Where to start cleaning my daughter's room - HELP!!!
When she was little, I cleaned her room a couple times a week. When she became a teenager, she didn't want me in her room, and I figured, hey...it's her room, let her live like she wants....just close the door. Well, she's a junior in college now. And has an apartment, which my husband tells me is a sign we can take back her room, now. So, I have to clean it. But...short of renting a bull dozer, don't know where to start. Do I now have the right to throw out everything? She has been given fair notice to take what she wants. She has dresser drawers of old CD's. Are they fair game to pitch? (Again, she's been warned.) I dread this, but Tony and I agree, its time. Advice! |
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| Pitch it all(donate as much as you can)...as you said...she has been warned. I do this all the time with my kids.....I tell them X has to be cleaned by Y day...if not I'll do it....they know I'll clean with a garbage bag in hand. I wasnt always like this....we used to have lots of STUFF I couldnt let go of...then I discovered Flylady.....www.flylady.net
now my house is never more than 15 minutes away from tidy  |
| I think you might be in your rights to toss the stuff, but it could cause lasting bad feelings. I definitely agree you should take back the room but can you box up the stuff that isn't trash and store it somewhere for a set period of time (like 12 months)? I know that when I was in college, I did not have room to store extra stuff but that didn't mean I didn't want it. I think I would have been really upset if my stuff had been given away. Or you could deliver it to her apartment. . . |
Oh boy, what a task. I'm glad I'm not you. 
I think you should throw out trash. Things with little value. But if you find any pictures, clothes, cd's, etc...stuff it in a box and make your daughter take it with her when she comes to visit again. Whether she throws it away or not, tell her it has to go out the door. |
| Definitely pitch the trash. Get a couple of those plastic bins and put like things together. (Don't throw away CDs. Either put them on ebay or take them to a used media store and sell them. )
Same thing for me when I was in college. My parents announced that they were getting divorced and had a buyer for the house and I had no idea what I was going to do with my stuff. Definitely a scary prospect!! Your case isn't that extreme but being able to have a fall back place to store stuff or stay while on break was always a great security blanket. |
| Start with a corner, work your way out. that's what i always do! Some people (like me!) are just MESSY. throw the trash, store her stuff, categorized, so if she needs something, it is easy for her to find. Clothing in one area, keepsakes in another, makeup in another etc. She's a big girl. Make her help when she comes home for the holidays! |
| You warned her...so you could throw out or donate everything.
BUT...I would throw out the garbage...box up anything of value and stick it in the garage. In a year if she hasn't asked about any of it...chuck it/donate it/sell it. That way you will get the room, but cover your butt from any bad feelings she may have when she finds out you really did clear it out. |
| Maybe one last final warning.... take one of the CDs and snap it in half, and send her half in the mail, telling her :
"EVERYTHING will be discarded if you don't take it out by (whatever) date. Just to show you we have been and are still serious, I've enclosed a little something you might recognize." It is sort of like sending an ear.... |
Ron that is something my mother would have done  but I do agree.
throw all of her stuff that she may want into a few boxes and pitch the rest.. id call her and say.."okay were cleaning your room on sat, if there is anything you want, you better be here by 5" or something to that effect.... karen has it right, start in the corner and work your way out |
| I agree. Give her one last warning so she has only herself
to blame when everything goes. Give her a deadline date - say maybe 12/01, and tell her you will dispose of (however you see fit,) anything still there. Maybe offer to help her bag her stuff to take to her new place, but make it clear you want all her things out. Make sure you are willing to stick to the deadline and make sure she doesn't think you are joking, and that you will do it. After all the years she lived that way at home with no consequenses, she may not take you seriously. I have actually done this with my son, and he is only 13. I give him a deadline to clean it up and put everything away, and when that time passes, I go in and bag everything that isn't put away. Out it goes. You'd be surprised what things become important, and what he no longer cares about. I was shocked at some of the things he was perfectly willing to let go. He is slowly starting to see the wisdom of not collecting things and getting rid of unwanted clutter. He is still a slob, no doubt about it, but he is learning, if slowly! GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!! Shellie |
| When you are don, I would like some help whit my 17-year-old boys room |
You guys are giving me great courage! If y'all want to come over and help...well..that would be swell!  |
| I always have the old saying "if you haven;t used it in 1 mth, 6mths, 1 year"...you don;t need it anymore.
I am NOT a pack rat, and I like to donate anything that be viewed as valuable to someone else. My husband however, gets very attached to things, and has a hard time parting with them. I let him keep his school papers/college books, sport trophey's in box for the past 8 years of marriage...this past Sept we went through his stuff, and we worked on tossing his stuff. He finally let it go, all but 5 tropheys that gave him some good memories. He wanted to share with the kids that he took hockey and soccer. He would have hated and resented me if I just went and tossed it all. Anyways my point is, you won't know what "things" will mean alot to her. Pictures, cd's, memento's, nick nacks. My advice is to organize her stuff into catagories, and box it up. Build a shelf in the garage, and save it until she can come home and go through it. Make her do a keep, toss and donate piles...and then take what she wants away. As long as you have room to store it, keep it until she is out on her own...if not make her decide what to do. Toss obvious garbage, ripped clothes, stained clothes, broken objects etc. Get rid of everything that is not her size...styles change. She probably doesn't love it enough if it didn't make it to the dorm room. Donate it to a women's shelter, or another charity. Have fun...give your daughter a call tho, and give her the heads up. Make sure it's okay with her that you are donating her things etc...I am sure she won't object...someone in need can benefit. |
| Well, let me disagree here, a little bit. As a college student she still considers her room hers. Having an apartment is just an alternative to a dorm room. She should not be given the ultimatum until she graduates....not gradschool, undergrad.
