doing okay, when he hears from his teacher how bad he is.
We do that with Jake too. We spent at a minimum a hour each night on his homework assignments. It makes me wonder what he does from 7:30 until 3 when he's at school! He has a long enough school day to where he shouldn't need a hour of homework assignments every night IMO...for a 5 year old anyway. |
JakobandBrandonsmom wrote: Quote: I feel she is tired of him, and so expects me to make him spend an additional few hours everynight working on this. He is so sick of writing, he's in tears about it, and if she can't let it go, how can I tell him to. How can I tell him he's doing okay, when he hears from his teacher how bad he is. We do that with Jake too. We spent at a minimum a hour each night on his homework assignments. It makes me wonder what he does from 7:30 until 3 when he's at school! He has a long enough school day to where he shouldn't need a hour of homework assignments every night IMO...for a 5 year old anyway. 15 minutes should be the max. Grade 10 is 45 minutes to an hour. |
| Thank you for understanding. We have parent teacher night next week, and I will asking her some more about this. I will be getting his report card on the 17th I think.
I totally agree with you Nicole about the teacher needing to be focused on the writing if it is writing, and math if it is math. This was a math test, they had to count the objects and write the #. I can like her as a person, she is nice if I don't think about Parker and his work. I have talked to some of the other moms, and they have noticed their children are struggling now as well. Some feel she is still to critical and ask alot of this group of kids. I've just decided to ask Parker how he feels about school, I ask if he likes Ms teacher, and as long as he still wants to be in his class, I do keep my thoughts to myself. I do try and back her ideas up, and I do remind him about writing neater. I do get the importance of that in the big picture of things. I want to just grab her and say these are children still...let the criticsm go once inawhile. I just want him to have some good days, where he can come home and feel really good about himself. |
| You are making this sound like a much bigger problem now than
you did in the first post of this thread. If you really feel this strongly about how the teacher is treating your son, skip the teacher and go straight to the admins! If your son is in tears over this explain to her superiors how this method of teaching is killing his love for learning and that this early he should be embracing school and loving it. (If she cannot instill this in her young class maybe she should teach kids a little older.) If I recall you wrote once before at the beginning of the year about this teacher. If you feel this strongly, you must do something. She isn't doing her job well if she is killing his creativity and imagination, and he should be enjoying first grade. I think that is a major part of teaching, little ones especially. Only you can know this situation, I can only suppose. Do what you feel in your heart. Shellie |
| I never had any homework that I can remember all the way through grade 6. Then I went to a private school in grade 7 and was simply overwhelmed by an hour in each subject (5) plus mandatory after school athletic participation and the commute.
Given my experience, I think that a ramping up of homework requirements is a good thing, but I have no idea what the amounts and ages should be, but I think it should start very early as an expectation. |
Daisie wrote: I want to just grab her and say these are children still...let the criticsm go once inawhile. I just want him to have some good days, where he can come home and feel really good about himself.
I truly don't understand why he can't feel really good about himself with a score of 12.5 out of 14. Do you think he needs a perfect score to feel good? I also don't understand why you equate grading with criticism. It is not criticism. It is simply a measure of how completely he understood and delivered on what was expected of him. It is an opportunity for him to see what parts he did right and where he could do better. I think your attitude sets a standard for both your son and the teacher that is counter-productive. You think Parker needs perfect scores so that he can feel good. You want the teacher to ease up on her grading so that Parker can get those perfect scores and feel good. If you adjust your attitude and recognize that imperfect scores are OK and are part of the learning process, Parker might feel better about the whole experience and learn how to deal with feedback that is not 100%. Sounds like you could use some help or guidance in how to better handle it when he gets deductions that are not expected so that you can be realistic about your expectations, help him feel good about himself, enjoy the learning process, and also work to the best of his abilities. The ability to deal with negative feedback and unexpected corrections is something he will need the rest of his life. Do you think you are going to develop those responses by harping on the teacher and your son and obsessing over the marks he receives on minor homework assignments in first grade? Good luck! |
| You are going to make Parker hate school if you make him do work again after he has come home from school. He will eventually get to write better as he gets older. I think you are setting too high an expectation of him just to get the teacher off your back. As you said he is a child...then YOU as his mom have to set the tone. When one of my kids (I have 4) had a lot of homework repeatedly, I wrote to the teacher and asked why is X getting 2 hours of homework a night? The norm here is 10 minutes per grade...so a 5th grader should have maximum 50 minutes and that is not every night. It turned out that my kid was goofing in class and not getting their work done IN school the way they should have. I also have another kid that I have to watch...she will re-write all her work from school at home because she wants her notebook to be PERFECT.... I didnt set that standard....the teacher didnt set that standard...she heard him say he was checking the notebooks and because she really likes him she thought she would impress him more with a "perfect" notebook. I had to sit her down and remind her of what he had said about her in the parent interview and that he was maybe talking to the other children that dont care about their work as much as she does.
