Should I say something to my son's teacher? Venting =D
His first day of school was fine. But his second he was moved apart from the other kids to the front. In a couple days she moved two other kids. Claiming that some kids work better not beside another...to distracting. By the end of the second week she separated all the desks...she claims this is an active grade 1 class. So we go through these weeks of good days and mostly bad days. He is very creative, and gets wound up. He has scribbled instead of doing work...making him stay in at recess to correct it. He usually does get along with everyone, but if another child is bothering him...he wants him to stop, he try and ask him nicely to stop, not wanting to be be physical he made the decision to take his tounge and lick the other kid in his face...Parker gets the punishment. The only incident so far involving another child...I know who the boy is...he's not an easy child to get along with...he was in K with Parker...had an assistant with him everyday, for his behaviour issues. Not to justify what Parker did...that was still wrong. He gets homework constantly to redo stuff. Now I am getting worried he's being unjustly picked on by the teacher's expectations. Yesterday he was sent home 4 different things to do. One of them was a redo of work finished. This was math...he was correct on ALL his answers, and in my opinion every letter and number written well....instead of being praised for getting 100%...he was asked to redo it all. She thinks if we raise the expectation then he will meet it...instead of accepting mediocre work. He's 5....one of the youngest in the class too. Today I decided to go into the school to pick up the kids, the desks are together in groups of four. Everyone but Parker...she said they (her and Parker) are working on him being put with the others. He hates being singled out all the time, and frankly so am I. He's probably thinking what's the point, my teacher doesn't like me, the kids don't like me. He still wants to go to school, he is enjoying some of it. But her technique is obviously not working. He is a boy that thrives on the positive, and if he knows EXACTLY what he is expected to do he can do it. He does not have ADD or anything. He is a very energetic, creative, 5 yr old...that needs clear boundary's. Given LOTS of positive encouragement. When we question Parker about why this or that happened etc...he honestly does not know what he did. Some days, yes he admits to doing something and can explain what he was thinking....like licking the other boy...he explained it very clearly. He has not been able to do that much...so we think she is nit picking him. He does not make friends easy, I don't know who he plays with...he likes to play with his sister, or he's found by himself. After a month and a half, we are getting frustrated as parents...and I am not blind to Parker's behaviour, but everyday....he has homework, or a bad report on stuff, and redoing work already completed....I want him in another class....because now I am getting annoyed at this teacher. He had 3 good days in a row...well on those days I had given him cough syrup to help his cold. Then after the weekend no cough syrup and bad behaviour. Today still has a bad cough, so I gave him cough syrup again, and he was good 3 out 4 smiles on his chart...and we did have a long talk about it yesterday...but we feel like we are nagging him. I'm beginning to think he need's to be drugged to be calmer...scary but it gave him good behaviour...she couldn't belive it was Parker. She did not know he was given cough syrup those days. I'm pulling at straws and my hair out. I don't know what to do. For the record I do NOT want to give him ADD med's. I will be volunteering when I can...but haven't yet. Thanks for letting me rant...I hope it gets better...because I dread the report from her everyday. I don't think he can be this bad every single day...and I don't hear anything about other kids having problems. |
|
|
| This could be horrible advice since I don't have kids...
Would it be possible to 'spy' on him for a while one day? Like peer in through the door without him knowing you were there? Maybe you could see if he is doing something that he is unaware of that is disrupting the class (being 5 I'm sure it's hard to know all the things grown ups see as 'wrong' or 'misbehaving'). Or maybe even peer in so the teacher doesn't even know you are there and you can see if you think she is being overly harsh or nit picky at him. |
| I have kids and I will agree with Stephanie.
Sounds like you might be able to get more information that way. |
| I can sort of spy, they have posters on the door. I've seen him walking from the teachers desk back to his, today he caught me watching and waved...so of course he sat down and behaved.
