How to beat the blues
Dealing with my kid's mood swings (they swing from everything is fine, to depression since their dad's death) is taking a toll on me. I try so hard to be up for them, and to always have an open ear for them to vent/cry/yell, whatever they need to do. I'm thankful that the three of us are so close. I'm so blessed to have my husband and dogs and cats. They bring me joy. But as silly as this sounds (and maybe its just my state of mind) Tony is replacing the basement (family room) floor...and its horrid. And, he loves it. But I hate it. And my family room is totally torn up, with furniture piled everywhere! I'm in the dumps. Overall my life is wonderful, but I'm just in a down cycle now, and want to get out. Any suggestions? (Last night when my daughter called and said she was down, I convinced her to get some mindless magazines and take out chinese...and maybe a goofy movie, like Wedding Crashers.) She did and spent the evening like a slug enjoying all of the stuff she brought home. But I don't think that recipe will work for me  |
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| If it is a small depression I usually go with the Beer and Brownies approach....mmmm...good. But that sounds like what you suggested to your daughter.
Maybe take up a new hobby or find a fun new activity? Immerse yourself in OES.org? Shop for rugs to cover Tony's floor? Experiment with new fur-styles for Pirate? Plan fun upcoming holiday activities/outings? Start running? Take up kick-boxing? |
| I understand how you feel.
How about a hobby to dive into for a while? On a silly note, a good dose of a chemical mood enhancer might work....Prozac, anyone?  How about a trip to an amusement park and a ride on a roller coaster?
If it gets much worse, you should probably ask your primary care physician about it. There may be a physical reason for your emotional feelings.... |
 I am sorry but not suprised that things have overwhelmed you. You have been through a very difficult time and in being strong and "there" for your kids it is most likely that you haven't taken care of YOURSELF!!!
You need to take your own advice and do something good for yourself ( a funny movie and take out chinese- WOW what a great idea  ).
I always feel so bad for people in jobs they don't like, it is so easy to get "trapped" and so hard to change. But maybe you REALLY need to seriously consider a change, you ARE NOT TOO OLD and you have too many years of work left to be miserable doing it. Good luck 
PS I agree with ROn, living better chemically can be a wonderful thing. A trip to your PCP might just be what the Dr ordered!!! |
| I'm there with you Deborah...misery loves company. I know even when you remind yourself how much you really do have, something still feels out of sorts. If this is just a more recent "down in the dumps" feeling, definitely try a new hobby or lay on the floor more frequently with the pups. Both my art crafts and the dogs are what pull me through every day. Seriously, I mean it when I say that you are probably more crafty than you think you are. Go to Michael's and pick up a kid's craft kit of some sort. I have another idea, we can have a craft day at my house (after this weekend). I can cut up paper and we can all make a clipboard. That would be fun!
I find that snuggling with Annie typically alleviates my sadness or I just cry while hugging her and telling her that I have no idea why I'm sad. I'm not quite to this point yet with Foz. Drugs can definitely help, but you need to find the right primary care or psychiatrist. You've been through a lot lately and might need short-term treatment. However, believe me when I say that drugs can only can help to a certain point. I think I have one friend you is really truly happy ALL of the time. Nothing seems to phase her and she rolls with the punches. I think few people are born with this tendency unfortunately. I hope you feel better soon! Maybe a BIG craft show on Saturday is what you need! XOXO |
Could be a mid-life crisis.... given the industry you are in, have you considered a little red convertible sports car?  |
With a SHEEPDOG????????????????????????????
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| Talk with your hubby about how you've been feeling. You have been supporting your kids through this so I'm sure your hubby would take the opportunity to support you through it.
My suggestion would be a mini vacation, if you're able. Take a couple days off work to take an extra-long weekend and go away with your hubby. Board the dogs somewhere and go away just the two of you. Tell your kids you're going away so they don't worry and let them know you'll be unavailable. Maybe some time away focused on you & hubby might help. Get a massage or a spa treatment while you're away. Or you could go away somewhere alone. That's just my suggestion - don't know if it's your thing or not. Hope you're feeling better soon though. |
debcram wrote: With a SHEEPDOG????????????????????????????
put a baseball cap on Pirate and he's good to go...at least that works for my dad   |
| I definitely understand being down from time to time, and you've had so much to deal with... sometimes no matter how positive we try to be, or how well we normally deal with things, we just can't deal with everything so well. Sometimes you need to allow yourself that time to say "ok, I can't handle everything right now" and make time for YOU. Time to do things you enjoy, time to not focus on everyone and everything else.