I also expect my kids to respect their teachers but once in a while you get a looney of a teacher and I will explain to my child they have to behave in class and do their work, but if they feel that what they are being asked to do is unreasonable they have to speak up. And when I hear about excessive yelling going on by a teacher...I write a note to the teacher with a copy to the principal. |
Bosley's mom wrote: Sorry....long.....
I have a lot of respect for teachers. They are people that I will support how ever I can in order to allow them to do thier very difficult and challenging job. Children have to learn that their teacher is to be respected and obeyed and that has to be reinforced by the parents from the very beginning, in order to get the job done. I will always recall a day when my son came home from grade 1 to say that the whole class was punished and got yelled at for some disruptive behavior by a few kids. I sat him down and told him that no adult has the right to blame him for anything he did not do. And if any adult at school ever yelled again he can politely explain to them that his mother told him that he doesn't have to listen to anyone who yelled at him. Period. I don't understand how these two things go together. You said that a child must respect and obey their teacher, but then you say you told them to not listen to them if they were yelled at? Seems very contradictory. |
barney1 wrote: Bosley's mom wrote: Sorry....long..... I have a lot of respect for teachers. They are people that I will support how ever I can in order to allow them to do thier very difficult and challenging job. Children have to learn that their teacher is to be respected and obeyed and that has to be reinforced by the parents from the very beginning, in order to get the job done. I will always recall a day when my son came home from grade 1 to say that the whole class was punished and got yelled at for some disruptive behavior by a few kids. I sat him down and told him that no adult has the right to blame him for anything he did not do. And if any adult at school ever yelled again he can politely explain to them that his mother told him that he doesn't have to listen to anyone who yelled at him. Period. I don't understand how these two things go together. You said that a child must respect and obey their teacher, but then you say you told them to not listen to them if they were yelled at? Seems very contradictory. You can respect someone but shold not be expected to accept abuse or disrespectful treatment from them in return. We do that all the time here on this forum.. 
The boys were always polite to adults, teachers especially. But that doesn't mean that they could not speak up if they felt something was wrong. I told them to tell their teacher that thier mother told them they did not have to listen to them if they were yelling. Then it was the teacher's choice....continue to yell or calm down and treat the kids with some dignity. Just ignoring a teacher would be disrespectful...absolutely. But communicating feelings and offering insight should not be taken as being disrespectful. A young child calmly speaking to an adult who is upset is very respectful....and brave. Teachers aren't perfect people, neither are parents, and neither are kids. We all make mistakes and can learn from each other. Children can teach adults an awful lot if we take the time and effort to listen to them and lay the foundation for them to speak up and encourage them to do so. Nothing breaks up communication lines like kids afraid of negative backlash for politely talking to an adult. I hope this better explains where I was coming from. |
| My boys are seniors in High School they still get points taken off for neatness especially in English class and debate |
| I am not pressuring the kids to get perfect scores, I don't make them sit here and do hourse of homework or extra practice...I said that how I feel she wants me to deal with it.
He hasn't been getting homework as much, I belive he is improving in class with his attention and focus. After I spoke up about having him redo everything, he hasn't been getting this type of homework anymore. But he is still struggling, his self esteem is really low at school. He's still crying at things like writing properly. It's a simple thing for us, but for some reason he just won't follow the instructions. I remind him constantly how to hold his pencil, to write from the top down, to do his best...either he making a mental block against this or he has a problem with it...and maybe he should be getting extra assistance at school. Now yesterday he started out having pretty good day from the teacher's point of view. Then during recess he tried to hug and then kiss the other kids...to get a reaction, he thought he was playing/teasing...(he and sister wrestle at home) then later that day he apparantly said the "F" word. So he got sent to the office. Okay we've NEVER sworn in this house, it is just something we've never done, so he never learned that word from us. So we were pretty shocked, and had a long talk with him. Then Rob talked to the teacher...it went well. I said he's doing this to get some attention...he's not getting positive things from the teacher, he doesn't have friends...so he's trying things out. I do tell him what is appropiate all the time, and what is not...but he figures he's having fun with sister goofing around why not do this at school...except he chose to try this on a boy. He's not getting the positve attention...everyday (not just this math test) he faces critiscism, and negative feedback. Granted teachers have a full plate with a whole class to deal with. It's just that the Kindergarten teacher figured out how to work with Parker so that she got him to do positive things for attention. Yes it is bigger than this math test, and his writing esp if he's doing things like learning swear words and repeating them, or trying to make kids like him by saying or doing inappropiate things just to get a laugh...I have a hard road ahead of me. Parker is a very naive, sweet natured and extremely sensitive little boy...he is challenging, because he takes everything so personal...with him it's black or white. But one thing I do know is that he just wants everyone to like him, and he really loves to hear he's doing a great job. I am giving him a