I am friends with the principal of the school, she has one of my pups...but anyways, I'd like to have her spy on the class...without either knowing. She has many years of experience teaching, and raiseing kids. Parker's teacher is a new teacher...first year for her in this school, but has taught somewhere else. My biggest beef, is that he is not being rewarded enough. Enough of putting him down, and complaining his writing is sometimes off. When I have seen him get a good day sticker...he beams with delight, and the whole evening at home is pleasant. When he gets these frowns and redo's everynight, he is so tired and depressed, and doesn't understand what he did...and he re does his work, but it takes away all his play time...even his redo stuff comes home again for that to be redone..and I helped him???But we missed a picture for coloring, or it was still not written nice enough. It just seems like alot of expectation for him. Madelyn finished grade 1 still writing her b and d backwards...her teacher was okay with that, she didn't get the word wrong if she was spelling something and it was switched. I was hoping he'd have the same teacher. |
| Stick up for your children!! The parents need to be the biggest defenders!I would suggest you try your hardest NOT to have him labeled with anything. If that hapens it will carry on through his years of school.
His challenges with getting along with the other children may stem from his lack of "play dates" when not in school. I would see about arranging with a parent for a school mate..one at a time....to come over after school for some good socializing. That would help with making friends. As for his way of getting the other kid to lay off...I LOVE it! Totally non-violent and it worked! That opens up a chance for an explaination for why it was not the best solution, and to introduce other ways of handling conflict. Did the teacher suggest what he could do instead? Spencer was my problem child....Well, he wasn't a problem as far as I was concerned, but the school had problems with his "creative thinking. He was also a December baby, so the youngest in the class. I remember getting a call and a note from the school because he spit into the "water play" table. They had to drain it out and clean all the toys. Was I upset? No. I got home, and we had a nice chat. I pleasantly asked him what happened at school that day. He said that "Bradley" drank some water out of the water play table when they were lining up for the library. So Spencer spit into the water to put it back, so it would be like it was before Bradley drank some...I thought he was a genuis! When I explained to the teacher what he told me they were very surprised with his logic. Spencer was 4 years old! So always make sure you get your child's side of the story. And boy's have messier writing. That is fact... |
Quote: Parker's teacher is a new teacher...first year for her in this school, but has taught somewhere else.
I would have suspected same. She has a lot of "firsts" to go through. She also seems to have very high expectations. If school is not fun the kids loose their interest very quickly. I would have a chat with her, and even supply the stickers and have her lay them on big-time. |
| See that is how I "see" Parker...I too thought it was a great way to get his point across...without punching or shoving. After all talking didn't work.
Kindergarten too was a challenge, but that teacher...who has raised twins, she has 4 kids...loved his "creative" ways, and soon realised he craves attention and she endulges him as long as he did something positve for it. Otherwise she would ignore the disruptive side (for the most part of course)...he began to flourish, and we stopped getting bad reports and they became good reports. We told her about this, and that teacher is right across the hall...for help. We also told her to get Parker's attention he needs to make eye contact, and repeat back what the intructions are...otherwise he is distracted and zones out watching someone else. At home he is not overly energetic, he enjoys sitting and listening to a story. Watching and playing games. Not an athletic boy, but we do take swimming lessons. |
| A view from the "other" side, though I am not a teacher.
Your son is very young to be in First Grade. Boys mature later than girls, so they often benefit from being among the older kids in their grade. Kindergarten success doesn't always translate into First Grade success. Kindergarten is about making sure each child has the basics (recognizing numbers and letters, improving fine motor coordination, acceptable social behavior, etc), while First Grade is actually early academic skills. Our school stresses always doing your best. Instead of viewing the homework corrections as the teacher being picky, look at it as he didn't do his best work. Isn't your goal to have your son be the best he can be? To get there, he needs to do his best work everytime and not accept less. While you may think he is only in First Grade and it's too early to be that "picky", it isn't too early to start. Kids do live up their expectations. As for his behavior, kids often behave entirely different at school than they do at home. Some are better, some are worse. And the teacher not only has to control the behavior of 22 kids, she has to actually teach them at the same time. The more time spent on dealing with misbehaviors, the less time your child has to learn. New teachers are always given a mentor. Being new doesn't always mean they are bad. They are usually young and enthusiastic about teaching. They are flexible, they give more of themselves emotionally. My oldest son had homework every single day of school - starting in Kindergarten. He received weekly grades for penmanship all through elementary school. At first I was a bit ticked off that he always got an "N" in prenmanship (I thought it was okay), but I did see it get better. I finally realized that I had a narrow view (based on my bchild) as opposed to the broader view that the teachers has (able to compare to a variety of kids). |
| It would have been nice if someone forced me to concentrate on my handwriting, but it wasn't an IN thing then.