That does not mean you have to live with the clutter! Out goes all trash, immediately. Then she either comes home and straighten up the mess or you will throw it all in boxes and put it in a storage locker. There's no excuse for leaving her room in shambles. I would also make it known that after she graduates or should have graduated, you are reclaiming her room as a "sewing room" and all her stuff will go into storage at HER expense. |
| When I left for college, I left a lot of stuff in my room, it was still my room, at least thats what I thought. Over the years my parents turned our house into a bed and breakfast, all of my stuff was boxed up and put in the attic, and stayed there for the past 10 years until my parents had to replace our roof recently, so they made each kid (we have eight kids) get there stuff out. I haven't got all of mine yet (I live 13 hours away), but the stuff I have got from them is great to go through, some I"ve saved some I've tossed, but the memories are priceless! |
| Maybe I misundersood. Is she in an apt. as in moved
away from home, or are you supporting her in college with an apt. there? Could make a difference. Is it possible she will move home after her classes are done? Before I moved away from home, I was aware that once I graduated college I could come home until I got my feet, and moved out. But, once I moved out there was no going home. All my siblings understood that, once we were out, we were out. If we made mistakes, and some of us did, we had to deal with them. And we did. But there was no going home. Shellie |
| Deb, don't want to scare you, but I had an apartment in college. Then I graduated and MOVED HOME! And I was one of those "I'm never moving home again and I'm going to make $70,000 right out of college..." kind of people.
Unless you NEED this room, I would consider keeping it as your daughter's. When she comes home for the holidays, where does/will she stay? When I was in college, I totally still felt like a kid and knew my room was still there. When I came home for Christmas break, I stayed in my room and felt right at home. I think you should clean it (or have HER clean it), but make sure she still feels welcome. |
| Oh my gosh! She does feel(and is always) welcome! We want to clean up the room and make it more of a guest room (and her home room). Her apartment has a one year lease, and she works in Urbana (at school), so she will not be spending summers home. She's planning on going right into grad school, and continuing to live and work there. She and I are very close. Tony makes fun of us, because we talk everyday...at least once (usually more)! I just have to reclaim my home now. But her room will not be a sewing room, or a den. It will be a nicer, cleaner guest room. And...the long term plan is that we want to move next spring. |
debcram wrote: we want to move next spring. Yeah, my parents sold the house and moved into a small place just as soon as I left, too.
No way they were getting/taking ME back!  |
| Don is in his first year University, and has 4 years to go. He will be back at breaks and summer.
We cleaned out his room and put all his "stuff" into those big plastic bins we bought at Walmasrt for $9 each. There are stored in the basement. He can go through it at his leisure, whenever he wants to. You cannot replace memories. In the meantime we are using his room as a spare/guest room, with some of his clothes still in the dresser and hanging in the closet. His stuff is still on the walls, but slowly they will come down, too. I always want him to feel that this is "home" for him...But we did throw out a lot of junk that he probably didn't even know he still had . |
| Our daughter is also a Juniopr in college.
In August, we re-did her bathroom. Paint, wallpaper, towels. New hardware. Looks great. She was home for the summer and was warned that we going to do her bedroom. No cleaning was done however. In September, we cleaned and painted her bedroom. I did clean under the bed, but I conside the drawers off-limits. She was shocked that we did iy, but she does like it. When she leaves for the last time, the furniture goes with her. |
debcram wrote: And...the long term plan is that we want to move next spring.
Move! Where will you move??? |
debcram wrote: .........So, I have to clean it. But...short of renting a bull dozer, don't know where to start.......Do I now have the right to throw out everything? She has been given fair notice to take what she wants.........
I'd get free, cardboard boxes and "dump" everything in the boxes, including the nonfood trash. I wouldn't "pack" it, I'd dump the stuff in, except for delicate items, of course. I'd tell her you didn't know what she wanted to keep, so you boxed "everything" so "she" could go through it. If she asks about the trash, tell her you found it in her room so you thought it was a keepsake. I think its time for her to help "you". Box it, take it to her, or FED X it to her. Its her mess, let her deal with it. If you haven't cleaned her room in all these years why start now. Send her stuff, and her responsiblity back to her. They won't do it when they figure MOM will. This way takes the least amount of your time and you don't have to worry about it like you are now. Happy cleaning. |
| We want to find a ranch house. We are in a 3 story townhome now. The kids and I moved there pre-Tony. I would love to move to Florida, but Tony isn't ready for that big of a move yet, so we will stay around here. We want a house with a yard and fence for the dogs. Also, Tony's plants (22, 8' palms, that move outside in the summer, and inside in the winter) are getting too big to take up and down the stairs. We'd like to find a house with a ground level sun room. Tomorrow is the day I will start tackling Stef's room. I'll bring home boxes from work. Last time she and talked about it, she did tell me I could pitch everything, but I think you are right, and later, when she looks in the boxes, she'll be glad I didn't. |
| Deb, also, I was just thinking, since my parents are moving soon too and wanted to have my room cleaned out for open houses...I remember telling my mom in the past that she could clean it, dump anything she wanted to, but that was mostly because I just didn't want to do it myself (I didn't want her to do it, I just didn't want to do it). But when I went and really started to go through stuff, I would have been sad to have gotten rid of a few things without having seen them again--just brought up memories of being younger.
So I think you're right to hold on to stuff because she probably doesn't know it now, but she'll be sad if some things are just tossed. (like I found a boutinere from a dance, which was fun to see and remember...) |
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