reward chart at home BASED on what he does at school...so if he doesn't have a good day, or doesn't get a sticker from school...I can't reward him. Then after so many stickers he get's a new toy of his choice, or some other reward. Anyways I am trying things at home to improve his day at school, but once he gets there I have no control over it. I am really relying on his teacher to make his day fun and productive. Anyways, it will be nice once this teacher leaves for her baby...I do honestly believe that is having a huge impact on how she feels...and treats the kids. I want to see a teacher who has a smile on her face, and a happy voice and sets the tone for the day...because I know Parker will reflect that. It's mid Nov now, and we are still at square one....he gets a report home daily...he so far has 3 very good days in which he recieved a big sticker. The rest of these days are either 50/50, or bad reports. Yesterday being the worst yet. I just want little things to change, like if he gets the answer right...mark it so, not 1/2 point for it. Not grade 1. I agree kids need to respect their teachers, and adult's...as long as they are being treated themselves with respect, kindness and fairness. |
| Bev,
I am so amazed at the way you're handling this thread! Most people would have become defensive and angry with the "criticisms" and ideas that others have offered (including me for sure!) but you just calmly answer each and every one. I am convinced, just by reading your reaction to this, that you're a great mom, and I have nothing but respect and admiration for you in handling a situation that you feel isn't "quite right". Whatever you have to do, go do it! Trust your gut. PS Thinking back to when I was in third grade, there was a teacher Mrs. K. She was a little nutty, and kids just know this instinctively, her nickname was koo-koo K[lastname]. She did things like throw out a pencil that she felt was too short then flunk the student for the day for not having a pencil... that was my favorite. For kids who bit their nails, she'd put a bottle of anti-thumb-sucking something on their desk (probably like "Phooey!" or bitter apple). I remember once she had incorrectly marked an answer of mine wrong when it was perfectly correct. When I brought it to her attention, she started an in-class investigation, including holding the paper up to the light looking for signs of erasure (there weren't any) and taking the kids that sat anywhere near me, one by one, out into the hallway for interrogation of some sort. My parents went to meet with her and she actually put her head down on her desk while they were talking to her. Long story shorter, my parents had me removed from her homeroom class, and since this was the grade where kids swapped teachers for one period per day, during the period in which my new homeroom class was with her, I sat in the office. Was this good for me? I dunno. It sure made me "special" with the other kids.  My parents felt it was right to remove me from this Kook's presence and the principal agreed to it.
Mrs. K. did not return the following year. I did. |
| Thanks Ron,
I am not offended at all by anything anyone has said. Some of it has been really helpful in asking myself what I want for him or is it about me. I really appreciate everyone who has survived things like this or through personal experiences helps me to talk it over with the teacher...and helps me to get to the root of the problem and fix that. I want to work with the school system and be a supporter of it...but my kids come first and I question myself all the time on what is the right thing to do is. I'll be helping in the school library so I will try and pop into the classroom and give the teacher a hand with extra stuff. She was happy we sent in chocolates and candy treats today...she said that is a good positive thing Parker can do to gain friendship with the class. I hope it works. Maybe I can make a treat day every 2 weeks for the class. |
| If the teacher hasn't actually told you she expects hours of extra work at home, you needn't feel that your son needs it. In fact, quite the opposite. The rule of thumb that was followed in our school district was 15 minutes per grade level--ie, first graders can handle 15 minutes worth of homework. If the teacher ever does tell you she expects your son to put in hours of extra work, that would be a time for a frank discussion.
Re: things he can do to get positive reactions from other kids. See if you can't arrange a play date with one child whom your son likes and who seems to like or at least get along with your son. It's even better if you also know the parents, but even if you don't, you could still introduce yourself and say that your son would very much like to have their child over after school one afternoon, or Saturday morning, or whatever works. Have something specific in mind: trip to the park, building a fort in the basement, something semi-structured, but with plenty of opportunity for kid-directed interaction. Provide a snack, and check in now and then. Make sure you establish an end time and one that's not out too far. Make it as low key and casual as you can. |
| I've asked Parker alot whcih kid he'd want to have a playdate with...but noone comes to mind. Not from his class anyways.
We tried last year and had a year end party with a boy from Parkers class and a girl from Madelyns. We took the kids to Chucky cheese and the friend that Parker had never talked or played with him at all...I was very dissappointed in the whole thing. Fortunately a girl from Parker's class was also at Chucky Cheese, and they ended up playing the whole time instead. But he doesn't want a girl to come over to play. But we are still working towards that, I just need him to click with one person and then I feel more comfortable inviting him over. Our house is just to small to host a kid party...or I'd do that and have 3 or more come over. The thing is too, there is 4 grade 1 kids in our crescent Parker makes 5...4 boys and 1 girl, and 2 of those boys are in his class. There is 1 kindergarten boy Parker has made friends with who lives a few doors away from us...but this does not help his school hours, because K kids are split morning/afternoon. But yes that is on my list...of helpful things I can do. |
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