My mother had the most beautiful handwriting -- they had classes in penmanship, loops and whirls and who knows what else (remember I didn't have those classes). I did get a lot of "notations" about poor penmanship, but there was never a detrimental mark because of it. So I took to printing mostly to be understood, and now I can barely write cursively. When I do I go very slowly, otherwise most people can't read it and I tend to make "typos". I'm not saying that a boy his age needs to be hounded about penmanship. I don't know what age is appropriate for some "remedial" penmanship drills, nor do I know what your boy's penmanship looks like, nor how it compares to others. I had some free time so I thought I'd pipe in with my perspective, for what it's worth.. |
Where does the childhood of a 4 and 5 year old go when sent to school all day? At those are ages they should be playing and learning at home, not forced to sit in a seat in some classroom all day. 
Times sure have changed since I raised mine. They were taught the basics at home, and K was an option. I think they had to be 7 to enroll in the 1st grade. |
| Hi,
Late and rushing off to work but felt I had to respond. I understand your concern completely as a mom, special ed teacher and former president of the Learning Dissabilities association. If you can wait for the weekend and plan some strategies which I will post about later. Warning it's going to be a lengthy one! Take Care Marianne |
| Advice from a teacher's side:
I would try and get a meeting together with every teacher your son meets with to form a collaborative behavior plan. I know personally that many students who act out in their 'normal' classes are very well behaved in music (my class) because it is a different setting. If your son meets with other teachers such as music, art, and PE, try and get a meeting together with all of his teachers in addition to faculty. Together work with these people to see what sort of environment, etc works best for your son. Then take this action plan and have every single one of them implement it in their classroom, especially his homeroom. Sometimes it really helps the homeroom teacher to bounce ideas off of other teachers who are used to having him in class. If she can understand him from a different point of view, AND have the support of others around her, your son can only benefit! Good luck!  |
| The best advice I can give because it worked wonders for me: Approach the teacher asking for their "help" in handling your child's problem.
When I saw other parents go in complaining to the teacher about how she was handling their child they got very little satisfaction. That is because when anybody is accused of being the problem 99.9% of the time that person will get defensive. And then all they care about is defending their tactics. But if you go in and say, "I was wondering if you can help me with Parker so we can make him successful in class. If you see him acting up under certain situations then maybe I can address this at home." Chances are she will give him better attention and start helping him instead of nagging at him. Also if she considers you as an allie and not a foe she will be more willing to work with him to achieve your goals. Essentially you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. I pass this advice on because it worked with both of my kids through thirteen years of school and it works on jerky people too in other situations. I have had more people apologize to me for their bad behavior when I pull out my dumb blonde act BUT no one has ever apologized to me when I point out there bad behavior. Second best advice: You are the most important "teacher" in your child's life and in thirteen plus years of school it is unrealistic to expect that your child will never have a bad teacher. Unfortunately Parker is experiencing this at grade 1. You can help him in the areas he is "struggling" and reassure him and just try the best you can to help him deal with this teacher that may not be the right teacher for him. Teaching our kids how to handle adversity is a lesson in itself. My heart is with you. I have been there and it is a long road. My oldest child is the one they wanted to hold back in kindergarten. But I was his biggest champion and there were several teachers I would have been able to say " I told you so" to. He is still has his little organizational and space cadet issues at times but he has done very well for himself. He will graduate from college in May and most people wouldn't believe me if I showed them he was the same kid his early teachers were so hard on. Good luck. |
| Thanks everyone for the tips, and yes Marriane I would love the info you have.