I hated my previous job, and stuck with it a long time thinking it was for the good of my family. It wasn't really though, when I left that job we were ALL happier. I don't know what to suggest as far as helping your kids deal with their father's death, but perhaps some family counselling is a good idea? |
| Drive that little red convertible sports car over to
my Zumba class.
Hi Deb, You and your family have been through alot. Its not unusual to feel depressed after everything has subsided. A walking or fitness plan can really help get the endorphins up and floating around so your mood improves. As to the suggestion of Prozac, brownies or anything chocolate works just as well
Hope you feel better soon! |
Deb...maybe we could make a date to meet at that forest preserve again...before it gets SUPER cold. You can't be depressed when you are watching multiple sheepies run around 
If Fozzie comes we can form a human fence between him and the water
or we could take them hiking somewhere...although it is more fun to stand in one place and watch the dogs exercise |
debcram wrote: With a SHEEPDOG????????????????????????????
I have a red convertible Sebring. Bailey approves. He's on the large size for an OES and still fits in the back seat. Usually I keep the top up when he's with me but I do have a harness so he can ride with the top down. How about some charity work? One of the side benefits of volunteering for me is that it makes me more appreciative of the things I have in my life. There are always tons of organizations that can use your help, and it will get you out of the construction zone for a while. My other suggestion is Yoga. It's great for giving you a little peaceful "me" time. |
| I was going to suggest Yoga too. Not only is it good because of the exercise aspect, but it involves a lot of deep breathing, which is good for releasing stress. And there are so many different kinds of yoga and different levels, that you could totally find one to fit your need. Not all of them involved twisting yourself up like a pretzel.
Deb, pretending that you have all the necessary experience and resume and qualifications for it (and assuming that you need to work), what is your ideal job? Have you always had a 'dream job' that you wished you could try or do for a living? 56 isn't old, so depending on what it is, maybe you COULD start a different type of job. You certainly have a lot of experience in a business atmosphere, so a lot of employers would take note of that. They are saying a lot of baby boomers are starting new careers these days. |
| You all are so great. Just hearing back from you has put a smile on my face. I have emailed both of the kids to see who can come and "doggie" sit on a Saturday night in December. I'm going to kidnap my Tony and run away to Lake Geneva, Wi, for an overnight stay. I think the change of scenary will do both of us good. Tony and I have talked about the job situation. As I said before, with the holidays coming (and year end bonus around the corner) I'm going to sit tight. After the first of the year, I will make finding a new job, a new job for me. I love Stacy's idea of a crafts day. Stacy...count me in. I have told her many times, I'm an accountant and don't have a creative bone in my body. But if she provides crafts stuff..and I provide wine and cheese, it may turn out to be a magical combination! Oh...and last night, I finally "allowed" myself a good cry for losing my first husband. He and I were in love for many, many years. And, I grieve losing "that" person. Thanks! |
| Deborah, sounds like you've got some good plans in the works. I'm glad you had the cry over Alan. Even though you were no longer together, you shared a significant part of your lives and you need to mourn your loss.
As always, I'm up for a sheepie get-together, or Hackney's. And count me in for craft day. |
debcram wrote: Tony and I have talked about the job situation. As I said before, with the holidays coming (and year end bonus around the corner) I'm going to sit tight. After the first of the year, I will make finding a new job, a new job for me. I'm glad you decided to do this, too. You're never too old to find a new career or job if it is important to your happiness to do so!! Did you know that Col. Harland Sanders started KFC with his first Social Security check? You never know what might be in store for you until you try. |
| Deborah -- it was so nice to hear the optimism in your latest post. That sounds like a great plan. I tend to feel happier from being out in sunshine. I wonder if you could make sure to go outside for a walk for lunch or get more outdoor time into your workday? I also love mindless magazines as a pick me up, inexpensive manicures, and short-term craft projects. And sometimes, it is important to just accept feeling down for a bit, knowing that the feeling will pass. . .