I took the kids this morning instead of hubby. I stuck around for an hour, outside the classroom. The teacher gave me a pieve of paper with 4 different degrees of writing. She expects the kids to be making the first one...perfect penmanship, but will accept the second. She claims Parker is the thrid group and on the particular work he was in the second, and we redid it so it looked like #1. I know what it looks like if he spent time erasing his work...that particular work had not been erased yet. Granted I have seen many papers come home and we know he can do better. I will be buying him a pencil grip (hard Plastic) to encourage proper holding. I did talk to a few other parents, and their children are also getting work to be redone. They also feel she is way to critical, and needs to look at the whole picture...is it legible, are the answers correct, did they use proper spelling and capital and lower case...if this is good...then praise them, not make it a redo because it's a bit messy. I think with gentle reminders, not redoing his work , it will improve given time...and let him join recess, or allow him to do the next task. He has alot of energy, and if she keeps taking away his recess he will not be allowed to burn off the energy to sit for the afternoon. He wants to be creative, but if she keeps taking away center time (free time kinda) he won't have an outlet for the creativity. He will hate school for it. I wish someone would have suggested to hold him back, so he would be older and better able to take it. But we figured he was ready, it wasn;t until I got to know the other kids did I realise the big age difference. He is the youngest of the boys...they are all spring/summer babies. So they have a good 8 mths of age over Parker. I asked the assistant principal about having Parker assessed by a behaviourist, and attention as well...and give me some tools to help him at home to improve this situation. She knows Parker quite well, most adults adore him, and he does do well in music class (different teacher), and library (assistant principal)..she said Parker is good and has a good time with her in the library. But other than music, he has the same teacher all day. She thinks Parker is just being a typical boy, and encouraged me to volunteer in classroom. By the way, Parker's teacher is pregnant...she will be leaving at some point and Parker will be getting a new teacher. I'd say she is 3-5 mths??? the rumor is she didn't inform the school she was pregnant before school started. The assisitant principal did confirm she will be leaving...but I didn't ask when. I am assuming starting Jan we will have someone new. I'll take a picture of his work. In the hallway was everyone's fall picture/poem. Some kids, esp the girls had very very neat printing, even the boys were pretty good. But a few (like Parker's), were legible, but the sizes of each letter were off, and instead of perfect spacing, it was tighter. Yes it was impressive to see the perfect penmenship from some of these students....but are they stressed making it that way? It was what a grade 3 would have...Madelyn for grade 2 is not bad, but not this good either. I want him to do his best, and I want to see him having fun too. maybe I should be bringing him home for lunch give him a break from school. He's smart enough to be in grade 1...but he wants to be in Kindergarten again. |
| He came home with homework again. But he also got 4 smiley faces in his book with a note saying he was good today.
We did a big treat night for both the kids...I have been awarding them each stars for school performances. Spelling and math tests...behaviour from Parker, being in the truck quickly...I give these stars. So tonight we went and Parker picked a new toy. He picked a stuffed dog that looks just like Zoe for Madelyn. I bought her a book Smelly Socks by Robert Munsch...she LOVES his books...and I got Parker a work book for at home printing practice. I also got him some grips for the pencil to improve his hold. We'll see if that helps. Then we got McDonalds and icecream. And rented a movie. I also decided to pay more attention to what I send for his lunches. Try and see if food dyes play a part. Too much sugar. At home he doesn't seem affected by it, but he's not required to think or sit still. We have no allergies, but processed foods are a big culprit in ADD. So if make a effort to keep it more plain and simple...maybe it will keep him calmer, and less fidgety. I'll see how we are at the end of next week. |
| Good Luck with the rest of the week.
I am sure the positive reinforcement you are giving him at home will help his behavior in school. Maybe even diet changes. The workbooks were a good idea. Even the simplest of things like stickers are a big treat to kids. |
| Hi Daisie,
You've recieved good advice so far regarding speaking to the child's teacher and asking for HER help. Yup, I understand that you probably want to throttle her and it's your child she is doing this to but I also am of the school of thought you attract more bees with honey. If she is not open to speaking with you make an appt with the principal and try not to make it personal, that your main focus is that your child is the primary concern and how to make school a success for him. We're so lucky to live in such a priviledged country that every single child is ENTITLED to an education, no matter of race, color or disability. Labeling children isn't a bad thing as it was in the past. In fact, if your child is tested and shown to have LD (Learning Disabilities) the school by law has to provide an IEP for that child - IEP Individual Education Plan. IEP's are then adjusted yearly with school staff, Integration Teacher, Psychologist and parents and set new goals for the child's education. Some children have slower processing of information skills than others which means it takes them longer to write test or read a book. In a nutshell without getting too wordy or technical LD is based on a 30 point spread meaning the child's verbal communication skills (if they taken an exam orally say vs one taken written) is shown to have a 30 point spread. Of course I'm making this easy and it's much more complicated testing than that. Overall it means a child with LD is usually very bright but their written output doesn't show it...until you listen or speak to the child. Once these children have the "label" LD it means for the rest of their school years right up until university they are allowed to use other means in school for testing..such as extra time on test, scribes, taking a test orally, use of calculators..ect. The IEP is considered a legal document and must be adhered by all teachers. (in most cases you'll find in high schools the child has to advocate for themselves as with a variety of teachers many won't even bother reading the child's file.) Some used to traditional teaching might claim this isn't fair but you have to ask them why? The person is of above average intelligence but for some reason their brains are misfiring neurons much like a radio that not quite on the station. It is a neurological disorder that is no fault of their own..it is a true disability and called the hidden disability. Having an IEP is a law abiding contract which all teacher should read and follow regarding how to teach that particular child in their class room...it follows them right up to University. Many great minds like Einstein had LD. ADD isn't a bad thing either, although it's very very difficult on children during the school years. I see from both a moms perspective and a teachers on this one. One of my children is in the upper genius category IQ of 200 while the other has severe learning dissabilities and ADD. Parents can claim they don't have a problem with their child and be suprised that school officials say things about their kids which doesn't appear to be true. I can see both sides. At home a child has way less pressures on them..if they want to relax they can play with toys, go outside or watch tv if they want. School is a different matter...kids as young as 5 are expected to sit quietly for hours on end, do work, speak only if hands are raised...day in and day out. Now imagine for a moment that child had ADD - Attention problems..sorta of like having non stop motors in their bodies...they need to move they can't stay on the same task for more than a few minutes before they become distracted. Imagine how horrible school is for these kids! Sadly most teachers do not fully understand ADD, ADHD (the difference between the two is hyperactivity) or any other disorders..they might view the child as a behavior problem. It's not the child's fault!! Imagine how if you body felt compulsed to keep on the move how difficult it would be for you to sit for hours a day in the same seat without being able to get up if you felt the need. In my experience as both a parent, teacher and as I mentioned president of the Learning Disabilities Association I advocate all the time for kids. I know what some reading this are thinking...is that disorder really real or is it a new fad that appeared in the 90's? It's a true disorder, scientifically shown, and affects 3-5 % of the population. Simply put the brain signals misfire sending confusing messages to the child. It's always been around ,unlike autism for some unknown reason is on the rise. It has always been around but it was given a different label in the past. Remember when you were a kid and some boy (usually affects boys) was kicked out of school for being a trouble