Best, Val |
| Good for you Deb! Crafts day is a great idea, especially right before the holidays. And I love Lake Geneva. Enjoy! |
| Hi DebCram,
I'm sorry you're feeling so down. But we all care about you and sometimes knowing you're not alone helps you to feel better. I like mindless magazines and pedicures, manicures and any kind of spa treatment too. Just anything to relax and get your mind off of things. Of course a getaway is always great to get your mind on new things and have some fun going to hotels and restaurants, shopping and sight seeing. It strikes me that you might tend to put yourself last. So maybe just giving yourself permission to be first and care about yourself and allow yourself some luxuries. I think also to allow yourself the grief process of someone that had been a very important part of your life. I think delayed grief has caught up with you. And that is no disrespect to Tony. I hope you are starting to feel better. Will be thinking about you. And I think it's never too late to start a new career at any age. I think we tend to get settled and forget you can start fresh and sometimes that is needed to put the spark back in your life. Even though it is very scary and hard to do sometimes. I also think that what might seem like the hardest thing to do will bring the most rewards. Such in the case of starting something new like a new job for instance or anything you've always wanted to do but haven't because it seems like too big of a challenge. Exercise too would help but that's a hard one to get excited about, in my opinion. And when all else fails hugging a big sheepie or your other cuddly dog should do the trick.
And I can't believe I almost forgot.............FOOD! Did someone say a nice restaurant or cheesecake or chocolate? |
| I'm glad you are feeling better, Deborah! You appeared more perky today! Wish I could have spent more time with you, but had to put on my sales face
Email me and we can set up a craft day. We can make clipboards and maybe Paula can show us how to make those adorable memo pads...hint hint! Oh, Paula... |
| I'm here Stacy and ready for craft day. I'm not available Dec. 2 but any other Saturday or Sunday is fine.... I have a few leftover memo books and I love to show off. |
| Short-term bouts can sometimes be helped with simple things like spending an afternoon laughing with an old friend or doing something different like bowling or swimming/sauna/spa. I sometimes just clean out a closet and feeg GREAT afterwards.
For more serious low times long-term changes may be required, though, like you mentioned the job, or a new hobby, or new friends. Never discount councelling, though. It may take just someone understanding the physcological situation that occurs with people to give you a fresh perspective and ways to deal with things head-on. Hope things improve for you over the next while. Looks like you may be getting them on track. |
| I've had similar experiences and with the help of my physician, who prescribed an antidepressant, I am back to my "regular" self. Sometimes all the talking in the world, all the hobbies, all the vacations, etc. just don't do it. Sometimes we need a little help from the pharmaceutical worldl! Do not hesitate to explore this option, it sure helped me! |
| I have an appointment for my annual physical on Dec 19th and I plan on talking about this with my doc. I'm doing pretty good now, but can quickly "fall". I know what the triggers are now, and they are all valid, so I'm thinking better living through chemistry maybe the answer to help me get through. Talking through this stuff I think would be useless, since I have some real sorrow issues I'm dealing with...and really just have to get through it. Thanks for the note. |
| Deborah, talking through this stuff is not useless! I went through therapy last year and a big part was about my dad's death. The therapist really helped me understand my feelings.
It has been proven that the 2 pronged approach of drugs and therapy is the most effective way of dealing with depression, short or long term. |
| Deb, I think you should see a doctor sooner than mid-Dec! This time of year is so stressful. Yes, drugs and talking are the best way to go. Think of it as a oil change for your brain! Family and friends are always there for us, but sometimes it just isn't enough. When I pay for someone to listen to me, I don't feel guilty that I'm burdening them so a load is already taken off my shoulders. Speaking of which, I made an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist today who I haven't seen in about 4 years. I was doing well without him and my primary was prescribng my maintenance meds, but I decided I needed a drug re-evaluation since I've been really down lately as well. One more visit three weeks from now, and then we'll re-evaluate counseling somewhere closer to my home. My psychiatrist has been the same since I've been 12 years old and is in a few towns over. It's much easier going to him since he knows my WHOLE life story.
Hope you get something, Deb! |
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