maker? Chances were he had LD or ADD and acted out in class as he didn't want to let on that he was unable to read or write as a teen. He had poor self control, not many friends due to poor self esteem or due to compusiveness or distractibility. Luckily, our schools are so much better now and take in account that people have different ways of learning whether it's auditory, visual or something else. The best composers or artist may have been lousy writers. Every person has their worth and schools are now finally adjusting to the different needs students have. Daisie, I'm not qualified to say if your child has any of the above or if he just has a teacher that misunderstands him. Could be both or just a teacher that has no patience with any child that beats to a different drummer. Most school officials won't test for LD until the child is in the second grade. You are your child's biggest advocate and don't underestimate the power you have. I think parents think it's the teachers that are in control..I used to think that..not so! I wish someone had spoken to me about the pitfalls of allowing teachers to take charge of my children's education before I wised up. A child that has LD or ADD usually does suffer from self esteem issues and can cause major problems as they approach teen years. Do not allow a teacher to break your child's spirit ...aka self esteem..every child has a gift. For some it's the arts, for others sports, some creativity..you find your childs and focus strongly on that. Give him something which he is proud of. Ask the school officials about testing him for possible LD or ADD...trust me this is not a bad thing. The form is checked off by school and home about the child's behaviors and must be evaluated by a psychologist to see if the answers are the same and then steps of how best to teach your child. Knowledge is power ..the more informed you are ..the better advocate you will be for your child. Don't hesitate to go in to speak to the teacher and tell her you are concerned about your child. Listen to her carefully and try to bring someone with you that is a passive observer. Trust your instinct but at the same time when the teacher speaks listen with your logic, and not your heart as it is your child. You are going to be your child's best teacher in life and for him you must be strong and do what is best for him ..no matter how difficult. Telling an ADD kid to sit still is much like telling a disabled child in a wheel chair they could walk if they really wanted to. You can see how frustrating it can be for these poor kids. Having the "label" if it's warrented is a good thing they will get the extra quiet and one on one time with assistance if they need it. Apologies is this was wordy as you can tell I'm very passionate about this as I am about animals. I proud to say I sued the school district in my area on behalf of another child..not my own child, ironically. I won the Human Rights Case. I then told them I had been hired as a Special Ed teacher in that same district. I had a year before the Tribunal (case) began and purposely got myself hired by the same district. I really believe in this stuff and although I am quiet generally and dislike confrontations I will always advocate for the children. Good luck to you and let us know what happens. We're all here for you! Marianne and the boys |
| Huge hug, because I know how hard it is if things aren't going well with your kids.
In first grade, my oldest son's teacher assigned research papers to her students. On Japanese culture. References were necessary. Do you have any idea how few books on Japanese culture are written at an elementary school level, never mind first or second grade? At the class presentation, my husband attended (I was home with a sick child) and he told me it was vividly apparent that our son did indeed write his own paper--and that none of the other kids did. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Yeah--we thought it was ridiculous, too. But he survived and had a good year. Daisie, I have to agree that at age 5, your son is very young for first grade. I'd think so if he were a girl, but as a boy, it's even more pronounced. It has nothing to do with intelligence, learning disablities, attention deficit or behavior problems. He sounds, well, 5. This is great at home or at school if the school expects him to behave like a 5 year old, but it sounds like the teacher expects him to perform like a 7 year old. That said, I've watched a LOT of first graders struggle with the pressures of being on a teacher's schedule all day long--girls and boys, very intelligent and very average, very mature and not so mature. It's often a very hard adjustment to make. Some teachers and some schools are better at making the day fit the child instead of the other way around, or at making the fit easier all around. Teachers do get pregnant, especially the women. They do sometimes take maternity (or other medical or personal) leave in the middle of the year. Some kids adjust to the change in teacher well, others do not. It is not an indictment about the child or parenting--or the teacher who must take mid-year leave. After all, the pool of teaching candidates is restricted to human beings. In my kids' elementary, it was easy to request a particular teacher. When one of my sons was about to enter 2nd grade, I knew I liked both teachers and that both would be great for my son--but one teacher was pregnant. This particular child did not handle change well, so I requested the teacher who was not pregnant. That son is now 21. The upside of that was that he had a wonderful year. The downside is that he still has a problem with change. I accomodated him too much. He's great, but he has some growing up to do. Right now, his need to maintain status quo is holding him back. We've pushed him, gently, along in the last few years, and he's the kind of person that we can joke about it with him, and gently point out the need for him to adjust. He knows and is working on it. But as a parent, I also think that perhaps I didn't do him many favors by accomodating his quirks. And we all have quirks. All of my kids are summer babies. I started them all in K at age 5, which was as early as allowable in my school districts. My second son is extremely bright and extremely socially immature. This was an issue sometimes, sometimes not. A lot did depend upon the teacher. In middle school, the situation was horrible. My oldest son is very, very social. In second grade, the teacher told me she seated him next to a girl who was hearing impaired, thinking it would quiet him down. It didn't--but the girl really came out of her shell and was very quickly part of the class. We both appreciated that this was something to be happy about, even if my son still wasn't quiet when he should be. Sometimes my son had to sit in the hall. I wasn't offended because I knew that indeed, he did like to talk a lot. However, the teacher wasn't being punitive--she was just trying to help him and the rest of the class do their best. It helped because she obviously really enjoyed my son, even if some of his behavior wasn't classroom appropriate. I don't know what options you have. Enlisting the teacher's help is an excellent way to start. You also might frankly ask if your son would be better off in a lower level class, to give him some time to grow up a little bit. It's much easier to do now than it is to do later. Again, it has nothing to do with his intelligence, his abilities, your parenting, or even his social maturity. He seems like a normal 5 year old. The question is if 5 year olds should be in first grade. IMO, it depends upon whether most of the first graders are 5 or 6 or 7 and how the teacher and school expect the students to behave and perform. Another possibility if you and the principal and perhaps the teacher reach the conclusion that it is a very poor match between your son and this teacher might be to switch him to another class. In any case, you should be grateful that there is after school work to do, and that your son's teacher expects him to do well. You will help your son best if you support him AND also support his teacher. Let him know that you view him as very capable of doing well and handling the work. Kids tend to rise to expectations. Lots of praise for a job well done. |
| My friend Mary and I had a similar issue with "young" kids in school. Travis's b-day is Aug 27th, Katie's (Mary's daughter) is Sept 2. Both went to school at barely age 5 in kindergarten. Both were friends since about age 1, but we live in seperate school districts.
Katie ended up having a minor learning disability, and has an IEP. She repeated 1st grade.Travis is very social, and did well in school acedemically, just had some immature behavior. (he was 2 yrs younger than most of the boys in his class!) I had no qualms about holding him back in elementary, but the teachers said he was doing fine and they had no trouble with his sometimes immature behavior. They were great - and worked with him. I did request his teachers - our school is small and has 2 sections of each grade in elementary. It helped him having twin older sisters because they were in different classes, so I knew all the teachers! I just requested the one that I thought would be the best teacher for him. 
Travis and Katie are 19 now, and have remained friends. The grade difference never mattered to them. Working with the teachers instead of against them worked for us. I have a sister in law with kids the same age as mine who went to our school who always rocked the boat - and her kids paid the price.  One was in Travis's grade, and sad to say, our kids recieved very different treatment at school, and it primarily was because of the way us parents approached the teachers and the school. |
| Those were all great points. I do try to work closely with the teachers. I tend to take their side and push Parker to do better and all that.
I am just beginning to feel frustrated we are not making progress, and I feel he is paying the price. I should just volunteer enough times, and watch her interactions with the other children. To see if she plays favorites. I try not to let my emotions get hurt by him be separated like he is. I was happy with the row arrangements...everyone was the same. No one was touching. Now she has them in groups, and he again is outisde the group. It bothers me how this is affecting him. Do the other kids feel or treat him like he doesn't belong? Is this part of the reason why he doesn't have friends? If he try's to engage with another child and gets a look of disgust from that child...because Parker left his area and came into theirs...might as well paint him purple with orange spots...and call him a leper. I want the teacher to put him with the children who are friendly with him, he liked a few of the girls and made friends with them in K. I am sure it would be more beneficial if he felt like he belonged, and wanted to stay in the group settings. But she hasn't given him the chance. I will do diet changes, extra support at home, and if I have to I will bring him home for a break at lunch. I will talk to her on Monday and see if we can put him with specific children..avoid others. And be a volunteer next week as well. I have asked for an assessment to be done...but I will also ask the teacher if she feels he needs it as well. But I went to the assistant principal to let her know I feel frustrated with this. I said I keep getting bad reports about him, he has to redo his work all the time, doesn't get center time or recess..so has no outlet for creativity or energy...making the next set of class time harder to sit. I can't be confrontational when I am emotionally invested...I will break down and start the tears. So I was hoping they might talk alittle and see what exactly the situation is. Maybe by that, his teacher can reevaluate if she being a little to picky, or is Parker actually being bad to separate him or can she find a new way to work with him. If the assistant principal did talk to her, she will know this is starting to stress all of us...esp Parker. |
| Hi Again,
I really feel for you as we can handle most things in life but when our children are concerned it's the hardest thing in the world. We feel their pain and sadness and sometimes feel frustrated we can't be there all the time. Volunteering at the school is a good idea, at least get an idea of the routine and what the other children are expected to do. I honestly think some teachers expectations are unrealistic regarding certain kids. It's kinda like how we are with our furkids, Merlin for example, needs me to be very firm, while Panda does better with a lot of gentleness and encouragement. It is dependent of their personalities, just like kids. With a class of over 20 kids, some teachers react the same way to all the kids. The best teachers in my opinion, take into account the children's personalities as well as they best way a particular child learns and incorporates that into the class. I'm sure it's the same with Parker and his sister. You've probably seen for yourself how different they can be. You may want to tell the teacher you've noticed that Parker does better with positive reinforcement as he is starting to develope low self esteem regarding school. Perhaps in this way you are not accussing her of being the cause but that school is becoming increasingly stressful for him. You want him to enjoy the whole school experience, especially this early for him. Hugs to you and keep us posted. Marianne |
Daisie wrote: I try not to let my emotions get hurt by him be separated like he is. I was happy with the row arrangements...everyone was the same. No one was touching. Now she has them in groups, and he again is outisde the group.
It bothers me how this is affecting him. Do the other kids feel or treat him like he doesn't belong? Is this part of the reason why he doesn't have friends? If he try's to engage with another child and gets a look of disgust from that child...because Parker left his area and came into theirs...might as well paint him purple with orange spots...and call him a leper. I want the teacher to put him with the children who are friendly with him, he liked a few of the girls and made friends with them in K. I am sure it would be more beneficial if he felt like he belonged, and wanted to stay in the group settings. But she hasn't given him the chance. Those seem like valid concerns. When I was a kid they used to put the desks in order by how well you did on tests so each week we would move our desks. There were always a few kids that were ALWAYS last. And one boy, Lee, I still remember his name because he was always separated. Even as a kid I thought that was so wrong. Lee ended up being taken out of the class at some point. But even now I recall it did ostracize him and maybe he would have done better if he was given even a chance of an even playing field. The other kids did consider him to be different which is not so good at that age. And I think a lot of us remember being picked last for PE. I can't believe that is still going on in this day and age. I do believe that it is healthy though to have high expectations from children. And would hope that the teacher does have good intentions and maybe is realizing he's not up to the level he should be and is helping to get him there? Maybe in not the best way. It's good that you are on top of the situation and are doing actions to evaluate what is the true situation. I don't have kids but know my claws would come out if someone was mistreating my sheepie. Unfortunately though, life is full of unfair situations of being included and not being included and who's to say what's the age or time to come across that and learn to deal with it. Because it will happen to everyone at some point. As a parent, I'm sure you would never want to see your child go through that. Hope you are able to work things out. |
Didn't find exactly what you're looking for? Search again here:
Custom Search
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|